When is the right time to listen and when is the right time to speak? Over the years the obvious answer has increasing become, it is always the right time to listen. Speaking only should happen when you know what to say, how to say it and are completely aware of why you are saying it. Which means, that most times I should keep my opinions, thoughts, and feelings to myself. The wit, charm, intelligence and insight that I thought I was going to share often times turned out misunderstood, ill-timed or just wrong.
Always remember what you were taught as a kid: You should listen twice as much as you talk. 2 ears, 1 mouth and silence is golden.
This is bonus material for the Pocket Reflection Book "the Virtues of Benjamin Franklin, Thirteen Habits to Live By"
More sites that specifically deal with the 13 Virtues. There is even a couple that having tracking tools that help you track your progress if you choose to follow a daily plan as Benjamin Franklin did.
Modern History Sourcebook: Benjamin Franklin, The Art of Virtue
PBS Virtue Quiz
Thirteenvirtues.com
Benjamin Franklin's Thirteen Virtues, by Ron Kurtus (School for Champions)
Franklin Virtue Chart (DIY printable)
There are even free apps on both Apple and Android.
My body hurts, my thoughts are scrambled and my skin feels as though it is burning. I am exhausted for no reason other than getting dressed and I am exceptionally frustrated. This has gone on long enough. It has been over 15 days now and this is one of the longest and definitely the longest relapse I have had in over two years.
You see, I have fibromyalgia. I am not going to get into the details but think about arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches and body aches all together in one neat package. Now, consider that most people don’t even think it is real. No real tests and no real medication.
A lot of people who suffer from fibromyalgia also have some sort of depression issues. But believe me when I tell you that even if you did not have depression or anxiety before the fibro hit you mostly certainly will during a severe bout. Did I mention that sleeping is hell?
Remember how I told you that a lot of people don’t really believe in fibro (including some doctors). It is really hard to deal with something so complicated when your “support system” is leery. I have been called “drama queen”, “lazy” and many other hurtful names. It has completely changed my way of life. There are far too many triggers to worry about. Due to overexertion: working a full time job has become impossible. Anytime I put too much physical effort into anything over a period of time I run the risk of flare. Luckily most of them just require a day or so of rest. But if I push myself too much – look for a major crash. I have to concern myself with my diet more than most. And while all of my numbers are great on paper (blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroids, blood pressure, etc,) I have to be concerned about things like msg, excessive sugars, salt and preservative. My friends and family may think I am being picky or on a health kick but I am just trying to avoid the next migraine and possible flare. Sigh.
But do you know the biggest problem I have when it come to my fibromyalgia? Stress. They say that stress kills and can do it in many ways. Well for me, it is fibro. Not necessarily a killer but you would not feel that way if you felt like I do right now. The body has to deal with stress somehow. The longer you allow stress and pent up emotions build up in your body the greater the physical toll. I like to think of fibro as a “physical nervous breakdown”. The body just goes crazy. It just cannot take one more thing and is trying to get as much out as possible. (Personally I believe several autoimmune diseases are the same thing.) The body will try to heal itself by purging.
So my question to myself is why now? I am relatively happy, the major challenges of the past few years are pretty much in the past and I am at peace. I have a theory
In an attempt to create Talk Think Share I have laid myself bare in order to help others. Stories that I have been hesitant to discuss are being told. Problems that I neatly tucked away are being unpacked and dealt with. Residual damage that I told myself was no longer a problem is surfacing way too often. I am facing fears and pains that I did not ever realize were crippling me.
Have you ever decided to clean out the attic and basement at the same time and scheduled a yard sale for the next weekend? Well, let’s just pretend. Think about all of the clutter, memories, junk, and stuff that means. Think about the time frame you have given yourself? Yikes. You are kinda bound to actually get it done. You posted flyers. So you finally get yourself into that attic and after the first two hours it does not really seem that bad. You are excited about all of the progress you have made. The next two hours aren’t that bad either but you did not realize how much stuff other people had up there and you are not really sure what to do with it and they told you to do whatever.
Oh well, you can just move it around and get back to it later. Finally after all of the big stuff is done and you are pretty much drained – it hits you – you still have to do the basement. Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!! Your back is hurting but you are determined. You look over and all is done but a few boxes in the corner. You know, the stuff you kept saying you would get to last. There are lots of pictures, newspaper clippings, memorabilia and such. Some make you laugh, some make you cry and there are a few things that tell you secrets you never ever really knew. You feel a little betrayed and kinda angry.
How do you think you would feel emotionally and physically after doing all of that? It is always harder than we think and usually takes much longer than we could have imagined. You come across items that stir feelings you thought were gone. There are things you know you should throw away but you just don’t have the heart to and vice versa.
That is a little like that work that I have been doing and some of the outcomes. In the magnificent quest to help people heal – I knew that I must be much further along the path and took the fast lane. Maybe a little too fast. But you know the beauty of it all? Each conversation I have with someone lately has made me believe in this journey more. Every time I try to explain my mission is one more person I can cause I tiny shift in their perspective and solidifies my purpose.
Go back to that attic. You did the work. You faced many challenges. It was hard. But, it is clean. And yes, it will get cluttered again. However this time you will be able to keep up with it better. You learned best practices and what tools worked for you. The next time will be far easier.
So, my body hurts. My head is pounding. I am exhausted. But my spirit is soaring. This is just a battle. I will win the war.
The below comments were on a FB posting. It was so important that I copied it here. I am not sure of attribution or content.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their... impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your... associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are...
Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere... With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.
Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses."
The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.
"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends."
"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."
"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters.
Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude..".. Colin Powell
Bored? Tired of complacent or dead-end living. Let's make a board.
Step1: Find a space to create your board. Before you can decide on how much you can add and what you want it to hold, you need to decide where it can go.
How much space do you have? An entire wall or just the refrigerator? Will you be using a free standing piece that you can adjust like a corkboard or will you be pasting? All of these matter. Trust me when I say there is nothing worse than planning and not having enough space to make your board accessible.
This is your project, these are your dreams. Notebook journal or use the whole basement wall. Use whatever makes most sense for you. -srt
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.
The world is filled with beautiful and inspirational sayings. At times it can be virtually overwhelming. But what is your heart filled with? Is there love and beauty there? Take time to look within before trying to find the answers elsewhere.
Now I am sure that I cannot ascertain exactly the full point of his message from a 4 minute clip; but, I do know that he is perfectly describing me. I live a life so afraid. Afraid to step out. Afraid to make a mistake. Afraid to trust anyone or anything. I raise my daughters the best I can, I go and help at church the best I can, I try to earn a little cash and then I retreat back to the safety of my own home. Honestly, I do as much as I can from the safety of my home.
But starting with the very last part of 2012 my life has been undergoing tremendous change. And just as the year has just begun – so has my transition to living a full life. Many tears are being shed. Bones are being re-broken just so that they can be set properly. Some relationships will be created and nourished and some relationships will be cast aside. I am struggling to tear down old ways of thinking and find healthy paradigms. Fighting an epic battle with the monster me and the mighty me. My life is changing rapidly and painfully.
I realize that I no longer can afford to rest on the balance beam (you have to see the video). Gold cannot be earned without effort. Yes, I have been through a lot, I have been betrayed, abused, lied and cheated on. Death and destruction have run rampant throughout my days. But, in this life so has everyone else. And at my age now it is all to be expected. But when so much happens especially in the formative years of our early childhood and teens life can beat you down so much that lying on the ground is the only thing you know.
I have a terrible fear of doing anything that is less than perfect (we shall save that tale for another time) and therefore wind up doing nothing. If you don’t get up too high you can’t be knocked down. Playing it safe. Clinging on to dear life. My father always said that when someone doesn’t know what to do or which choice they make they wind up doing nothing. But then a friend reminded me that doing nothing is a choice as well.
I no longer want to hold on to that balance beam. I want to walk across it, knowing that I will fall, that I might take a serious tumble but also knowing that I WILL get back up and try again. And when I am ready to dismount (from a single challenge or this life) I can face the judge with a smile on my face and victory in my heart.
So, I am going to make a choice. My choice is to stand up, open my eyes and move. I choose to live. I will fight my demons and run full blast towards the light. Even if I am scared I know that I do not want to keep living with my eyes closed not moving forward. I choose to live a life worth living. One that shines by example and love. One that people look back on and were glad that I existed. A life that made a difference for others. A life of giving and sharing. Full of risks, full of challenges. Full of victories and love.
EXPECTATIONS - Starting the New Year Off Powerfully
My biggest problem is that my whole life I tried to live up to the wishes, hopes and dreams that others had for me. I created my own but finally realized that they I had no interest in them because they only mirrored someone else's plan for me. It got to the point that I honestly could not tell you what I wanted and desired out of my life. I was never raised to consider myself and I carried that into my adult life.
Once I have decided on a topic, I run a search on several sites and find quotes that are relevant. Quotes that can support my opinions, offer inspiration and can further illustrate some of the fine points I want to make.
Our culture is obsessed with soundbytes – tiny little bits of speeches, books, and the sort that we use to sum up an entire viewpoint. And while the quotes are most often used in content, please keep in mind that I may not be aware of its original source material nor the biographical history of those quoted. Some might even been excerpted from books and are fictional in nature. Regardless of the quote’s origin; please understand it is my full intention to only use them in uplift and support.
If you find any quote unattributed or incorrectly sourced please feel free to leave me a note and I will do my best to correct the error. If the quote is used out of context - understand that MY intent is that which is stated.
I will often use some that I will call “CounterQuotes”. This will be an opinion that although the author felt was appropriate for whatever reason runs counter to my philosophy. Most often it will be a belief that I either held previously or was firmly ingrained into my worldview. In my paradigm shift I have found the statement/belief to be “faulty thinking” and find it runs counter to my current perspective. I find counter-quotes helpful because they can be used to show the idea from other sides.
So I hope that you enjoy this part of Talk:Think:Share and its accompanying graphics. Feel free to look around the rest of the site, listen to the podcasts and join in on the discussion. It is my sincere wish that you use this to enrich your outlook and your life. And then do the same for others.
Wonder why I want to discuss such a potentially heated topic? How and why is it is appropriate for a site dedicated to empowerment, goal setting and self fulfillment? Because, we tend to get ourselves upset and worked up about things we already know the outcome. I will dig deeper into this in a bit.
As an African American woman trying to uplift and in the process become uplifted; I tend to shy away from discussions that beg to become kindling to the easily aggravated. But, as I was thoroughly enjoying the D'Jango soundtrack this afternoon I was struck by the anger this movie has caused amongst many people. Especially considering this to be 2013. I know the movie was filled with graphic violence, copious amounts of the infamous N-word (why is this word the only word that the letter N represents, really?) and over the top performances. But that is why I loved it. Loved it.
I had the opportunity to see the film during the first week in December during a sneak peek showing and was ecstatic. The theater was packed, the group was as mixed demographically as you could get and the audience response was great. It was like going to a cult film with all of your best friends. I am so very glad I had the opportunity to see it then. Why? Because, I was excited to see what I believed to be a rich cast and my main man - Quentin Tarantino. AND,more importantly, before anyone had to opportunity to tell me how shamed I should be to support such an exploitative film. Yep, I reveled in the glory of Tarantino, Sam Jackson and the rest of the phenomenal cast long before I could be made to feel dirty about it.
And do you know what I say to those who say noone should see it? I say point blank....IT'S A TARTANTINO FILM, not Disney. What did you expect? Why did you think it would be anything else than an irreverent, bloody, biting humor filled mind rape?
I mean, c'mon..he gave us the tender love story better known as Kill Bill I & II. He graced the silver screen with the compelling story of business man Marsellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction and who could forget about the gripping expose, Jackie Brown. He has many more in his artillery of cinema jewels. The QT is nothing but consistent. You know exactly what you are in store for when you walk into a movie with the Tarantino brand attached.
I don't applaud gratuitous violence. I turn away every single time. I barely moved my hand during the Kill Bill series. But I did go. And I go back every time. I like his style. I like his brand of humor, the way he weaves music into his stories and the fact that he actually tells stories. To me he is Mel Brook's nephew who feel in love with the Godfather films.
And while it may seem as such, this is not a QT love fest. This is a post about expectations. EXPECTATIONS. I know what to expect when I see a QT movie. I was genuinely baffled by people who were/are offended by D'Jango. Yes, the movie could easily be considered offensive - but we all knew it would be. The trailer, Samuel Jackson, QT himself. So, then why do we set ourselves up to be let down when we already have enough info to make an educated decision about the outcome?
Photo: Drawing Hands is a lithograph by the Dutch artist M. C. Escher.
"To Think You Can, Creates the Force that You Can." - Orison Swett Marden, From his book, Victorious Attitude, 1916
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