tammi mean

I write things that I think are funny and then I post them on the internet. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-22429313-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[tammimean]

Y'ALL CAN GO ON TALKIN ABOUT YOUR DREAMS, BUT I'M OVER HERE LIVING THEM. #EXTRAVAGANTLIFESTYLES #NIELSENMEDIA #DONTTHROWAWAYWHATYOUTHINKISJUNKMAIL

[tammimean]

bogart.

last night, while waiting for the train, I met a man named Bogart. Bogart told me that I look like Joyce Hyser in “Just One of the Guys”.

Oh, no. No, no no. He meant AFTER her haircut and makeover to look like a dude.

Bogart also told me that he used to be a stripper, is currently an actor, and also casts movies.

Bogart was curious about my ambiguous ethnicity, which is white. But to be fair, I’m also white, white, and more white. I’m like…really white.

So after a while Bogart demands my phone number. I don’t know why, but I said no. Which he annoyingly didn’t accept until I said that I have a boyfriend. Then he turned around and RAN away. RAN!

BYE, BOGART!! I’LL MISS YOU FOREVER!

[tammimean]

inner space.

If the mission of the Criterion Collection is “gathering the greatest films from around the world and publishing them” then WHY have they still not put out “Inner Space”????

[tammimean]

celebrity.

i decided it was time to find out which celebrity i look like. these websites are getting wicked accurate. 

[tammimean]

if my okcupid profile was honest

[tammimean]

bathtub.

[tammimean]

fair question.

[tammimean]

7 bras.

[tammimean]

dating advice.

Hey ladies!

Have a date tonight, but you’re not even sure where to begin getting ready? Well, I’m here to help! Here’s my list for getting DATE READY:

1. Brush your teeth.

2. Crawl under your coffee table and cry for a good 10 minutes.

3. Check out your hair! Make sure the breakup haircut you got after Kevin left you still looks “NICE”. 

4. Freshen up your makeup. A little blush goes a long way!

YOU’RE ALMOST READY TO GO OUT NOW!

5. Spray some of that perfume that Kevin got you on your first Christmas together and walk through the mist. Smell is the strongest memory trigger so make sure you take another 10 minutes to sit in your empty bathtub and cry.

6. Ladies, it’s 2014, stop at the ATM for some cash and offer to pay for the small salad that you’re planning on ordering but won’t eat much of because you really haven’t had much of an appetite since Kevin’s Facebook says he checked into a vegetarian restaurant with some whore named Debbie.

7. Remember to have fun!

[tammimean]

just reading through some messages from my 6th grade yearbook. #friendship #1996

[tammimean]

netflix.

Netflix,

A movie I might like??

um...

[tammimean]

donut.

That thing where you buy a donut, they put it in a brown paper bag, you put it in your purse to eat later, then you come home and take it out of your purse and put it down on your bed (for some reason?) and then hours later you remember it, and that's when you notice that it left a grease stain on your sheets?

[tammimean]

mother's day.

I got this email from Real Simple and after reviewing their list I found several things that I want for me? Am I doing this wrong?

[tammimean]

birth.

When your sister offers to let you be in the room when she gives birth and you write back, "no fucking way".

[tammimean]

niece.

because I'm a really good aunt.

[tammimean]

business.

Drive-thru Cracker Barrel!! WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING MYSELF???

[tammimean]

elbows.

I have really dry skin on my elbows. I'm only telling the whole internet about this because I'm hoping my elbows will be so embarrassed that they'll start taking better care of themselves.