[targetsinthefinder]

I have not forgotten or abandoned this blog. I swear I am trying. I promise.

I’ve enjoyed working on this blog; while I didn’t have the time allowance to update as i pleased, I still felt good about what I was able to put together.

Life sucks, though. First I started a job at a new school; crazy busy, but I loved it and my kids. Then, when it was time to renew, the supervisor interviewed me, said she had “no reason not to hire me--very hirable” and proceeded to hire someone else. My next school seemed like a warzone--but for all the wrong reasons. The administration was a joke, we literally did not know which classes we would see, and the supervisor was verbally abusive. While working there, I thought about killing myself near daily, and couldn’t even get ready in the morning without breaking down crying. I could hardly eat, exercised a lot, and never felt rested no matter how much I slept. (Mentioning this to my sister only earned me eye rolls and being scolded for complaining) Shortly after leaving that school, my sister decided (three days after Thanksgiving, where I had done something childish but not offensive) that I should move out of our shared apartment. ASAP. I tried to have a relative mediate, but it went to shit: she listed every reason she’s hated me since I was born, and I was so past anything, I gave up.

For the first time in our friendship, I gave up. I sat there and cried while she yelled and accused and berated.

Somehow, after this, I was able to secure a short term job and find an apartment (once again leaning on family for financial assistance, since I have not been consistently employed for more than 9 months at a time since leaving college). To be clear: I’m grateful I have a place to live, and that I am not living with a person who hates me and tears me down.  On the other hand, this apartment has: holes in the closet walls, a toilet that either flushes itself or does not flush at all, an all present inescapable cigarette smell in the hallway, a window that must be duct-taped to stay closed, a bathroom door that does not actually shut, a 5-10 degree temperature difference between the two rooms, and outlets that plugs fall out of, for starters (the mice are back also, with the return of the cold). 

The internet works half the time, and I can’t afford the “upgrade” (no other company offers service here, and the only other option is using my phone in place of wifi usage). Another friend abandoned me, for reasons I don’t understand and can’t get her to explain. She won’t answer my texts, so if I offended her, I can’t even find out how or apologize. That was the pattern of the summer; shitty part-time job, friends putting everything and everyone else ahead of me.

Oh, yeah: just after moving, my car broke down three times within four weeks. Almost forgot about that.

Now: I have a job until January (I got passed over for a longer term position by a fresh out of college graduate); an opening at this school popped up last month, but supervisor just announced in front of my department that they have two interviews and demo lessons set up for Thursday--so apparently I wasn’t even in consideration (and most coworkers know I applied--encourage me to apply--so no small amount of mortification there). My mother’s death anniversary was last week, and naturally the day before, my dad calls to tell me to hang out at his house less because I stress out my stepmother. The medication I started for my monstrous acne has so many side-effects, and I have to eat as healthy as possible and exercise all the time to manage my health, but what I keep circling back to is this one idea, and thus far I’ve had no evidence to prove me wrong: I am no one’s priority.

Which begs the question, why am I even trying? 

I’m working so hard, and over stressed and overtired and I feel like I can’t just breathe but all my hard work is getting nowhere so why am I trying so hard? Even with all this, I’m just not working hard enough. If I was, I wouldn’t be in this craphole apartment with soon to be no job. I wouldn’t be alone like this

[targetsinthefinder]

It may look like freedom, but for Akihito it's a dead end. He doesn't know how to navigate the ship, and considering that he knows for sure that Asami in on the ship, jumping off and swimming for a bit simply isn't an option. Once more he's essentially helpless and at a loss

This isn't a tactical move--this is an act of desperation and frustration; hopelessness begins to overcome him again and he trembles with trying to contain the feeling

Miraculously, Asami heard him. It shouldn't really be possible, but the timing was right enough that they can see each other. Akihito doesn't seem like he really believes that Asami is there, and given how brutally his hope was taken away before, his disbelief is fairly valid. It's been so long and here they finally are, just a couple stories away might've touched on this before, but he seems to call "Takaba" in public and "Akihito" in private/when they're close

the distraction costs Akihito, though, and watching him get shot and fall down bloody sends Asami into a whiteout BSOD --that's raw emotion there, the kind we rarely (never?) get from Asami that can't accurately be put into words. Luckily, he retains enough sense that he doesn't leap over the edge to get down there faster, cause he looks about ready to jump down there and tear Yuri apart limb from limb with his bare hands

the last time we saw double pages like this was back when Akihito told Asami he'd told Feilong his location, and instead of striking out at him, Asami pulled him close and kissed him. I really like that these are full pages again, because can see how it looks up close and also how Asami sees it, and with his reaction right next to the blood splatter it's more him reacting to the worst possible scenario (death) instead of just the injury itself

[targetsinthefinder]

what are some personality traits of akihito that asami loves? ^^

When Asami's planning to get Akihito back from Feilong, he says he must "see with [his] own eyes that deep rooted strength; if those stubborn eyes were harmed... [etc inserts various threats here]. So Asami definitely likes Akihito brand of strength and is probably the only character in the story that appreciates Akihito's stubbornness/refusal to give up. In that same chapter Asami declares that the only one who can change Akihito is Asami (which is obviously BS because people change through ever interaction and with the passage of time but I can see what he's getting at) so Asami is already infatuated with the core spirit of Akihito.

The recent chapters/extras (~40ish) show them living together and surprisingly enough Asami seems pretty tolerant of whatever Akihito wants (I'll go into total detail when we get to those chapters but) maybe Asami is lenient because he does whatever he want to Akihito in bed--very unlikely arrangement, of course, since Akihito isn't the passive type. The most logical answer for why Asami 'puts up' with Akihito's stuff all over the place and food choices and watching horror movies together are 1)he loves Akihito and 2)Asami genuinely enjoys all those little domestic things. Not exactly a personality trait, but Asami seems to really like Akihito's commoner lifestyle

Waaay back in the early chapters, Asami reacted to Akihito's ferocity (Akihito's whole "I'll take you down one day" thing) and at least a little bit to his honesty and compassion (crying over someone who had betrayed him), maybe he's even attracted to Akihito's naivete. After that, we have a scene in Asami's club where the word "love" pops up twice; once, as he tells Akihito he loves when Akihito doesn't just follow whatever Asami orders, and second, during sex "I even love it when you pretend not to like it" so while the latter is more likely a taunt to get Akihito to give in (since Asami might like resistance but he draws the line at intentionally inflicting pain and drawing blood), I think it goes back to Akihito being stubborn and Asami's finally found someone with the energy to keep up with him and still stay so vibrant but also having the spirit and strength of will that won't just dissolve into Asami's will or suck up to Asami for money or power or take orders from Asamiso like maybe overall Asami really loves that Akihito is genuine and doesn't lie to him, and the few lies that have cropped up have mostly fallen under "I love your dick but not sure I want to admit that to you just yet"

erm so these posts get so long because I majored in literature and I love writing so they just get out of hand really quickly

[targetsinthefinder]

As if he wasn't shooting at you before, Akihito? Though it's probably just his realization of the fatal danger he in as a concrete thing, rather than an abstract "oh I could get shot." plus how narrowly that shot missed Despite the heavy danger he is in, Akihito is aware that there are other variables involved in his run-from-the-gun plan so Akihito gets ten points to Gryffindor for multitasking

Poor random citizens. 'Oh honey, let's go on a gambling boat just once, it'll be fun, nothing bad will happen' then POW some street kid steals your table from under you and you have to dodge stray bullets Akihito is resourceful but his lack of foresight + impulsive choices + elevated panic are not helping him get away from this madman. well the panic is boosting his adrenaline, but it isn't helping him think clearly (there isn't all that much he can do, really. he won't figure anything out with all the pressure/bullets/situational bullshit on him right now)

[targetsinthefinder]

What's your fear/hope of Asami and Akihito's relationship in upcoming chapters???

My fear is that they will fall into the (forgive me) formulaic pattern of Akihito getting himself into trouble and Asami showing up, bailing him out; they kiss, they fuck, they go home happy, till a couple chapters later, like a relationship reset-button, Akihito has to re-learn his feels for Asami, and Asami will be vague and do what he wants while Akihito goes along with it.Ideally, I'd like to see Akihito get out of this mess on his own. He used to (and he apparently still can, just not when the situation has Asami even tangentially related). Akihito will play the seductive card, something along the lines of "You know Asami and Feilong fought for my fine ass, aren't you at least interested?" Sudou gulps, trying to remain composed but realising that he can't deny his curiosity. "Of course, that would piss off Asami even more than kidnapping me, and you won't like him when he's angry," Akihito adds innocently. Sudou smirks.  "Well actually I've just decided that my new life-goal is pissing off Asami so prepare uranus." As Sudou attempts to unveil Akihito's terrific tush, Akihito uses skills he's picked up from his sex-life: Asami has tied him up in the bedroom so often that Akihito has intricate knowledge of the weak points of any type of rope he could possibly be tied up with. As soon as Sudou gets close enough, Akihito twists and breaks free of the bondage. He delivers a swift kick to Sudou's balls, leaving him forever impotent, and gets the fuck out of there.

Maybe Asami shows up then, to where Sudou was holding Akihito, and Sudou pretends to still have Akihito hidden somewhere and is like "Asami I'm only crying because I love you so 5evar much but you don't even want to be besties. Also I'll give you back walking pocket-pussy if you promise not to kill me." Except Asami sees right through his act and knows that Sudou's crying because he's a pretentious asshole, but then Asami will say something like "first you're the worst and there's no way I'm not killing you. Second, don't you dare say his name," (and while Asami's talking Akihito comes back in, because he forget to punch Sudou in the face before) "third, and more importantly than number 1, Akihito is a badass. I can tell he's already escaped because we are lovers and I love him also I'm rich and do what I want hahaha." Well Akihito hears this, and while he's very moved, he sneaks up behind Sudou and gives him a wedgie then punches him in the face.Asami (naturally) is turned on by the confident Akihito so they make out for a bit completely ignoring Sudou as he slinks away. Back at the penthouse, Asami and Akihito have a serious clothes-on discussion about where they stand in each other's lives as well as boundaries. Then Asami signs a paper acknowledging Akihito as his equal, Akihito signs a paper saying he'll make the effort to think before doing something stupid, and it ends with them both agreeing to talk things out more.Plus Asami clarifies that he understands how property laws work and that Akihito is not actually property in any capacity. The End.I accidentally wrote you like a story thing? and I'm sorry because I think you were looking for like "I'm afraid Asami will take his anger out on Akihito cause that's happened before" and "I hope they use their words first and their dicks second" idk

[targetsinthefinder]

I've had some fantastically lovely messages and I wanted you to know that I love them and read them every time I'm sad and I haven't replied to them because I don't want tumblr to make them disappear from my box yes I'm a dork moving on 

the extras/bonus chapters are merged with the storyline wherever I decided was best at the time the chapters were acquired, so I think a couple chapters from now is where they start coming in--just letting you know so that when the chapter number is different from the official, that's what's going on. even if they aren't officially canon, they were still done by our beloved author so as far as I'm concerned they're canon (with the possible exception of the hot-springs threesome but come on the art is too good to ignore it)

[targetsinthefinder]

Yoh tries so hard, doesn't he? but those injuries are not to be overlooked, and willpower will only care you so far. Whether it's Yoh (unlikely, given Feilong doesn't seem surprised during the call) or someone else in his organization, it's honestly a relief to know that Feilong has the very least one competent person in his command structure. I was honestly a little worried for him.

Feilong had decided Akihito to let him go back home, and it's this decision that Feilong sticks to now. Regardless of what's happened between him and Asami since the, Feilong makes the point to tell Asami where Akihito is (though the question remains, is for Akihito's sake or Asami's?)  lolz though because someone actually thought they were going to stop Asami like really? wtf is wrong with you

[targetsinthefinder]

Yuri is an example of a character who's in it for the chase, and considering why Asami wants Akihito, possible reasons for why he likes Akihito in particular include that Asami loves the chase. Given how Yuri is treated, though, I think it's safe to say that while Asami likes tracking down Akihito, he also enjoys Akihito coming to him. Still, Yuri is a contrast to Asami--both determined and at times, ruthless, but ultimately for Yuri, Akihito is just a target while for Asami, he's willing to become a target to protect Akihito (Yuri goes a bit Terminator there tho) Although Akihito should definitely feel guilt for trying to kill another human being, he shouldn't feel guilty about his choice: Yuri is a douchebag, which we knew, but he's an psychopathic violent douchebag so pretty sure Akihito is absolved of guilt for that one

Asami's leadership really is the best to have such enduring loyalty from his men. Sure, Yoh could be doing this for Feilong, and yeah, that's definitely at least half of it. The thought of helping Feilong (or getting killed by, whatever) is the reason that Yoh is on this boat in the first place. The fact that he is trying to help Akihito, which was a priority given to him be Asami, shows that Asami's orders still take precedence over anything else.

[targetsinthefinder]

Akihito is shaking again, showing that his nerves really aren't okay with what line he acted ready to cross. Seeing the opportunity, he makes up the next part of his plan on the spot and seizes his own ransom, which is actually brilliant because 1) he doesn't have a middle man anymore b) middle men keep making this whole thing messy 3)he is, after giving himself the ability to negotiate and speak for his own self, something other characters have forcibly stopped him from doing for so very long

Akihito sees and hears that the nutjob trying to kill him is still alive and most likely still wanting to kill him, but it isn't in Akihito's nature to back down (almost makes you wonder who the real nutjob is here). His half-baked plan doesn't go so smoothly, however

Akihito's threatened again but with that particular threat and his violence point already at maximum, Akihito pistol whips the guy and when that doesn't work, defaults to his surprisingly powerful kicks, the power behind it especially amazing because of the physical toll on his body alone (I mean  really just count how many times he's been hit since he left Feilong's cabin, and even that's a bullshit starting point because of all that Feilong was doing to Akihito). Still, Akihito has the guts to look Yuri in the eyes before he wisely uses his speed rather than stay and attempt to overpower the larger man

[targetsinthefinder]

Akihito's logic has narrowed his goal to a point: Yuri is the reason that he's not with Asami right now, so eliminate Yuri = get to Asami. His determination overflows, and as Yuri turns to look him in the face, Akihito pulls the trigger.  Later on, Akihito compares aiming the gun and pulling the trigger to aiming his camera. This is one of those points of no return for Akihito; whatever has happened to him, and disregarding that he doesn't actually kill Yuri, Akihito was still driven to the point where he felt that he had to serverely injure, possibly even kill, another human being, and while he osrt of just moves on after talking to Asami a little, it's one of the weakness (to me, anyway) of the manga that Akihito never really deals with it. Fair enough, though, that the focus of his recovery is on healing from almost dying and the injuries done to him. His own violent actions take the backseat in deference to Akihito's injuries, and maybe Akihito has just pushed it far back in his mind. (it'd be nice if this idea of Akihito struggling/not struggling to injure others for his own sake were to come up in the current chapters)

Yoh is still alive and, le gasp, he is on the ship. Poor Mikhail is the only person without a fanboy now. Akihito already looks like he regrets it, and, in a somewhat rare-for-this-manga moment, we can see the reaction of the average citizen to all the shit that our boys get up to. Though he's shocked and doesn't celebrate what he's done, Akihito isn't really repentant either. Of course, he's also at the end of his impulsive plan, which was 1)shoot Yuri b)then do ??? His aim isn't the worst, apparently, since even if Yuri isn't hit the bullet was close enough that Yuri could believably fall down and play dead.

[targetsinthefinder]

Asami was so very not joking about his ultimatum before: "I'm going to take Takaba and get off this ship. If that can't be done, I'll blow a hole right through your heads and turn this place into a graveyard"

so it's good to know that he serious. For all that wrath and gun pointed at his head, Mikhail has a bit of a non-reaction. Just a 'hey you shouldn't have done that' but perhaps his composure is part of his strategy for not getting shot. He protests innocence to the 'shooting Akihito' part of the scheme, which is true enough, though he does give away their intent to distract Feilong (who's little sweatdrop shows that at least he's aware he's been foolish this entire ordeal). Asami doesn't start the massacre there and then because... really, why? Maybe Mikhail's 'keep him talking' thing is working, just like in cop shows, or maybe Asami's hanging on to the hope that Akihito isn't really dead

Kirishima has a good recovery time, as expected of Asami's subordinate. He gets back on task quickly, immediately notifying his boss of the update that Akihito is not dead but at least he has something to defend himself. Alternatively, Akihito has a weapon and though he can be fierce this is unprecedented violence. Kirishima marches on, paying not enough attention to the bullet in his torso. The apology is a bit much though, Kirishima, considering that you still protected Akihito and are still trying to do your job

To his limit indeed. Akihito is just do one with all of them. He's done% done. No more Mr. Nice Guy (haha can't resist) he doesn't look very intimidating, not when compared to the actual assassins in the series, but given his usual level and especially relative to his limited action this arc, this is essentially his freest decision since he chose to follow Feilong into that parking garage.  He could either hide and alert an authority/call Asami, or he could claim what resources are available and charge straight in. Akihito's done with their shit, and worst of all, they've pushed him to the point where he's pissed off, so no I don't blame him at all for picking up the gun and going after Yuri.  dumb thing to do? yes. a thousand times yes. understandable? oh yes.

[targetsinthefinder]

Yuri fires off two successive shots quickly and he had the sense to use a silencer. Yet, for all that he is meant to be a professional, the standard for rapid shots is three, plus he missed both times. Sure, Kirishima blocked like he was supposed to, showing that his dedication to keeping Akihito alive is close/equal to his dedication to Asami. Even being an extension of Asami's order (make the exchange for Akihito and keep him safe) Kirishima really didn't hold back.  Asami's mask begins to slip into what could be termed as "genuine emotion unveiled." I can't help feeling that if Yuri was good assassin he would have gone down to confirm the kills

It is alarming that Akihito is suddenly unconscious, so it seems Akihito bumped his head when Kirishima protected him from getting shot. the time lapse appears very short, which means that it was not a serious head injury. Waking up disoriented must be unsettlingly familiar; add to that bullet holes in bodies and splattered blood, and Akihito realizes that his hope for relief and Asami has been taken from him once more and the nightmare isn't over for him yet

[targetsinthefinder]

Visit Original Link

it's been a while

I know I shouldn't have kept you waiting

but I'm here now

[targetsinthefinder]

bad news first: back to fulltime job (with overtime) plus parttime job

good news: craziness ends at the end of June, I be gettin tons of money, and I'm quite likely going to animenext (since the only thing stopping me until now has been that lack of money thing)

[targetsinthefinder]

The time has finally come for the exchange. Not very many words exchanged, as all three are tense. From the little we can see of Akihito's face he apparently recognizes Kirishima, even if just a little. Kirishima knows his priorities--get Akihito first, then the deed. Can't help but wonder if Akihito is worried that there's only one guy, and not even the big guy (Suoh) 

Kirishima could perhaps overlook the initial clinging as being unused to the boat or general nervousness, but even he knows Akihito well enough that the grip and shaking are not characteristic of Akihito at all. Whether his concern is for Akihito himself or for what it means in regards to his job is difficult to say, but given how close he is to Asami (appears to be 2nd in command) it's pretty safe to say that he prioritizes Akihito highly; judging from the overall behavior of Asami men, he probably actually cares about Akihito a bit--they've spent time together (probably not on purpose, but it counts) and he doesn't shake off Akihito as if he were an annoyance. For Akihito, now that Yuri has the deed, there is enough relief of tension that he can ask for the only thing he wants, his desperation showing through.

Kirishima doesn't even wait for Yuri to go away before he calls to reassure that Akihito is with him and safe--because apparently Asami's first words were to question if Akihito was alright (like he probably easily could have told Kirishima to shoot Yuri and taken the deed, too, since Mikhail didn't think to send more than one guy or have Yuri contact him afterwards). No, Kirishima, he's not really fine, but we'll forgive you cause you don't know him that well plus you're still ready to take a bullet for him when that Russian homophobic mobster with an irrational amount of misplaced anger decides to start shooting. 

[icolouryaoi]

You’re my loveprize in Viewfinder by Yamane Ayano Page: X

Coloured by icolouryaoi.tumblr

[targetsinthefinder]

Does Asami have an oral fixation?

We do see Asami smoking a lot, don't we? I wonder if we're supposed to figure how many he has a day or per chapter :) Smoking is kind of a stereotypical gangster thing, however, and considering how much stress he probably carries at any given point in time, added to that his only other form of stress relief is Akihito, I'm betting that he just started up the smoking habit and got addicted. He doesn't constantly have something in his mouth, as a fixation would include nail biting, constantly eating, chewing on pens/pencils, etc., and yeah he seems to love having Akihito in his mouth but as far as I can see that's cause it's Akihito and Asami has an all-pressing need to consume his loverOverall I'd say no to an oral fixation, since it's not worse than any smoker I've ever met, but I'm actually pretty curious about Asami's habits now because honestly how often do we see him eat? (I've only got twice in my counts)