Having a teach crush/relationship [Long Post]
Let me just start off by saying this is my personal opinion about having a crush/relation on/with a teacher. You, of course, are entitled to your own opinion. There’s no wrong in that; I’ll respect yours. However, I do request you be respectful of mine and if you do have a response to put it in a way that supports your reasoning. Saying “because it’s wrong” and leaving it at that doesn’t prove your point. With that said, I’ll begin.
What do you think of when you hear someone in school say, “I have a crush on my teacher”? You’re either one of these responses: “You should not have a crush on your teacher” or “That’s okay, I suppose. As long as it’s not serious”.
Why is having a serious crush on a teacher so taboo? Is it the age difference? Most noticeable in the majority of cases, but not all. Is it the career? Most likely. Is is the worst? No, not in the slightest.
Let me give examples of taboos:
Abortion - terminating a pregnancy
Cannibalism - a human being eating the flesh of another human being
Incest - sexual relations between relatives. Different cultures have different definitions of how close a relative would be considered taboo.
Intermarriage - marriage between people who are closely related
Necrophilia - sexual attraction or intercourse with a corpse
Polygamy - having more than one spouse at the same time
These are just some examples of what people consider taboo. Now is having a crush on a teacher as bad as these? For some, no. Now this is just having a crush. Clearly not the worst case scenario. But, having a crush leads to the bigger picture here: wanting a relationship with a teacher. Is having a relationship with a teacher as consequential as these other taboos? To some, maybe. To others, perhaps not. My point here is that having a crush/relationship should not be seen as this huge negative impact that it’s given when it’s a student and a teacher.
What media depicts teacher/student relationships to be is usually a teacher taking advantage of the student. Now I’m not saying that these types of situations don’t happen. And should they be ignored? Certainly not. Those types of situations need to be shut down. It’s irresponsible for both parts of the teacher and student. Usually, you think of these ‘hook-ups’ as a student using the teacher to get a good grade. Does it happen? Yes, it happens. If you’re in any kind of relationship with a teacher just to have a good grade, do yourself and others a favor and get out of it. It’s unfair to you, your teacher, and your classmates.
Now the main reason people dislike a student having a teacher crush is because of the age gap. Age gaps in relationships have always been a big thing. Usually a student/teacher age gap is 5-25 years difference, and that’s a general range. Age gap relationships aren’t a bad thing, but they are a situation that needs to be handled with maturity. Especially if one of the persons is young and on the naive side. Believe it or not, there is a “formula” to find your right age limits. You take half your age, and then add seven to find your minimum age limit. (For example, I’m 22 so my lower age limit would be 18). To find your upper age limit, subtract your age by 7, and then double it. (Again, for example, my upper age limit would be 30). Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Certainly not. However, let’s take it from the perspective of a 16-year-old high school girl. Her upper age limit would be 18. Her lower age limit would be 15. Now, why is her age limit restricted so much more than mine? Math reasons, for one. But it would also make sense that teenagers tend to want to stay within their age range. But for a 16-year-old girl with a crush on a, say, 25-year-old teacher, that’d be unacceptable by mathematical rule and by society. And you can argue that the 16-year-old doesn’t have the maturity to be in a relationship with someone that old. And that’s the reasoning people use. But maturity depends on the individual person. We make these generalizations (the majority of teenagers are wild and reckless, sure), but if we always go from these generalizations, then we surely are the naive and one-sided fools.
On the topic of age gap relationships, let me step aside to mention celebrity crushes. By far, at least 90% of these crushes have a “big” age gap with the person who has a crush on the celebrity. Many people have a crush on George Clooney, Robert Downey Jr, Johnny Depp, etc. Huge age gaps. But do people ever mind when a person talks about their crush? No. Why? For one, that person will probably never meet the celebrity, so why worry? Most people leave these crushes alone because they’ll fade away. But this brings me to another point: career choice.
The biggest difference between a celebrity crush and a teacher crush is that you actually get to see your teacher in person, making the crush more realistic and serious. It makes it tougher, and what people don’t realise is how hard it is for the student. He/she may become less participatory. But there are some who will actually work harder in that class because they want to impress their teacher. Now a major concern is the bias. Bias of how the student is treated because he/she like his/her teacher. In all honesty, teacher bias happens no matter what. Being the teacher’s pet, the class clown, practically anything a student does in the classroom will affect how the teacher will in turn act back. You cannot put the blame just on having a crush.
Next thing: support. Many people don’t support a student who has a teacher crush, and this is the main reason why it’s so hard. Instead of being negative about a student having a teacher crush, give them some kind of support. You can disagree without being rude. Instead of saying, “oh get over it, he/she wouldn’t like you anyway” say “oh, I’m not a fan of that, but it’s okay.” I know it’s hard to be kind, but a little kindness with an issue like this goes a long way.
Now from a teacher’s POV, if you find yourself in a position where a student tells you that he/she likes you, but you don’t feel the same, kindly tell them that. Don’t avoid or treat them harshly; the student hasn’t done anything wrong, and really you’re making the situation worse by doing those actions. Now if you’re a teacher and you find yourself in the position of liking a student, don’t ever be brash about it. For one, your reputation. Being a taboo topic, it’s not a good thing to forwardly show.
Having a relationship involves both sides coming together and being mature. No matter who it is, or what age, or what career.
So here are some things I’d like to say:
1) If you’re a student with a teacher crush, wait until the next year, or whenever you’re not in his/her class to say you like him/her. I know this seems harsh, but it factors out the bias that they’ll treat you differently because it’s known you like each other. They probably treat you differently anyway, so don’t make it more obvious.
2)If you’re a student, and you and your teacher know you two like each other, and have the relationship built to where you’d want to date, wait until you graduate or are of legal age (18 for most places). This at least puts you at adult age, and the thought of having a relationship with a teacher wouldn’t be classified as “pedophilia”.
Pedophilia, by the way, is when an older person has sexual feelings towards a MUCH younger person, from 5 years old up to the cut-off point for prepubescence to age 13. It’s not pedophilia if the person is 15, 16, or 17. Pedophilia deals with an older person having feelings towards a prepubescent child to be diagnosed as pedophilia. That does not mean a student should start a relationship with a teacher at the age 15-17, but rather to wait until 18.
My whole point about this topic is to please be more understanding about a student/teacher crush or relationship. Understand where we come from, and don’t be an outright snob about it. There are some who actually want a general relationship with a teacher. Some just want to be good friends with a teacher. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is my PSA of sorts to people out there. Media shows us things, and while those things happen (and should have action taken), that’s not the whole pie. You’re only looking at the surface and if you only look at the surface, then you are no better as a person. You’re a judgemental person, and really should look towards being a better person.
I may add something later, which I’ll add under and *EDIT* thing. But this is my feelings about a teacher/student crush/relationship, because I know how it feels.
Thank you for those who read this and understand.
Feel free to reblog/like if you want to share the message I think people need to hear.
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