tetanusvaccineunofficial

he/him | 22 misc. ramble/rb blog of @tetanusvaccineofficial (where I post art!) i want to be mysterious so bad but i cannot shut the fuck up

[conversation16]

hey so it’s march now aka the beginning of endometriosis awareness month and i feel obligated to remind you that debilitatingly painful periods are not normal. if you or someone you know is ending up sick or bedridden every month, you are not crazy and deserve medical attention from someone who will take you seriously

[conversation16]

hey it’s march again let’s get this post circulating again

[thatgarden]

I really wish butchhood wasn't conflated with being a protector so much, honestly.

I'm a very vulnerable butch. I'm chronically ill, invisibly physically disabled, and have a lot of mental health issues. My masculinity doesn't inherently make me more strong or powerful.

But there's a huge amount of butch culture built on butches being protective of femmes, or just being strong and working in very physically laborious jobs. It feels disheartening to be locked out of a major part of my culture, just because I'm disabled.

So here's to all the disabled butches who want, or are expected to, be strong because toxic masculinity has taught us the mascs are the protectors, but we can't be.

We're the ones who need people to slow down for us. We're the ones who need to sit down and catch our breath after walking a bit. We're the ones who need help. And that doesn't make us any less butch.

[gor3sigil]

I'm a trans man and I am chronically ill, we often laugh with my partner about how I'm his "sick Victorian child" because of how often I can get ill, bedbound, just because of a change in temperature.

And before I met them, every partner I had who were more fem-aligned always expected of me to be the Strong One, to protect them. Heck, not even a month after I came out as a trans man and shaved my head (I didn't really pass then I was pre-everything), my best friend used me as a "shield" and introduced me as her "boyfriend" to a dude who was harassing her. And while I was all in to help her, it was as dangerous for me as it was for her to say "oh here's my boyfriend !" when I passed as a butch woman, at best.

I really need people to stop pushing the protector/strong role onto men and masc people. I remember when I hang out in radfem spaces how often I would hear "butches and men should be put in the first line because if they are going to be masc, they might as well make themselves useful by protecting us" and like... What ? Butches, mascs, men deserve softness, tenderness, deserve to be protected, NEED to be protected to. Masculinity isn't about being strong, it's about being masculine ffs.

It's not about your gender or how you present. I've known some fems who were in a way better position to defend themselves than some mascs were. Don't fall into another binary.

[thatgarden]

It astounds me that there's some who think that mascs that look like women are inherently more safe being on the offensive than fems. That goes for all butches and transmascs.

The story of Stone Butch Blues goes into so much detail on the levels of sexual harassment and rape that butches go through, but these same people who think that somehow mascs are inherently the ones who're protectors will sling around Leslie's name to feign allyship with their transmasc/butch siblings.

Hell, even passing mascs (including butches who pass as men and transmascs/men) are still in danger inherently when put on the "front line", because passing is almost never absolute and always at risk of being snuffed out, should someone (for example) recognize them and shout their fem/deadname.

And then there's the blatant ignoring of our disabled status whenever it's most convenient to them, which is just straight up ableism.

Mascs aren't your meat shield. We're human too. And you're only reinforcing gender norms by saying we need to be strong.

[fawfulydoo]

a heem heem………………………………sshasagjkrhf………… ouhg……..

[kaybonbon]

My husband found it necessary to get the thing for me and I love it.

Be sure to remember Sad™’s birthday next August.

[marzipanandminutiae]

scars in fiction: I got this trying to save my lover from an assassin- but tragically, I was too late. now I carry the mark of my failure with me always, and I can never forget~

scars in real life: so I was trying to open macaroni sauce with a paring knife

[tied-up-teacup]

Tell me how you got your scars in the tags

[marcineko-art]

Give that oc features of yours you're insecure about and then indiscriminately sexualize it. But be careful if you do it too much it might just become the hottest baddest bitch on this planet

[enraged-chihuahua]

ur first and last recent emojis are ur gender now. mine is 🅱👨‍❤‍💋‍👨

[medianox-astrum]

[eclipxium]

[so-worthless-so-empty]

It's painful when your presence is merely tolerated, not cherished.

[lunadreamsdespondently]

You are cherished <3333

[i-like-her-like-that]

Reblog to let prev know that they're cherished, not tolerated

[laptoparmageddon]

[girlfriendnumber16]

All I need is for someone to gently cup my face and tell me I'm not as doomed as I feel.

[raccoonboywrites]

reblog to gently cup your mutual’s face and tell them they’re not as doomed as they feel

[apocalypse-polakiewicz]

tozozozo

[patricia-taxxon]

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.

[patricia-taxxon]

"someone who really has pOCD would be disgusted and horrified at their intrusive thoughts" or maybe i'm in therapy & am going by the books, being radically ambivalent to my intrusive thoughts instead of wasting energy mentally washing my paws of sin. i'm not going to perform my rock bottom for you for the sake of being believed.

[elamimax]

"I won't perform my rock bottom for you for the sake of being believed" is going straight into my permanent storage holy shit

[tetanusvaccineunofficial]

im trying to design a new OC but every hairstyle concept i do looks inexplicably damp and at this point i might just have to embrace it. yeah sure why not add another pathetic wet man to my roster

[tetanusvaccineofficial]

CW vent! (but im trying to keep positive i promise lol)

i want to make cool art and get out of my comfort zone and learn sooo bad but i'm so mentally exhausted lately, i just don't really have it in me to do anything besides portraits. and that's how it is a lot of the time, to be honest, but it feels a lot worse/is bothering me more the past, idk, week or more? two weeks? and i'm not sure why

possibly the rain. it is raining a fuckton here lol, which isn't great for fibromyalgia

wait no actually yeah??? that's probably it. not me being like "oghh i'm so tired and in pain and my moods are weird god is it because i just SUCK?" bro it's the WEATHER!!

anyway uh. yeah. mental exhaustion sucks. limb pain sucks. i'm sad about my art. i'm emo or something idk lol. going to a concert tomorrow and praying my body will cooperate with me enough to have a good evening! i'm going with a very kind and supportive friend so I think I'll be okay :)

my mental health is just kinda bad lately so bear with me! it's not like. alarmingly bad or anything, I'm managing, just grumpy and nervous about it and how it's impacting my creativity and the way I socialize.

if ur a mutual/friend and feel like i've seemed a little off, please know I'm trying my best and it's nothing to do with anyone else! <3 I'll likely be much better when the weather clears up, that genuinely has a really, really big impact on me and I'm sure if you have similar conditions you can relate!

[tetanusvaccineunofficial]

POSITIVE UPDATE the concert was really good! I got to spend some time in the crowd for one of my favorite songs from the opening band before going back to sit in the disability seating area and it didn't aggravate my symptoms as much as I expected! no problems today so far except a bit of a headache!

the friend I went with was also really sweet and after spending some time on the floor, came back to stand next to me and help me keep my hands warm :) (my circulation sucks and they were like, a walking space heater after jumping up and down a ton)

I don't want to share who I went to see publicly because that could kinda give away my location but uhh shoutout to The Bands, both that we went to see had incredible stage presence and it was really cool! that was the first concert I've been to in like 5 years and I'd love to go to more now that I know my body can still handle it!

also i might start posting music recs on this blog, idk if that'd be annoying but i dont think it matters since this is, y'know, personal ramble blog lol

[89words]

“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

— Anaïs Nin, Diaries

[tetanusvaccineunofficial]

can't stop thinking about how bad I am at keeping up with notifs!! I want to support all my mutuals but I just miss so many posts, especially when I forget to check Tumblr for a few days!

Idk if this is a weird offer but if any mutuals ever want to show me something I've missed that you think I'd like, or just hop in my DMS/inbox to talk about writing/art/etc. please feel free!! I especially love talking 2D digital rendering + art in general and discussing character writing/character psychology!

[escuerzoresucitado]

[valtsv]

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]

[teaboot]

Yall stop that

[infested-ev-deactivated20240227]

yeah i appreciate the sentiment man but i still feel worthless so idk what to tell you

[teaboot]

Listen. Listen.

You don’t have to feel like it’s true. You don’t have to believe it. It doesn’t matter. I sure as hell didn’t. Don’t, even. Present-tense, some days. All the “it gets better” shit sounds like crap, and it never really stops sounding a bit phony, but here’s the thing:

“Better” doesn’t mean happy-go-lucky perfect, on top of the world forever and always. It just means “better”. One day you’re walking to a bus stop in the freezing rain after a bad day and realize you’re actually kind of glad you didn’t die in your sleep when you wanted to. You catch yourself excited for something and it surprises you, cause you didn’t think you could still feel excitement anymore. You fuck something up and manage to shrug it off instead of hating yourself, and you notice.

So you feel worthless. You’re probably gonna feel worthless for a long time. You’re probably gonna feel worthless tomorrow, and the day after that, and a week from now. Maybe in a month, or a year.

But, and speaking as a 🌟 clinically depressed nightmare🌟, that feeling isn’t real.

We invented the concept of “value” and “worth”, so it’s not a fact of the universe. It’s not an objective truth. If there is no cosmic force that’s decided you alone are special and the best, then there’s also no faceless void that has chosen you to be the worst.

You’ve been birthed into the cosmos without your consent and all you’re really obligated to do at the end of the day is keep your body running so you can fuck around. That’s it.

And step one of having fun with it is not regurgitating the self-hating crap your brain likes to generate.

Yeah, it feels true, but it isn’t, and saying it out loud or writing it down or reading it over and over again on a screen isn’t going to do anything but force you further into that belief.

I like to say I’m fantastic. I’m godlike. I’ve never done anything wrong and I’m never gonna die. I’m the big dick wizard of sexy man Nation and my grilled cheese could make the pope weep.

Is it true? Fuck no. But it’s fun, and it makes me laugh at myself, and if I’m gonna say things that aren’t true then why say things that feel like shit? Why not feel better?

So yeah, actually, I may have fucked up with that edit. Here’s a better one:

[alex51324]

Always remember that you have an IQ of a billion, an ass that is the objectively ideal size for your ass to be, and you’re stronger than God and going to fuck the moon.