4̳̺̽ͩͬ͠0̵̩̩̩ͤ̂̈ͤ4̢̳͖̫̤̣̹̗̮̄̌

[tethered-dissociation]

welcome to my trauma blog ⋆

(tw dissociation, trauma, SA, paranoia, delusions, ocd, ED).

please don't report just block, this account is my coping mechanism.

transmasc, he/him pronouns, adult, diagnosed with DPDR, depression, anxiety, autism

I post : dreamcore/weirdcore/traumacore, dissociation vents, childhood trauma vents, liminalcore

DNI racists, terfs, anti lgbtqia+, pedos/maps, ableist, pro sh/ed, zoophiles, g0re blogs, pro endo

♡

[tethered-dissociation]

I just want to be small enough that he feels the need to protect me

[tethered-dissociation]

don't stay too long

[tethered-dissociation]

I was doing so well recently and now all I can think about is my ugw. I've lost 3lbs this week and the sense of self worth I feel right now is amazing, I just wish I could feel it from something positive instead

[missing-childhood]

It’ll all be over soon. Please stay alive until then.

[tethered-dissociation]

I think a big part of my ED has to do with people pleasing.

I feel like I have to be skinny enough that I'm seen as small and in need of protection, but also I need enough muscle to be viewed as attractive.

I also have to dress well, smell nice, have good posture, be polite, don't be messy when I eat, don't take up too much space, be agreeable but not so much that I'm seen as a pushover.

There are so many things that I try to achieve at a high standard and it can be exhausting.

[tethered-dissociation]

do you feel safe yet?

[august-undergrounds]

no bc i’m genuinely so fucking lonely rn i need to have the shit beaten out of me just for the physical contact

[tethered-dissociation]

This

[tethered-dissociation]

Recently I've realized that I'm actually extremely delusional.

There's a voice inside my head that is able to convince me of almost anything if it means the painful experience/memory stops.

-

I had a full blown asthma attack the other week and while in the ambulance on the way to the hospital the voice started telling me that I could breathe and absolutely nothing was wrong.

And so even as I was gasping for air I couldn't comprehend the situation anymore and it all seemed extremely dramatic considering I was "fine".

[tethered-dissociation]

do you want to remember?

[tethered-dissociation]

I'm scared of recovery. I feel guilty saying it, but it's true.

The idea of being constantly grounded in reality and feeling my entire body as one single being is terrifying.

I don't know how to live in a world that isn't fuzzy or dreamlike.

I find genuine comfort in being able to float away and not feeling like I exist in any sense of reality.

Being dissociated on some level 24/7 feels safe to me, I don't want to "get better".

Does anyone else feel this way?

[liminalfireside]

[tethered-dissociation]

[tethered-dissociation]

none of it was real. none of it was real. none of it was real.

[kosmogrl]

[tethered-dissociation]

[tethered-dissociation]

I hate the fear that comes with being traumatized.

Not feeling safe with anyone, ever, not even your parents who were supposed to protect you when you were a child.

Being too afraid to close your eyes in your own home or turn your back to an open door.

The daily heart palpitations and fatigue from being in a constant state of hypervigilance.

Jumping badly at every tiny sound so much that it feels like you're being electrocuted.

Existing with trauma is exhausting.