i think if l and light were asian american teenagers in american public schools they'd be much more suicidal and codependent and as an asian american teenager in american public schools i'd like to see that.
l, being mostly white, doesn't see himself as asian but others do . he feels a large disconnect between himself and his ethnicity, since he was raised in a white family.
and light, even though his parents are proud of him no matter what, is motivated to be the Model Asian Student, because he feels like he needs to have proof to society that he's a "good" immigrant pursing the american dream
i think if l and light were asian american teenagers in american public schools they'd be much more suicidal and codependent and as an asian american teenager in american public schools i'd like to see that.
l, being mostly white, doesn't see himself as asian but others do . he feels a large disconnect between himself and his ethnicity, since he was raised in a white family.
and light, even though his parents are proud of him no matter what, is motivated to be the Model Asian Student, because he feels like he needs to have proof to society that he's a "good" immigrant pursing the american dream
truly insane about the way mizi seeks out sua specifically so she finally has someone to subjugate the way she was subjugated and only accidentally starts feeling bad about it halfway through. and does this stop her. no. & also truly insane about the way sua is aware of this
maybe the fandom already talks about this all the time i wouldn't know but my interpretation of the adult mizi and kid sua fighting in karma is that mizi regrets it, has crushing guilt about it, is trying to say i didn't want you to die i don't want you to die please— and in her attempt to convey this, ironically, slams sua against the wall. and sua looks up at her and covers her mouth so that she can't apologize. and mizi brings her hand up to sua's, but doesn't pull her away, just holds her. and that's when sua smiles. because she knows then that mizi will go through with it anyway.
i’d make a sideblog for alnst but unfortunately it is irrevocably entangled with dn to me. who else is going to hallucinate sua-isms into L death note.
professional haunter of narratives. scared of death. sprints towards it anyway. forces themselves to look composed even while dying. similar color scheme. bonus canonical material shows they have a sibling-esque figure who was meant to have their role but fucked it up. bonus canonical material expands on the many many people who could replace them. enjoys dark rooms. godlike figure. attaches themselves to one person to the point of doom. we all get to choose the thing that eats us
Chapter Three
Multichapter, ongoing || Beymane, Lawlight || CW for past violence and a generally horrid cast of characters
Two horrible people fall in love. Sleazy motels and neon lights and lying as a desperate bid to be wanted. Misa's cheating on her husband, Light, with Beyond. She is convinced that Light's cheating on her with Beyond's brother, L -- maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but one way or another Beyond's not going to disabuse her of the notion in case she starts feeling guilty. B's got a few ugly secrets which he's not giving up. L refuses to lie to B's probation officer any longer.
hey. you have to love your trans brothers of color okay. and your trans sisters of color. and your nonbinary siblings of color. you have to okay. its simply non-optional
Would love to hear about any creative projects you have in mind at the moment, if you'd like to share 🤩
i cant say details because it's a surprise, but! I have a very beloved thing coming out towards the end of the month that involves lawlight. and im gonna be finishing one fic this month so i can post my very beloved t4t birthdaymassacre fic. Beyond is a semi successful public figure and Naomi is his bodyguard. they are t4t. lewk at my draft:
Saw a Death Note meta post a while back about how Mikami and L would hate each other and while I agree entirely, it made me consider something about Light as well, which is that one of Light's biggest weaknesses is that he's deeply stuck in "I guess this is happening now" mindset. He is the frog that never realises it needs to get out of the pot. He gets a Death Note and a shinigami - okay, this is his life now, he goes forward on those terms without resisting the premise of them. L starts hunting him - he fights back ferociously, but he does so totally within the paradigm L is setting for him. Like L has engaged so now Light can't just look for a short-circuit exit, he has to play L's game on L's terms until he wins.
(Cut for long post.)
And he's always like that. No matter how fucked up his situation gets, he never just steps backwards, looks to the sides, and goes "look, this is too much and too unfair, this shouldn't be happening to me". And as a former gifted kid™ myself, I suspect I know why - it's because he's seventeen/eighteen and brilliant and at that age with that level of ability, if you've leaned into it rather than becoming a rebel, you do have the internalised idea that Other People (teachers, parents, the world in general) are allowed to arbitrarily challenge you in more and more demanding ways and you must respond by passing the latest test no matter what. It can take years to get to the point of self-love where you can look at the latest demand and go "actually, it will hurt me to try and meet those expectations, so fuck you, how about I don't?" and Light is definitely not at that stage yet. Especially not with all his self-regard visibly tied up in his identity as The Best, as someone who never cracks or fails or needs help - even in situations where no human being could or should be expected to survive without needing help at the time and therapy afterwards.
Like, I don't think Light ever fully saw how much of a monster L was because to do so he would've first had to recognise that L's actions were traumatising and endangering him in very real ways; and he's Light Yagami, he can't accept that someone could do those things to him. His deeply conditioned need to be able to handle whatever the world throws at him leaves him sat there like the This Is Fine dog, convincing himself it's okay and he can deal with this even when the fucking building is on fire around him. The fact that he succeeds for 99% of the canon is an astonishing testament to his strength, skills and talents - the fact that he felt he had to do it that way says something heartbreaking about the inside of his head.
And I think imagining how Mikami would've reacted to L really reveals this; because Mikami, who has been in the emotional trenches all his life and doesn't care what people think of him as long as he believes he's in the right, would've looked at L's methodology and conduct, gone "I hate bullies, and you are one" and punched L's dentures out. Mikami would've found the surveillance cameras and gone "oh hell no, come back with a warrant". I feel like Mikami would've refused the terms of the game from the outside of it, in a way that Light just doesn't even attempt.
(TL;DR part one Light Yagami has so many problems and he needs a hug and someone human on his side, and in an ideal world both of these things would've been provided by Teru Mikami.)
Saw a Death Note meta post a while back about how Mikami and L would hate each other and while I agree entirely, it made me consider something about Light as well, which is that one of Light's biggest weaknesses is that he's deeply stuck in "I guess this is happening now" mindset. He is the frog that never realises it needs to get out of the pot. He gets a Death Note and a shinigami - okay, this is his life now, he goes forward on those terms without resisting the premise of them. L starts hunting him - he fights back ferociously, but he does so totally within the paradigm L is setting for him. Like L has engaged so now Light can't just look for a short-circuit exit, he has to play L's game on L's terms until he wins.
(Cut for long post.)
And he's always like that. No matter how fucked up his situation gets, he never just steps backwards, looks to the sides, and goes "look, this is too much and too unfair, this shouldn't be happening to me". And as a former gifted kid™ myself, I suspect I know why - it's because he's seventeen/eighteen and brilliant and at that age with that level of ability, if you've leaned into it rather than becoming a rebel, you do have the internalised idea that Other People (teachers, parents, the world in general) are allowed to arbitrarily challenge you in more and more demanding ways and you must respond by passing the latest test no matter what. It can take years to get to the point of self-love where you can look at the latest demand and go "actually, it will hurt me to try and meet those expectations, so fuck you, how about I don't?" and Light is definitely not at that stage yet. Especially not with all his self-regard visibly tied up in his identity as The Best, as someone who never cracks or fails or needs help - even in situations where no human being could or should be expected to survive without needing help at the time and therapy afterwards.
Like, I don't think Light ever fully saw how much of a monster L was because to do so he would've first had to recognise that L's actions were traumatising and endangering him in very real ways; and he's Light Yagami, he can't accept that someone could do those things to him. His deeply conditioned need to be able to handle whatever the world throws at him leaves him sat there like the This Is Fine dog, convincing himself it's okay and he can deal with this even when the fucking building is on fire around him. The fact that he succeeds for 99% of the canon is an astonishing testament to his strength, skills and talents - the fact that he felt he had to do it that way says something heartbreaking about the inside of his head.
And I think imagining how Mikami would've reacted to L really reveals this; because Mikami, who has been in the emotional trenches all his life and doesn't care what people think of him as long as he believes he's in the right, would've looked at L's methodology and conduct, gone "I hate bullies, and you are one" and punched L's dentures out. Mikami would've found the surveillance cameras and gone "oh hell no, come back with a warrant". I feel like Mikami would've refused the terms of the game from the outside of it, in a way that Light just doesn't even attempt.
(TL;DR part one Light Yagami has so many problems and he needs a hug and someone human on his side, and in an ideal world both of these things would've been provided by Teru Mikami.)
