Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier
Call this guy the Mark Denier
Call this guy the Mark Replier
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Xuebing Du

Andulka
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Not today Justin
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Keni
Cosimo Galluzzi
Claire Keane
Aqua Utopiaïœæ”·ăźćșă§èšæ¶ă玥ă
YOU ARE THE REASON
Today's Document
occasionally subtle
The Stonewall Inn
seen from United States
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seen from Singapore

seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Japan
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from Mexico
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seen from Bangladesh
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seen from Ecuador
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seen from United States

seen from United States
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@th3purpl3
Gave a gamer girl a hickey call me the Mark Applier
Call this guy the Mark Denier
Call this guy the Mark Replier
sharing a full screenshot uncropped is kind of like bending over in a little skirt and pulling it up a little
The World of Ultimate Gaming
as funny as âthose are his hooves you bitchâ Iâm mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzziÂ
can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it
you had to be there
You're fresh out of college and looking for a job. Everyone is hiring. Nobody who's "hiring" is actually hiring. You finally get a call back from somewhere you barely remember applying to (though the voice on the other end sounds synthesized). You pull up the job listing again real quick. The company name and the fact that the listing is for "Minion" are kind of concerning, but you know what, you've interviewed with enough evil corporations by now, you can handle one wearing its true colors on its sleeve. At this point it's a matter of making rent or moving back in with your parents, and as much as you love your family, you can't imagine spending another summer dealing with your brothers' antics. You agree to the interview.
The man who greets you is an enthusiastic older German(?) man who's either way too into cosplay or just that committed to the bit, judging by the lab coat. He made cookies. The tray of cookies is proffered to you by a ten-foot-tall robotic caricature of a 50s businessman. You take a deep breath to calm yourself. You bite into one of the cookies. It's delicious.
You ask the boss about his business model. "Oh you know, a little of this, a little of that, I bounce from project to project a lot." He mentions that his end goal is becoming the undisputed ruler of the surrounding counties. "Really? Not the whole world?" you ask. "I like to set realistic goals," he replies.
As he gives you the tour of his "evil lair," ingrained instincts are screaming at you to report this guy to some kind of authority figure. You remember the salary. You decide that you can always bust him after getting your first paycheck.
The boss asks when you can start. Caught off guard, you say "tomorrow?". Your boss(?) says he'll see you then.
On the way out, you bump into your stepbrother's girlfriend. Your boss introduces her as his daughter. You both silently agree to sidestep the subject for now and act like this is your first time meeting.
You show up to your first day of work. Your boss is putting the finishing touches on a giant machine that was definitely not there yesterday. You are nonplussed. You ask him what it's for and he launches into a convoluted explanation involving his parents always forcing him to put his shirts on backwards so the tag was in front. You think he should probably talk to a therapist.
Your brothers' exotic pet breaks down the wall. You stare at him. He stares at you. Incredulously, you say his name. "Oh, good, you two already know each other!" your boss says. You mention that you used to live with him. "What? Perry the Platypus, you never mentioned having a roommate."
This is what I like to imagine Candace Flynn's life is like, post P&F.
Universal reaction to this post.
Columbo about to perform his famous soul-sundering chop attack
high as fuck lowballing never worn baby shoe listings
every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing
tasque manager
The lion is concerned. The lion is honestly really fucking worried.
The World of Ultimate Gaming
i have no quarrel with the cavalry soldier riding the horse. my enemy is the horse itself