I'm Just A Kid Livin' The Dream

If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe

[kernaka]

[cactuslands]

[pearlmarley]

pretty is never important

[did-you-know]

Men who walk with swagger in their shoulders more than double their level of perceived attractiveness. 

(Source, Source 2)

[90sdefect]

…I’d rather stay in the crib, tbh.

[emirael]

I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. I’m the one who told him about the game. I’m the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?

Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the “fat fighting orange dragon”

It’s gotten so bad he’s started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.

[emirael]

Okay adding to this. My dad isn’t great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:

“I have a cool pineapple head now!”

“I was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.”

“And the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!” (he still can’t remember what a Dragonite is called)

BUT THEN. but then. he’s also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? He’s level 27 and talks about how “the gym wars are brutal, babe,” and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)

And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I can’t stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that don’t because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? He’s about to evolve two more. H E L P.

and he says shit like, “Learning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.” and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??

This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point he’s so far beyond my skill with the game (he’s been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I don’t even know what to tell him. I literally can’t advise him.

My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.

[emirael]

Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like, “Okay I’ll join your team babe!”

And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.

I ain’t even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. He’s happy there. It’s his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. It’s super cute.

My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one

[emirael]

So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I don’t know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up with “some friends I’ve never met” to take down the gym for Team Instinct.

Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.

He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says, “hey I’m gonna go for a walk” and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforce ‘his’ gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.

At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.

Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.

[emirael]

This got a new batch of notes, so here’s a Dad Update.

He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently he’s watching the anime almost every night. He’s on season 2. I think he’s just gonna go through and watch it A L L which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.

Out of the 6 Gyrados he’s evolved, he’s kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see he’s caught 585 of them.

Five hundred eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??

Apparently he still hasn’t decided which Magikarp to evolve.

He should make level 28 in a day or so.

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

this dad will truly protect the world from devastation

[annoyinglylogical]

My dad works on my college campus and every night when he comes home he comes to my room right away and tells me about all the pokemon he caught that day.

[emirael]

Oh look, I’m on my dash again. Seems as good a time as any for an update. I bought him a yellow PoGo keychain for xmas. I will let you know how he responds when I give it to him:

He has started wearing yellow shoes for #TeamInstinct pride lol:

And he’s started wearing a pikachu tshirt. He is on season 4 of the anime. He watches EVERY EPISODE in order. I’m dying. He’s level 30, going on 31. He has over 9 gyrados now, and has enough candy for two more, but doesn’t see the point. He’s about to get his 4th dragonite. One of his dragonite has been stuck at the top of a level 10 gym for like 3 weeks now, since before he hit level 30, and he’s upset he can’t get it back to power it up.

[colornin]

@bouncyenvos

[emirael]

Pokedad update, since it’s back on my dash:

He’s still wearing the shoes. He loved the keychain because he’s a DORK.

He’s level 34 now. 1.12 million xp. 1.25 million to level 35.

He estimates he’ll make level 35 by the first week of July. He joined on July 13 last year and would like to be at 35 by then. He still hasn’t spent a single penny on the damn game and is very proud of that.

His favorite from gen2 is Blissey, who he says is his “best gym defender” and he’s 8 candies away from powering up another high cp Chancy, so then he’ll have 2.

Another gen2 fave is “Hounder” along with “Umbrreon” and Espeon. He’s got a steelix, politoad, “the other slowbro type” and “multiples of those metal coat sunstone kings rock upgrade stuff”. Recently he got “that feriligator” and a typlosion. Not gen2, but he has a “really nice chariZard”

He was SUPER mad about the gym update since he had like 7 pokemon in gyms when it hit, but it hasn’t staunched his fervor. He’s just been buckling down and doing his best. He’s been saying stuff like “I have one raid pass waiting for a raid alert to pop” and I literally don’t know what that means??

But I know what you really want to know. What’s his magikarp situation??

He’s caught 1885 Magikarp.

That’s why he has so many gyrados and over 2k worth of candy. He says he has 5 “really nice” carp he could evolve if he wanted to. But… he doesn’t need to. I mean, look:

He described this as his “navy” and I think it’s pretty well stocked.

Also yes he caught a shiny: (older screencap so that’s why there’s fewer candies)

When we were in the Philippines together, he didn’t have data. And let me tell you: The man was borderline distraught to be away from his game for the 3 weeks we were away. Whenever we were at SM City he’d wander around and complain that there weren’t more pokestops or gyms within reach of the SM wifi. (Also he now has 4 pokemon shirts, all of which he brought on the trip)

[jhameia]

HE HAS NEVER SPENT A PENNY??????????

Wow.

Does he have a red Gyarados??

1530 MAGIKARP CANDY W H A T

[systlin]

Behold the true pokemon god.

[dainslefsblog]

@cisnowflake I know we’re all over the hype now, but damn man, check out this guy’s dedication to the game.

[cisnowflake]

Well I’m happy people are still having fun with it haha

[mama-germany]

if this isn’t the best thing

[did-you-know]

Visiting the island of Socotra in Yemen can seem like you’re on another planet. More than 30% of the island’s plant life, including the dragon blood tree that bleeds bright red sap when it’s cut, isn’t found anywhere else on earth. Source Source 2

[ithinkiamfinallyclean]

“they’re burning all the witches” 

ARTIST CREDIT

[imnotafan-art]

And there it is

[imnotafan-deactivated20171120]

Wow

[fozmeadows]

And meanwhile, assholes with no sense of irony or history refer to the naming of sexual predators as a witch hunt. 

[mrdsc1010]

bonus:

[scutz]

[lemon-bby]

[umrzec]

[babyanimalgifs]

This is so wholesome

[anx1ous-op0ssum]

Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip

[callmebliss]

I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is

[deadjosey-deactivated20200613]

https://twitter.com/pariszarcilla?lang=en heres his twitter is here there is also additonal cat photos of his children. 

[strangeracrossthestreet]

CAT DAD IS BACK

[jackslenderman]

aww, the kids grow up so fast. ;-;

[aquilacalvitium]

HHHHHHHH I LOVE CAT DAD!

[midgardian-april]

This is, by far, the single most adorable fucking thing I have ever seen. 

[trishmishtree]

update:

[lemonsharks]

I love that he kept …. All of them.

[petermorwood]

I’ve reblogged the earlier part of this thread before, and the new stuff makes it even better.

This is the Tumblr equivalent of a warm hug on a cold day.

[teashoesandhair]

You’re welcome.

[askfordoodles]

I remember this thread, but I never saw the grown-up pics ❤

[socialuser2020]

[jp]

[bareniabirkin]

The world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.

James Allen

[pearlmarley]

I’m lost af 🤷🏾‍♂ sooo

[bcneggncheez-deactivated2020121]

Inform yourself

[jee-q]

I’ont even save numbers anymore. Ppl don’t last

[did-you-know]

Hemingwayapp.com is a writing tool that lets you paste in your text and suggests edits for you. 

It highlights sentences that are hard to read, alerts you of phrases that are written in passive voice, keeps count of your adverbs, and tells you the grade reading level of your writing. 

(Source)