This is just a short story I found among my scribbles from two years ago, and I thought I’d tweak it a little bit and post it because why not. Also it’s totally autobiographical but I’ll pretend I didn’t mention that.
Once upon a time, a twelve year-old girl came back after five long years of storms and rainfall – back to the city of warm sand and sunshine, which her mother called home as her father merely acquiesced mumbling curses under his breath. In due time, she found herself a handful of true hearts who taught her the meaning of life-long friendship, so after a while she did not feel so alone anymore. She should have realised there was something special about that place from her very first day of classes, however, as she was greeted into the new school by the ever-so-eager embodiment of potential change: the possibility of re-discovering a long lost friend. One whose face she sadly could not remember after all those years (even if the gleam in his eyes made her wonder how she could ever forget him), but whose smile was sure to become firmly imprinted in her memory forevermore after that day. If she was just lucky enough, she thought and hoped, these people would be the ones who would stand by her side, at least for the time being.
Two years later, the now fourteen year-old girl saw her world fall apart anew. She watched powerless as they left her before she even had the chance to prepare herself – to leave them behind when the time came, that’s how things usually went. Yet it was different this time, and if she thought she had known the pain of losing friends when she was the one having to leave them behind with a heart full of longing, she now discovered how little she knew of goodbyes despite all of her extensive experience of them. Life has an odd little way of turning around just when you think it can’t possibly get any messier, though. And then suddenly, without warning, when nobody could have seen it coming, he came to her rescue like a true prince charming, fresh out of the pages of her favourite books. A long-forgotten friend soon turned into her most treasured companion, the one who cared enough to stand by her through it all. She could not help it when she discovered herself inevitably in love with him, even though she could not see inside his heart no matter how hard she tried. But so it happened, and even knowing that – as always – it was only a matter of time until the next goodbye came into view, she desperately needed him to stay, in whichever way he would have it. She needed him to stay, even when she knew that she couldn’t stay herself. Then, serendipitously enough, he took her breath away as he finally decided to stay, in every possible way, and he chose to be with her for as much time as they would be given together.
But deep wounds have a nasty tendency to fester, leaving scars that seem like they will not fade even after the longest time, and so her fears eventually got the best of her. She would not bear to see him change his mind one day and leave, just like everybody else had – no, not him. Somehow, to a fifteen year-old mind it seemed like the right thing to do at the moment, though her heart did whisper something quite different to her. The thing is, girls are generally not their wisest at such a delicate age. So she tucked the whispers away with the ring she used to wear, into a precious purple box with pink hearts painted all over it and their smiling faces glued on the lid. She buried it all deep inside her wardrobe, and prayed that destiny would follow its course regardless of her own decisions – dare she call them mistakes?
Once upon a time, a seventeen year-old girl came back after the two longest years in the land of wind and rain – she came back with an even more clouded notion of ‘home’ to the city over whose status as such her parents still debated regularly. She found herself welcomed with open arms by the life-long friends who, despite all, weathered many storms by her side and still stayed. And then suddenly, without warning, she found herself falling rapidly and helplessly in love all over again with him who had wanted the most to stay – him whom she had pushed away.
Learning from her previous mistakes – she dared not call it a decision after everything – she sought him out and employed her best and most honest efforts in regaining his friendship, which had always been more precious to her than anything else. She had learned the hard way that she still did, and always would, desperately need him to stay in her life, in whichever he would have it. She needed him to still want to stay, even when she knew that she still couldn’t stay herself, no matter how much she wanted to. She was terrified of her own heart’s whispers, which by now had turned into screams after being ignored for years, but the truth is she was every bit as scared as he was himself when he finally heard it too. Pain and experience had taught her that the alternative was not an option she was willing to choose again, so she found a way to be brave for both of their sakes. She still would not bear to see him change his mind one day and leave, but this time around she decided to take a leap of faith, and allow herself to let him stay, if he would like. And he very much did. He took his time learning to allow himself to listen to his own heart after years of silencing it just as stubbornly as she had done, and at last he decided to stay, in every possible way, for as much time as they would be given.
Their impending goodbye came far too soon, as goodbyes usually go, and it hurt her heart more than any of her previous ones had, perhaps because for the first time in her life, it was her own choice to leave and go after her dreams, just as much as it was her choice to ask him to wait for her. For she truly wanted to stay and she promised him that one day, at long last, she would.
Sometimes, in the coldest nights, she still has nightmares of him suddenly, without warning, telling her goodbye – the very word that some days sits heavily at the tip of her tongue amidst convoluted speeches of open wounds and misplaced defensiveness. Each and every single time it happens, she makes the decision to swallow it down with all the dried blood and scabs. There’s no place for scars on a body longing for a fresh and promising start.
Time can be unforgiving, and she still feels plagued with guilt for having had to leave him far too soon. And so she did, but she left with the promise to always come back to him, so long as he would still want to stay for her.
Time can also be kind, and he still stays and waits for her.
And so she always comes back home, back to him.
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
