Mole Man

Heated rivalry has me in a chokehold. She/her or they/them. I am a minor, please do not ask for any donations

[flowerbleedme]

Me: I'll have the waffles

Waiter: Would you like whipped cream on that?

Me: hold on sorry

(takes out phone)

(opens Tumblr)

(creates new post)

(types "she whip me until I cream")

(posts)

(puts phone away)

Me: Sorry. Yes please

[briannyssey]

Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling

[city-nvr-sleeps]

i just..

[lucy-vanpelts]

when someone calls me their friend my heart skips a beat it’s like i won at being myself

[pukicho]

I intend to pour resin over everything so nothing ever changes again

[saltedume]

[becquerel]

what if we both had the same name and were discussing the rpf status of the mayor of new york

[maryoliveoil]

[fairycosmos]

what are you even supposed to do when youre angry.  cant scream at anyone cos im not a dick. cant break anything cos i paid money for that. cant rip my hair out cos i need it on my head. literally what now

[kosmogrl]

Girl who’s known for never learning from her mistakes voice: If I could go back I’d do everything right this time

[capacity]

Breaking news Yall don’t know me

[just-sans-things]

[hockeyfinches]

can i be real for one second are we not all cultivating vastly intricate filtered content lists. is that just me. i see little to nothing that bothers me. i block anything that could potentially bother me. i am blocking niche tags from 3 fandoms ago for my own peace of mind. i have the name ‘bruce’ filtered

[glove23]

Shane like. idk 2014 post Boston winning the cup, meeting his future self. his future self in an Ottawa Centaurs jersey. with no C on his chest. and 2014 Shane sees that and he thinks I failed. I failed I lost so badly they traded me to the worst team in the league. they found out about Rozanov and they traded me. they stripped me of my captaincy and I will never be anything again and his future self, with his wedding ring to Ilya hanging around his neck and looking happier than he's ever looked, looks at 2014!Shane and goes no. this is what winning looks like, kid. this is what we have always wanted, you just don't know it yet. things will be hard but I'd do it all again because it got me here. and then future Shane thinks for a moment and goes I never thought I'd get to be myself in this league. I also never thought I'd get to play on the same team as my husband. But now both things are true. and 2014!Shane looks stunned, tears in his eyes, and future Shane smiles and starts to walk away and then 2014!Shane calls back to him wait! just tell me one thing and future Shane pauses and 2014!Shane steels himself and goes just tell me. is it Rozanov? and future Shane looks back over his shoulder with the biggest grin ever and goes no. but it is Ilya and then he's gone

[symbieote]

God the intricate pregame rituals the Centaurs could have... Shane and Ilya each give Luca Haas a face wash with their stinky hockey gloves before every game and Luca does kind of chub up in his pants from this and that rush gets him playing better. The first time Ilya did it as a joke/prank but Luca played so well that it ended up as a superstition and somehow Shane joined in too. Ilya and Troy have a silent but complicated handshake sequence. Dykstra has to shake his ass exactly nine times while the team chants the lyrics to Drop It Like It's Hot. Shane and Bood do what is essentially Lamaze breathing with their buckets pressed together for like a full thirty seconds. Every single person has to give Wyatt a butt slap and a head bonk before the game or the game WILL go to shit.

Dillon Holmberg and Young bark at each other because they've all got that DAWG in em. Tanner Dillon I know nothing about you as a character but you are now my Brandon Duhaime stand in and you make your entrance barking on all fours.

Reporters ask if it's weird being in the Centaurs locker room because they are angling to get the players to say something negative about Shane, Ilya and Troy, but they are all talking about how the weirdest thing is that Tanner Dillon is always barking but they really love that and it really hypes the team up when he eats the cards after reading the starting lineup.

La Pointe is always stark naked under his pads and refuses to wear a shirt or anything but teeny tiny slut shorts and slides when he has to be out of his gear but still on camera, for media availability or an interview or something.

Nick Chouinard adds a single skittles into the hollow of one of his backup hockey sticks before every game, and empties them out and eats them at the end of every season. The stick has to travel with the other backup sticks but the equipment managers have to make sure that it's never actually handed to him as a replacement when he breaks a stick during a game. The team call it the skittles stick and they rattle it before every single game. Chouinard got himself a sponsorship with Skittles after a video about it went viral.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

when I say "you should kill him" and people look at me weird

[guiltfactory]

BAD NEWS: it will not be the same forever

GOOD NEWS: it will not be the same forever