The Alto Clef @the-alto-clef - Tumblr Blog

i should only be charged a symbolic amount of 10 cents for my groceries because i have kind eyes and my intentions are pure

podcastwizard

ideal ways for me to die

1. old age, peacefully in my sleep

2. after a long and illustrious career i am at a rooftop gala hosted in my honor. i am wearing a beautiful gown, holding a glass of red wine, standing by the railing. a scorned lover approaches and, after a passionate spat, they push me over the edge of the building. the wine glass goes flying, splattering their outfit in red as a visual metaphor for the blood on their hands. as i descend my gown flies around me like two beautiful wings, a bird in flight. a photographer on the street manages to take a photo before i hit the ground and that photo wins the pulitzer. a new york times think piece is released regarding whether or not it's moral to profit off a photo of someone's death. the think piece also wins a pulitzer.

3. sex accident.

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spockglocksrocks

sometimes there’s videos that make me happy to exist on this planet

cameoappearance

i’d reblog this even if it was a still image

derinthescarletpescatarian

I know it’s a sesame street clip but seriously, who is the target audience for this?

cameoappearance

Parents watching it with their kids, I guess?

loreweaver

literally everyone

elfwreck

Everyone. No, really… everyone.

For adults, the appeal is Sir Patrick Stewart doing a kid’s educational bit in full Shakespearean dress and style; there’s a delightful cognitive dissonance between the very serious presentation and the very simple content.

For very small children, it’s educational: this is the letter “B”; here’s how it’s shaped; here’s some words you know that start with it. Oh, and here’s a word you may not be familiar with that starts with it, so you can recognize that it’s the sound that matters, and not whatever other connection you made between the other two words.

For older kids: you’ve probably heard that “to be or not to be?” speech, or at least part of it, so you can enjoy some of the parody the adults are watching. Also, here’s how to describe how a letter is made - how to teach young siblings who don’t read yet, how to explain both the shape and the sound.

For kids with dyslexia: here’s how you differentiate a “B” from a P or D or E. You may have to go slowly and look carefully at the exact shapes that make up the whole, but there are differences and you can learn to recognize them.

For teens or young college students: In addition to whichever parts of those are relevant to you, here’s what Shakespearean acting sounds like. Here’s how to enunciate clearly and slowly, so your audience can understand terms they may not recognize and still follow the gist of what you’re saying. If you’re reading Shakespeare in school, try sounding it out like this and see if that helps it make sense.

For new RenFaire workers: Here’s how to pronounce “zounds.”

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One of the most glorious things in the world is Shakespearean actors doing stuff like this.

meow-of-cathulhu

He’s taking this performance as seriously as he does when he’s doing actual Shakespeare 🥺

frostyemma

This is how I learned to pronounce “zounds”

catchymemes

dank-memes-my-ex-gf-sends-me

stealingyourbones

Every single week I cycle through a different coffee shop in my town and ask the barista to make me their favorite drink in a medium. I have an entire spiel:

“All milk is fine, caffeinated and not caffinated i’m game, hot and iced both work, it can be coffee or tea or anything.”

It has yet to fail me. Every time I have tried a new drink I never would have thought to try and every one I’ve had has been amazing. The true delight I’ve seen in baristas faces pondering on what to make me and the joy they have when I like the drink always makes my day and I hope it makes theirs too. It’s the little things of kindness that can make someone’s day and I feel that it helps the world be kinder. Highly recommend doing this yourselves.

stealingyourbones

Just went to a place I go to more often near work and I got a “oh! It’s you!! :D” from one of the baristas when I gave my order. Made my day :)

stealingyourbones

Update: me and the most common coffee shop I go to’s baristas and I are now friends :)

stealingyourbones

PEOPLE ARE SAYING IM AN AU OR PROMPT IM NOT A PROMPT IM A REAL BOY I PROMISE

stealingyourbones

Additional update: I wrote a good review/feedback for the coffee shop and corporate really liked my review, so now everyone in the coffee shop knows my name, knows I gave the review because my order is unique, and I was given a free breakfast sandwich in appreciation.

creative-anchorage

^tags:

#oh and they start making a mystery drink for me every time I walk in the door now and the baristas will argue on who gets to make the drink

#when the manager I've never seen before went 'are you (full first and last name)' and thanked me for the review I was so happy #THEY PINNED IT ON A BOARD BEHIND THEM SO I SEE IT EVERY TIME I ORDER COFFEE NOW #AAAAAAA

#they're all so sweet I'm debating on giving some of my fav baristas my number so I can ask for their dietary restrictions to make them soup

stealingyourbones

Seeing people reblog this post with tags along the lines of “humanity is good” makes me so happy man. My singular goal in life is if I manage to have a conversation with a person and they walk away at least a bit happier than before, I’ve succeeded in my life’s mission. My impact on the world might not be huge but to those around me and the few that I interact with, spreading that little bit of joy can mean do much to others and watching that joy impact others is truly amazing.

ancientson

Ooh, I love it when people do this! I love inventing drinks and I do it a lot when I'm bored at work!

Some of my best inventions:

-Peach lemonade with raspberry cold foam (lavender also works if raspberry isn't available)

-Frozen matcha with hazelnut (instead of whatever they usually sweeten their matcha with), caramel drizzle, and an affogado shot (blonde, ristretto)

-Oatmilk flat white with blonde shots, chai, and cinnamon steamed in (like a dirty chai but fancy and a little spicier)

-Iced dirty chai with cold foam, with two packets of honey and some cinnamon powder blended into the cold foam (tastes like a cinnamon roll, but make sure you always order a dirty chai as a latte with chai so you're only paying for the syrup and not the individual shots)

-The classic lavender almond milk latte (especially if you're at a place that makes their own lavender syrup; oat milk is also a good one for this if you want something rich)

-Frozen vanilla drink with no coffee and a splash of lemonade (like a frappuccino/frappé/whatever the shop is calling it)

-Chai with any kind of fruit flavor; my favorite is raspberry, but peach and strawberry can be really good, too. Works best with a lighter milk, like almond. I usually prefer it warm, but it works for iced chais as well.

gascanposts

@baileyondemand drinks!

sheherlocked-deactivated2022083

“Public libraries are such important, lovely places!” Yes but do you GO there. Do you STUDY there. Do you meet friends and get coffee there. Do you borrow the FREE, ZERO SUBSCRIPTION, ZERO TRACKING books, audiobooks, ebooks, and films. Have you checked out their events and schemes. Do you sign up for the low cost courses in ASL or knitting or programming or writing your CV that they probably run. Do you know they probably have myriad of schemes to help low income families. Do you hire their low cost rooms if you need them. Have you joined their social groups. Do you use the FREE COMPUTERS. Do you even know what your library is trying to offer you. Listen, the library shouldn’t just exist for you as a nice idea. That’s why more libraries shut every year

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If this post persuades even one person to get a free library account and use it, my time on this hellsite will not have been spent in vain