Ghost

They/them, I will not reblog or post anything.

[hagihino]

[elizabethzoopzoop986]

Every time I reads a comment that says “that’s Shazam not Captain Marvel” I die a little inside

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[elizabethzoopzoop986]

If the JL learns Captain Marvel is a child

Batman: Billy

Billy: *frowns dramatically*

Batman: hmmm… Captain

Billy: *Smiles and nods*

Batman: We have determined that you may stay on the justice league, with limits of course, and we must be able to contact your parents to get their consent and make a proper schedule to avoid your missing school.

Billy: (very orphaned and very homeless, with all the confidence)  Right! Batman, no problem!

Later

Captain Marvel: *enters the watchtower* Hey! My PARENTS are here!

Superman: that was fast…

Wonder women: Well it’s nice to meet you Mr. And Mrs. Marvel-.. ????

Very obviously Freddy and Mary in old people costumes

Batman: That’s clearly Mary and Junior

Mary: (so commited to the bit) Oh bless your heart you dearies are the ones that have been taking care of our sweet little Billy

Billy: (equally commited to the bit) Mommmm please, these are my colleagues

Superman: *stunned silence*

Wonder women: *opens mouth then closes then opens then closes it again*

Batman:*single eyebrow raised*

Freddy: (staring unblinking right into Bruce’s soul) Well, you know Billy gets older when he uses his magic, so…

Superman: (confused, questioningly) You… get younger????

Billy, Mary and Freddy: *all smiling sweetly, completely silent* (technically if they don’t say anything they aren’t lying, just letting people come to there own conclusions)

Mary: Well, we are family dearies

JL:

Marvels: 🔵U🔵

JL:

Somehow that works, mostly because the Jl knows so little about Billy they can’t dispute it, they have no way to prove or disprove anything; they don’t even know Billy’s last name

(The fact that Freddys cane was used was what completely sold it)

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[minibatson]

The only thing I despise the New 52 for is it's writing of Freddy Freeman. Both in the comics and the movies. The movies at least had the decency to get his appearance correct.

Freddy is two parts righteous anger, one part playful banter, and one part depression.

Freddy Freeman will nearly kill a man in an act of vengeance. Freddy Freeman will destroy entire units of armies while smiling. Freddy Freeman has faced the death penalty with a grin. Freddy Freeman has dragged himself across frozen streets while dying of hypothermia in order to get to the Rock of Eternity to save the world. Freddy Freeman has survived being left for dead in sub-zero temperatures in a Nazi camp. Freddy Freeman plays pranks on his siblings and neighbours. Freddy Freeman goes out of his way to do good, even in his mortal form. Freddy Freeman has a talent for working with animals. Freddy Freeman is an orphan who rents a room in boarding house because he can't afford any better. Freddy Freeman is poorer, more vulnerable, more oppressed, and more angry than the other two og Marvels.

To sand away so much of that and turn him into a loveable dork who does have moments of heroic desperation but is almost exclusively comic relief feels... idk, boring? They focused on the least important part of his character, his humour, over everything that made Freddy Freddy. Like even if boring the blatant political implications of what they did, it's just boring storytelling to sand off everyone else's edges so Billy can be the edgiest and saddest in the room. I like loveable forks as much as the next guy, but the Batson twins were always closer to that than Freddy. Hell, Cissie is right there and is lovely as an option for loveable dork.

[ether-here-or-there]

OP’s tags because yeah, taking away his edges, his backstory and basic family connections in Grandpa Freeman and his (albeit retconned to be so in the 70’s) younger brother Kit, and with the last two his jewish background while making him blonde haired and blue eyes is… something.

Like sure, take the kid whose grandpa survived the death camps and who got victimized himself further by a Nazi to the point he is now orphaned and crippled with his leg and back fucked up and make him basic comedic relief and “My angst is angstier than your angst” foil to Billy while his parents are currently just off handed criminals we never mention and all his past identity is scrubbed away.

Yeah, just scrub the intrigue and jewish-ness from a character and keep the name. They even change his disability from being something done unto him to being something that’s just wrong with his body so toss that angst out the window too, Buh-bye

[thundercrack5]

Every time I find out a Captain Marvel/Shazam character exists, I end up feeling like a larper

Like, what do you mean there are 3 characters called Billy Batson that became Lieutenant Marvels? Or Kid Eternity who is actually Freddy’s brother????

[lavena]

The billys alone should be beyond proof thar fawcittizens are built different.

Like clones of the child radio star in different shapes popped up? Oh well, I guess we should call them hill billy, fat billy, and tall billy. Perfect!

[the-ghost-cat]

They were all from different cities though, right?

[the-ghost-cat]

I love this dumb suit

[pulaasul]

Hot Take: Billy Batson/Captain Marvel/Shazam is worthy is Mjolnir!

[the-ghost-cat]

Well yes

[fishgir12]

Short tfem Billy comic…what to do when magical wizard turns you into a 6’10 goddess, dies, and then you kinda end up liking being perceived as a girl?

I need to think if a name for her…the kindest soul ever kinda. Ok Maybe not kindest but she tries!!

[the-ghost-cat]

Recently read this comic and thought of your AU

[fishgir12]

WGAT COMIC IS THIS OMGGG THIS IS GOLD

[the-ghost-cat]

It’s from Lazarus Planet: Revenge of the Gods #3 !

You might wanna read “Lazarus Planet: We Once Were Gods” for a bit of context to the comic too!

[fishgir12]

Short tfem Billy comic…what to do when magical wizard turns you into a 6’10 goddess, dies, and then you kinda end up liking being perceived as a girl?

I need to think if a name for her…the kindest soul ever kinda. Ok Maybe not kindest but she tries!!

[the-ghost-cat]

Recently read this comic and thought of your AU

[baegaldt]

Billy Batson be like: hey this is my father figure, me but better, proving i dont need to rely on anyone else

[the-ghost-cat]

I LOVE HIS AND MARVEL’S DYNAMIC SO MUCH OMFGG

[ssugarcooki]

20$ says Episode 9's gonna get leaked at least a week before the theater release

[the-ghost-cat]

Welp

[puppetwoman17]

Every other hero who had someone have the mantle before them: ugh, I feel so inadequate! Maybe ____ would’ve done a better job than me. Maybe I’m never gonna be as good a hero as they were. 😔

Billy every time he looks at Black Adam: jeez, get a load of THAT guy 🙄

[elizabethzoopzoop986]

List of irrelevant Marvel family head canons that aren’t enough for their own post

The Marvel family can sit on clouds, if they get upset while on one it turns into a storm cloud

Their capes are ALWAYS billowing in the wind, expect when they are sad or mad

They bleed gold

Cap is like 8 feet tall

Under there boots they have white socks with little golden wings on the sides

Cap carries Jr around a lot

Zeus tells Billy to smite people who are ableist to Freddy, Billy complies

Mary was worthy of holy sword Excalibur, she keeps it in her closet

They dressed up as sailor moon, sailor chibi moon and tuxedo mask for Halloween once

Spolier and cmj have fake internet beef because they thinks it’s funny, Steph Brown and Freddy Freeman made a yt vid together called “we need to address to the Spoiler CMJ situation”

Freddy’s crutch was made by Hephaestus its magic and turns into whatever mobility aid he needs at any given moment

Billy and Freddy would kill for there bunk bed

Dr. Sivana is deathly afraid of Mary Marvel

Like stray cats if the marvels like you they will find your villains/ enemies beat them up and leave there bodies outside your door

Billy and Freddy always pretend to be each other when they have a sub, it drives Mary insane

Mary marvel has a bazooka

They’re always putting random magic objects in there mouths

The wizard shazam is a enabler

The wizard Shazam started smoking cigarettes to deal with them

Once Sivana Jr made it so Freddy couldn’t use his powers, so Freddy just shot him with a gun 87 times

Captain marvel leads lost birds on there migrations

The wizard Shazam has pictures of the 3 kids EVERYWHERE

Billy beats geese in fights, cap loses to geese in fights

Post suspedium mary was quick to update her fashion, Billy and Freddy however refused to so now Mary dresses them

They throw up rainbows

They burn down Sivanas buildings for fun

[the-ghost-cat]

Bro thinks he’s slick 😭😭🙏

[baegaldt]

Marvel Family Thoughts

Mary: book smart; she has the most stable education and we see that she was good enough to get onto the spelling bee, so she is likely best at memorization learning that is most encouraged in school and is good for tests. She probably had a very artsy english teacher one year that she hated because they kept telling her that her essays were "too clinical, you need to express better what you truly mean" and thought the whole thing was bullshit if there is no direct right answer.

Billy: puzzle smart; he is a reporter so he is good at drawing connections from a bunch of facts and seeing patterns. If he went to school I think he'd be good at word problems in math, but still struggle with the formula stuff. I also think he would like social studies (its like history for people outside of Canada) where the point is to find connections and figure out the driving forces, he probably wouldn't like the formulaic structure of essays but would do great with presentations and just yapping at his teacher if they are chill (shout out Mr. B!)

Freddy: actionable smart; he is more act first, but I think that leads to him being the most common sense oriented. He does a thing, sees what happened and reacts accordingly. He learns best with hands-on learning and does great on labs.

In summary:

[trying to open a chest]

Mary: lists off common lock combinations like a year important to them

Billy: connects it to the many photos of a child in the house so they need to find out that kid's birthday

Freddy: jiggles the lock that is so old it easily snaps off, no pass code needed

They all think that they are the smart one. Its like the thank god I'm the only sane one.

Freddy thinks he is the normal one because he doesn't have the Batson disregard for silly things like your own mortality when they have their mind set on something as Freddy desperately tries to stop them from accidentally killing themself.

Mary thinks she is the normal one because she was raised in a mostly stable environment so she has some basic knowledge on life stuff that the other two never learnt.

Billy thinks he is the normal one because he is not on the edge of committing violence the way Mary and Freddy are as they argue with everyone about everything.

Basically: