Lemons Are Good For The Soul @the-lemon-wizard - Tumblr Blog

When I was younger and reading Order of the Phoenix, I didn’t know that punting meant like boating so when Fred and George make the swamp and Filch has to punt the students across I literally imagined him drop kicking them across

just another day at hogwarts

perhapsarat

the fact that so many people in the notes thought the same and never questioned an adult straight up drop kicking students across a swamp just said what a train wreck this school is

chrisflemingfleming

anxiety when the radio DJ talks too close to the song

prokopetz

I have to say I really appreciate how Into the Spider-Verse makes no effort whatsoever to give Dr. Octavius any kind of pathos. Superhero media so often goes out of its way to establish that the main villain’s female sidekick – should one be present – has Suffered Terribly and how it’s totally Not Her Fault that she’s ended up the way she is, or at least give her a humanising moment of empathy with the protagonist, but nope. She’s just a big amoral jerk and no one likes her.

prokopetz

What I’m saying is that Olivia Octavius is the kind of mad scientist who would unironically respond to a hero’s horrified “what in God’s name?” by exclaiming “God had nothing to do with it!”, and I respect that.

tsaomengde

My fiancee and I were discussing the worst metal to use to make armor, and the obvious answers are lead and gold, but she cunningly suggested mercury. Which is a fair point, but then I wondered if solid mercury is any good. Googling told me that the melting point of mercury is -38° c (-37° f), so first you get it really fucking cold. At that point, it turns out that mercury has a tensile strength of 1900 mpa, compared to lead’s 18 and steel’s ~500-940 (depending upon the kind of steel).

Now, I know that tensile strength is not necessarily the best measure of a material’s ability to function as armor, but I’m a liberal arts major and didn’t care to actually do that much more research before going straight to, “EVIL ICE DEMONS IN MERCURY ARMOR. THE PCS CAN’T LOOT IT BECAUSE WHEN THEY PUT IT ON IT MELTS AND KILLS THEM.”

dr-archeville

Ice Demons wielding weapons made of frozen mercury. Spearheads that break off & melt inside the target. Swords that leave tiny bits of melted mercury inside the wound (the swords re-freeze to razor sharpness while in the ice demon’s claws).

randomitemdrop

Item: blades, spears, and/or arrowheads made of mercury frozen by Ice Magic; can only be used by one with Ice Magic, but deliver whatever damage the weapon type would normally make plus equal amounts of Cold and 1d8 Poison. Once the wound has been delivered, it continues to deliver 1d8 Poison until the mercury has been removed by healing magic, Wish, &c.

boissb

Elves of color are beautiful

maxknightley

for real, though, why do recipes consistently tell you to use less herbs and spices in than you should. fuck your “two cloves of garlic,” fuck your “half teaspoon of cinnamon,” and you can absolutely go to hell with your “dash of black pepper”

maxknightley

I’m pretty sure that the only time I’ve ever actually managed to overseason food was when working with balsamic vinegar, which is the most overpowering motherfucker of a sauce known to man

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

i appreciate the energy and anger in this post, which is righteous and just

alexisthenedd

A friend once tried to replicate my burrito bowl recipe from the same online link I used and was upset it didn’t come out as flavorful, so I had to tell him to imagine that every online recipe is written by a midwestern white lady who thinks ketchup is spicy and adjust the spices accordingly. He nailed those burrito bowls next time.

yesbothways

“imagine that every online recipe is written by a midwestern white lady who thinks ketchup is spicy and adjust the spices accordingly“

laidlays

there’s one image on my computer that’s so unnaturally large that opening it in my browser just about slows the whole fucking thing down to a near halt unless i exit the tab and it’s this single fucking image

lucifoes

ITS HIM

ITS BIG CHUNGUS

HERE HE COMES

HERE HE COMES

HERE HE COMES

HERE HE COMES

HERE HE COMES

HE HAS ARRIVED

cooking with momplier:

step one: prepare your vegetables

step two: wash good

step three: wash good

step four: don’t trust farmers

step five: put a little extra “you know what” in your ingredients

step six: dump the meat

step seven: measure out your meat unnecessarily precisely and then slap it in the bowl

step eight: korea does not have a system of measurements, they go by spoon

step nine: tendenize your meat; you can use a hammer or pineapple

step ten: juice is the best

step eleven: doesn’t exist

step twelve: kill the fat cell

step thirteen: practice / all of them

step fourteen: only cook if you’re feeding ten people or more

step fifteen: mushroom time

step sixteen: the chunky has to go fine / make sure you get your vitamin something

step seventeen: you need mineral; you mineral or you die

step eighteen: pound until hamburger / you must be precise

step nineteen: i just lied / throw away your tablespoons; you won’t need them

step twenty: i lied again

b: check to see if it’s sample spoon by putting it in your mouth

step twenty-one: all the other steps were not important, but every step from twenty-one on is important

step twenty-two: it’s expected that all your ingredients should eventually just mix together

step twenty-three: real sesame, none of that fake stuff

step twenty-four: and one more

step twenty-five: add MSG

b: it’s your choice

step twenty-six: doesn’t exist

step twenty-seven: everything’s a tablespoon unless it’s two tablespoons

step twenty-eight: go with your gut

step twenty-nine: onion has to have there

b; you could’ve put onion before all these other steps

step thirty: the more the garlic, the better that it is

b: good for you

step thirty-one: we unfortunately have to put a little more salt

step thirty-two: throw away half your salt

step thirty-three: i don’t know???

step thirty-four: no time to laugh

step thirty-five: put some pepper then throw it away

step thirty-six: most important: soy sauce

step thirty-seven: wash your hands

step thirty-eight: mix massage

b: don’t break the precious meat

step thirty-nine: if it turns out hamburger, that’s fine

step forty: let it marinate

step forty-one: wash your hands / need more prettier

step forty-two: you’re wrong, you’re just wrong

step forty-three: call gordon ramsay, tell him he’s wrong

step forty-four: make it about three millimeter

step forty-five: bitter the better

step forty-six: no french allowed

step forty-seven: we’re going for color / never be delicate with your vegetables

step forty-eight: high

step forty-nine: the most important step: don’t believe a word i say

step fifty: place hand in the pan to test the temperature, exactly five inches above

step fifty-one: whatever the temp was, turn it down a little bit

step fifty-two: salt brings out the sweet flavor

step fifty-three: doesn’t exist

step fifty-four: in the bowl where you mixed the carrots and bell peppers, carefully pick out the peppers

step fifty-five: cook it gently

step fifty-six: you want the crunch

step fifty-seven: don’t time it, just look at it / high heat first

step fifty-eight: check the temperature, high heat, check it with a hand in the pan, stick your face in there

step fifty-nine: you know it’s hot when your hand’s brown

step sixty: pick a random tool out of the bucket and use it to scoop the meat with / make sure your pan is thiccc

step sixty-one: make sure it sizzles like a [insert cat purr]

step sixty-two: start spooning your meat

step sixty-three: you know it’s cooking when you hear the sound

step sixty-four: impatient; dump the whole thing

step sixty-five: put a lid on it, let it do the job

step sixty-six, the “last” step: let’s make it a little prettier

step sixty-seven: “voila” is now korean

step sixty-eight: you won’t be disappointed

step sixty-nine: mom is never wrong / deny deny deny

step seventy: maybe a little more salt or soy sauce

step seventy-one: make sure your meat isn’t too thin

step seventy-two: check step seventy-one before you’ve even started this recipe

davvic

My cat Bishop sits outside my door every morning once she hears the alarm clock go off.

pandaflavouredcookies

The morning murps

breaktotheotherside

Someone has waited HOURS to tell you all the gossip.

thegravelbro

this is like the cat version of the professor clip of him going “hello!” every morning the same way

Brief euphoria followed by apathy is the sensation I’m chasing. Just the small bit of pleasure and then a sense of nothing. It’s so much better than feeling depressed or anxious in massive waves. I don’t know if I’m getting better or just becoming so drained from all this stress but it’s gotten a little easier. Maybe all the crying finally gave me a release. But even though life is shit, I’m still doing okay. I’ll live for another day. I haven’t thought of killing myself in a good while. Granted I would never actually go through with the act. Can’t disappoint my mother life that. I give her enough trouble being the mentally unstable child in the family. I spent so long being the strong emotionless one that I guess it’s time she saw what really goes on in my head. But I’m scared shes just gonna get tired of dealing with me and constantly helping me with all this bullshit. But I love her to death and I know shes doing everything she can for me. I just wish I could find the motivation to do better for her. But motivation is so hard for me to muster. I don’t even know why that is. But I want to be a better person for me. But also for her. And for all my friends. I don’t want to be a burden or just another problem for them.

#life #venting

I hate that I can’t just stop caring. That I can’t just shut off my emotions. That I can’t hate anyone. Life would be easier that way.

keikomivra

Omg the king has spoken!!!

@staff

yourplayersaidwhat

“Holy shit, you fucking stabbed me!”

our cleric, ooc, after our sorcerer did indeed scratch his hand with a dagger during a bout of ill-advised spontaneous larping. needless to say, no one is allowed to bring weapons anymore. (via yourplayersaidwhat)