who wants to live forever?

jenny price! 29 (but like, 28). she/her. upior. aspiring playwright.

[whimmortal]

JENNY — bio. stats. pinboard. playlist. writing.

[incatsclothing]

What's a Chain Bastard? Are you just making up words? I'm hoping to find something a little more discounted, tbh. Like, I don't have a huge budget, you know? And the stuff at the sex shop isn't really strong enough for me.

[whimmortal]

No, it's from Taskmaster. It's someone who chains you up and tickles you with feathers, mostly performed by the gorgeous Susan Wokoma. Well, if you get discounted chains, they might break during sex. But it's your funeral if you wanna cheapskate your enjoyment.

[bazzledazzle]

[pm] Gotta make sure I look handsome for you, don't I? Maybe I will, yeah. Jog right by your window in my shortest shorts, no shirt, the works. Really give you a show. [user has never jogged before.]

[whimmortal]

[pm] Ooooh yes, put on some oil before you go. Make you shine in the sun.

[...]

I've heard the magic is fixed? Is your glamour steady again?

[necrosemancy]

Well, the […] weird weather we’ve been having has finally cleared up. Which means things are just weird again. Like “I think the rocks in my garden have gained sentience, and are now following me” weird.

If anyone has suggestions on how to herd a gaggle of literal rocks, please advise.

[whimmortal]

[pm] WAIT, what does this mean? Magic back? Rosemary Recharged? Can I sleep again??

Also why does your yard attract such weird shit??

[pagingdoctorhart]

You know anytime you break out the bestern accent I'll do a little dance, just for old times! :)

You were on Broadway? Like THE Broadway? The way of broad, one might say??? Wow, you're even cooler than I thought you were and I already thought you were cool as well. Obviously sign me up for another hang out.

[whimmortal]

Yeehaw, we should linedance.

Yes, but I'm kind of sensitive about it!! Like, I didn't do super well. I was a little shy. My whole family is like, involve [User doesn't want to think about that.] Oh yes! I'm like super occupied with the play and all but fingers crossed I get some time soon! Probs at night You are human right? Can you bring Axe

[brassandrot]

Let me think, why do I hate it again? Oh right, because it's shit.

I have so much joy in me that I need several hearts to store it, actually.

[whimmortal]

Babe, I think you're stretching your joy a bit thin

[bazzledazzle]

art by pirenaia, feat. @whimmortal

[gettingscrazy]

KATHRYN NEWTON as SAMMY ABIGAIL (2024) dir. Matt Bertinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

[brassandrot]

Right?! Thank you for noticing.

[whimmortal]

Why would you hate such a catchy song? Do you have no joy in your heart?

[incatsclothing]

I don't have a humiliation kink, because I don't find it humiliating to talk about this kind of thing publicly.

[whimmortal]

Oh then good for you. So are you looking for your very own Chain Bastard, then? I get it. I guess you can go to a hardware or sex store. Funny how much those intersect!

[bazzledazzle]

[pm] Well, I do love pleasing you. Surprisingly toned? I'll have you know, I work hard on these arms. [user literally stole their arms and body from someone else.] I'll show you a bit of that, too. Would you like that, watching me work out? [user does not work out, oh my god.]

[whimmortal]

[pm] Oh, you do? So when I'm hiding from the sun, that's what you do all day? Go to the gym? I'd love to see you jogging past my house actually. Just let me now when you'll be coming by. Wear shorts.

[highoctanegem]

[pm] I dunno, I feel like they have a bit of personality. Like, I dunno. Some jolly yellow fellas would defo rock it. Oh, you're so right about that. Moaning the name Bob? Gag!

WOW :/ A hater of true love.

That depends, do you have what sorta personality you're going for next time? It's probably too early to tell. [user sighs, remembering who she's talking to] I'm not I can't We're not I won't engage in vampire talk with y LOL!

Oh, not you. My bad, I just meant... I had to ask my buddy Clem for feet pics once. She had a sock thief problem. [user thinks this makes total sense]. But you, show me your toe.

[whimmortal]

[pm] Sure, Spongebob is a jolly fellow and a good employee, but is he fuckable? [....] He is hole-y. But then nope, we can't be moaning that name, especially now that I've made the sponge connection.

Perhaps!

Maybe I will become a totally serious person and name myself Roberta, Bob for short.

And how... did her feet pics help with the sock thief problem exactly? Jade, do you have a foot fetish?

[luckylockjaw]

@whimmortal replied to your post “what are your feet like?”:

How much, babe?

​$200 per pic.

[whimmortal]

Cash, cashapp, PayPal? Let me know.

[junkyardjoel]

[pm] Nah.... couldn't be.... booze don't make you forget things...

Oh sure, that joke assumes a lot that ain't true. Anyway, I'd make Baz do it, heh.

[whimmortal]

[pm] Wait... you might be right... surely if I had forgotten something because of booze I'd remember!

Your funeral would be such an extravagant thing if you entrust it to them. Which is why you totes should!

[loveandluc]

Hey! Hi, I would very much like all the information you have on this!

[whimmortal]

[User checks out Luc's profile, then rushes to message him.] OMG, hot cat food guy?? My friend Marisol who has three sphinx cats was totally obsessed with you. I think her cats were too!

Are you interested in auditioning?

[pagingdoctorhart]

I am neither talented or artistic but I am interested. All I can probably contribute is buying a ticket to the show but just know that I'm your #1 fan and supporter!

Fun fact, back in high school I was originally cast in a play. I think the theater teacher thought I was built for the stage because I never shut up and often gave very passionate monologues during class. Turns out that those monologues for fun in a classroom did not translate to talent on the stage so he did replace me with my understudy. It was the right decision, but a rude awakening for me.

[whimmortal]

Omg hi Mickey! You totally should. There will be no cowboys in it, but I'd be super pleased to see you again and do my best western (bestern) accent again.

Oh no, lol! That's so rough to be replaced though. What a blow to the ego! I was on Broadway for a short stint as a kid you know, got a small part to play, but I think we all can agree that I'm better behind the scenes. That's where I def flourish.

[debauchfairy]

[pm] Starting to sound like a nymph Some lifeforms are worth the trouble they might cause. And you could argue that you'll surely make some poor human's vampire kink come true so you're giving back to society.

[whimmortal]

[pm] Hey hey, there's nothing wrong with having a vampire kink as a human! [User does not reflect on where her vampire kink got her.] I don't know if that's exactly true in my case though, ha. Are you familiar with vampire subtypes?