Important tips and phrases for working / fucking up at work while neurodivergent
This is obviously not exhaustive nor does it apply everywhere, but here's stuff I could think of
"Sorry about that, I haven't had my coffee yet" When you make a mistake in the morning. Doesn't matter if you drink coffee, the phrase is a commonly understood ritual.
"Sorry about that, I've got Monday brain" or something similar. Making mistakes on Mondays is apparently more normal than other days. You can also use this like "It must still be Monday!" on a Tuesday or something, to stretch it out and be hilarious.
Similarly, "Sorry about that, it's been a long week!" if you fuck up toward the end of the week. This implies that you have been working very hard and thus any mistakes are a result of how dedicated you are.
Weirdly I think it might even be socially acceptable to blame your mistakes on any day of the week?? "Sorry about that, it's Wednesday" feels like it would achieve the same effect. Neurotypicals pls feel free to weigh in on this
(Reasoning - I find it easy enough to talk in most settings other than work. I don't always know what you're allowed to say. You're lowkey expected to get along with your coworkers though, and sometimes even if you do your job amazingly otherwise, this can be important to keeping your job. It's pretty stupid tbh, but it is where we live.)
"Did you do anything fun this weekend?" / "Doing anything fun this weekend?" (Depending on when in the week it is) Good for when you don't know what the fuck to say to a coworker, allows for easy follow up conversation
"Do you want to see a picture of my cat/dog/a cool building I saw last week?" I believe this is more chill than simply showing the picture and expecting the person to be excited, but they may still say yes to be polite. Try and gauge their enthusiasm after you show the thing, but it might be a good way to talk about pets or ask about their pets.
"Any travel plans coming up?" people love talkin about going places even if they don't have shit to say about it. This is a good starter
This one might be unpopular but I love a weird ice breaker question. Just keep some weird questions in your pocket to break out in situations where you don't know what to say. I used to ask my coworkers stuff like "What's the weirdest dream you ever had?" and "Rate your 5 senses in order from most important to least important to you", that kind of thing. Turn into Jonathan Frakes from fact or fiction and just go nuts
Getting in trouble at work:
First off, this is a thing that happens and it does not necessarily spell disaster. A lot depends on your management, rather than you specifically. Try and be realistic when determining how much of the problem is actually your fault vs. a terrible system or terrible management. Don't be afraid to run the situation by some friends as objectively as you can. This is important so you don't beat yourself up over getting in trouble at / losing a job that fucking sucks, but is also important in case it is something you genuinely need to learn from.
Sometimes workplaces will give you vague and nebulous feedback, and expect you to improve from there. This is a death loop and should be avoided at all costs. To try and fight this if it happens, ask for so much clarification it's not even funny. Fight the fear. They will act like you should understand what you're doing wrong, if you don't understand, you need to keep asking for clarification. Ask for documentation. Ask for examples. Etc.
This isn't coming from the place of "so you have a basis in a legal battle" because I'm being realistic and most people don't have the opportunity to sue employers if they're wrongfully terminated because the employers refuse to understand how to help a neurodivergent employee. I'm trying to help avoid some wrongful terminations.
Try and remember that the world isn't built for us, and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. It's okay to realize a job isn't for you (and it's ok to realize that after having lost that job - it just means you didn't give up!) It's ok to fuck up at something that "feels like it should be easy." You'll find something else that actually feels easy or at least challenging in the right ways for you.
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