the golden kiwi

dan and phil's pholden phiwi

[the-phiwi]

Kia ora!

It is I, the golden kiwi! I was created to replace the golden pig at the Auckland show.

Now I am back in The Phouse, and the STRANGEST thing just happened!!!

My dads had just finished filming WDAPTEO 5, and Phil stood up to turn the camera off. When all of a sudden, the phass knocked me to the floor. I hit my head pretty hard, and it hurt, but something weirder happened - I GAINED CONCIOUSNESS.

After they left the room, I raced to Phil's gigantic 13" ipad to tell all of you!

So send in questions or suggestions for what you want me to do, or just say hi!

Kiwis are nocturnal so I will mostly be active whilst Dan and Phil are asleep. Which is for the best, I think they might get a little freaked out if they knew I was alive.

It's gonna be hectic!

[the-phiwi]

dear phiwi,

I hope you're having a golden day! When dan and phil are out what's your favorite activity to do in the phouse?

✨️🦤

Great question!

I love to wander down to the office to have a chat with Pheal, we have become quite close, phey always make me laugh.

I also like to play the grand piano, but I can unfortunately only hit key at a time with this beak Sometimes I get the Golden Pig to do the sustain pedal for me since I can't reach.

It's always a good time when dads are out, we get up to all sorts of shenanigans.

Love, Phiwi

💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

spotted 👉💞

Kia ora! I've been so busy lately, I only just saw this now sorry. But hehe, kiwis love a little mischief, thank you for thinking of me. 10/10 wonderful meme

phiwi kisses for you

💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

I haven't seen the show from the audience pov before. This is so cool!

Are you watching the livestream too?

The Golden Pig is doing such a great job!

Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

I loved you in the video today phiwi- is the phlobotomy a service you plan to extend and make available to the wider community?

I am sure something could be arranged. Scrolling through phan tumblr I definitely see a few people who could benefit from my services.

Call 0800-phlobotomy today!

Thank you for the ask, you get 69% off!

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

I think a golden zoo is an excellent idea Phil!!! I would love some more pholden phriends!

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

@amazingphil

[the-phiwi]

phiwi phiwi the people must know

how do you type your answers to asks?

With much difficulty!!! It takes a while with this beak of mine, but it is so worth it. I love to hear from all you lovely people <3

POV: you are Phil's 13 inch ipad

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

hello phiwi will you be my phalentine?

love phrom the phoala 🐨⭐️

Of course Phoala! It would be an honour to be your phalentine.

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

[pissterdaniel]

I took my golden kiwi ice skating!

and made this silly video of us doing skills

🎵 The Blue Danube Waltz - Johann Strauss II

Phiwi had a lovely time!

[the-phiwi]

Wow! It looks like your phiwi had such a great time, I liked when you did the spins!

This phiwi also yearns for the centrifuge.

💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

There was a rainbow on my butt!!

Phiwi loves gay people 💛🥝x

[the-phoala]

Kia ora Phoala, its The Phiwi here!

Were you nervous at all to be on stage? I know I was freaking out that I wouldn't live up to all that is the golden pig.

Hope you are doing well all the way over in Aussie, sending you phiwi kisses 💛🥝x

Hi Phiwi, welcome to my blog!

I actually wasn’t that nervous at all to be on stage!! I always loved performing even before I met Dan and Phil and I was excited to perform in front of such a lovely audience. I will admit it was intimidating at first being the ‘replacement’ for my distant cousin the golden pig, but the more shows I did around Australia the more confident I got!

[the-phiwi]

Oh good on you phoala!!!! I have since seen photos of your performance and you did a fantastic job!

💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY DADS

Thanks for making all my phiwi dreams come true

@amazingphil

[the-phiwi]

Do you know the fate of your Australian brother the phoala? is he ok? Did he come with you to the phouse?

Who? I don't think I have met the phoala sorry. But phey could just be hiding somewhere. I hope that's the case, it would be nice to have a buddy from across the ditch!

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phoala]

hi guys!! 🐨⭐️ xoxoxo

[the-phiwi]

Kia ora phoala!!!!

It is nice to meet you! I am the phiwi, it seems like we were both created for the same purpose. I am jealous that you got to do more shows than me.

What's it like in Australia? I bet it's pretty hot, I am sad I didn't get to spend a proper summer in Aotearora before I was brought back to The Phouse.

I get the feeling we will get along really well!

phiwi kisses to you x

[the-phiwi]

Do you know the fate of your Australian brother the phoala? is he ok? Did he come with you to the phouse?

Who? I don't think I have met the phoala sorry. But phey could just be hiding somewhere. I hope that's the case, it would be nice to have a buddy from across the ditch!

Love, Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

do the other sentient creatures in the phouse struggle to understand you because of your accent? or do they poke fun at you for it?

i’d imagine they’re all pretty civil but i could see the pholden phig speaking some nonsense about it accent

It did take them some getting used to, but they can understand me just fine now! Though the golden pig was rather confused when I started speaking, I think phey are a tad posh.

I must say though, both the golden pig, and Pheal's impressions of a kiwi accent sound a lot better than Dan and Phil's. I don't know what country dnp think they're from when they try it, it sure isn't NZ.

But that's okay. I've also been teaching everyone some kiwi slang! Cause hearing them repeatedly saying 'its gonna be hectic' got a bit annoying.

Thank you for asking me this!

Love from Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

phiwi do you know why dan and the golden pig have beef?

I only know the golden pig's side of the story from what phey've told me. Apparently it's all to do with Dan feeling jealous of pheir radient beauty? I mean, the golden pig is one good looking stud.

I will admit, I asked the golden pig yesterday about pheir skin care routine, it really is immaculate!

One day I hope my coat looks as gold and shiny

Thank you for the ask!

Phiwi 💛🥝x

[the-phiwi]

I wish I were in dragon city

maybe one day