Hey Wassup @the-random-fan - Tumblr Blog

look at this absolutely FANTASTIC saltwater version of my eels. god. what a man. perfection exists and its name is diademichthys lineatus

princesstokyomoon

duchessnibenhu-ofpyromania

is that, a little mouth right on the end?

eelpatrickharris-deactivated202

take a closer look at that snout!

(yes yes it is)

tweltchy

What a fucking weekend this has been.

ugli-ly

if you think about it it's only fair that Character With No Canon Physical Description is declared sexiest man by popular vote. on the Critically Acclaimed Movie That Doesn't Fucking Exist website

kross0ut

Fighting God in his own home

candyredterezii

everyone drawing tumblr sexy men and they ALWAYS forget one of the Founding Fathers of Tumblr Sexy Men

Bow Before Your King.

feathery-dickmuffins-deactivate

Please say sike

candyredterezii

I’ve been on this site since the middle-end of 2012 and I am absolutely telling you everyone was wanting to fuck this man. People drew him as if he was wearing a turtle neck sweater and making him out to be this hilarious little shit and charming as fucking hell.

He was literally THE original Sans of Tumblr when OFF was a big thing.

Do not doubt my truth just because you do not wish to hear it-

candyredterezii

unnecessaryligatures

[Image description: Pacific Rim meme of three screenshots of Hermann Gottlieb pointing at an enormous chalkboard with his cane. Text reads: “In the beginning the bot accounts were spaced apart 24 weeks. Then 12, then 6, then every 2 weeks. In 4 days we could be seeing a bot every 8 hours until they are coming every 4 minutes. We should witness a double event within seven days.”]

unnecessaryligatures

I’ve reached one every 4 hours

izzybutt

duffrey

Me from now on each time I report and block a bot:

planet-motherfucker

ralfmaximus

“Where you been all day?”

“Fishin”

twistwitch

Women may want you but the fish refuse to live in fear anymore.

elodieunderglass

What kind of fight do you bring this to

trendytrashprince

NEW BUG RACE this time it's all snails

🐌

Voting ended onJan 26, 2023

popipeko

Visit Original Link

sexymanotddd

WELCOME TO THE TUMBLR SEXYREMATCH

Hi, I'm sexymanotd. You may know me as the asshole from twitter who ran the original Tumblr Sexyman Tournament. I have tumblr polls now. Who's up for round two?

Here's the bracket—

Each round will last one day, and each matchup will get their own post. They'll all be tagged "#round one" etc on my blog, and I'll also update this masterpost with links to every poll.

Btw, my inbox is open for links to any fanart that might get made this time around.

As always, I hate some of these characters and I hope they get obliterated, and the winner will be taken to Baskin Robbins and given a small cone. My treat.

little-miss-rasputin-pageant

staff: we have an update!

all of tumblr:

staff: you can now make polls!

all of tumblr:

citizen-of-the-fandom

the fact that these gifs are both tiny on dashboard because something got broken in the update just makes this a thousand times funnier

tgwdlmreprised

ugh, okay, unfollowing. i had no clue he chopped down the entire forest and drove out all its wildlife and caused near ireversible damage to the worlds ecosystems just to make some fuzzy shapeless “thneed”

bonchwad

C'mon guys, I think we’re blowing this way out of proportion. I mean h

How bad could it

H

one-time-i-dreamt

I was running away from Death, but instead of being a cloaked skeleton, Death was a black waist high horse with the head of a bearded man.

one-time-i-dreamt

auaddict

zagreus

if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te

*eeoo

doctress

Okay th*n. *f you’r* sure about th*s.

Old Macd*nald had a farm.

*eieio

zagreus

i’m going to shatter you like glass

m0uthbr3ather

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)