Tumblr’s Shitpost Wizard

I cast poop your pants. Threads account is lumalee_uncensored https://www.threads.com/@lumalee_uncensored?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Teenage boys will literally say “no homo” and then kiss each other on the mouth.

[pukicho]

Sometimes my dad likes to put little pills in my food. And in those pills is more of the food.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Bro is a dog.

[benzohoarder]

[figural]

#google translate does not capture the tone switch so i have to say. first two sentences are like. normal maybe kind of feminine posting tone #& the last is like. shounen manga protagonist. action movie hero. jojo's bizarre adventure character. #the tone you would use if you were holding a gun with the safety off (– @chadlesbianjasontodd)

[minothtime]

Basically, a translation could be:

I just think it's so interesting that people end up falling in love with their friends' boyfriends! I absolutely despise every single one of them. give me my fucking homie back you goddamn bastard

[liminalweirdo]

translation tags by @minothtime because they are so so good

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

my friends hate this video so much i don’t even have to repost it in discord anymore i’ll just be in a voice call and go “wouldn’t it be crazy if the joker could beatbox” and they all tell me to go kill myself

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

[mysteryteacup]

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

[funny-tik-toks]

[the-shitpost-wizard]

“I think everyone’s a little autistic” oh really? Does everyone feel like a freak growing up when talking to neurotypicals? Does everyone feel overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion going to the mall, or pretty much ANYWHERE for that matter? Does everyone feel so uncomfortably aware of eyes on them when they walk into any room ever? Does everyone have to struggle through a world that was never made for them and is constantly exhausted as a result?

Fuck you and fuck your stupid ableist rhetoric. And don’t talk to me again until you’ve learned to not minimise the struggles of autistic people. Asshole.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Bloody HAUNTED by the mental images of this reddit post:

SIR.

[yorgen-sh]

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Good word I wish that winter made me feel a “deep sense of wonderful melancholy” or something poetic, I spend most of winter and late autumn feeling like that one image of that miserable kitten.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Found him.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Good word I wish that winter made me feel a “deep sense of wonderful melancholy” or something poetic, I spend most of winter and late autumn feeling like that one image of that miserable kitten.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

Please. Just one drop of serotonin. Stupid sun.

[the-shitpost-wizard]

I like to visit the communities online of people who do drugs sometimes, even though I don’t do any. Feels like I’m looking through the tank glass. At my fishys. And oh boy. I be about to start doing some TAPPING.

[sexnoise]

Reblog if you honestly have NEVER sent anon hate.

[mamahartbigg]

It pains me that only 14,000 people can honestly reblog this

[viejospellejos]

AUDIO POR DIOSSSSSS!!!!

[slr2198]

Beyond perfect 🤣👍

[5triderofthenorth]

Dude’s got pipes

[vodkassassin]

Damn he is BELTING it.

[mirrorada]

This is the “boys will be boys” we wanted all along.

Also, get them a contract. 

[labelleizzy]

I play this EVERY single time it crosses my dash. This is joy.

[motherfrigginpsas]

LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY “DO NOT INDUCE VOMITING”? THEY AREN’T FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. “Buuut i don’t wanna take them to the hospital!!!” WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOU’D RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOU’RE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!

[feytaline-loves-deactivated2018]

For the love of god PLEASE REBLOG THIS

I see this stupid fucking post one a goddamn week and someone is going to literally fucking die from it

[abbessolute]

@oneshoeshort

[oneshoeshort-deactivated2021060]

IF YOU WONT LISTEN TO OP, LISTEN TO THE RETIRED PARAMEDIC WHO HAS SEEN PEOPLE DIE FROM THIS SHIT.

[sirro85-blog]

Poison control may advise diluting the toxin somehow like with water or milk, otherwise do not give them something to drink and take the empty pill bottle/ blister pack with you to the hospital.

[becausewedefinetheworld]

btw just searched it up, US poison control number is 1 800 222 1222

[arcadialedger]

REBLOG

[isearchedtheyooniverse-deactiva]

F U C K I N G

R E B L O G

T H I S

W H E N E V E R

Y O U   S E E   T H I S

O N   Y O U R   D A S H

[astro-so]

UM

R E B L O G

I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE

R E B L O G

[prick-o]

i felt like this was important idk

[rav3r-d0ll]

PLEASE REBLOG!

[whisperingsoup]

In Canada, 1-844-764-7669 will connect you with a national poison control center

[parttimepunner]

I found a list of poison center contact numbers around the world

Region1 Country Name of centre Address 1 Address 2 Address 3 Address 4 City Postal code Administrative telephone Fax Emergency telephone Ema

[onehelluvacritic]

Take me to the emergency room and call poison control. 😓

[thatonepointbraincell]

LISTEN TO THEM

[theribbitkin]

THIS!! Coming from a survivor, never force water down a person’s throat, there’s a high likelihood of aspiration. Take them to the ER immediately or call your emergency number.

[thememedaddy]