Lilith's swimming with the fishes. @the-tea-bandit - Tumblr Blog

OLD ACCOUNT

For many reasons I am making a new blog, message/ask me if you want the new URL. This time it’s going to be predominantly my art, fluff developing my settings and such. I will also be reblogging stuff that inspires that, so overall a lot less fandom stuff, though I might make a second blog. I’m gonna be reposting a lot of my existing art since it’s lost in this fandom stuff. I’m going to be following mutuals/artists I follow on this account already!

#goodbyyyyyyyye

beautiful-wildlife

Fashion show? by Ian Brown

mmmskulljuice

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

nightjarring

It’s a baby Jacana. They use those ridiculous stick-figur toes to evenly distribute their weight as they walk around on waterlillies and stuff. Like snowshoes, but for swamps.

Here’s an adult:

Another really interesting thing about Jacanas is that it’s the dad who does all the child rearing while mom goes off to lay more eggs. Amd their really good dads too! Plus look at how they Cary their babies around!:

All aboard the dadbus

yeah-yeah-beebiss-1

is it supposed to look like gravelord nito

airframeextender

what the fuck

yosb

y’all the h8ful eight changed me as a person

“you only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang!”

awholelotofmasterpost

Movie Marathon

Harry Potter

Time- 19 hrs. and 40 mins

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

Recipes

Butterbeer

Chocolate frogs

Pumpkin Pasties

Treacle Tart

Pumpkin Juice

Florean Fortescue Butterbeer Ice Cream

Marvel

Time- 29 hr

Iron Man

The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 2

Thor

Captain America: The First Avenger

The Avengers

Iron Man 3

Thor: The Dark World

Captain America: The Winter Solider

Guardians of the Galaxy

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Recipes

Iron Man Drink

Hulk Drink

Captain America Drink

Chicken Shwarma

Captain America Shield Cookies

Hulk Cake Pops

Tony Stark Drink

Black Widow Popcorn

Groot Cupcakes

Gamora Cupcakes

Thor Cupcakes

Star Wars

Time- 13 hrs and 12 mins

Star Wars Episode I- The Phantom Menace

Star Wars Episode II- Attack of the Clones

Star Wars Episode III- Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars Episode IV- A New Hope

Star Wars Episode V- The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars Episode VI- Return of the Jedi

Recipes

Lightsaber Pretzels

Princess Leia Cupcakes

Severed Wampa Arm Cake

Peanut Butter Carbonite Bars

Death Star Oreo Truffles

Star Wars Macarons

BB-8 Cupcakes

Lord of the Rings

Time- 19 hrs and 39 mins

Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Recipes

Lembas Bread

Seed Cake

A Whole List of Recipes

Beorn’s Honey Cake

Pirates of the Caribbean

Time- 9 hrs and 58 mins

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Recipes

Rum Chocolate Cake

Port Royal Punch

Pirate’s Ale

Indiana Jones

Time- 8 hrs and 2 mins

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indiana Jones and the Kingdon of the Crystal Skull

Recipes

Pull Apart Monkey Brains

Mummy Cookies

Jurassic Park

Time- 7 hrs and 53 mins

Jurassic Park

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park III

Jurassic World

Recipes

Amber Treats

Dinosaur Eggs

Dinosaur Claws

If anything is wrong please let me know! Thanks!

welcometothemurderscene-deactiv

@tylerjoseppi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

toastedboy-deactivated20190407

HELL. FUCKIN. YES.

#for later

zheconceptart

Art By: IHOR PASTERNAK

Portfolio: https://www.artstation.com/artist/caisne

To see more concept art check the blog out at:

http://zheconceptart.tumblr.com/

#inspiration

carolinejamhour

“Eclipse”, digital painting, by Caroline Jamhour

elf-of-lorien-deactivated201609

@ivoryshrine this is you too

#inspiration

fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20

I love Dungeons and Dragons prestige classes like there’s a kind of Blood Mage that has the power to teleport by CRAMMING THEMSELVES INTO SOMEBODYS WOUND EVEN A PAPERCUT WILL DO AND POP OUT OF SOMEBODY ELSES WOUND THATS THE SAME BLOOD TYPE REGARDLESS OF DISTANCE.

Can you imagine it you get a PAPERCUT and some some unkempt wizard just stumbles out of it?

fromthemindofatwentyorotherlycan

No but you’re missing the best part of that class they can LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE by popping out of you like say the big bad is the same blood type as one of your buddies you can just be like “hey fred give yourself a small cut on yer arm” and fred can and then you just cram yourself into fred’s arm and fucking six seconds later then bigbad just fucking EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD AND GORE AS YOU POP OUT OF THEM BEING ALL “SUPRISE MUTHERFUCKER BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING”

titleknown

There’s also

The Acolyte Of The Skin; who replaces his entire skin with a demon. Like, a whole fucking demon.

The Green Star Adept who just fucking eats a whole bunch of fucking expensive space-metal to turn himself into space-metal; just shoves it all in his facehole.

The Squire of Legend; which is literally a class training to be the best second-banana to the actual heroes you can be.

The Ghost-Faced Killer, an actual fucking prestige class named after a Wu-Tang Clan member

The Vigilante, a class notable for the main fact that its sample character is a fucking hobbit-Batman named fucking Beasley Biggums

The Rage Mage, who improves her spellcasting by getting really fucking angry.

The Flayerspawn Psychic, who is a psychic who gets their powers from having a Mind Flayer (IE, those squid-headed guys) in their family tree, despite the fact that Mind Flayer reproduction involves a worm eating your brain from the inside out and using your body as a host, which is one of the many reasons the book it comes from is considered one of the worst in 3.5E

The Vassal of Bahamut; who literally has a class feature of “gets a shit-ton of money” at certain levels

The Impure Prince, who fights Lovecraftian abominations by turning herself into a Lovecraftian abomination, which seems both ill-advised and severely badass at the same time.

The Master of Masks; which allows you to make Majora’s Mask-style masks that give you various powers and is actually legit-cool fluff-wise despite actually being not-very-good gameplay wise

The Thrall Of Orcus; whose requirements bizarrely specify doing a dark ritual “atop an altar made of at least thirty skulls.”

The Lord of Tides; which specialises in getting water in the desert and has an ability that allows you to extract water forcibly from a person Tank Girl-style. And if you kill somebody with it, the water turns into a magical water imp for about a minute!

The Divine Prankster, who plays April Fools-style practical jokes in the name of the Gods and literally has an ability that’s pretty much the World’s Deadliest Joke from that one Monty Python sketch.

The Primeval, who literally slowly becomes a fucking Caveman as she gains levels and has the ability to turn into prehistoric megafauna as one of its primary class features.

The Cancer Mage, who can literally turn into a flying disease at its highest level, has a sentient tumor as a familiar; can make armor out of garbage, and is actually-pretty-terrible gameplay-wise unless you get the right diseases; in which case it becomes unspeakably broken

The Ashworm Dragoon; which is pretty much a literal specialized Sandworm-rider class. SHAI HULUUD!

The Renegade Mastermaker, who is literally a magical cyborg dedicated to physically emulating a specific player race of magical robots (Yes, D&D has that), who has a magic cyborg arm called a BATTLEFIST as a class feature.

The Risen Martyr who is literally Jesus-come-back-from-the-dead as a prestige class.

D&D is amaaaaaaaazing…

tanoraqui

spiders georg: I live in cave and eat over 10,000 spiders each day

everyone else: you fucked up a perfect good factoid is what you did. look at it. it’s got statistical error.

lsleofskye

Immersed

dumbosfeather

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

officialunitedstates

what do you call someone who smokes two marijuanas

officialunitedstates

double jointed

officialunitedstates

what do you call someone who smokes three marijuanas

officialunitedstates

dead

drugs kill, kids

me: i want this piece of art to exist

brain: you have to draw it

me: UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pubertad

museedart

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind, 1896 by Jean-Léon Gérôme

seekers-whoarelovers-deactivate

I’ve been thinking a lot about it and this is literally the best title of anything

cumaeansibyl

so I guess it was some ancient Greek who said “truth lives at the bottom of a well” and I don’t know what he meant or why it stuck, but I’ve seen a lot of 19th-century references to it (because people always love showing off how much they know about stuff)

but I like this because imagine how fucking pissed off you would be if you lived at the bottom of a well in the first place, but then you had to climb all the way out of it somehow because humans were such unbelievable assholes that you were forced to yell at them in person

autumngracy

“I CAME OUT OF THE WELL BECAUSE YOU NEED TO STOP”

wardengrey-deactivated20200904

Being friends with artists

What people expect: getting art all the time

The reality: Very earnest and heartfelt, but very empty promises of art all the time

#I try so hard but the second one is me

yoyonolen

silviya7

So

in Elder Scrolls Online, you can steal things. And sometimes, you will get caught stealing. Usually, when this happens, NPCs will just be like “ugh smh” and you’ll get a small bounty, which will eventually wear off.

But sometimes. Sometimes. NPCs will flip out and try to murder you for stealing. They will try to punch you until you die.

When this happens, you have a number of options:

Kill them. This is not ideal, however, because killing them will count as murder, even if it was in self-defense. Additionally, even if there’s no one else around, killing them will still get you the murder bounty; it appears that they can be witnesses to their own murder.

Let them kill you. This is also not ideal, for obvious reasons, as your gear will get damaged and you’ll have to spend gold to repair it.

Try to run. This is risky, however, because if you’re in a town, the guards might catch you. If the guards catch you, they will take all of your stolen loot, which is terrible. It’s better to be killed than let the guards take your stolen loot.

Try to evade them and block their attacks until they get tired of trying to kill you and leave you alone. This generally works out pretty well; just run in circles and block their punches, and make sure to keep an eye on your stamina and health, and you should be fine.

Obviously, option number four is my preferred method of dealing with these situations. It’s far less risky than running, won’t get you a horrifyingly huge bounty like killing them would, and you don’t die.

So, just a little while ago, I got caught stealing something, and this dude flipped out and started punching me. So of course I tried to wait it out until he gave up by running in circles and blocking his attacks.

But

did you know

when you block someone’s attacks in ESO, a small amount of damage is returned to them.

And, of course, I was keeping an eye on my own health bar and stamina bar. I was not paying attention to his health bar.

And he died.

He punched me so much that he died.

He’s dead. He’s lying in a pool of blood because he would not stop punching me and he literally fucking died from punching me so much. He fucking punched himself to death and now he’s fucking dead he literally punched me and then dropped dead.

And guess what

this still counts as murder.

I have been charged with murder because a dude attacked me and then punched me so much that he died.

tiny-agate

#this is worse than the fucking nun incident

what was the nun incident

silviya7

Okay so

I was just casually walking through town, and I saw another player running along, and their health bar was really low.

So, naturally, I healed them, nbd.

And then the words YOU ARE NOW NOTORIOUS AND WILL BE KILLED ON SIGHT BY THE LAW flashed across my screen

because it turns out that that player was running from the guards, and also, that casting healing spells on wanted criminals is punishable by death.

So of course I ran for it. The guards pursued, but I had a head start, and most of them were still chasing the player who I’d just healed.

I ran for the outlaw’s refuge. It wasn’t far; it was soon within sight, and the guards still chased me, firing arrows and spells, but escape was within my reach. I could see the entrance, right there. It was so close.

And then.

And then this fucking nun just appears out of nowhere and charges right into my field of view, punches my in the face, and I die.

And that’s the nun incident.