I am a trout but please don't eat me

Alexis, 29. I'm boring. I am trans & I will be your friend.

[hes-the-stallion]

emoji kitchen is lowkey beautiful guys…

[dragon-in-a-fez]

am I doing this right

[totally-cis-offical]

Important tags

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[perfectday1972]

i do wonder how mamdani would have solved a problem like the green goblin

[human-pet-they]

texting everyone in my friends list “see what happens when you disobey me?” when the eclipse starts

[markovchaingang]

fired from my job at the microbiology lab and having to carry all my things out in a little cardboard box the size of a thimble

[feyburner]

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

[enki2]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

I’m getting Taco Bell and the speaker screen is just a windows login page for “Hyperactive Bob”

[ryan-sometimes]

I feel like the Brazilian football league is a goldmine of untapped potential for silly tumblr posts. What if I just started posting random funny moments of Brazilian football

[ryan-sometimes]

Two clips with similar energy: a Vasco player getting sent down a flight of stairs

And also a Coritiba player jumping over the barricade to celebrate his goal without realizing there’s a hole right behind it

[ryan-sometimes]

What’s crazy about that second clip of the Coritiba player falling in the hole is that it’s from 2014, and just YESTERDAY the SAME THING happened with THE SAME TEAM!!!

A Coritiba player was celebrating a goal yesterday, 12 years after the original meme, and once again fell in a hole behind the barricade

[luetta]

hey bro last night was really fun, i felt my inner flower bloom in your presence. sadly the only butterfly species with a long enough proboscis went extinct long ago. but i saw you ate that fruit cup without cutlery so maybe not all hope is lost

[grayintogreen]

Sometimes it feels like nobody wants The Character to get hit so hard they cough up blood anymore.

[girlballs]

my crinkling scrinklet

[girlballs]

no it's good for her

[crplpunkklavier]

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

[hotvampireadjacent]

[segamascott]

[heavyweightheart]

we really can’t overstate how damaging it has been to indoctrinate the public with the idea that if they let themselves eat as much as they want, they’ll eat too much. human bodies, when permitted over the long term to eat as much as they want, actually get really, really good at calibrating their hunger and satiety, and will over time eat exactly the right amount for themselves. the common conception of a balanced eater as a minimal or restrained eater is absolutely wrong. balanced eaters eat quite a lot (compared to diet cultural ideas about right intake amounts), and they do so consistently and permanently. healthy, balanced eating isn’t some tightrope walk, it’s a gigantic net of total permission to eat.

[stylo-90]

tags via @theendofmybody

[homoluigi]

Lol

[childofgears]

you’re just gonna leave this in the tags?