So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so heâs over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because Iâm a good person who helps others
And heâs clinging to my hand like itâs a life preserver and Iâm being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and Iâm like do your tattoo bro Iâve got my buddy handled
But then I realize heâs like, looking over because he canât tell if heâs seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how Iâm talking to my buddy all fondly and Iâm like stroking his arm like heâs a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, Iâm just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:
âSo, are you guys close?â
And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HEâS A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS
âYeah of course, thatâs why I asked him to comeâ
SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HEâS RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND IâM AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESNâT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO
So that tattoo artist is like âCool man, thatâs great. Good for you.â
So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and Iâm like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like âYouâre drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS heâs rightâ
So weâre talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that Iâm getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like âYeah Iâm gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one hahaâ and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS âI mean, I should hope soâ
I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO
I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO
AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDNâT SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND IâM NOT THERE HEâS GOING TO GOÂ âOH WHEREâS YOUR BOYFRIENDâ

















