ace people can't identify as queer IF they're heteroromantic or aromantic and cis... Queer is a slur born out of hatred towards people who weren't straight or cis, and those are the only people who get to reclaim it. I would be super glad if you could change your FAQ to include this. Not all ace people are queer!
Queer as it’s been reclaimed is for anyone who is not cisgender, heterosexual, or heteroromantic. All asexuals are not heterosexual. Therefore, all asexuals can identify as queer if they so choose.
What you’re doing is identity policing and erasing the oppression that even heteroromantic and aromantic aces face. You’re saying “because you appear to be cishet, your oppression isn’t enough to count.” You’re telling people “your experiences don’t count“ and that’s garbage, anon. What you’re doing is a different flavor of the same erasure asexuals face from cishets.
Just because an asexual appears to be cishet to the uninformed observer doesn’t mean they are, or that they’re treated that way. Asexuals can have a really hard time interacting with cishet folks because we don’t understand their feelings and motivations, and they don’t understand ours - but we are expected to figure it out and pretend to behave like them, while they get away with belittling and bullying us. We’re discriminated against at a higher rate than other non-heterosexual orientations - and this is regardless of romantic orientation. Yes, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, and different grayromantic orientations have it “worse” in that we get homophobia on top of acephobia, but this is not about who has it worse. It’s about the fact that we all have it.
When you say that only some asexuals can reclaim queer, you’re ignoring the fact that all of us face erasure, discrimination, invalidation, abuse, assault, and other mistreatment at the hands of cishets - and sometimes at the hands of our fellow queer people. You’re making attraction to the same gender, in some capacity, or not identifying with the gender assigned at birth the requirements for being queer, and you’re isolating people who don’t fit those requirements, but still aren’t cishet and still don’t fit in there. You are taking a safe space and a community of sympathetic and empathetic people away from folks, leaving them out in the cold.
Don’t be that asshole, anon. Don’t abandon people because they don’t fit your narrow view of what queer should be. Recognize that the world is run by and for cishet folks, and all asexuals are, by definition, not cishet. We don’t belong there; we belong here. Asexuals are queer, regardless of their romantic orientation.
Adding onto this because I agree with Kiowa 100%. I also think it’s important to note that this Anon specifically states that it’s a slur for people who “aren’t straight or cis.” You know who’s not straight? Heteroromantic Aces.
Yes, heteroromantic and cisgender aces get to “pass” as straight, whether they like it or not. You know who also gets that? Pan, bi, and poly people in relationships with people of a different gender, especially cis ones. Does that make them any less queer if they have a partner of a different gender? No. It’s the same for ace people.
We will not tolerate this hate and invalidation on this blog. I 100% support all aces. Every. Last. One. This is a safe space for them.
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