damnit man

I'm Emily. This is my tumblr. Don't be hatin'. var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-6609411-1"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}

[chansaw]

PSA for new tumblr users!

This place is a message... and part of a system of messages... pay attention to it!

Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.

This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.

What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.

The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us.

The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

The danger is to the body, and it can kill.

The form of the danger is an emanation of energy.

The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited.

[radwolf76]

[the-toastr-rat]

I know it's a little early, but it's good to let people prepare!

[rickyapologist]

you can honestly be having the worst day of your life, open tumblr and there's your long time mutual who has recently gotten really into toy story yaoi just posting away

[alien-bumblebee]

gonna lurk in the corners of dashcon handing people very tiny bees

[dashcon-two]

what is with all of the bees??? are the bees the new piss????

[alien-bumblebee]

idk about other people i just think they're cute and i have a box of ~150-200 very tiny felt puffball bees that i like to hand out to folks

you'd be amazed how easy it is to get upwards of 100-300 tiny felt bees online

[dashcon-two]

in that case fuck yeah go hog wild

[theadventuresoffishlady]

if this post gets enough likes and I get enough money for airfare and a hotel... I have a bee guy. I could bring honey bees.

[dennys]

AvocaDO’s:

Eat them by themselves

Put them on sandwiches

Put them on salads

Put them on pedestals

Use them for flavoring

Make guacamole

Hold them closely against your bosom

Carve it into the shape of an ear and whisper sweet nothings

Paint a face on the outside and name it. Now you have a new best buddy!

Dress it up in doll’s clothes

Make a deep incision in the skin and practice your surgical suturing skillz

Practice your kissing

Line up 20 in a long trophy case for a great conversational furniture piece

Take one on an adventure

Read one a bedtime story

Mash it into a fine green paste and paint your face up like an Avocado Freedom Fighter 

AvocaDONT’s:

Throw them at friends

Throw them at animals

Set them on fire (fire is bad)

Drop them off tall rooftops

Cut one in half and listen for the ocean (there’s no ocean)

Put them deep into your shoes so you get that squishy feeling between your toes next time you put them on.

Develop a synthetic avocado-based skin with a mind of its own and the taste for revenge.

Use them as transportation

Take one’s relationship advice

Take one’s financial advice

Talk about avocado club

Have one surgically attached to your hip

Carve one into offensive shapes

Use one to build highly advanced alien weaponry 

[theadventuresoffishlady]

Thought of this post today when I got home to find my dog found a new avoca-don't: don't eat three whole avocados, including the pit (for two of them).

He is fine, he is slightly remorseful after a trip to an urgent care vet, but woof. Buddy. Know your person's unhinged Tumblr heritage.

[willgrahamscock]

⚠︎ ! your body has kept the score.

[willgrahamscock]

⚠︎ ! hospital ⚠︎ !

[sunnyyfur]

he would have interviewed the fuck out of those vampires

[elumish]

I honestly think Gen-Z and younger simply does not understand how recent widespread smartphone adoption is.

I am not that old, and I didn't have a smartphone until probably late high school. For most of my life, many if not most people were not walking around with a magic internet machine in their pocket that they pulled out and used constantly for everything.

[sandumilfshous]

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world

[iplaycomputer]

nature is beautiful

[kurgy]

wheres seasons greasons

[kurgy]

[kurgy]

its that time of year again

[theangriestlittleunicorn]

It doesn’t have to be

[kurgy]

its not optional

[lil-peebo]

I used to see this image all the time in December but now literally nobody cares. We as a society have forgotten him. All he wanted was to offer us a nice treat and what did we do? We abandoned him. Hell has taken refuge in our hearts and its fires have burned to ash all warmth and love. We should be ashamed.

[onlywayin-deactivated20231101]

[wander-in-arda]

I work cybersecurity, this is like half my job.

[fiddlertoad]

the whole vaccine deal tbh

[i-am-emily]

antidepressants

[wizardavid]

Yes these are all the work of wizards

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[theadventuresoffishlady]

ive been dealing with what I'm pretty sure is another stomach ulcer gastritis thing except I got an entire upper endoscopy on Friday and it showed a perfectly healthy GI tract and I'm sitting here on my couch now on Sunday evening crying because I'm so tired of my stomach still hurting and not having answers

[theadventuresoffishlady]

i got my biopsy results and I met with my doctor and uhhhh I have precancerous cells in my stomach (but no malignancy) and now my MyChart says I need a colonoscopy because apparently there's a link between my precancerous form of gastritis and colon cancer 🥴

[theadventuresoffishlady]

im ready for the skeleton war

[theadventuresoffishlady]

My skeleton is out for Halloween but can I be honest with the people? This post got all of one note and it's really hard to get a t-shirt on the skeleton

[sexboobomb]

Reblog to give prev a fucking break holy shit y’all

[theadventuresoffishlady]

ive been dealing with what I'm pretty sure is another stomach ulcer gastritis thing except I got an entire upper endoscopy on Friday and it showed a perfectly healthy GI tract and I'm sitting here on my couch now on Sunday evening crying because I'm so tired of my stomach still hurting and not having answers