I just got. The single funniest dm I've ever received in my entire life
Characters in media fighting back against the mind control:
we're not kids anymore.
h
Not today Justin

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d e v o n
Show & Tell

if i look back, i am lost

shark vs the universe
hello vonnie
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Cosmic Funnies
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⁂
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Discoholic 🪩
Keni
Xuebing Du
One Nice Bug Per Day
Acquired Stardust
i don't do bad sauce passes
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@thebarsofmyenclosure
I just got. The single funniest dm I've ever received in my entire life
Characters in media fighting back against the mind control:
We’re winning.
I found his bio on societyofpresidentialdescendants.org and it was so delightful I had to copy paste the whole thing:
“Ulysses Grant Dietz grew up in Syracuse, New York, where his Leave it to Beaver life was enlivened by his fascination with vampires, from Bela Lugosi to Barnabas Collins. He studied French at Yale (BA, 1977), and was trained to be a museum curator in the University of Delaware’s Winterthur Program in American Material Culture (MA, 1980). A decorative arts curator at the Newark Museum for thirty-seven years before he retired, Ulysses has never stopped writing for the sheer pleasure of it. Aside from books on Victorian furniture, art pottery, studio ceramics, jewelry, and the White House, Ulysses created the character of Desmond Beckwith in 1988 as his personal response to Anne Rice’s landmark novels. Alyson Books released his first novel, Desmond, in 1998. Vampire in Suburbia, the sequel, appeared in 2012. His most recent novel, Cliffhanger, was released by JMS Books in December 2020.
“Ulysses lives in suburban New Jersey with his husband of 45 years. They have two grown children, adopted in 1996.
“Ulysses is a great-great grandson of Ulysses S. Grant. His late mother, Julia, was the President’s last living great-grandchild; youngest daughter of Ulysses S. Grant III, and granddaughter of the president’s eldest son, Frederick. Every year on April 27 he gives a speech at Grant’s Tomb in New York City. He is also on the board of the U.S. Grant Presidential Library and Museum at Mississippi State University.”
And frankly, the novels sound like they slap:
Desmond was nominated for a Lambda Award.
“With his husband of 45 years.” You kids don’t know ... they got together before AIDS, at the peak of the Gay Glam Life. They stayed together as their generation died around them, and made through it to the point where they could marry and have a legal family. He looks like a chipper preppie who never had a serious thought or care in the world, but it took *incredible* determination, commitment, and also luck to get here.
having now read the first of this man's vampire books, you can absolutely tell that he cares a lot about historical furniture because oh my god he really wanted to tell us about all the historical furniture in this vampire's house. material culture as foreplay. seduction via theses about chairs
Reblog to do this to prev
what’s the rush?
The time will pass anyway
i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make
In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.
fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle
A weird discourse all over my timeline now is if referencing, 3D models, and "tracing" still counts as art or if it's cheating and lemme tell you, you people would hate art school
One time I told my professor I didn't use a leaf reference for a tree I was drawing and he made me scrap the entire project. I can't tell you how many times a professor has told me to stop trying to "figure out" a pose and just trace a photo. This is just how it's done guys.
Suddenly thinking of 1989’s The Little Mermaid and you know what, give Eric some props here because he had the weirdest fucking hour of his life—
Wakes up from hypnosis where he was about to marry a woman he’s never seen before with his mystery girl’s voice, the instant he wakes up then the cute girl he’s actually fallen in love with now has that voice. Then she drops to the floor and has a fish tail, and then the first girl is suddenly cackling “too late!” and bursting out of her skin. So it turns out she’s actually an octopus woman who drags herself over to the real mystery girl - who’s a mermaid?! They’re real?! - and taking her back into the ocean. And Eric has no idea what’s going on here but okay, one of these women is clearly evil and he needs to go after his mystery girl.
And all of this happens/he realizes what he has to do within like, a single minute.
Prior to this he was just living out a sweet romance after having a Meet Cute with a shipwrecked girl, but okay, guess he’s involved in whatever the fuck this is. Acting first, questioning later.
And this is all before the kaiju attacks.
And let's also remember that Eric is one of the few Disney heroes who actively, deliberately murdered the villain.
He went "Okay then" and killed.
I would say killed the villain, not murdered. Murder implies that it was premeditated and out of malice. Eric was defending his girlfriend's life while Ursula was attempting to murder her. He was well and fully justified in his actions.
In legal terms, 1st degree murder is any murder that is premeditated, even if the premeditation was only for a minute. 2nd degree murder involves no premeditation but resulting in a deliberate action to cause harm. 3rd degree/manslaughter is purely accidentally and/or a result of gross negligence.
With this in mind, it's safe to say that Eric did murder Ursula, as he deliberately steered the ship to impale her with the bowsprit, but would be pardoned on account that he was defending the life of another (Ariel).
THIS IS ALSO TRUE.
mold pisses me off so much
oh you have to eat your produce the moment it leaves the store or the fuckin Hungering Dust will get it. and. poison your food
I ran into this post years ago and to be honest, it has completely reoriented the way I engage with food.
Like. I’ve always sorta understood that things grow moldy or stale or sour or such if left out, but I never really internalized it in a meaningful way.
But now I’m just like.
Yeah. The hungering dust. There exists omnivorous dust in the air that will eat my food if I don’t.
Those bagels have been sitting there for a week. Are we going to eat them soon or are we leaving them for the hungering dust?
Pizza’s been sitting out on the counter for an hour. Everyone’s enjoying the pizza, but if we don’t want “everyone” to include the hungering dust then we should probably put it away soon.
That’s just. That’s how food works to me now. There exists an invisible predator in the air that hungers for your yummies, and it will not hesitate to eat your food if you don’t make the effort to protect and preserve it. And eat what can’t be preserved before the dust can.
Life-changing.
food doesn’t actually “go bad”, it just gets eaten by something else first
I’m getting Dr Who flashbacks
What the fuck do you mean if I don’t maintain proper personal hygiene the hungering dust will try and eat me? Fuck off you dusty bitch, I’m not for eating
feeling angsty take my shitty sketches
Edit: happy death day jason??? I didn't even realize
everything is changing and maybe that’s okay
as you get older you realise that anything that helps you stop feeling stuck is welcome even if it hurts at first
"Kill your local sex offender!" Oh, you mean the guy who went streaking at his local college football game on a dare one time? That's a sex crime.
"No, I mean-"
Oh, maybe the woman who had to pee in a public park that only had pay toilets, so she tried to hide behind the bushes but got caught? Public urination is a sex crime.
"What? No, I mean-"
Oh, maybe you mean the homeless guy who had to strip down to get his clothes in the laundromat to clean them for the first time in weeks? He tried being subtle, but someone called the cops on him, and now he's on the sex offender registry for public nudity.
"Rapists and pedophiles! Kill rapists and pedophiles!"
Oh, like the trans woman who got called a pedophile groomer for helping a trans kid escape her abusive parents?
Or maybe the black man who got labeled a rapist because he came on to another man's wife, and he decided to get back at him by charging him with rape?
How about the 17 year olds who were fooling around, fully consensually, in one of their bedrooms? That's still technically underage sex and thus rape of a minor.
Oh, or maybe you're talking about the doctor who performed genital reconstructive surgery in a state that just voted to get that classified as rape?
People will do everything they can to get you convinced rape and pedophilia are the worst crimes possible, then accuse whoever they like the least of being either a rapist, a pedophile, or both, counting on you turning on them just for being accused of the crime.
"Oh, so you're saying you don't want to kill a serial rapist?"
That's exactly what I'm goddamn saying.
Once we decide a group is okay to kill, the government will do everything they can to convince you that their political enemies are either part of that group, or just as bad as that group, to get you to kill their enemies for them.
The only way out is to accept every life as worth saving.
The only way out
is to accept every
life as worth saving.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
i tried to be funny and it backfired miserably
it’s 2014 it’s time we moved on as a nation and stop reblogging this
every person who reblogs this in 2015 is gonna get their ass kicked by yours truly
World Heritage Post
I just had an argument with someone who was like “why would we settle for food stamps when we could have universal basic income?”
And it’s just like. People need food right now you know.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Hippie church moms donating quinoa chips to my local food bank have done more for me materially than any internet idealist ever has.
People get pissed at me for being a pragmatist in my political ideals but I’ve been in the position where I was out of food right now.
And who helped me with that? Not people calling for some nebulous revolution. Not people telling me that the system was useless. Not people preaching at me to grow my own food. It was a church food bank partially funded by the state of Texas that some southern hippies donated a bunch of Whole Foods nonsense to.
And you know what? I’m sick and tired of defeatism. What can we get done right now, huh? Are you gonna accept something a bit better to help people right now or are you waiting for your perfect utopia to come to you?
Yeah, UBI is better than the quinoa chips. Sure. But right now the quinoa chips are stopping people from going hungry and if all we can do is get the food bank quinoa chips to more people, then I say so be it. That’s something. I’ll almost always take baby steps over nothing.
KICK THE CAN!
Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
This is why I read the reddit comments
I love how the notes for this are just chock full of examples of the most batshit specific things people research for their fanfics. Truly a treasure trove.
Some of my favorites
And my absolute fav
"if you're going to eat that rotisserie chicken please do it in an area where none of us can see" you hate me. you hate me because i have different eating habits than you and you want me to STARVE
look upon my works ye mighty and weep (im not done there's still plenty of good meat on there)
reviews are in
"plenty of good meat on there"
Achievement unlocked!
RECONSTRUCT WHAT?!?!
THERES NOTHING LEFT.
Y'all acting like you've never stripped a chicken before