This is my blog. This is my design. @theblackheiress - Tumblr Blog

random niche hill ill die on is that i think all languages should be called whatever they call themselves in that language. if it's español en español it should be español in english. what the hell is a spanish anyways.

beechalk

A lot of sitcom endings are like "This moment is sad because the gang is splitting up and everyone's going their separate ways, it's the end of an era but there are good things ahead and we'll always remember the memories we've shared. Here's a bittersweet pop song."

The ending of Mash is like "The protagonist just had a mental break after years of repeated exposure to the worst of humanity. The man he loves is going home to his perfect suburban family, leaving him alone and adrift. It's unlikely he'll ever fully recover from what he's been through. The fan favourite side character recieved a traumatic head injury, he's going home permanently deaf and none of the other characters know because he hid the information from them. People might be going home but the war isn't over, it's never over, war will never be over as long as there are humans on earth to wage it. We'll see you all next year for the worst spinoff to ever air on television."

redstonedust

very minor subtitling pet peeve is when the audio is censored in that mid-word way where you can still intuitively make out what word was said, but the subtitles just say [CENSORED] or [BLEEP]. like okay yeah it sure is censored but i think if the listening audience can tell whether that was a fuck or a shit then the subtitles should probably account for that. what about my good friend f**k why dont you put f**k in your subtitles. the audio says f**k not ****. commit to the accuracy.

foramomentonly

A friend of a friend used to live next door to an NHL player and said that they tended to pass the house to fellow players when they got traded or left the area, so she just lived next to a rotating cast of professional hockey players and I can't get this out of my head:

Cliff buys Ilya's house off him when Ilya moves to Ottawa -- mostly furnished, because Cliff needs pretty much everything (bad breakup, she kicked him out and somehow got his condo out of it) and what is money to Ilya Fucking Rozanov? As he settles in, Cliff starts to notice little...curiosities. The smart TV is still logged into Roz's YouTube account and the guy watches a LOT of Shane Hollander highlight compilations? And interviews? And shirtless ads? But whatever maybe it's chirping material. But also there's a ton of ginger ale in the fridge and Cliff has literally never seen Roz -- or, like, anyone -- drink the stuff. Well, he's heard Hollander does. He keeps finding more and more random but extremely telling clues like a fucking Hollanov scavenger hunt and by the time Ilya and Shane get outed, Cliff isn't even surprised, he's just glad his best friend isn't a stalker.

I might have written two paragraphs and that might be all there will ever be.

assiraphales

I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive

thegunlady

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

seraph5

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

x-authorship-x

mindllessdreaming

and the winner of superwholock is officially??? no one. we all lost. congrats team

buggyhuman-blog

redstonedust

do most people actually have a thing in their brain that tells them to drink water before their mouth goes dry and they have a headache. is that real. i have been told that headache is not supposed to be the primary sign of being thirsty but that sounds fake to me.

fleabagsversion

Okay enough with how much Ilya is whipped for Shane. Let’s talk about how much Shane is whipped for Ilya.

I know that in canon Shane is the quite one so he won’t exactly torment his friends and family by talking about Ilya constantly (as is the case the other way around). But still I need moments where his loved ones find it annoying and cheesy how down bad he is for his boyfriend. Like, on road trips he skips on team bonding activities because he is learning Russian, and blushes whenever he learns the actual meaning of the nicknames Ilya gives him. Hayden always teases Shane for it because he goes completely red at every nickname.

While shopping with Rose, Shane will pick up designer shirts for Ilya instead of shopping for himself and Rose is rolling her eyes because Shane is horny while imagining Ilya in those shirts.

One time Shane gets a bit tipsy with Rose, and goes on and on about Ilya’s beautiful curls and those star like moles all over his body and Rose has to record it so she could tease him later.

Then post TLG, once JJ warms up to the idea of his friend dating Rozanov, he endlessly teases Shane for folding like a lawn chair whenever Ilya shows him those big blue eyes.

“Oh captain, you really let him order two whole pizza just because he pouted at you?”

Yuna and David have basically given up on making Shane attend an event during the two weeks he is free in the year, because he already made it clear he wants those two weeks alone with his Ilya at their cottage. No one is allowed to contact him during that time untill it’s an emergency.

frownyalfred

I know it’s unpopular when DC comic artists draw all the batboys with the same exact features, but I think it’s hilarious when they (and Bruce) all have the same shiny, jet-black hair in the same slightly long, slightly layered style.

Alfred is purchasing Pantene condition refills in bulk and unclogging shower drains nearly every week. If a hair ends up somewhere, nobody can tell whose it is without DNA testing (Tim has stooped to this before).

None of them realize they’re copying Bruce

what-even-is-thiss

You know the Paul brothers were so controversial around 2016-2017 that I get nostalgic once in a while and decide to see what they’re up to lately. And the answer is almost always that they’re doing some kind of elaborate scam.

hppjmxrgosg

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

foldingfittedsheets

Hey real quick PSA: If you have food allergies TELL RESTAURANTS. I know it’s inconvenient and sometimes people are shitty but for real, please, tell waitstaff it’s allergy specific, don’t just order it without the allergy ingredient.

This was brought up in my mind again since my step-MIL would get furious if someone presented her with a food she couldn’t eat with her Crohn’s but she’d never told them in the first place what she couldn’t have or how severe her reactions were.

When I worked at the pizza place a ton of people would order pizzas without cheese for a variety of reasons, but only occasionally would they say it was because of an allergy.

This one day a white lady came in and ordered three pizzas with no cheese. I have no explanation for why I followed up, especially because she was extremely moody and snippy. But I asked, “Is this because of an allergy?”

“Yes,” she snapped.

“If it’s for an allergy you should know we do use a small amount of cheese in the red sauce as well. Is the allergy severe?”

“What? Yes, he’ll literally die, his throat closes up and stuff.”

I stared at her. Someone she was serving pizza to would die on contact with cheese? And she didn’t even bother to tell us that?!!?? Why in gods name was she even in a pizza place???

“Don’t you have anything without cheese?” She demanded.

I ended up doing a garlic rubbed crust with toppings.

I had to scrub down all the counters and surfaces and grab fresh bins for all the toppings to try to avoid any cross contamination and the extra time made her roll her eyes in exasperation. Like I’m sorry safety protocols are inconvenient but I hope this person you’re trying to murder leaves your life.

But anyway. Please be safe. Disclose your allergies.

redstonedust

its silly but it amuses me when a media has a masked character and its built up as a big mystery what they look like under the mask and then 3 seasons in they take off the mask and they look like: a normal brown haired guy. like well i don’t know what i expected i guess but thanks for the build up i guess.

redstonedust

the problem with movie remakes is that they always remake something that was already good, meaning at worst you ruin it and at best your remake is largely redundant. to make a truly good remake you need to start with source material that is absolute dogwater. ignore the pull of nostalgia. redeem the sins of moviemaking past.