the black hole.

  i see a bright portion under the overhead light that shades into darkness and then into darker darkness and i can't see beyond that.  

[theblckhole]

*ohmami by chase atlantic plays in the background*

MOONSHIK KWON ESSEN, a twenty six year old grisha in the little palace. he is an inferni and are known in the little palace as the black hole. they are known to be persuasive and pretentious and vaguely resemble hwang inyeop 

ABOUT

tw: drug addiction.

raised at an orphanage on shu han, moonshik was a complicated child and often got grounded and sent to sleep in a small room that had no source of light which in time made him afraid of the dark. it was there, when he was 10 that his powers manifested themselves. he knew he had to get out of shu han, so he escaped the orphanage and hid himself in the trunk of a carriage that he knew was leaving shu han. the carriage belonged to edmund essen, a wealthy ravkan man who never married or had children so instead he had adopted several children. during the trip he discovered moonshik and offered to take him to the little palace, however during the few days they spent together on the trip edmund took a liking towards the child and asked him if he would like to be adopted by him.

moonshik went from having nothing to everything, from no money to wealth and from no family to a father and five siblings. over time moonshik developed a habit of partying, and in time he fell into a heavy drug addiction. when it got too bad his father sat him down and asked him if he didn’t think it was time to go to the little palace, thinking that the training would be enough to help him out of his addiction. moonshik didn’t want to go, but he agreed because seeing his father close to tears broke him.  he was sober for a period of time but a few months ago his father fell ill and moonshik fell back into his addiction. his father is healthy again and thinks moonshik is still sober. the only ones who know he fell back into his addiction are his siblings at the little palace.

he kept his shu name. he could’ve taken his sourname out and only use her father’s last name but he decided to keep it. it’s a reminder of where he comes from, moonshik dreams about going back to shu han and help free the grisha who weren’t as lucky as he was, even though he knows it’s an impossible task.

HEADCANONS

a fuck boy really, but the type that will make you feel like he genuinely cares about you.

fuck the second army and the darkling, he’s only loyal to himself.

he’s a physical person but only likes it when he’s the one who iniciates the physical contact, otherwise anyone else’s touch makes him feel uncomfortable, with the exception of his family.

wears a ring on a silver chain as necklace that he keeds hidden with his clothes and he doesn’t like it when people touch it. 

he’s afraid of the dark so his room is filled with candles and he always lights one before going to bed. or as jayden once said: “ur so romantic hes like no its the trauma”

WANTED CONNECTIONS

HIS SIBLINGS!!!!!! they were all adopted by edmund essen from different parts of the world ( some of them grisha, some of them not ) he has five siblings. he’s close with some of his them but not with all, when he began his addiction some of his sisters and brothers began to look at him as the black sheep of the family, since he would often damage the family’s name, so yeah he was a very dysnfuctional relationship with some of them.

one night stands --- so many of them, this man has probably slept with all of ravka ( all genders )

enemy --- they absolutely hate each other and whenever they’re in the same room together they’re ready to throw hands ( they might’ve been close in the past but had a fallen out )

party friends --- people who enjoy a good party just like he does, they enable each other’s destructive tendencies 

[theblckhole]

sodaparticles​:

artyom couldn’t help but shiver, the naivety in their marrow so deep dealt it was almost pathetic. one kiss was all it took for him to follow moonshik anywhere. they knew how gullible they seemed, to want to keep moonshik around for as long as possible. but they couldn’t help it, could they? maybe they wanted a love as pure as their parent’s, as if it would honor their memory somehow. he’d only heard stories of how in love they were, after all.

art couldn’t help the stupid grin on their face, shaking their head at moonshik’s cockiness. his cheeks lit up, groaning playfully and stuffing his face in moonshik’s neck to hide his face. “yeah, sometimes i surprise even myself,” he mumbled against moon’s skin, then pulled away to look at him. he hoped the redness wasn’t visible in his cheeks even in the darkness. “i suppose i do. and what would you wish for? remember, you can’t wish for more wishes.”

. 

as much liked the warmth of artyom’s body, moonshik found himself pulling away from him, the cold already creeping up on him. he had always enjoyed teasing, there was no denying it. pulling people close, then away, then close again. he got a kick out of it everytime --- except that right now he found himself trying hard not to get close to art once more. “so strict.” he complained faking a frown. “my wish is pretty simple, or it should be.” there were a hundred things he could’ve asked for, but only one thing keep bouncing around in head head. “tell me something about you no one knows.” he offered him a smile. “don’t worry soldier, you don’t have to bare your soul to me. it can be anything, just make sure it’s something you’ve never told anyone.” 

[theblckhole]

svnktyas​:

nari had never been someone who acted or thought presumptuously, occasionally she was rash or impulsive but never presumptuous or at least until now. moonshik had never hidden away from her, had never gone somewhere she couldn’t inevitably follow, so why hadn’t he wanted to be seen by her? nari couldn’t help but consider every time before this moment in which moonshik had greeted her with warm eyes, tone gentle and welcoming — everything contrasting with this. “you’ve never gone where i couldn’t follow.” she couldn’t quite disguise the hurt running through the words, in the thoughts she spoke aloud.

a wounded voice inside her couldn’t help but tell her it would be easier if she walked away, if she left like moonshik had so clearly shown her through not only his words but body language. the shellshocked had slowly begun to wear off anyway, she should have expected him to act like this towards her, that he wasn’t the moonshik who was her best friend anymore. reigning in her chaotic emotions she took a closer look at the man in front of her, the person she had once known better than she knew herself, she was confronted with something she never knew she’d see again. 

“what happened?” she asked gently, turning her upper body to look face him ( even if all it did was enhance the ache in her chest ). she could have been being presumptuous once again but she hoped she still knew moonshik, knew the moonshik who wouldn’t have gone back to taking and relying on substances without there being a cause, a catalyst which pushed him back towards this path. “i know we haven’t been as close anymore..” she hesitated, selfishly refusing to acknowledge that she had been the cause of that. “but i can help, i want to help.” nari tried earnestly. she wouldn’t address him with pity, with anger or disgust. she could never be disgusted by what he did, pity him for returning to a life he had done so well at staying away from. 

the cold wind nipping at her cheeks seemed to abruptly disappear as the words that were spat harshly from moonshik’s lips bit at her, leaving her sat numbly with blinking eyes. nari had never underestimated moonshik, she knew he was capable of so much and always received so little in return. she had never underestimated anything when it came to moonshik but his hatred in her. “i know you!” nari spoke, no shouted as her voice raised alongside her moving to stand up. “i don’t need someone else to tell me what’s happening with you, even if you won’t look at me anymore.”

“play pretend?” she scoffed, still in disbelief he would ever say something like that towards her — something he knew wasn’t the case. “even you can’t believe that, you’re just trying to be cruel.” she accused, ignoring how this was the first time they had been physically close in months and how it was also the first time she had ever flinched in reaction to him. “when have i ever pretended to be anything other than myself around you?” she stated, frustration beginning to trickle into her words. being herself had gotten them into this situation in the first place, following what she thought was right and refusing to follow her heart had transformed them into a flurry of heated words and foreign fronts. “you’re right, nobody’s here.” nari repeated, head raised to stare into moonshik’s eyes. “so don’t you just tell me what’s really happening.”

. 

there wasn’t a single thing about nari van dalen that made sense to him. from the moment they first met he had never been able to figure her out, she had always been a big question mark in his life. nothing about her made sense, whatever moonshik thought she would do, she wouldn’t. but it wasn’t just that, she always managed to go beyond. whenever he thought he had finally figured her out or that he was getting close to, she would take whatever idea he had made of her in his head and rip it apart. she did and said things people usually didn’t do or say to him. nari didn’t care who he was in the eyes of others, she didn’t feel intimidated, in fact it was the other way around --- nari van dalen intimidated moonshik kwon essen like no one ever had, and probably never will.

you’ve never gone where i couldn’t follow. she made no sense, from the first moment they had met. from the countless times times he had said and done things that would’ve pushed others away, but not her. she simply made no sense. why are you still here? he wanted to ask. why don’t you leave me? but he said nothing. he didn’t want her to leave, if he wanted anything right was to lay down beside her and forget the world existed. but what he wanted and what was good for her were two very different things, and he couldn’t bring himself to do that to her. 

her acknowledging what they both knew felt like a blow he wasn’t prepared to take. they hadn’t been close for too long now, he knew that but to hear her say it made it all almost too real. “you know me?” he laughed as if he had heard a hilarious joke, and right now that was what her presence, her words, what all of it felt like --- a cruel joke. “why? because we’ve spend some time together, you think you know me?” some time together, as if those years of having her in his life had meant nothing to him, as if she meant nothing to him, when she anything but. 

she was right, of course, she was always right. cruelty had always come easy to him, as easy as breathing did, but never when it came to her. there was a moment in which he considerd taking ti all back, there was still time to go back. but then nari did something he never thought she would. no, it wasn’t her doing but his. she flinched but he was the one who caused it. she flinched because of him. for a moment everything went still and silence took over. he had grown used to it, over the years it became a normal responce some people had when it came to him. something about the way he carried himself, the way he acted that made others flinch. sometimes out of surprise, sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of things he didn’t want to occupy his mind with. part of him liked it, it made him feel poweful and proud that he was able to inflict that on others --- but not right now. right now moonshik felt what he knew many others felt before for him, disgust. he had never loathed himseld as much as he did in this moment. 

he fought the tears that he knew would pour over if he didn’t collect himself and he could feel himself getting ready to burn a bridge that would go up in flames only to soon turn into nothing but ashes. but this was what he did best, wasn’t it? “what?” he whispered, stepping closer to see if she would flinch once more. "oh, i see” this was the closest they had been in months and throughout all that time he had pictured this moment over and over again, but never like this. “you look dissapointed.” he stated what seemed obvious to him in an amused tone that didn’t fit the situation. his expression hardened. “what’s happening is that i came here to be alone, and you’re in the way of that.” he said looking down at her. “you shouldn’t stay where you’re not wanted.” in his mind he could see himself already lighting the spark that would burn it all to the ground. “you’ve had years of practise with that, one would think you would be a natural by now, and yet...” he hated himself right now, there wasn’t a single part of himself that didn’t feel disgusted in what he had said and in what he doing.

but after all this was what he did best, he destroyed the things he loved.

[theblckhole]

it took moonshik no time before his hand found his way to artyom’s neck, he used it to bring him closer but as the seconds passed his hand found his way to art’s hair. the man really couldn’t be blamed, after all they had really good hair. art’s hand came into contact wit his chin and he was surprised by how warm he was. everything about artyom irradiated warmth, it was intoxicating and when art pulled away, even just slightly, moonshik already began to feel the cold creeping in.

saints, was right. “nope,” moonshik smiled. “it’s just me.” he was being cocky and he knew it but he was teasing. artyom’s warmth pulled him closer and moonshik kissed him again, quickly before he pulled away but his hand remained lingering in their hair as he played with their curls. “you’re full of surprises aren’t you, soldier?” never in a million years moonshik would’ve taken them for the type of person who makes the first movie and yet there they were. “you still owe me a wish, remember?”

[svnktyas]

ballroom, the masquerade. ( @theblckhole​ )

whenever an event was held at the little palace it felt like it was almost compulsory to attend, the majority of people in attendance. originally, nari hadn’t felt any particular desire to go to the masquerade, she wasn’t the biggest drinker and she would rather not spend her night wondering if she would be able to find a certain person beneath the disguise of a mask. unfortunately or fortunately for her ( she didn’t quite know which one it was yet ) shihyun had practically forced her into the few dresses she had accumulated over the years and shoo’d her out the door while pushing a mask into her hands. whether it was her initial disinterest in attending or something else, she had spent the majority of the night drinking with the man she’d attended with. 

once, nari wouldn’t have hesitated coming to something like this. it was cruel to think back to what had been but when she was surrounded by happier memories it was hard not to. while her anger at him remained raw and fresh, she couldn’t help but miss him — even when she knew he didn’t miss her in return. without prompting, shihyun pulled her in for a dance, a slightly intoxicated smile tugging on her lips automatically. “you weren’t trying to be smooth were you? your idea of dancing is more like me fighting for my life.” she joked, or at least hope the joking tone came through the words. thankfully he wasn’t the best dancer, he wouldn’t lead her like moonshik would have — wouldn’t give her the opportunity to horribly pretend that he was him instead.

[theblckhole]

over the course of his life moonshik had attended countless events as the one being held at the little palace that night, and if he was being honest, he didn’t remember any of those previous balls. his idea of fun almost always involved alcohol, or something stronger for that matter, and they helped him erased whatever memory was left from the nights before. tonight was no exception, he had lost count on how many glasses of kvas he had but after years of drinking it was almost like his body had gotten used to it. he could stand there drunk as he was but still function as he would sober --- however, he feared his body was betraying him. where his eyes deceiving? 

if someone asked, he would deny it but he spend at least ten minutes trying to decide if he was starting to see things due to the alcohol in his system or if he was truly seeing nari dance with someone else. dancing might’ve been too gracious of a word, the man had was doing a terrible job as leading her and moonshik couldn’t tell if he was furious because she was being dragged around in such a way or if he was burning with something that he wouldn’t dare call jealousy. of course it was her, even with the mask he could recognize her --- even if they had never met moonshik would still recognize her.

thinking before acting had never been his thing, and it probably never would be. before giving it a second thought he grabbed a brand new glass of kvas and made his way towards the couple. in such a crowded ballrom things can get messier, and if he accidentally spilled his drink over the man nari was with, than really it would be the crowd fault, not his own. “oh.” he simply said as if he had just registered his presence. “what a waste.” he mubled to himself as he looked back at his now empty glass. “you should probably go and get changed, kvas stains doesn’t come off that easily.” he said that closest thing to an apology he would come to, as he hoped the man would turn around and leave. not once did he glanced at nari, all he did was kept his eyes on the man before him. 

[theblckhole]

sodaparticles​:

artyom was not used to the affection he was being given at that moment, or any moment. he felt like a fraud every single day, waking up and doing pointless tasks as a soldier, but sitting there with moonshik, away from the hustle of bodies in the grand palace, he felt like he could be the actual artyom he felt in their own mind. they could reinvent them self, leaving the tight grip their uncle had on them in the past, at least for the time being.

artyom flinched only slightly when moon brushed his fingers against his skin. gentleness was something they were not used to. the enormity of my desire disgusts me. art looked at moonshik, watching the breeze blow through the spaces between his hair that covered his forehead, down to the slight purse in his lips. he was suddenly hyper aware of how close they were. and that’s when he did it.

without thinking, something that happened often, artyom leaned forward and pressed their lips together so quickly they weren’t even sure they really did it. he immediately looked away, biting his lip. he could immediately feel his cheeks heat up, and abruptly stood up, beginning to walk away. “yeah, i don’t know why i did that. i’m sorry.”

. 

it had happend so suddenly moonshik even questined if it had happened or if he was still too intoxicated that he had imagined it. he didn’t need to look for an answer for much longer because when he saw the color in artyom’s cheeks he already he found his answer. moonshik didn’t move he only stayed right there looking at art, really looking at him. a million thoughts and witty things he could say rushed through his mind but all of them were thrown at the window in a second.

when art spoke moonshik’s smile only grew wider and there it was, yet again. there was something about the soldier that he couldn’t quite place. he seemed almost too good to be true. he had clearly acted on his feelings and yet he felt the need to apologize for it. "what a strange being you are, soldier.” he said, more to himself than for them to listen. 

without wasitng another second moonshik reached out to cup his check, brough him closer and kissed him. not the soft, can go unnoticed, kiss that art had given him. this one was filled with want and almost need. 

[tailordlve]

when: early on in the night where: the ball who: @theblckhole​

Lucrezia sighed with easy contentment. The man before her was tall, with dreamy grey eyes and a voice like velvet - he leaned in closer as he spoke, placing a hand on the small of her back. The tailor suppressed a shiver of delight. Here it was, her fairy tale ending, complete with a handsome man who might be a prince for all she knew, ready to lead her off into the moonlit gardens where he would surely profess his undying love. Her cheeks flushed prettily under the attention, feeling the warmth of his fingertips pressing against her pale yellow gown. With a small laugh, Lucrezia allowed him to lead her further away from the center of the room, drinking in every sweet word and empty promise.

And then they’d stopped, and a familiar rhythm filled her ears. Lucrezia smiled broadly, thrilled to see her brother and reached out for his hand. “Moon! It’s wonderful to see you, are you enjoying yourself?” She turned to look at the man beside her, “This is my brother, Moonshik, he is an inferni,” she smiled proudly but faltered when her true love retreated, removing his hand from her waist and vanishing back into the crowd. “Wait!” She called, but he was already gone.

With a look of utter devastation, the youngest Essen turned to her brother with wide eyes. “What happened? It was going so well, I thought…”

[theblckhole]

moonshik had always been very overprotective of his siblings, with the exception of viktor, of course. at a masquerade people could easily go unnoticed and get mistaken for others but moonshik could recognize his siblings anywhere. that was why the second he spotted lu next to one of the grisha he frequenly partied with, moonshik left his drink on the table and pushed his way through the crowd to get to her. the moment he got there all he had to do was glance at the man before he turned and around and vanished into the crowd.

had it not been for the presence of his sister he would’ve chased after him. of course he wanted lucrezia to be happy but he knew that she couldn’t possibly find whatever she was looking for next to someone of the likes of the man that had just vanished. 

“i’m going to suggest that you spend your time around people who are actually worthy of you.” a compliment said with a condescending tone, that was the only way he knew how to give them to her. moonshik took a look at his sister, she looked devastated and moonshik made a mental note to find the man after the masquerade was over, just to have a little talk. “come on,” he began as he guided his sister to another area of the ball room. “there’s only on space in this family for one unstable sibling, and i won that tittle fair and square. try and get it together, would you? it’s embarrassing.”

[theblckhole]

sodaparticles​:

artyom groaned when moonshik splashed him with water, though there was an eternal smile plastered on their face. art wiped off the droplets and smeared the wetness onto moon’s cheek instead, laughing as they did so. he would be lying if he didn’t admit that now that they were alone, truly alone, he was nervous. more so than before on the balcony, after finding out who yuliya was. it helped him to forget, being with moonshik, and he was grateful.

“ah, but world peace was the first on my list,” he joked, then let some silence setting between them while art pursed their lips in contemplation, looking out at the grass and hedges surrounding them. they were almost scared to look at moonshik, but he didn’t know what he was scared to find in his expression. art glanced at moonshik a few times timidly, the playfulness toned down now as he focused on keeping the night going as long as possible. he shook his head and shrugged. everything that came to mind was less than appropriate. “i don’t….. know. i mean, there’s one, but it would be stupid to wish for,” can’t you just stop talking so much for once? “besides, you can’t reverse it. those weren’t the rules of this game.”

. 

moonshik knew he was good at intimidating people, he had a talent for at, just like had a talent for annoying people, like his siblings would say. he didn’t say anything he only studied artyom’s features as they glanced at him from time to time. it was endearing, and there it was again, there was something about the way they carried themselves that reminded moonshik of something that was pure and clean --- something that was out place right now. 

his brows furrowed. “you’re not familiar with the phrase: rules are meant to be broken, are you?” he certanly, moonshik wasn’t the kind of man that lived under any kind of mantra but he thought that if he had to pick one he would settle for that. it was then that he noticed that there was a single drop of the water he had splashed onto artyom left on his check. moonshik slided closer to where he was and reached out to gently clean it off him with his hand, and if he let his hand linger a moment longer as he cupped his cheek, so what? “stupid things are usually the most fun.” he said before taking his hand off. “go on, i’m sure it can’t be that bad.” 

[heoneyology]

them bickering >>>>>> everything else

[theblckhole]

svnktyas​:

it was a child’s wish that you could go back in time. nobody could changed what has already come to pass, whether that meant wishing to change something from years past or something from mere moments ago. although there had been plenty of events in nari’s life which she could have wished to change she understood that everything had happened for a reason, besides that even if she wished that the outcomes had been anything different than what they were it wouldn’t matter. so she couldn’t help but almost feel ashamed, ashamed that in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to will the sun to rise once again and change what had just occurred.

she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or if she wanted to cry, perhaps something entirely different from that altogether. maybe she was angry? angry that moonshik was confessing to her when he knew she couldn’t do this, she didn’t have the luxury of falling for anyone because that was exactly what her father wanted. if she admitted ever fell in love with anyone she would only be fanning the flames to the roaring fire stoked by her father’s words, the derogatory comments that she would eventually find someone to settle down with and become ‘the woman, no wife, she was born to be.’ no, nari had never been given the option to be something else.

the anger simmering in her veins wasn’t at moonshik, not really, although her poisonous thoughts sought an excuse in his interrupted words. stubbornly, she knew the anger came from the quiet joy ringing in her ears. a large small part of her wanted to hear this. a part of her she hadn’t known existed had wanted to hear moonshik saying she shouldn’t be with anyone, shouldn’t be with anyone else but him. traitorous heart. “i don’t understand..” nari trailed, whatever words she was supposed to say fading before they could become audible. “you don’t really mean it moon— moonshik.” she tried to reason, to convince the man in front of her or herself, at this point she didn’t dare hazard a guess. 

“i thought you’d understand, i thought you did understand.” nari spoke, voice raising in distress as she pushed herself up from the ground. she hadn’t ever considered moonshik could have felt anything towards her, anything more than the familiar comfort she had found in him ( it was easier to live in familiar comfort than ever acknowledge the budding feelings towards her best friend ). throughout everything they’d been by each other’s side, the one constant nari had whenever she felt like she was being tossed to the unforgiving waves of a storm, moonshik had been there to pull her from the depths.

whatever argument was being formulated in her mind broke alongside moonshik’s voice, her anxious pacing in front of him coming to an abrupt halt. “please moon don’t—” don’t waste these emotions on me. don’t give me what i can never give back. “we can pretend this didn’t happen, blame it on a long day!” we could pretend it never happened, just like i had all those years ago.

. 

you don’t really mean it. if only she knew how many time he had told himself that exact same thing. he didn’t know how everything started, from the beggining they weren’t never meant to work. it made no sense how the two of them managed to become and stay friends, moonshik had a habit of pushing people away from him, it was a defense mechanism, which was why he knew that once they got close he would do something to make her run away from him, but that never happened. they only seemed to get closer, closer than anyone had ever been to him and not once did try to push her away. he didn’t know how or when it happened but after years of being there for each other at their highest and lowest something had had began to change over the last couple of years --- or rather, moonshik had finally admited to himself the truth he had always known. 

at first that was what he thought this was, something that he didn’t mean just all those other things in his life he didn’t mean. he was familar with lust more than he was with any other feeling, and for a while he thought that might’ve been all there was to it but it went deeper than that. without realizing he had began to rely on her, to trust her with things he never thought he could share with another soul, he had began to look for her in everyone because a moment he didn’t spent with her felt as good as lost. lust he could understand, love was new to him and it scared the life out of him. 

when nari stood up moonshik mirrored her and began to follow her around as she peaced. we can pretend this didn’t happen. “we’ve done that already.” he mumbled to himself. he thought about telling her about that night, about how she was too drunk to walk that he had to carry her out of the ballroom. he thought about telling her how she had asked him if she could like her, and about he had told her that he already did. he thought about telling her that she was too drunk to remember but that she had kissed him and in doing so flipped his entire world upside down. but it didn’t feel correct. moonshik wasn’t one for fair play but he was when it came to her, so he swallowed his words. for her he could pretend that didn’t happen, but he owed to himself to not let this moment go by as if nothing had happened. 

“nari, believe me i’ve fought with myself for saints knows how long to keep this quiet, because i would rather have you like this than to not have you in my life at all,” he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone or anything, but everyday that went on he felt himself dying a little more. it was a feeling he was familar with, and he knew from experience it wouldn’t lead to anything good. “and i know that you don’t want to hear this anymore that i want to say it, but i cannot go on like this anymore.” 

he was afraid that if he blinked, that if he looked away she would disapear. had it really come to this? the one person he always feared he would push away, had it really come to this? “i have no expectations.” he sighed, loweing his tone. he wasn’t demanding anything from her, he never had and never would. he was simply telling her, he was simply asking. “and i---” the lump he had felt for all these years in his heart had moved to his throat and moonshik knew that the next time he opened his mouth he wouldn’t be able to hold in the tears he was so desperately trying to push back. “i--- i know that i’m not nearly close enough to the man that you deserve and that i’m a great deal less than perfect,” he could live countless lives and never deserve her. it didn’t matter if he got rid of all the negative traits, all the negative influences and vices, he would still be less than what she deserved. maybe it was because he knew that he felt it was selfish speaking his next words. “but nari, i love you.” there it was. saying it out loud felt unreal, but he felt a part of himself becoming lighter, as if he had taken off a huge weight off his chest. “i would try so hard to be enough for you, i swear it.”

[theblckhole]

the masquerade ( @echoesnshadows​ )

moonshik had been looking for diana for most of the night, but it was difficult with the masks. he could’ve walked pass her a hundred times and not realize it once. the masquerade was good fun, as was any party in his opinion, but he found most things seemed to be better whenever she was around. as he took a turn around the room he managed to finally spot her. “boo!” he exclaimed as he leaned in from behind, trying to scare her ---  even though he knew better. 

“i wonder if you’ve made anyone cry tonight?” he inquired as came to stood next to her. he looked around the room not really trying to find anyone but seeing if someone caught his eye. “night is still young, and if you ask me, some people are in serious of need of a comment or two that would get them off their high horses.” 

[fifty5hades]

[dvndelicns-archive]

ft. @theblckhole​

hannes was always uneasy when he felt eyes on his back. his first instinct was to assume someone was watching him, because they knew. yet, with a mask on his face — even if it was a bit ruined because of cake — he thought he was safe for a while. but somehow, he wasn’t. hanns just wanted a night where he didn’t need to pretend he was ivan, and he was getting that. but the eyes were freaking him out. what if someone noticed the change of behaviour and was investigating it ? what would he say ? maybe djel was punishing him with the paranoia for stealing the mask. but hannes didn’t had any money to buy it, and it wasn’t like it was such a sin. he stole from a ravkan, someone he knew made fun of his country and his culture. it was just a payback. 

he started to walk, but as soon as a pair of eyes left him, another came. it was starting to annoy him, really. sighing, he tried to scan the room to find who it was. he made eye contact with a — perhaps, hannes wasn’t so sure — unknown man. what a turn did his night took. he couldn’t dare to seem suspicious and ask bluntly if the other had a problem with him or something, so the fjerdan spy approached him as unsuspicious as possible. “ is everything alright with you ? ”

[theblckhole]

moonshik didn’t trust men, not one of them. after all he was a man, was perhaps one of the worst among them, so he knew how their brains worked. what they thought, what they wanted and what they needed to do to get it. there were, of course, a few exceptions, he had met a few men who he thought were decent --- but he doubted the guard he had been starring at for most of the night was one of them. moonshik was fond of lidiya, she reminded him of his younger sister, and maybe that was why he felt so over protective of her.

most people were hard to recognize tonight, but moonshik had kept his eyes on the guard for a while now and he spotted easily among the crowd. he wasn’t expecting to be approached by him. bold, he thought. “everything is perfectly fine with me.” he said as he had a sip from his glass of kvas. “i know i’m dashing, but is there a reason why you felt the need to come talk to me?” he asked as if he wasn’t the one who had been starring at the man for most of the night. 

[hermiome]

But you know what I am.

[casvist]

  **   𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑       @ravkastarters​​

                        一   *   𝒉𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅   𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓   𝒂𝒏𝒅   𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒔   𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈   into   music   were   drowned   by   sharp   gasps   of   breath.   a   long   strand   of   dark   hair   had   escaped   from   her   almost   perfectly   fashioned   bun,   stinging   her   neck   as   she   was   pinning   the   grisha   down.   she   didn’t   need   to   clutch   his   wrist   this   tightly   (  after   all   he   was   unconscious   anyway   ),   but   uncontrollable   rage   and   bitterness   filled   every   fibre   of   her   body,   causing   her   hand   to   tremble   and   the   the   blade   of   her   knife   nicking   his   throat   again.   she   needed   to   finish   this   quickly,   only   one   remaining,   easy,   step   and   she’d   prevent   his   existence   from   becoming   part   of   any   future   memory   ever   again.  

a   cruel   but   divine   task   gifted   to   her,   a   task   she   could’ve   finished   at   this   very   moment,   if   the   slightest   disruption   of   regularity,   wouldn’t   have   prevented   her   from   it.   “uh. ”   she   stared   at   the   other,   as   if   she   was   waiting   for   them   to   run   and   telling   someone   about   what   they’d   witnessed.   “ lev   and   i   were   playing…”   she   let   another   moment   pass,   attempting   to   slip   the   knife   into   her   sleeve.   “hide   and   seek...   and   i   might   have   tripped   over   his   unconscious   body.   someone   must   have   attacked   him.   i   think …   ”

[theblckhole]

moonshik wasn’t sure what he was seeing. to be fair, he hadn’t been certain of much ever since the masquerade had started, after all, whenever there was a party there was alcohol, and he couldn’t trusted around it. it stood there watching the woman and the man. “saints.” he laughed. moonshik might’ve been drunk but he wasn’t stupid. he stepped closer to where the unconscious man laid. he was completly out of it, he even wondered if he was still alive. what had she called him? lev, right?

“rise and shine, lev.” he said before not so gently kicking him with his foot to see if he moved. he did in fact, not move. he kicked him again but nothing. “you know,” he began turning to the woman. “whoever attacked him knew what they were doing because he’s as good as gone.” he simply said without a care in the world, as if there wasn’t an unconscious grisha at his feet. he knew the situation was sketchy, but who was he to determine what was wrong and what was right? “well, such is life. is the game still going?” he asked. “hide and seek, i mean.”

[theblckhole]

svnktyas​:

as hesitant as she was to admit, nari found herself frequenting their the spot, the familiar solitude of its tucked away location a boon when everything seemed to become too loud for her to comfortably handle. sometimes she wondered if she didn’t only come here to seek the comfort of older, happier memories but to punish herself. to force herself to acknowledge that through her own insecurities, the unwillingness to be what her father had always wanted her — to be the daughter he wanted — she had ruined the one thing she had never wanted to lose.

feet dragging in the snow, she was glad she had brought a blanket of sorts with her, especially with the time she planned to stay there. it had been another tough day of avoiding general training until she could tuck herself away and practice alone, sometimes she wondered why she bothered as the results seemed to always be as pathetic as they had previously. wallowing, nari didn’t recognise nor notice the solitary figure until they’d turned to look at her and for a moment she wasn’t entirely sure if she could remember how to breathe.

“this is our,” she started, the forced confidence in those words faltering when she caught her own foolish slip. “was our place, i can come here as much as you can.” she finished, trying to offer some semblance of a smile instead of the grimace that had undoubtedly shown instead. “nobody’s seen you all day.” nari stated after the silence began settling between them, next to the unspoken words that always seemed to be on the tip of her tongue. maybe nari should have listened to moonshik and left, but she’d never been the best at staying away from the man in front of her and looking at him now, she didn’t think she had it in her to be able to walk away.

with that she cautiously perched herself on the ground beside him, leaving a distance she never thought would separate them and part of her ached to be able to reach out — to be able to ask if it was okay to hold onto him like she would have done once as it was the most natural thing she could do. “you look cold.” something was wrong she knew that when he had breathed out the dismissal at her, this was more than what had happened.. what she had said to him. with careful movements she turned and leaned towards moonshik, her own coldness and reason for bringing the blanket along with her forgotten as placed the fabric carefully around his own shoulders — the only hesitation showed with a silent question if this was alright. “something’s wrong, isn’t it? you haven’t been here since..”

.

this was our place. the words hit him like a wall of bricks. he knew, of course, there wasn’t a single thing that remained theirs, he had known that for a while but to hear it coming from her lips had a different effect on him. he didn’t know what part of his subconscious had made him walk all the way there. he didn’t know what answer he was hoping to find there, because he didn’t know what question he was asking in the first place. 

“didn’t it cross your mind that perhaps i didn’t want to be seen?” he asked but this time he wasn’t looking to hear her answer. not this time. it was painful to have her stand so close to him. this was the first time in months they had been alone in the same place together and this was the most they had spoken to each other in a long time. it was tricky. moonshik’s head was all over the place, he had been bouncing from one thought to the other all day long and he due to the chemicals in his system he wasn’t certain of any of them, but right now it was like everything had gone quiet and he was only certain of two things: one, his father, the one constant in his life he could always rely on had fallen ill, and the healer treating him didn’t know how many monthts of treatment he would need, and if, he could be able to get rid of it altogether. and the second one, the one person whose comfort he had been seeking without knowing was standing right before him now but all he felt was shame, shame and guilt.

moonshik couldn’t bare to look at her, just like he couldn’t bare to feel her eyes on him. nari had seen him at his worst but the last time she had seen him in this state was years ago, and something about it him made moonshik feel ashamed. he could bare it from his siblings, the looks of disgust and sometimes even pitty, he had grown used to them and they had no effect on him anymore --- but not from her, he could bare from everyone but not if it came from her. it was pointless he knew, he was far too gone to act if he wasn’t and he knew damn well that from this moment on he wouldn’t be able to go back. moonshik knew had opened a door he had closed years ago and it wouldn’t be shut so easily this time.

she was always warm. she irradiated warmth and it wasn’t until she sat somewhat next to him that moonshik realized how cold he had been all this time. moonshik closed his eyes for a moment, he feared that if he stayed like that for too long he would break down. he feared he would crumble into a puddle of tears but as long as she was by his side he wouldn’t have minded. when moonshik opened his eyes his breath caught in his lungs when he realized he was right next to him. he didn’t register the blanket right away, all he could see was her. he wanted to tell her, he wanted to tell her everything and at the same he wanted to say nothing and just lay his head in her lap and cry. he was tempted, but when he looked into her eyes he feared that soon she too will share the same look his siblings did. 

he was certain of three things: his father was ill, nari was standing right next to him, and he needed to get rid of her. 

“saints!” he scoffed as he abruptly got up, throwing the blanket away in the process. “whether something is wrong with me or not, it’s really none of your business.” something close to a humorless laugh was heard at the end of that sentence, there was plenty wrong with him, even before today. “what?” he asked taking a step closer to her. “did you hear about it? did one of them told you.” them, almost spat as insult. his siblings. “and now what? you thought it would be a good time to play pretend? act like you give a shit?” he mocked before taking a look around what used to be their place. “no one is around nari, so spare me the act.” 

[theblckhole]

svnktyas​:

she hated him. or she wished she did. saints, it would have made everything so much easier if she hated her father. she was tired of the meetings, the men who’d sit opposite her ignoring any attempt at holding an intellectual conversation to instead focus on nothing but material gain and if she’d ‘always dreamed of owning a house with kids’ like it was supposed to be the only thing any girl dreamt of. it never escaped her notice that her father never informed them of who she was — what she could do. maybe he was hoping it was still more of a ‘phase’ and she’d stop ‘messing around’.

occasionally, she couldn’t help but wonder why she had gone along with these whims for so long. how she had even managed to do them without locking herself in her room for days on end like she did all those years ago. the answer sat beside her, the warm hues of the setting sun highlighting his features in a way artists could only dream to replicate in their own work. the laughter came easy between them, the tension from that morning melting away. “do you think the criteria for an ‘eligible husband’ is a bald patch? do i need a bald patch? i didn’t know it was the new kerch style.” nari spoke, her hand reaching out to grasp his elbow — the action of reaching out to him instinctual to her now.

undoubtably, nari would have continued down this tangent but the utterance of her name was enough to make her pause. her hand falling into the small space between them, heartbeat suddenly deafening the other sounds around her. don’t say it. please don’t. moonshik doesn’t mean, he couldn’t mean what her traitorous thoughts were telling her. he was simply voicing his stance on her situation, something he’d done numerously but again, she knew this was different. nari could have kept quiet, could have begged moonshik to stop before he said anything else but she wasn’t naive enough to refuse to acknowledge that this moment had changed everything between them. 

nari had never thought there would’ve come a day where her name leaving moonshik’s lips would cause anything but comfort yet, here she was. “don’t. please don’t do this moonshik.” she asked, panicking begging as she turned towards him — praying that she’d be met with moonshik’s humorous expression, to him teasing her and that this wasn’t happening. “you don’t mean it, do you?” 

. 

if he didn’t feel like his entire body was about to collapse due to how nervous he was he would’ve laughed. please don’t do this moonshik. there was a voice in the back of his head that had said that exact same thing to him for as long as he could remember. please don’t do this moonshik: please don’t pick another fight, please don’t have another drink. please don’t take anymore pills. please don’t act without thinking. please don’t do this moonshik. it was funny to hear that same voice coming from her now because moonshik had never been good with restrictions when it came to himself, except for her. 

nari was the one exception. from the moment he had met her moonshik did nothing other than to listen to that voice whenever she was around. it had happened once, he hadn’t done something he knew he shouldn’t and when he casually mentioned it to nari her entire expression had changed. moonshik didn’t have any experience when it came to making others proud, so it took him a while to realize that was what was happening --- from that moment on all he did was to try and get to be proud of him, to try and see that expression on her face again and to feel that warmth he had felt in his chest. no drug he had ever taken had gotten him as hooked as this one. 

but it went deeper than that. moonshik only knew how to restrain himself when he was around her. please, don’t tell her moonshik. said the voice every single day and every single day he listened to it. out of fear of losing her he kept quiet, but he couldn’t be silent anymore.

when nari looked at him he felt his hand began to shake. he swallowed hard and breathed out before he was somewhat certain he would be able to speak again. “why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?” he smiled weakly. his entire body felt like it could betray him at any given second, he felt wornout. he had been carrying this heavy weight on his heart for years, he had learned out to live with it and now that it was finally gone, he didn’t know how to mantain his balance. 

“na--” he began but he felt a bump began to form in his throat and he forced himself to swallow it. please don’t do this moonshik. he had always done as she asked, he had always asked her what she wanted, what she need and he had heard her loud and clear just now. please don’t do this moonshik. but this he couldn’t do for her, he couldn’t bare it any longer. “nari, i can’t live like this anymore.” he confessed, his voice breaking and his eyes betraying him as tears began to accumulate there.