As someone who has been on the Internet longer than many of you have been alive, I cannot emphasise enough what a good idea it is to block fools, bores, and drama-starters ON SIGHT. That means, on the FIRST sight. See the take, do not wait.
You are not a court of law. You are not required to hear them out, argue, nor give them a second chance. Block them. Nothing bad will happen to them without you! It's fine! Goodbye forever! Prevention is better than cure.
i dont know if its explicitly stated in the show but i can tell you that it is at least heavily implied in Heated Rivalry that the two main characters play hockey
if i had a nickel for every son of Santa Claus that had an ill-advised love affair with another holiday’s heir that culminated in discovering a blackmail & magical theft plot that resulted in a break up & crash-out so hard that his brother & Iris have to give him a come to Jesus about it… I’d have two nickels. Which is quite a lot considering Santa only has two sons.
All I'm saying is Jayce Talis is a bisexual polyamorous man who has a type and that type is just, Higher Beings. His type is just Jesus Christ. Bro straight up wants to fuck God
Edit: damn bisexuals found this post hello y'all hope you have a nice day the post reached its target audience
Doodle of Astarion going from starved and newly freed to eating better and getting chubbier
Controversial, but i'm six-pack hater. Out of romanceable male companions only Wyll should be allowed to have defined abs. Thank you for coming to my ted talk
Welcome to my BG3 (male romanceable companions focused)
ANTI-SIX-PACK RANT /HEADCANONS
[Warning - bad English and possibly incorrect interpretations of characters]
[It’s just my headcanons, based purely on vibes. I also want to make it clear that I enjoy and respect various other hcs and portrayals of these characters (and i’ll probably draw them in various ways too). Do not fight me, i’ll cry lol]
WYLL
I’m a firm believer in Wyll being the only male companion with a (fairly) well-defined six-pack
He spent years training and he’s a son of a Grand Duke – so he probably ate well and learnt how to take care of his body properly
I also think he cares about the way he looks (/he’s aware how it can affect the way people perceive him) – so his muscles would be formed partially by practical use (fighting, training) and partially by some conscious muscle-building exercises. In other words, he’s the only male companion I can imagine doing planks and sit-ups in front of his tent lol
However, when I say “well-defined” abs, I mean a nice healthy balance between muscle and fat. None of that dehydrated “flexing 24/7” bullshit
ASTARION
I’m not sure if vampires sustain the body they had before being turned, and i kinda like this idea bc it could explain why Astarion looks like he’s in a good shape when we meet him in Act 1
However, my hc is that his body changes and gets healthier as the game progresses
In Act 1, he should be really thin. And I mean sickly thin. He was starved and tortured for centuries, and I can’t imagine him doing sit-ups in the kennels and working on a six-pack while barely surviving all the physical and psychological torture
After being tadpoled, he finally gets some freedom and is able to eat regularly (especially if Tav/Durge lets him feed on them, which is especially important in Act 2 where there aren’t many animals or alive enemies that he could feed on) – Astarion would get healthier and finally gain some weight
But still, I can’t imagine him doing core workouts in front of his tent. Let my boy rest.
He’s got some muscles (with emphasis on “some” bc that 8 in strength is.. you know), he builds them while doing all that rogue sneaking and killing – but overall he stays slim
Slim BUT (and i’ll die on this hill) he gains some softness. He finally gets that extra roll of fat on his stomach, a little bit of body getting squished by the waistband of his pants. He’s finally healthy and healing
Now we’re getting to the part where I start to scream at Larian for the crime of giving these men six-packs
HALSIN
What do you mean – we get a BIG elf, BIGGER than average elf should be, a man who resembles a BEAR, a man who often QUITE LITERALLY IS A BEAR(animal) – AND YOU DON’T MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE A BEAR(man)??? WHAT DO YOU MEANN??
Putting a high-definition six-pack on this man is a crime.
He should look like a bear, like the hammer-throwing athletes, like Thor in God of War, like a man who can lift a whole ass log while helping build a new shelter for his community. I need him strong. I need him big. I need him huggable. I need him to look like he would survive the winter
He should have strong arms (let’s ignore the fact that he has 10 in strength and that even Shadowheart is stronger than him)
He has muscles, build by physical work and for practical purposes – but they’re hidden under a healthy amount of fat
This man is not hitting the gym to form a six-pack. He’s got shit to do, place to be and people and nature to guide and protect
But, he wouldn’t overindulge in food – he believes in balance and all that, and I think he might view overeating as a waste
But still, the fat is there bc.. bc it just is, let him eat dammit
GALE
Larian when I catch you. Larian you cowards.
Why does his 8-strength ass have a six-pack. For why. What was the reasonn??
He doesn’t even have to move a finger to do anything, he can magic everything. Fighting? Magic. Having to move the couch in his room? Magic. Telekinesis probably.
This man doesn’t need a six-pack and you can’t tell me he was doing core workouts in his wizard tower – he’s been too busy reading and researching and mastering his spells and romancing a goddess (COUGH or rather being groomed cuz that power imbalance is nasty COUGH)
Also, he mentions food a couple of times, doesn’t he? He can cook, he likes to eat – that’s canon bc i said so. He looks like he enjoys his dessert after dinner. AND HE CAN AFFORD IT. If he can afford all those books, he can afford some snacks too
That being said, if we were allowed to have a fat romanceable man, it would be Gale. He doesn’t need to be slim, he doesn’t need to be ripped. There is nothing in his lore that would justify that (imo) – let his stomach be soft, amen.
(However, I also kinda like the idea of Gale using some sort of illusion spell and that his six-pack is magical lol. Imagine, the rest of the party finding out that this whole time he’s been wasting a spell slot and his concentration ON A SIX-PACK SPELL)
FEMALE ROMANCEABLE CHARACTERS
When it comes to the girls, I can see all of them having well defined muscles and six-packs – they’re all physically strong (or at least stronger than the guys) and they all have a history with fighting/training
I can also see them without six-packs – especially Shadowheart and Karlach (a bit more on it below)
LAE’ZEL – has the least body fat. I think her muscles should be the most visible. This is the only character who is allowed to have dehydrated muscles, and that's purely because of the way githyanki look
KARLACH – probably didn’t have a chance to rest and eat properly while in Avernus and then while being on the run. I think she could (similarly to Astarion) gain some weight throughout the game – she would finally have a chance to rest, eat and heal a bit. Also, she enjoys a nice meal and some beer
MINTHARA – I have to admit that I don’t know much about her. But she gives me the vibes of someone who likes a routine and takes their physical appearance very seriously (in a military-way, not fashion-way). I can see her building her muscles through fighting but also through purposeful exercises intended to keep her body lean and well built.
SHADOWHEART – she could have a six-pack, I’m down with this hc BUT. I can also see her having more curves and softness. Yes, she had to go through training – but she also can use spells in fights… so it should be fine for her to be softer
In conclusion – let them eat, let them be hydrated, let them look like people and not marvel superheroes
