TheConfusedTissue

Part time sleepy

[random-cockroach]

He has his priorities right

Based on this fairy au by Keferon because the sound didn't let me be

[gundonskoy]

If I were a worm, i wouldn't have hands

[keferon]

I would still love you

[gundonskoy]

[spector-author]

May I offer a small solution?

thank you @realitysperception for making this for me so quick

[gundonskoy]

There is an issue, with what eyes

[keferon]

Be not afraid I got this

[yellowlartdump]

Ouppy sees stick, code says "play" PART 1/???

[drawwithmis]

So me and Artie (@artiev88)were messing around with streamlab and pngs...

I fucked up with the audio settings...

and then we laughed for half an hour because my Scuggie kept screaming the Rain World OST 😭

[yellowlartdump]

Back to when I fucked up with the streaming audio and my SlugSona started singing

[b0tster]

you look like the kinda girl who'd open up ms paint back in the day select the spray paint tool and click and hold to watch it slowly turn into a perfect circle

[urie]

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

[queer-reader-07]

[nikkiaart]

Redrew and updated my “the gang goes to New York” picture

[gremlininho]

let me. innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

hearing anything about the nolan odyssey is so funny. it's like "they cut the extremely important and infamous nobody scene" "the cyclops is a giant puppet that they put in an actual historical cave + gave circe animatronics for her pig transformation instead of cgi" "they dumped plastic skeletons in an environmentally protected location they were not supposed to be in" "they recreated ancient greek instruments in order to have an accurate score" "all of odysseus's agency is basically gone" "anne hathaway actually learned how to weave ancient looms" "the women in this movie are treated like shit" "they actually buried actors alive to get those underworld shots" "did you see what the fuck zendaya was fucking wearing holy shit you can't DO THAT, MA'AM" "what do you mean there was a legitimate epic the musical reference" "NOT A SINGLE FUCKING GREEK WAS CAST IN THIS MOVIE"

like did nolan have two guys standing at his side at all times whispering ideas in his ear and one told the truth and the other told lies and they didnt tell him which was which until they wrapped production cause

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[jewish-joy]

#i love prayer plants but they're fussy so I don't keep them#can we have a picture op they're so pretty

Behold, Dorothea

(Naming my plant "Gift of God," and then giving her to a seminarian with just the explanation that it's a prayer plant? Okay, that's my bad.)

[jewish-joy]

I should also add- I ran into my rabbi and explained the situation. I then asked, earnestly, if there was a remedy. A mikveh of sorts, or a beit din, or something.

He turned to me, sighed, and said in a very deadpan tone-- "Plants don't have covenants, Joy,"

So Dorothea's a free agent according to rabbinic opinion. I guess I'll permit her to be Roman Catholic.

[prokopetz]

The two "created in a lab" fantasies:

Yes, everything about me is fucked up, but what if that was secretly awesome?

Yes, everything about me is fucked up, but what if there was someone to blame?

[hambalbeesart]

Constructicons…

[thehumantrampoline]

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

[osheamobile]

I am allowed to hold both the concepts of "my country is a nightmare for anyone who isn't rich and the world cup tourists will only see the good parts and that is by design" and "the world cup tourists coming away from this by genuinely falling in love with the good experiences they have here and how there is so much joy even for our weirdest most American shit" simultaneously.

Yes it's only the richest people with money to burn having a great time, yes our administration is still doing awful police state immigration shit to the visiting teams let alone the fans, yes this place is still a nightmare for everyone else

but there is still joy to be had and while that doesn't erase the bad, the bad does not erase the joy

The storm continues, but when there's a momentary break in the clouds we're allowed to bask in the sunlight

[elfgrove]

#alternate closer #yes the forest is haunted but the trees are gorgeous

[cute-catts]

[kaity--did]

Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk

“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”

[kaity--did]

Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?

Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby

Husband: RIVETING!

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️

Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!

[kaity--did]

Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk

All of tumblr collectively at my husband:

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream

Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!

Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued

Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.

[kaity--did]

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays

Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.

????

[kaity--did]

Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave

Husband: you see Penny Rose! This was the M. Night Shyamalan twist! You were mirror baby all along!

[kaity--did]

FYI this is how you get a Deals Warlock if you were wondering

[justplainsalty]

I have follow up questions:

1) Did you participate in baby talk to make up for your husband's deficit, or did you also opt to speak to the Deals Warlock like a very tiny adult from babyhood?

1a) If you participated in baby talk with Penny, did she ever do any code switching with you while she was learning to talk (I mean, babyish talk back to you but fully formed adult like you share with us to Lawyer Dad)?

[kaity--did]

I didn't baby talk with her very much either! I think I squealed at her more than my husband did.

Something funny that has happened is that while she formally calls me Mama when she's answering me in passing she does call me "My Darling Love" and I don't know for sure but I think it's because I call her and her father "my loves" and her father calls me and her "darlings" and she's created a mash up 😂

So I'll say "okay penny it's time for bed" and I'll just hear "okay my darling love!" 😂

[kaity--did]

Everyone is always so so kind on this post but I do want to warn you all that this did in fact lead to an insanely verbal child, and if you choose that life you have to commit to that life.

Penny Rose is now 5 years old and she

1. Starts talking the moment she opens her eyes to the moment she passes out at night

2. Asks, and I am not exaggerating I counted, an average of 892 questions a day

3. Does not accept "I don't know" as an answer to said questions, will usually have a follow up question as to why you don't know OR a suggestion on how we can find out together

I pay for limitless data and have 709 Google tabs open on my phone at all times

[mentalhealthnut]

1) My dad was also like this with me. Best example - reading a manual for a washing machine to me as an infant. Didn't turn into a Deals Warlock, but I did become a writer, so make of that what you will.

2) If you are the type of person who counts how many questions your child asks you in a day, and didn't give up after like ten of 'em, *and* potentially did so more than once (you said she "averages" at 892, meaning you might have gotten your data from at least two days)... then I think she is Like That because of both sides of her family, actually

[kaity--did]

[alcoholicanarchist]

that photo of hunter s. thompson shooting his typewriter is such a mood

[alcoholicanarchist]