I'm In Corporate Bitches

[howdoiputthisgently]

GETTING A PAYCHECK

IT’S LIKE:

AND THEN I’M LIKE:

[thecorporaterebel]

Then the cycle continues.....No wonder I couldn't bring myself to quit.

[corporateanarchist-blog]

[thecorporaterebel]

You Don't Need To Know English To Survive Corporate

Until today I've not realized how contagious the corporate cliche truly is! judging by the list I'd just shared, I'm no longer surprised why some of my colleagues couldn't string a casual conversation in English and could still survive corporate world - because they don't need to know the language, just string a bunch of cliches and voila, suddenly you're the smartest idiot in the room!

My boss complains about my lack of proficiency in the corporate language, I mean, don't be hatin' that I speak ghetto and casual and stuff - girl's got street cred yo.

But anyway, guess the playa has got to play the game.

But dang...I'm starting to feel so much better about myself.

[thecorporaterebel]

Corporate Cliches

Don't lie. You've heard this too many times to realize it.

Thinking outside of the box

win-win situation

Giving 110%

Best Practices

Synergy

Paradigm Shift

Low-hanging fruit

Going forward

Push the envelope

Web 2.0

Value-added proposition

The 80%-20% rule

Maximize customer satisfaction

core competency

A leading provider of...

Let's take this off-line

Spending more time with my family

Best of Breed

Take it to the Next Level

Drop the ball

Bring our 'A' game . . . 

seamless integration

Scalable

at the end of the day....

Brings a lot of value to the table

It is what it is

Robust

Let's hit the ground running.

24/7

Drinking Kool-Aid

Maximize leverage

Eco-anything

Client-Centered

touch base

Change Agent

In Today's Highly Competitive Marketplace ...

The bottom line

Manage expectations

offline

Actionable

Multi task

Impactful

let's be proactive here people

ballpark figure

800 pound gorilla

Strategic...

win-win

Marketing-driven

Improve ROI

Next Generation

The iPod of ___insert industry___

Six Sigma

circle back

Out-Of-Pocket

Putting lipstick on a pig

Going from good to great

Teamwork

Has legs and can go really far...

I don't have the bandwidth

Let's get granular

Rightsizing

Today, more than ever...

Put a stake in the ground

Focused on ... (i.e. results)

viral

Architect (used as a verb)

step up to the plate

Faster, Cheaper, Better

Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater

Now More Than Ever

Downsizing

Industry Standard

Gotta raise the bar

net-net

User-experience

integrated approach

Do no evil

Perfect storm

The customer is always right

The Elephant in the room (or the corner)

Resonate

Too many chiefs and not enough Indians

Transparency

A Plus for all Stakeholders

In the _____ space

Benchmark

User-Focused

Industry Leader

From a _____ standpoint

Thought Leader

Team player

game changer

Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes

Moving up the value chain

Boots on the ground

the scenery only changes for the lead dog

________ on steroids

Cast a wider net

I'm not throwing him under the bus, but...

SEO (to describe anything on the internet) (source: http://info.venderepartners.com/bid/48529/The-Top-100-Overused-Business-Clich%C3%A9s)

[thecorporaterebel]

Top 10: Corporate Clichés

We took some time to think outside the box and we came up with a list of the most bleeding-edge corporate clichés.

Wow. Couldn't have said it better myself.

[thecorporaterebel]

in college I thought going to class was a waste of time. it pales in comparison to all the meetings I had to go on a daily basis. last week I was so pissed cos I spent 2 days stressing over a presentation which was immediately shot down by one of em fat cats on presentation day - damn, I was pumped up to impress him with my jargon and charm. fuck. welcome to corporate world.

[thecorporaterebel]

Introduction

I'm a 20 something hedonist taking a stab in corporate world. so far I hate it but I need the money. I'm slowly losing my mind, so why not blog about it?