ellievsbear
sheepfilms
EXPECTATIONS
@theartofmadeline
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Phantogram Three
if i look back, i am lost
The Bowery Presents
Interview Vampire Daily
🪼
untitled
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
One Nice Bug Per Day
Monterey Bay Aquarium
noise dept.
Discoholic 🪩
art blog(derogatory)
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
ojovivo
No title available
seen from Egypt
seen from United States
seen from Costa Rica
seen from Germany
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Ghana
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from France
seen from Türkiye
seen from Canada
seen from Bolivia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@thecrazysgarden
fake horse adventures
one horse here is really hogging the brain cell
REVEAL YOURSELF
the way the person in the back fake kicked at the gray horse took me OUT
the way the person
in the back fake kicked at the
gray horse took me OUT
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
@identifying-horses-in-posts
Sure, those are all horses. Don't worry about it.
📽 🔎Planet Soul Society
Here we observe the exceedingly rare white-haired captain in his natural habitat.
Notice the impossibly gentle green eyes, the elegant posture, and the flowing white hair.
Researchers remain divided on whether he is, in fact, a captain... or simply a celestial being who accidentally wandered into the Gotei 13.
Observe how he greets passing souls with a warm smile, completely unaware that several nearby Shinigami have forgotten not only their own names... but the very purpose of their own existence.
Captain Ukitake: "Good afternoon." 😊
Nearby observer: "... Yes."
"...It's good now." 🥺❤️
Despite possessing enough beauty to destabilize the local ecosystem, the captain continues his daily routine, blissfully unaware that his sweet personality is responsible for the majority of emotional incidents recorded in the area.
Common behaviours include: tending to bonsai with meticulous care, feeding koi, stopping to admire flowers, and gently asking others whether they have been eating properly.
Researchers have confirmed that these seemingly harmless interactions dramatically amplify the captain's already considerable effect on the local population, particularly among women of the Seireitei between the ages of 18 and 99.
Attempts to inform the captain of his breathtaking appearance have, to date, been entirely unsuccessful. Typical responses include: a gentle blush, a modest smile, a slight tilt of the head, sincere gratitude for the compliment, and immediate concern for the observer's well-being.
Long-term exposure may result in spontaneous marriage proposals, elevated heart rate, forgetting one's own train of thought, and an overwhelming desire to protect the captain at all costs.
Despite repeated recommendations from researchers, nearby Shinigami continue to approach the captain voluntarily, often bringing tea, homemade meals, fresh fruit, and sweets.
Researchers have concluded that these individuals are not, in fact, attempting to court or mate with the captain.
The captain himself appears to believe this to be true.
As this remarkable creature is exceptionally gentle, kind-hearted, and prone to worrying about others before himself, observers are reminded to approach with the utmost care and to refrain from causing unnecessary distress.
Researchers also remind observers that the captain is a protected species. Please resist the urge to take him home.
Conservation efforts remain ongoing at the request of female Shinigami of tge 13th division.
🤍🌸
Credits to Amy for the fanart. 😭❤️ @a.r.t.tama17 on instagram.
🚨 NEW PRODUCT ALERT 🚨
INTRODUCING:
✨☁️ THE CELESTIAL HUSBAND™ ☁️✨
Now available in Soul Society.
Are YOU tired of men with the emotional depth of a teaspoon? 💀❤️
Are YOU tired of mixed signals, poor communication, and men who think basic decency deserves applause?
THEN BOY, DO WE HAVE THE PRODUCT FOR YOU. 😌
MEET:
✨ JUSHIRO UKITAKE - THE HUSBAND YOUR ANCESTORS PRAYED FOR ✨
FEATURES INCLUDE:
✅️ devastatingly gentle smile
✅️ emotional intelligence exceeding most of the Gotei 13 combined
✅️ genuine concern for your well-being (will ask if you’ve eaten or if you’re comfortable)
✅️ celestial-grade kindness
✅️ weaponized tenderness
✅️ gentle teasing included as a standard feature
✅️ father energy so strong it should be illegal
✅️ beautiful, fragile angel presentation layer
✅️ premium emotional safety package
✅️ can and will make you feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually cherished
✅️ moonlight aesthetics included at no additional cost
TESTIMONIALS:
🗣️ "Captain Ukitake, the reports—"
gentle smile entered the room
"Thank you 😊"
SUBORDINATE:
"i am suddenly available for marriage 💀❤️"
---
🗣️ "I only intended to work with him professionally."
UNNAMED SHINIGAMI:
"that lasted approximately four minutes."
---
🗣️ "I asked if he needed anything."
SURVIVOR:
"HE ASKED IF I HAD EATEN TODAY."
---
⚠️ SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:
spontaneous emotional collapse
accidental confession
intense desire to provide tea, soup, blankets, affection, and a peaceful domestic existence
peaceful spiritual perishing
unrealistic relationship standards
chronic comparison of all future men against this impossible benchmark
unexpected urge to become Mrs. Ukitake immediately 💍❤️
sudden longing for an unhealthy amount of children
---
🚨 ORDER NOW 🚨
because investing in your emotional stability has never looked this good!
LIMITED AVAILABILITY:
product may be intermittently unavailable due to illness, captain duties, or being unfairly perfect.
DON’T WAIT.
SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED.
ASK YOUR LOCAL SOUL SOCIETY REPRESENTATIVE TODAY!!
---
if unavailable, please remain calm and join the waiting list immediately. Panic is understandable.
literally tumblr
In The Departed (2006), Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg play two different characters— a subtle nod to them being two different actors, despite my wife being unable to tell them apart on the first viewing of the movie.
op this is the funniest post you’ve made yet
LYONEL BARATHEON + tumblr text posts
honestly yall just gotta be comfortable reading books that make you feel stupid
read books that you don't understand. read books where you have to pay attention. read books that make you reread a page eight times to figure it out. read books that you need to take notes on. read books with words you have to google. read books that don't make sense without research on the setting. read books that make you feel stupid because otherwise you'll just be stupid.
ah yes. this.
Fire-based wizard spells:
Magic Missile: Fuck Your Left Nut In Particular.
Flaming Sphere: Fuck You, collectively.
Fireball: To Whom It May Concern: Please consider this an Official Fuckening.
Wall Of Fire: The Great Wall Of Fuck You
Flame Strike: Fuck You and Fuck Your Air Support Too
Delayed Blast Fireball: Fuck You Later.
Incendiary Cloud: Cloudy with a Chance of Fuck You
Meteor Storm: FUCK ALL Y’ALL
WAIT
HOL UP
huh. so i just found out "Torment Nexus" was invented for that one specific meme. i genuinely thought it was from an Orson Scott Welles novel. my ignorance is an unending source of surprise and delight
um. Orson Wells. H.G. Scott Welles. H. George Orson Orwell. Philip Bradbury. stop making me keep track of white men names
in my defense all of these are separate individuals famous within classic sci-fi circles:
H.G. Wells
George Orwell
(George) Orson Welles
Orson Scott Card
at some point this is not my burden
the names of classic sci-fi authors appear to have amalgamated into a nexus of some kind. one that is tormenting you, perhaps.
Bonsai apple tree growing a full-sized apple.
A perfect balance of extremely impressive and completely ridiculous.
Apple trees are DETERMINED. My parents planted a twig of an apple tree, and that first year it grew one apple. And the whole thing was bent over from the weight of it. It had one job and by God it was gonna do it.
she did such a good job I’m so proud
Me: Fuck, the paper towels I want are on the top shelf.
The Sir David Attenborough That Lives In My Brain: Being smaller-than-average presents an added challenge to foraging ... but necessity is the mother of invention. A little creativity turns a baguette into a tool, and voilà--
(paper towel roll falls on my face)
Sir David Attenborough, pleasantly: Success.
Me, 3am: But am I even deserving of love
The Steve Irwin That Lives In My Brain: Crikey, get a look at this art teacher! These are so important to the local area, right, because they create habitat for heaps of vulnerable critters like juvenile nerds, goths, and furries. I love finding these because they often have these great ornamentations that they can use to identify one another. Take a look at the piercings and tattoos, here. Absolutely gorgeous! Let's let this one get back to sleep.
John Brosio, State of the Union, 2011, oil on canvas
there’s a sequel !!
John Brosio, State of the Union 2, 2014, oil on canvas
Oh sick!!! Big fuckin crows!!!
OH SHIT EVEN BETTER
Well played Merriam-Webster.
“There is artificial intelligence, and there is actual intelligence” 🎤🫳
