Awake | Remus Lupin [Part 4]
I don’t have any excuse to say on why I haven’t posted anything in months, but finally, Part 4 is HERE! I want to dedicate this chapter to my dearest friend @wizardingworldwaitforme (Alice espero que te guste!) Thank you so much for being patient. Enjoy!
Warnings: cuss words, sexual insinuation.
*GIF’s not mine. credits to whoever made it*
I close the book I was reading and let my body rest on the chair, stretching and trying to release some of the tension built up on my back and neck from being in the same position for hours.
Every evening after helping Hagrid with whatever he needs, I go to the library and make some research looking for an answer to what’s happening to me. At least I try to, but I don’t even know where to start - I don´t even know what I’m looking for, but there must be some answers hidden between the pages of these books. I’ve checked a good amount of books found in the restricted section and a lot of other books of the library but so far I’ve found no information. Frustrated and tired I went to my chamber to rest before dinner.
A series of desperate knocks woke me up, I can´t remember when I fell asleep but looking at the time on my watch it is almost dinner. Someone was growing impatient with every second passing because the knocks became stronger, I stood up from the bed, put my shoes on, and fixed the mess of covers before attending the door. As I made my way to it, I gave a quick look in the mirror to see how bad I looked. I could look worse I thought.
Deep down I was hopeful that it could be John, we write letters almost daily to each other but by the time I open the door, the excitement was gone and replaced by hurt. The only person I wasn´t expecting to see was in front of me, we looked at each other for a moment, and he smiled at me, but I could return the gesture so I looked away and move from the door letting him in. Remus stood awkwardly in the middle of the small room following me with his eyes until I sat down on one of the chairs of the tiny diner, Remus mirrored my actions and sat down across from me.
“How you’ve been?” He asked kindly, looking at me intensely.
“I’m good, thanks” I answered not looking at him. He opened his mouth to say something else, but I talked first “Would you like a cup of coffee or… tea?” I guess he wasn´t expecting for me to offer him anything and he took a couple of seconds to answer shyly “Oh yes, tea please.”
I stood up and went to the tiny kitchen giving him my back and went to grab the teapot and start to prepare it. This whole situation felt like a planned first date between two teens whose never been on a date before and was told by their friends that it was going to be “fun” but in reality, it is just shy stares and awkwardness in the conversation. I waited until the tea was ready - because I feel more comfortable not being in front of him - and pour it into two cups brought one to him.
He took a sip from his cup and then smiled. “A bit of milk and a teaspoon of sugar,” he said looking at me with a spark in his eyes.
I drank from my cup ignoring the sudden hotness growing on my cheeks out of the embarrassment of him realizing I prepared his tea. He knows my face is turning red like a tomato, his attitude changed, it became more confident.
“Why did you came?” I finally asked him ignoring the look he was still giving me.
“I came to give you this,” He reached for something on his coat and took out a wand, my wand. “I kept it safe in the house but you left before I could give it to you.” just as he gives me my wand, he lightly touches my hand waiting for me to react, and Oh Merlin I did, I dropped the fucking wand, it slipped from my fingers the moment it touched them, as if they were made out of butter. His smile grew as big as the Cheshire cat and reached down to pick it up. He placed it in my hand and closed my fingers around it making sure I wasn’t going to drop it again.
“Thanks,” I said barely audible not breaking the eye contact. He leaned closer slowly and I am sure he’s able to hear my heartbeat racing. If I don’t look away now, I’m going back into the hole it took me so long to get out. I stood up really fast that the chair I was sitting on almost fell. He was shocked, I was shocked but I walked all the way to the door and opened it letting him know he has to leave.
“Well thank you for giving it back. It´s getting late you don’t want to get back to the headquarter too late in the night.”
“I’m not going back tonight, Dumbledore asked me to help him with something.” As he speaks, he walked towards me and once again lowered himself to be almost at my level, and I once again, thought he was going to kiss me but instead, he reached for the doorknob behind me and closed the door slowly, “besides, we haven’t even finished our cup of tea.” He then moved from in front of me clearing the way and leading me to the table as he placed his hand gently on my lower back.
We sat down again, but instead of sitting across of me like before, he sat down next, I felt nervous and my hands started to sweat so I grabbed my cup, praying to God not to let slip from my hands, and took a sip and made an attempt not to look at him, but suddenly I felt how he placed his hand on my knee and slowly started to move it going up in my thigh.
“That’s it.” I stood up again but this time confidence and angry. “You have to leave, NOW”. And I went to try and open the door once again, but he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to him and kissed me roughly and slow but he pulled away quickly. “Tell me you stopped loving me, tell me I don’t make you feel good, tell me you can’t stand being near me, tell me that and I’m gone, for good”
His hand was on my face making me look at him. I don’t love you, I hate you, I want you out of my life forever. But my hands were faster than my words, I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine, kissing him with hunger and need.
I woke up with only a sheet covering my naked body and the smell of freshly made coffee, I turned around expecting to see Remus fast asleep, but the bed was empty. I raised from the bed hoping to find him in the kitchen but when I got there, only the coffee pot was waiting for me, and a note under a cup already filled in.
Last night was like going back in time to when we were young.
Had to go back to the headquarter sooner than I expected.
I can’t believe it. I crumbled the note and threw it in the trash just where his bullshit belongs. I didn’t even touched the coffee cup and went back to my room to get ready and start a new day without Remus Fucking Lupin.
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