Film Noir - Movie Reviews

Official Tumblr of Detective Steve, producer and host of movie review series Film Noir. Posts include videos I've made and movie/TV related memes.

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen Hercules (1997)?

Yes

No

Haven’t even heard of this movie

Voting ended onAug 12

[argumate]

the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy is presents a romance-style female-focused fantasy adventure, which is rare for blockbuster movies.

[argumate]

 - you are Keira Knightley, the high-spirited and ever so slightly spoiled child of a doting father who happens to be the governor

 - every man in the world is crazy about you, from the dashing naval officer who asks for your hand in marriage to the handsome young blacksmith’s apprentice who you met as a child and feel a strong bond with to the devilish pirate lord who saves your life and flirts with you shamelessly and you make out with him once but it’s for a good cause

 - you have two weddings, one where you femme it up and then it turns all emo when it rains on your wedding day and the groom is dragged off in chains by another guy who secretly has the hots for you and then you have a second wedding where you dress as a man because you’re the pirate king now and you exchange custom vows and witty banter during a sword fight with zombies

 - you are Keira Knightley

[empanadazul]

- all three of your potential love interests end up on the same ship at one point they have a lot of tension between them but they don’t fight because you told them not to

- a random pirate you knew for half an hour names you his heir and now you command one of the biggest and most important fleets in the sea

- not only that but you became the Queen of all pirates who now obey you and are at your command. You use your powers to destroy the fleet of the East India Company

- there’s a kraken

[kereeachan]

I’m sorry, KING of all Pirates, please.

[puppygirllaika]

The trilogy ends with you getting head on the beach at sunset from the blacksmiths-apprentice-turned-ghostship-captain who is also your husband.

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen The Princess and the Frog (2009)?

Yes

No

Haven’t even heard of this movie

Voting ended onAug 12

[isabellebissonrouthier]

Your emotional scene that you've edited five times doesn't hit to you because you read it five times, not because it sucks.

[isabellebissonrouthier]

Emphasis on EDITED FIVE TIMES cos if you've put in the work to perfect something and then it suddenly doesn't hit, it's the familiarity that's the problem

[firewalkwithmedvd]

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

[firewalkwithmedvd]

One of the most important critical texts of this century imo

[hypokeimena]

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description

[invisible-goats]

saw an ad outside a local restaurant that said "have a star-crossed dinner this valentine's day"

do...do people not know being star-crossed is bad?

"come here and have a dinner that's cursed by fate"

[3liza]

everone in the replies going "no it isnt" and "ive never heard it used that way before" take a look around at what and who you are surrounding yourself with. ignorance is contagious, never just assume you know the actual literal meaning of anything, look it up

[aholefilledwithtwigs]

I have never read or watched Death Note and i know the whole ‘book that kills people’ premise but from all the shit i see on here it seems to be two teenaged boys acting out this scene over and over

[ankle-beez]

sheep detectives is finally out on digital which means i can show you guys one of the funniest movie scenes of the year so far

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen The Master of Disguise (2002)?

Yes

No

Haven’t even heard of this movie

Voting ended onAug 6

[dubiousculturalartifact]

The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.

I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:

We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.

Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?

It ain’t Kermit

[anyroads]

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

[mindovermuses]

But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?

[muffinflarp69]

There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.

[existennialmemes]

Companies in the 2000s: You wouldn't download a car! Digital copies are still stealing, even if the original copy remains with us.

Companies in the 2020s: That digital copy, which you have paid for, doesn't really belong to you. We're removing it from your library now.

[existennialmemes]

Companies deleting media you've literally purchased is 1000x more realistically "stealing" than digital piracy, you cannot change my mind

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen Chicago (2002)?

Yes

No

Haven’t even heard of this movie

Voting ended onAug 5

[Note: This poll is a re-do of an older poll, as the original poll for it received less than 1,500 votes.]

[hallelujah-blackout]

[warduke]

Need my microwave and emergency eye-wash station

[funny-tik-toks]

[iidsch]

Pretty sure I made this post in the past but I'm making it again because XANA really is one of the coolest villains ever created. There is something very creepy and unsettling about a being that does objectively evil things but can't see its actions as evil. It can't be the classic and cartoony "pure evil" villain that old animated movies and shows had because XANA is just a supercomputer, a machine, an object programmed to do one thing. It's not like AM or Caine because it has no personality either, no mind of its own, no sense of morality. It's closer to a violent animal, a poison or even a disease than to an actual person in terms of intelligence, but it's still causing so much harm to humans that it deserves to be erased from existence

Also the XANA logo fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks so bad. hottest two circles one dot and four lines anyone has ever created

[solarsyrup]

the unimaginable power of saying "huh, guess that's not for me" and moving on with your life

[depsidase]

[do-not-u-dare]

Stole this from somewhere but i think it’s appropriate