If Fibromyalgia was a superpower..

A Fibro Warrior. On a mission to help people. Bring awareness to this invisible illness. Inspire people to be fitter and healthier the best way I can. Coffee lover, gamer, music lover and mental health advocate and sufferer.

[thefibrowarrior]

Goodnight Mark. I love you.

[thefibrowarrior]

I can't keep facing the days feeling like this. I can't stop thinking about you Mark. I miss you. I want you to be here. I'm sorry. So sorry. It's not fair. But. I understand now how you must have felt

I give up with life. I give up feeling this way and all the hurt I keep suffering.

I have a lot of people who I can talk with. But I don't know what to talk about and nothing said will make any of this any better. I'm broken.

[thefibrowarrior]

I wish I could stop Mum crying. She looks at me as if to know what to say. But I don't know. I can't even think straight and I don't want to think or know about it. But she can't talk with anyone. But I'm the same. I don't know what to say to anyone about it.

I'm not ignoring the situation, or ignoring the many comments and messages you lovely lot have sent. It's just so hard for me to say anything or feel even remotely happy or normal as I seem.

No need for comments on this. Just wanted to get it out of me. Writing helps I guess as I can't express by words sometimes what I mean.

Just for anyone struggling I hope you get the help and love you need.

[thefibrowarrior]

I know it can be hard with your problems day by day just like mine. But. I have so many emotions going around in me. It is not an ordinary death for me. I'm no longer a brother. I don't know what to say. It is painful it is awful and I feel so alone. Anger, guilt, confusion with shock and trauma are hand in hand for me. I didn't know he was unhappy I was upset and suicidal myself. I focused on mine and Amy's relationship. Even if it went nowhere. I hate myself and the fact that I am still here and left on my own with someone I need help from I can't have. There is a mark on me. One I can feel slowly killing me. All I have is Amy. In this world. P00

[thefibrowarrior]

The one person I want and need there. I don't feel they are there. I don't need to be mothered. I don't need a counsellor in them or a therapist. I need the fucking person I knew and who was there for me. Not this. God damn it will you listen to what I've been saying for months..

I just can't. I can't anymore. I just don't believe any of this anymore. What the hell happened and why is life so fucking cruel for me.

Been such a hard week and doesn't even feel real at all.

[thefibrowarrior]

My emotions are up and down. I can't sleep. I can't eat. My brain won't switch off and stop thinking about the tragic loss of my brother taking his own life. I'm sorry you where suffering. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm unwell Mark. My mental health had me in the same places as you for months and I still feel the same. I hope you didn't suffer. I love you Mark.

[crps-chronicpain-ptsd]

Forcing myself to push through excruciating pain and then come crashing down has become a cycle of life for me . The decision I make each morning , a trade off : will my mental health come out winning today ? Or will it be : my physical health ? One always looses finding that perfect balance has been near impossible especially when your illness doesn’t play by the text book.

Chronic pain problems •

[thefibrowarrior]

This is common place for myself to push through everything like I'm a superhero with the most rubbish superpower ever. Fibromyalgia. I feel like Icarus most of the time and crash back to earth.

[thefibrowarrior]

Nico knew how alone she really was...

[thefibrowarrior]

[treetopview]

You know what I'm just learning, and I don't know who else needs to hear this but

it's not cheating to make things manageable for yourself

I'm very dyslexic but I love baking, and packet mixes have become my best friend, it's less reading, and less measuring ingredients and I know the end result will taste good.

I know the instructions for my favourite from memory and it makes it so much less stressful for me to enjoy something I love to do!

It's not cheating to wear slip on shoes if you can't manage laces, it's not cheating to try out a bus route before you have to go somewhere new for the first time, it's not cheating to look up the menu for a restaurant before you go out to eat.

make things easier for yourself, you deserve to be able to live your life and do whatever you need to, to make it manageable

[thefibrowarrior]

"Nico knew she was lost in the crowd..

Her Fibromyalgia had been in a flare for days and since George went missing her mental health hasn't been the best."

[thefibrowarrior]

Day to day, hour to hour, minute to the second. My brain patterns can change. It can be either sadness, to depression of extreme and into a massive high which where I feel loved and care so much about everything.

I love everything unique on the world and about someone. As I'm just full of love these days. I hate having to live in the past and try to live day by day.

The last years. My dynamic of where I fit into my family life has changed. How I talk to people, how I listen to them and speak to them is controlled by my fatigue with fibromyalgia. As it can hurt to listen to pointless idiotic people who can't conform to modern technology of the World. I wonder what the point of some humans are sometimes. I am in that case where I don't understand myself or emotions. I never truly know how to be, react or treat someone.  Mostly I struggle to see the point in life sometimes. How people blame others for their own faults. We have one shot. All we are remembered for is date we are born and date we die. Life is numbers. I feel since I became unwell. That I control who I am, how people treat me and what I should put up with. With fibromyalgia. Most of the time I don't know how at the age of 34 I will be able to continue for another 30 or 40+ years of life like this. Knowing that I know now the choices that I make, do to myself and body now. I will have to put up with later in life. But in some way. After how Covid has been. Much like life in the war years of past. Do we ever really have a tomorrow?! I have lost three friends and two family members of late. So I look to tomorrow only.

In some way I'm hoping my medication makes me better to where I'm emotionally numb and do not care how I am treated by family and her. I am devoted to her and just want to be happy again. In it. I realise I have not been fully happy since 2015. The last year I had my grandmother at home and all was well with the woman. I visited her at the Crystal Palace Hotel Christmas 2015. We had a magic time. These are the memories I hold onto when we are strained. As I truly know she doesn't mean to hurt me. In this Lockdown we can't do much or sorting our problems. Til we can be together.

Hopefully soon I can see her.

Life is what we make it. I intend to be an annoying ass to the media about mental health and better treatment of us and also chronic illness sufferers. I want to create a workout routine we can all do. Find life hacks for us. Help you out. This is the job I want. To advocate. Raise awareness and expose to true epidemic of the failing mental health system.

I realise I'm unwell. My sanity does slip and I fall. I treat people how I wish to be treated. But I can be inappropriate and don't realise until too late what I have done as I trust people too easily with deep secrets and share because I don't have anyone actually to talk with due to my isolation. I fear I could offend people or seem a creep with this part of me. Just I never know what normal is, or sadly what a true friend and partner sometimes or family member is. My Grandmother was the only person I had.

Hope you understand me some more.

[thefibrowarrior]

The human mind is a complex and confusing aspect of life for me. Having a chronic illness on top of mental health problems. With an overwhelming, overactive and sometimes painful mind, well, what can I say? It's never ideal.

Emotions, moods and feelings change in an instant. While the mind creates havoc with an over analysing brain for company. I'm never really truly alone, unless you count the voices.

I've never always been unwell. Be it physical with the fibromyalgia, or the mental health problems that are on going. I used to be very happy, full of joy and wanted to live a full life. My brain tolerated bullshit, hardships, depression, loneliness and living in hope that all would turn out better. 

Most peoples lives of how they become unwell with a chronic illness usually vary from person to person and it can be a number of things that can be the trigger. Nothing is known of what causes fibromyalgia. We are just given a few indicators of what it could of been. We then end up playing amateur doctor and detective to figure out what could have caused it. Without ever really finding out what it was. Have a few theories of how I got here. Like most of you have theories of your own.

I never know where my story is going, as day to day is different for me. Be it energy wise, pain, fatigue, appetite and sleep issues. Kind of just flow in and out to the next point of disaster for myself. In it all. I guess I can just keep on going. Blogging and going on this journey.

[thefibrowarrior]

Doing like I used to do and watching Steptoe and Son like I would with Mama 💕 miss her but she’s with me in spirit at least. It’s a new mindset and to make me happy like I was. Have back and talk with my grandmother. Her spirit guide in me to protect me. And also Amy to be there for me and help. Her spirit guide made me fall back in love with her so much. I’m happy. . . . . #mecfs #fibromyalgia #spoonie #chronicillness #mentalhealth #bpd #insomnia #spoonielife #invisibleillness #depression #anxiety #butyoudontlooksick #pwme #me #mecfs #stayhome #selfisolation #memes #spooniecommunity #spoonieproblems #fibro #life #meme #fibromemes #spooniememes #chronicallyfabulous #positivevibes #positivity #weird #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #friendship https://www.instagram.com/p/CESdWx_j099/?igshid=y44w3w4z8q84

[thefibrowarrior]

Couldn’t sleep really. But going to try again now. Been working on what’s going to be our very first very long blog post about me, fibro, life and mental health and where the future is taking me and my spiritual mindset. So be on the look out in the next few weeks. Any tips from bloggers would be great. I’m very new 😊

[thefibrowarrior]

And that’s okay in this life and most of all and I hate this word after the pandemic. The new normal of where you’re life has come too. Take the time for you. It’s okay to have breaks and rest. Be what you can be, and manage what you can do. Take that rest day. Listen to the body and it will help you own you’re life. Give it what it needs. Rest. Don’t feel guilty about it. It’s all about the mindset and narrative we tell ourselves everyday. Peace out. Have a lovely start to the week. . . . #mecfs #fibromyalgia #spoonie #chronicillness #mentalhealth #bpd #insomnia #spoonielife #invisibleillness #depression #anxiety #butyoudontlooksick #pwme #me #mecfs #stayhome #selfisolation #memes #spooniecommunity #spoonieproblems #fibro #life #meme #fibromemes #spooniememes #chronicallyfabulous #positivevibes #positivity #weird #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #friendship https://www.instagram.com/p/CEQHi1ljalt/?igshid=1khecs94o0yjq

[thefibrowarrior]

The Jude is not only the court room drama that it looks. It’s an insightful tale into what goes on behind the court room and into the lives of a family. You’ll enjoy the law bits and cockiness Robert Downey Jr has always put into his roles with the touch of fun. How it’s Sherlock and Tony Stark all in one. But it’s the fitting tale of no matter how bad you’re family is. You love them, and you’ll always care for them. But sometimes it’s the people in life that you do truly love and takes you seeing something to remind you of that heart warming fact. The endearing nature of the film will bring you into it and swallow you up into caring about the characters and the father/son relationship. But also between a grandfather, and how we hide things from ourselves and how our health really is and the ever handing fate of that age catches up with all of us in time. You’ll laugh, you’ll feel sad and cry but most of will the film along. Each turn of character development adds to the whole and I’m sure you’ll take something out of the film and be able to project into you’re life. This is why The Judge 2014 is my movie pick of the week. Check it out on Netflix now.