The angels are here !

coll. name is Arden& it / he >> they& my art blog @explosivecatharsis DNIs are chronically online, but anti-endo "systems" and anti-fiction folx can FUCK OFF. Как там говорили, "I'd rather die than be associated with you"? Lmao. Call me by name, don't generalize me with communitues so you can have a reason to say "ALL (insert) are mean!!" O, ja, ja! Das ist fantastisch! Мой язык — твой главный враг! Нахуй — там! Калитка настежь! Fuck you, fuck you, мо-рал-фаг! /lyr

[thegalvanizedstaff]

I envy people who have dumb or not-deep thoughts while showering. 💀 Tonight I've thought of how I'm actually reciprosexual—maybe, I haven't thought too much about a label—and I do not experience sexual attraction first, if at all, and I'm hypersexual simply because I'm anhedoniac and the arousal is a physiological response that is a quick and better option than the life-consuming boredom. I don't actually like porn! I really prefer romantic or action books. Oh, and my (auto)biastophilia is directly connected to touch-starvation. Nope, I won't elaborate.

[thegalvanizedstaff]

sunset and night sky together <3

[thegalvanizedstaff]

writing the Player to be plural, and they will have a lazy brainmade Host, but with introjects of Teablins who are motivation holders and caretakers, and who frequently front because of always being around Teablins. I'm cooking asf. 🔥 but, if Teablins are real in their world, wouldn't that be a factive then? lol

[thegalvanizedstaff]

Green Tea introject, named Leaf, would be a secondary host who primarily runs the teashop.

Black Tea introject, named Red, would be a playmate who fronts usually to play with Teablins.

If Leaf is fronting around Black Tea? Oh, the player would get all cranky, zoned out, and most likely have a headache. Leaf would try to leave front (zoning out), or zey'll get irritable that zey have to be around Black Tea (headache).

If Red fronts around Green Tea, (as far as I know the canon rivalry is one-sided), so I think the player would have a weird sense of dejavu around zem, but not much hostility, and they& can brush it off as just feeling sentimental or such.

If Red and Leaf co-front? The player would feel stiff, restless and out of place. Definitely have a headache, dissociation in waves. Sometimes feel hatred or annoyance at "themselves&", but it's... not quite at their& self? Lol.

[thegalvanizedstaff]

writing the Player to be plural, and they will have a lazy brainmade Host, but with introjects of Teablins who are motivation holders and caretakers, and who frequently front because of always being around Teablins. I'm cooking asf. 🔥 but, if Teablins are real in their world, wouldn't that be a factive then? lol

[thegalvanizedstaff]

I wonder if all the TT fans are just on other platforms, where TT has official accounts (Instagram, Twitter), and is why I don't find any fans here. I don't have any of those, only Tumblr and Telegram. Insta is not available in my country, and I don't hate myself that much to get Twitter. I wish more TT fans spreaded onto other platforms, ughh. 💔

[thegalvanizedstaff]

you rly feel that under-presentation for PTSD when talking about uncommon triggers, now I think. 💀 it's Common to have specific / "unusual" triggers related to your trauma. of course, it's weird to go around and expect people to put TWs for things that are considered normal / non-triggering, but I'm sick of people going in response, "Who would even get triggered by that? You're the only weirdo here." no, actually I'm pretty sure there is at least 5 people with that trigger.

where do you think hypervigilance, random dissociative episodes and mood swings come from in PTSD? often from the fact that we have specific triggers that we cannot quite avoid, because it's a regular thing in daily life, or because we don't even know what's the exact trigger is, how to describe it to avoid it. or that the trigger is a Specific Situation, so while you can avoid "TW abuse" labeled stuff or such, you can't know if the abuse is similar to your experience or not. sometimes you get triggered, sometimes you don't.

you know what's my weird indescribable trigger is? when you're excited to have a good time or you are having a good time, but it goes really fucking wrong and upsetting cuz of a small unimportant thing. nothing UPSETS me like seeing / hearing someone expect to have fun, and then something fucks up and they are not having fun. it happened to me repeatedly that I'll go from "yay I'm spending time with both my parents <3" to "why do y'all always have to fucking argue over smallest things. I don't want to be here anymore." even writing this makes me quite sad and tearful.

or one of my weird triggers is seeing cars irl. like, just normal fucking cars. especially if they're in motion. I associate them with my mother and I always feel watched if there is a car anywhere nearby, even if it's supposedly empty.

[thegalvanizedstaff]

maybe it's not fine to compare people shipping fictional ships to rapists, and, wow, so mature. an antishipper calls me a child rapist (let's be honest, they don't know the difference between a rapist and a person with a paraphilic disorder), goes onto an innocent art to comment weird sexual things, and then blocks me so I can't even question them. and then you wonder why pro-shipping folx don't like y'all. no actual points made, they just harassed me and ran away. I want antishippers fucking buried into cement.

[thegalvanizedstaff]

what happened to "multiplicity", bro. why are we using "systemality" now. at least I've seen multiplicity being used purely in medical context or by disordered systems, unlike. y'know. "system" being used widely by pro-endos and non-traumas, to the point it's considered a community word. what's wrong with multiplicity, i think it has a nice touch 💔

[thegalvanizedstaff]

"reminder that proships, comships and darkships will never be a part of lgbtq!!" well obviously, how the fuck is liking horror fiction somehow inherently related to liking women and men or whatever. what the FUCK are you talking about

[thegalvanizedstaff]

you know TT has an official discord server? there are other fans and even a channel for fanart, and I would've loved to talk there sometimes and share my art, but the server requires your confirmed phone number in order to talk. which, ain't no fucking way I'm giving discord my number too. I guess I'll just keep hoping that some of the fans will stumble upon my content here or on Pinterest, lol

[thegalvanizedstaff]

Taking up my favorite writer's books in the original language, and god, it's so cool to know she is queer-friendly (I guess? otherwise she wouldn't have such moments in the stories, y'know). When I was reading her books translated in Russian, they were censored, cut out, or characters' genders were mixed to make it non-queer. Idk what organizations have edited them, but I noticed that non-Russian books have more lively designs, they actually mention the author's social medias and other books, and are not censored much. Maybe I just got lucky...

[thegalvanizedstaff]

I fucking love cereal / flakes. 🔥🔥🔥 Sweet, milk, crunchy, not too firm but still solid enough to not feel like you're drinking compote? Count me in.

this probably why I like soup too. Don't get me started on how much I love soup... (I tend to over-eat it till I get nauseous and it hurts to keep eating, because the taste is too delicious and I get oblivious of whether I'm full). Luckily, I don't over-eat cereal, because the amount of milk makes me queasy too soon, but the principle stands. 😼

[songformicrophone]

treat endogenic systems seriously

[thegalvanizedstaff]

ENDOGENIC SYSTEMS MENTIONED 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[thegalvanizedstaff]

mom genuinely believes she's a witch, damn. she says I'M a witch too, as her offspring, and I'm supposed to have even stronger abilities, so "it's weird I don't have prophetic dreams";

it sounds so corny, because I do NOT believe in anything of this, I repeatedly told her I do not share her beliefs.

she believes in omens and scolds me if I drop a spoon or place house keys on a kitchen table, I just think it's life. she is super spiritual, believes that she has special powers and that spirits follow her (she had times when she'd see things that weren't there, or wake up to someone pushing her or talking to her despite being alone in the room), and I thought she's just hallucinating. she says she has prohetic dreams, and that she can "feel" when someone is not nice or when my dad "could be cheating". She struggles to keep friendships, because she is really resentful and has episodes of thinking everyone is out to get her. It's so easy to write off as "quirks", and I used to, but tonight she really just weirded me out. At this point I question if she has something else going on along with PTSD, depression and substance use disorder. lmao

[maybewilting]

decided to draw what happened last night

[someone]

pt & screenshot of situation under cut

[PT: Ruin: "The worst part is, he showed up with me, he didn't know up before me." (Arrow pointing to Ruin, saying "Complaining about [someone]".) BF&: "Oh, it's the Pisser!" [Someone]: (Thinking about the colour orange, passing the thought onto Ruin). Ruin: "Want to know what he said to that? (Orange circle). I don't understand." (Angry/upset). END PT]

[thegalvanizedstaff]

Every fandom needs some memes...

[thegalvanizedstaff]

you do realize someone can be endo-neutral, cuz they have different stances among the headmates. or they're still figuring out their opinion and looking into it. or they don't care about origin discourse and are against the concept of being "pro (eixstence of a group of people)",, or etc. no one owes you a collective presentation or singletsona, no one owes you that they'll care as deeply as you do about some things, no one owes you immediate knowledge and certainty about themselves. 💀💀💀 "it's so easy to choose a side though!", you should be kinder about the fact that there is a shit ton of misinformation and aggression and arrow-throwing around the internet, and that if you make a mistake you will be labeled as unfixable and deserving of pain by others. of COURSE some people are hesitant to pick a side