Role Centrism
Hi again! Welcome to another plural community essay/rant. This essay's topic is roles, and how most plural households seem to value them above the desires and emotions of their headmates.
Grab a snack and get comfortable-- this will be a long one.
... As if the rest of these rants aren't also long, haha.
As I sat down to write this essay, I kept getting stuck on where to begin. The origin of role-centric structures, a personal story, my personal feelings... It's always tough trying to figure out where to begin. But I think I've got a good idea now!
In past plural communities, I've always seen housemates introducing themselves alongside their roles. This felt strange to us. I mean-- you don't introduce your occupation when you meet someone online, do you? Or do you say "Hi my name is John Doe, I work at McDonalds" every time you meet someone?? It sounds ridiculous, quite frankly. So why were people doing this?
It's all medicalization, baby. The shift from open, free plurality to structured, rigid systemhood has become difficult to ignore over the years. With a rise in anti-endo rhetoric and raging oppression olympics, it's almost obvious that things would land here, in hindsight. But the Mind Virus that is strictly believing in the medical field and using the DSM-V like a bible is sneaky and methodical. It comes up slowly, carefully weaving in little bits of medicalization and harmful advice until you're down the rabbit hole.
Okay, maybe you're confused. What do roles have to do with this?
Well, have you ever heard the phrase "all headmates are created with a purpose/job/role"? Yeah, that's medicalization of plurality. Not every housemate needs a job, or a role, or a purpose. In fact, in our household-- none of us do. We just exist and do whatever we feel like! And despite what assumptions you may be making, we're quite functional and happy this way.
It's not that hard of a concept to grasp. Not every person on Earth is employed, right? So if you're treating your roles like occupations, then why would everyone need to have a role? The answer is that they don't. No one does. Maybe that scares you, maybe you think everything will come crashing down as soon as you abandon your Life's Divine Purpose, but I can promise that whatever you're thinking won't happen.
It's the age-old question: what's the meaning of life? We could go on and on, circling around each other's words in a debate, but we'll never land on a clear, definite answer that everyone in the world agrees with-- because it's subjective. What you do with your life is your choice. Why not apply the same principle to plurality? You're all living a life together, aren't you?
Okay, let's get back to roles. What are they, anyway? Most pluralfolk online seem to interpret it as a job, internal or external, that helps the household function. Sounds great on paper, right? But what happens when you put pressure on someone to perform their role/job? What happens when you rely on them to get you all through a tough spot, completely disregarding their own feelings on the matter? What happens when they finally crack under the pressure and say they've had enough?
That is when everything would come crashing down. Not having any roles wouldn't cause a result like this-- solely because there's no pressure to be or do anything. And because of how quickly roles shift into obligation and Divine Purpose, we decided to abolish them from our household entirely. We're much, much more satisfied with our life now. We can switch freely, we can enjoy our hobbies, and best of all, we can live life knowing there's no job we need to be doing 24/7.
This also ties into host centrism. When you place an entire body's collective responsibilities onto the "host" and force everyone else into the background, that "host" is bound to break eventually. No one can handle that much pressure to survive when there's other people who could be helping them.
Alongside that, this issue is also closely related to labels and how they force people into unnecessary boxes half the time. I don't think I need to elaborate on that much. But if anyone wants me to-- I can! Just comment or reblog with a messaging saying so.
All of this to say: the way roles are viewed in today's plural community is harmful. Either find a new way to approach roles or get rid of them before they inevitably define and break you.
Thank you for reading this rant/essay. Remember to take care of yourself, and have a nice day!
