Writing for Friends About Friends
List of things I have noticed so far.
Maybe it’s all just me.
Issues that have cropped up:
- I can now hear the voices of these friends inside my head even when I don’t want to (Eg. When I’m showering, watching a movie, reading smut, etc)
- I have been swamped with an insurmountable amount of guilt (More than I think I’d feel if I was writing smut involving me and my actual father)
- Some people I feel no remorse writing about (Maybe I don’t feel they’re real or I think I could infinitely amuse them with every fucked thing I can come up with)
- Writing about threesomes makes me wanna die (Two people makes it easy to write without thinking about the person in any amount of detail aside from character traits. Three? Suddenly I’m recalling every interaction I have witnessed between said friends and I feel like the worst human in existence.)
- I’m a glutton for punishment (I need to stop telling people I write. Especially what I write about. I like having friends.)
- Imagining people I’m not sexually attracted to, nor want to do anything sexual with ever, is one of the weirdest experiences. Am I torturing myself? Is this another form of masochism? (Scratch that. It’s probably self-destructive tendencies merging with my emotional masochistic tendencies.)
- The amount of times I’ve fantasised about said friends (who are aware I am writing what I am *about* them) killing me. Like... Just finish reading it, turn to me and uhhh murder me.
- I don’t want to stop writing what I’m writing even though I feel like human garbage. In fact I want to finish it to prove to myself I can do anything. (I feel like I have been made with very bad character flaws for comedic effect.)
- I am concerned my best friend will no longer want to be my friend because my new found freedom with other friends lets me feel like I can talk about anything. (Based on her reaction last night I can’t tell if this is now a definite likelihood or if I’m just overthinking it >_>)
- I overthink EVERYTHING. I think more about the perceptions of my audience (my friends) than I do about people who read my fanfics (as opposed to ‘friendfics’)
- I want the people I write about to read what I write. (And then I want them to murder me.)
There was no purpose to this. I just needed to rant somewhere >_> *shrugs* Console myself since I know I’m not gonna stop :D















