the HIIT queen

I deleted my old tumblrs and ended up here. Fresh start. It's time to stop talking bulls**t and do the f**king work. SW June 2018: 239 | CW: 230.2 | 1st Goal Weight: 226.4

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Not a consistent streak using my fitness pal, but happy to report I'm now 230.2 lbs! I'm been following #the21daymealplan since last weekend, 80% complaint with food restrictions. That's 8.8 down from starting weight. I haven't been to the gym in a week. I had a busy schedule with work related networking events that are crucial to building up my career. This week I have more time after to get to the gym and focus on mindfulness. I'm really happy to see a change on the scale. Though small in number, it is doing wonders for my happiness and my confidence to continue on this track. #weighinmonday #activelife #fitspo #fitbit #getitgurl #mentalhealth #losetheweight

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Making plans and keeping them

Eric and I just put down our deposit for our wedding for September 2019! It’s an exciting time while also being quite stressful. The deposit was mos,t if not all, of our individual savings including our shared savings account for travel. I knew it would be expensive to get married but I must say it’s even more so in Vermont, considering how beautiful our state is. We know have a year and 2 months to save for the remaining of venue aside from the additional costs of dress, suit, florist, music, and decor. But we will figure it out.

Along with the wedding stress is my own personal stress about my body and self image. I’ve been doing better as of late. I’ve been getting more exercise and I’m adjusting my eating habits to including more veg than heavy carbs. I’m maintaining my current weight which is good, but I’d like to see change on the scale soon. I’ll also take my measurements this week and assess the changes once a month. I’ll be weighing myself once a week on Mondays.

I used to weigh myself daily back in college which at the time was an encouraging tactic but now is giving me anxiety and increasing my insecurities on a daily basis. With these changes I hope to see change. Its going to be slow but I just need to keep going. 

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Worked out at home today after therapy appointment. I didn't feel like trekking to the gym and also did not not want to work out. I jogged in place 10 minutes and then used a variety of resistance bands to do a whole body workout, including squats, bicep curls, tricep curls, side leg raises, and hip extensions. Finished with another 10 minutes of jogging in place. . Now I'm literally gonna chill and meditate with a small glass of rosé and say positive affirmations. Doing the work! #fitbit #activelife #fitspo #getitgurl #mentalhealth #roseallday #positiveaffirmations

[thehiitqueen-blog]

This was yesterday's success. Weekend activity has been tough for me in the past but now I find that I make myself get up because there is no excuse to not go for a simple walk. But even with this achievement, I found myself having a breakdown after shopping and trying on clothes and bras. Clothes either didnt fit right or fit at all. My cup size has gone up and now I feel more insecure about my large breasts. I cried all the way home but I pep talked myself, telling myself I can change if I want to, I can br better if I want to, I can wear this if I want to. It's all about state of mind to really push yourself for positive change. #fitbit #activelife #fitspo #getitgurl #mentalhealth #staypositive #goodvibesonly #steps #mindovermatter

[thehiitqueen-blog]

My pup and I hiked Mt Philo early this morning. It is incline all the way up and I was sweating so hard. I burned over 600 calories round trip in 1 hour. #hiking #mtphilo #mountphilo #activelife #fitspo #fitbit #getitgurl (at Mount Philo State Park)

[thehiitqueen-blog]

There are days I see myself as beautiful and attractive and other days that I feel like an ugly human being that doesn't take care of herself because she has an extra tire around her waist. I adore the former and dread the latter. Today I feel pretty and I'm working on maintaining that feeling by being kind to myself. Just because losing weight can make you healthy it doesn't necessarily make you mentally healthy as well. The two need to go hand in hand if I'm going to make it to my goals. Be kind to yourself. #fitspo #activelife #fitbit #clearglasses #getitgurl #kindness #mentalhealth #health

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Another sweaty #postworkout selfie. This is how I used to stay motivated and accountable back when I lost over 25 lbs in college. I took post workout selfie to post on my tumblr to mark another day of accomplishment. #fitbit #fitgirlnerd #activelife #fitspo #1lbatatime #ymca

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Chin up darling, you looking beautiful today. . Feeling so good this morning and I'm even looking forward to tonight's workout session. Mmm mmm let's keep these good vibes going. #optimistic #fitbit #engaged #getitgurl #mmhmm #fitspo

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Liquid lunch today. Didn't have enough time to make myself a real lunch but I still had a half bag of chocolate Shakeology left. The taste is fine. Just hope it satisfies my needs.

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Forgot to mention, I just got engaged! My boyfriend/partner of nearly 10 years proposed last week and we are so excited to be in this new stage of our relationship. We are in no rush to plan the wedding. We really want to enjoy this time and make plans slowly. 

We have a lot ahead of us aside from getting married in the near future. He is starting grad school in the fall, I’m still getting acclimated to my new job, and we’d really like to foster or adopt another dog. Also, I’m trying to focus on myself these days. I feel more determined than ever to focus on weight loss and health because I want to look and feel beautiful for myself. 

I’ve worked out 2 days in a row, I’ve gotten 10k steps as well. Diet still needs some tweaking to really optimize losing weight but I actually feel like it’s possible. 

I see my mental health counselor every other week and she has taught me mindfulness techniques.  I feel like if I can really use these tools to focus on the positive and to be kind to myself than I can really achieve some discipline and self confidence. 

So much is ahead. So much is possible. 

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Here we go! I submitted both photos for DietBet, which officially begins tomorrow! I’m already filled with anxiety to lose 4% of my overall weight but I’m trying to remain focused on this first goal. 

We all know that losing weight is more than just losing weight. It’s about finding a balance within our selves, both physically and mentally, and for some, maybe even spiritually. 

I’m doing my best to accept myself as I am now but I’m not settling for this being me for the rest of my life. I can change if I want to and I do. I just have to want it enough to actually do something about it. So I am now.

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Simple adjustments make all the difference

I’ve decided to go by this motto above. At least for a little while.

I recently signed for DietBet that begins in a few days. I’ve never tried it before and at this point I’m willing to try new things that’ll get me where I want to go.

With this DietBet, I have a month to lose 4% of my starting weight. So I’d have to lose 9.4 lbs to win back the money I bet, which was $30, plus split the pool of cash with other participants. Seems like a good deal. I need to actually make the effort to lose the weight and win the bet.

9.4 lbs of weight loss in a month seems reasonable and doable, which is why I’m considering it to be my first realistic and achievable weight loss goal.

I use to think 20-30 lbs should be my first goal but really, starting small can make you feel more victorious and encourage you more in the long term. 

I’ll be posting my before photo along with the starting weight in a few days. Stay tuned. 

[thehiitqueen-blog]

I’ve been feeling defeated lately

I’ve been at the new job for 2 weeks now. It’s taken some getting used to: different and new responsibilities, coworkers, boss, eating habits, and longer walking commute.

These can all be see as good changes or rather just as changes. 

But despite all this great change, that I have deliberately been seeking for months, I still feel unhappy. 

Because of the new routine, I haven’t been working out but I have been getting 10k steps almost every day, but I don’t think my commute makes up for the calories I could be burning or the progress I could be making if i was actually going to the gym and making an effort. 

I do this all the time. I can take any positive and turn it into a negative. It’s a masterful skill I’ve developed over the years and it has destroyed me in a lot of ways. I realize I’m depressed again. I haven’t been taking my medication because some random morning I decided to stop and I can’t really tell you why because I don’t even really know. I haven’t been eating right and I can’t give you an excuse or reason because I have none to offer in my defense. Thus I conclude depression and ya know, I really don’t want to talk about it. I’ve gone through the motions of my own bullshit so many times that I am just not going to go through it again. I just want to get over it. I want to move on. 

Thus ends my defeat lamination. 

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Non-scale victories

1) I started my new job this week. I already feel positive about my choice to leave previous job and I'm enjoying getting to know my new coworkers.

2) I scheduled my first all day conference. I already so grateful to this new gig providing great opportunities.

3) I've exceeded my 10k step goal seven days in a row.

4) I went running 2 days in a row last week with plans to continue the trend this weekend.

5) My partner and I made a great plan to not buy takeout food for the next week and a half by buying all our groceries and dedicating ourselves to proper meal prepping.

[thehiitqueen-blog]

I went on a jog/run/walk this morning, outside, for an hour.

I got in about 8k steps of 10k daily goal on my Fitbit. I felt good about doing it. It was not easy. I wanted to give up but I kept going, trying not to tear myself down if I stopped running to walk a bit. I want to do this again tomorrow morning. I want to repeat this feeling of accomplishment.

We'll see.

[summersweeet]

[thehiitqueen-blog]

Here she is, Alex’s official before photo, weighing in at 230 lbs with zero clothes on.

It was difficult to take these photos, especially in the midst of a mental breakdown while trying on clothes, which I must say is my absolute nightmare. Buying new clothes for the past 2 years has not be fun. Why? Because I have to buy clothes that actually fit because I’ve continuously and progressively gained weight.

A positive? I’ve maintained a weight range from 225 to 230 lbs for the past few months.

Maybe posting these photos will truly push to start this thing for real. This blog is called exposure closure. Get ready world. You’re about to see all the ugly.