[sextuspompey]

the Cc in emails stands for Cuck chair

[oneheadtoanother]

[tatters-the-bat]

Are they like..... Yknow.... [Goes to do a hand gesture but forgets I'm a wizard and I accidentally cast Lv50 lightning bolt]

[sandmandaddy69]

Richard Nadler

[kettle-bird]

I reached into the void, and the void gave me a fist bump

[batshit-auspol]

Here's our most requested item: Bob Katter's same-sex marriage speech, in all its unhinged glory

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian politics!

[kalmiopsis]

[great-gatsby]

every reread kills me a little bit more

[great-gatsby]

reread and enjoy <3

[woodsywarbler]

waiter, waiter! one me burger with a side of awesome sauce! five stars!

[sgt-cookie-2]

Me (A time traveler visiting 20-year old Mozart): OK, so, this is called an electric guitar, basically instead of the body functioning as a resonance chamber, it produces music by harnessing the power of lightning. Do you have any other questions?

Mozart (Currently shredding Violin Concerto No. 1 on the guitar, having figured it out within 30 seconds): What other music can be made from harnessed lightning?

Me (Loading up some heavy dubstep): Oh, we're just getting started.

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[snickerpuffs]

call me ʔ the way i make her glottal stop. this is nothing. this post is fucking nothing.

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[wordfather]

just found out that accidentally in love by counting crows was literally made for shrek. they didnt just choose it. it didnt exist before. they asked counting crows to make a song for shrek 2 and thats how we got one of the best songs ever made. insane.

[wordfather]

counting crows knew shrek 2 would become one of the best movies ever made and had to act accordingly

[plumslices]

When youre completely naked in the ocean then youll get it

[idonthavepurplehair]

Chat gpt you will never be her

[beaft]

google help me

[beaft]

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

[beaft]

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

[beaft]

this too is a kingism

[beaft]

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

[beaft]

i'm starting a collection

[mikkeneko]