Meet the human beneath the Human Being

The creepiest and most sensory deprived school mascot you're likely to ever encounter; I'm the Greendale Community College Human Being. And I'm getting real tired of this crap

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

What color eyes do you have?

Due to the Dean’s need for all racial equality, my eyes are literally black dots.

[deanievidivici-deactivated20140]

Can’t you just appreciate the important role you’re playing in improving race relations?

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

no

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

Is it true you're bad at poker?

I've never played.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

What color eyes do you have?

Due to the Dean's need for all racial equality, my eyes are literally black dots.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

Do you have any children?

Why would I subject myself to taking care of needy little people so early in life?

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

I heard you're a victim of human trafficking.

If only the reason I put on this stupid costume was because I had nothing else.

But you heard wrong.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

I almost got hit by a car today????

Dumbass needs to look both ways before turning into a school's parking lot I mean jeez

'Course I couldn't call him out on his crap because I was in this stupid costume (I signed a mute contract...) but man did I wave my arms angrily at him

Some people I swear to god...

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

Do you prefer plaid or polka dots?

Neither

Stripes motherfucker

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

Listen Up Yo

Not sure if any one clued in but I was on.... hiatus... for a few... weeks.

Mostly due to hiding in an undisclosed location on the Greendale campus (without wifi but with food). Man those subway guys can be scary

All you gotta know is that no one seemed to care enough about lil' old me to inform me of the school's triumphant victory over corporate takeover (I'm thrilled. No. Really). So I'd been hiding out... bidding my time... And then the damn cleaning crew finally found me. Turns out the door was jammed so even if I wanted out I would have been stuck. Heh. Go figure.

So basically I'm here. You can go back to harassing me about my private life now, if you really want.

[professorseven-blog]

It's an actual question. What frightens you?

Well, let’s see, there’s tarantulas (only in real life, not bothered by them on screen or in pictures), good horror movies (so few of those), and the Greendale Human Being, which I think frightens everyone.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

rude

[blackbbonnet]

[ask-chang]

What might have been, eh, thehumanbeneaththebeing? 

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

and I'm thanking my lucky stars it never was

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

What job would you PREFER to have?

Is 'anything but this' a good enough answer? Something normal? Like working in a clothing store or grocery story or fast food joint?

Something that doesn't involve dressing up in a full-body suit that impairs my vision and ability to speak? HMM??? 

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

At what age did you decide on the noble profession of mascot-being?

Back in 2009 when they revamped it and it was made apparent that I'd have to do a school service to graduate. My choices were slim; participate in one of Professor Duncan's infamous experiments or be the school mascot. And when you hear that the only unaffected subject to walk out of one of those tests was Abed Nadir.... You don't willingly participate.

I was in my first year then... the tender, young age of 18... Naive in thinking that this hell would only be for the duration of my quasi-education....

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

Everyone wants to know. Are you a boy or a girl?

My identity as a human has been entirely consumed by this genderless creature from hell.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

If you could give your childhood self a piece of advice, what would it be?

Don't go to Greendale Community College.

Just don't.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

What part of Greendale do you find the most accepting of your get-up?

Well considering I'm just about being tracked down like game in hunting season by these Subway guys, not any.

But normally? Who am I kidding, the current situation is normal by this place's standards  Normally I guess the big blue G on my chest is generally accepted by all?

The drama and film students seem to like me for purely theatrical reasons. Oh, and the visual arts students like to doodle me on classroom tables (my sidebar image is courtesy of one of these students who also happens to be one the few friends I have who is aware of this job).

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

So...I have to ask...what are YOUR post-Greendale plans?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH AHa ahhaaa haaa ha...

Oh wow, thanks I needed that.

You assume I'll one day get out of this now-subway-run hell hole. As if the ever increasing required number of community service hours in this demon-suit would let me.

[thehumanbeneaththebeing]

It feels like AGES since I've seen you out on the floor, you know. I hope you're not thinking of becoming a Subway Human Being. Orgasmically delicious sandwiches aside, they hardly have the best interests of the individual at heart.

It's not my fault that as soon as those Subway goons catch a glimpse of white morph-suit they pounce. Besides if there's no more Greendale I can't really do Greendale Community Service.Wait.

Does that mean I'm off the hook?