And the Prince Burned

• agender prince • • bisexual queen • • polyamorous bitch •

[demilypyro]

oh to be the queen of a group of dumb yet capable boys who respect and adore me in equal measure

[demilypyro]

no, more like a fan club, or some very enthusiastic bodyguards

[demilypyro]

yEAH

[saintsideways]

Prompt I will never do anything with: instead of being given to the Dursleys, Harry Potter is put up for adoption and is adopted by the Addams Family

[fieldbears]

Gomez, being forcibly removed from the stands of a Hogwarts quidditch match for the third time: MY BOY! MY BOY’S UP THERE! HE’S SEEKER!

McGonagall, sweating: Mr. Addams, how do you keep sneaking onto grounds

[saintsideways]

As I said to @door :

Wednesday is woefully jealous of how dramatic Harry's origin is and fiercely protective of him, only SHE is allowed to torture him

[door]

[tygermama]

Harry's hair would be more slicked back and shinier than Draco could ever hope to achieve Harry still gets sorted into Gryffindor Morticia says he gets that from Gomez' side of the family

[crinosg]

Meanwhile Wednesday gets into Hogwarts as well,

*During House assigning*

Professor McGonnagal: Wednesday Addams.

Wednesday *begins to get up*

Sorting hat: Yeah no, no, sit back down kid. You’re Slytheren. I have never been more sure of anything in my existence.

*Later at Slytheren dorm*

Draco: Well look, if it isn’t Potter’s little Mudblood sister, listen up you little...

Wednesday: *Shoots Malfoy a glare which instantly silences him.* You will listen to me and listen carefully. I do not like repeating myself. Harry is off limits. In fact, everyone in Gryffondor is off limits, that goes for the rest of you. If you cause ANY trouble for my adopted brother, you will answer directly to me. Is this understood?

Draco:...Yes mum.

*Later in potions class*

Snape: Potter, you were two seconds late, twenty points from Gryffondor.

Wednesday: *Picks up beaker and smashes it on the floor.* Professor Snape. I have wilfully destroyed school property. I believe that is a twenty point deduction from Slytheren house.

Snape: Did you? Well I didn’t see it so.

Wednesday: *Gets up, walks to the front of the class, looking Snape in the eye the entire time, smashes another beaker on the ground right in front of him.* Twenty. Points. From Slytheren.

Snape:..... Alright then twenty points from Slytheren.

Wednesday: *Returns to seat, still glaring at Snape*

Snape: Now before we get on with classes I have the results of last weeks pop quiz, fairly expected stuff, Mr. Weasley you did adequate, but your penmanship was atrocious which is...

Wednesday *Grabs another beaker and holds it up with a look on her face that says ‘I can keep this up as long as you can old man’*

Snape:....Something you should work on in the future.

*Later*

Draco: Can’t you just expel her professor?

Snape: Well I could in theory, but considering her muggle father keeps somehow sneaking in here I think whether she has permission to be here or not is rather Academic. Besides, I’m not crossing her after what she did to Umbridge.

Draco: *Shudders* Don’t remind me.

[randomslasher]

This is one of those posts I'm going to watch for hopefully in future to see what awesome new additions it gets. Go on Tumblr, be brilliant!

[teethkeeper]

please keep me informed as well

[injuries-in-dust]

I just imagined the third book when they learn Sirius Black is trying to kill Harry, and is his godfather.

Gomez: well that makes him family, we must invite him over.

Harry: but father, everyone says he's trying to kill me.

Gomez: oh, of course, how thoughtless of me. Lurch, put away the swords for guests and sharpen up the good swords we use for special occasions! A relative visiting is one thing, but a murderous relative needs to be celebrated.

Harry: thank you, father.

[im-forever-a-fangirl]

XD and as soon as they find sirius is innocent hed be welcomed into the family with open arms.

Can you imagine the Addams during the fight at the ministry of magic or at hogwarts?

[injuries-in-dust]

Gomez with a sword

Mortitia with man eating plants

Pugsley with explosives

Wednesday just keeps pulling bigger and bigger weapons out of those tiny pockets on her dress. She has a wand but never uses it!

A death eater turns a corner and she's inexplicably there with a cannon!

[koffinrott]

Okay but the Addams Family going off on Dumbledore for all the BS he put Harry through without warning him like he could have. (Because fuck that shit. Destiny/fate my ass.)

[saidebanks]

Just...just all of this... Mortisha: So how was your first year of schooling children? Wensday: *pouting* Harry got to see a 3 headed dog and play with it. Harry: Only a little! Gomez: Oh how fun! Maybe we should look into getting one or 2!

[dianamoonposts-deactivated20240]

All the yes

[duhultimatenerd97-deactivated20]

How am I only just finding this, this is brilliant

[injuries-in-dust]

When they find out Lupin was fired for being a werewolf they offer him a place to stay. Granmama brews his wolfbane potion every month, better than Snape!

And they start calling him "cousin Remus" before the end of the second week.

[lyrslair]

Hagrid, of course, is always welcome in their house along with any creatures he’s adopted and needs to hide from the authorities.

[veepoutofcontext]

[lovinglybaking]

[oscarlovesthesea]

what a year this morning has been

[incel-moved-deactivated20210803]

[stormstarks]

I love how so much of the Jonas Brother's new brand is just "hey have you guys seen my wife, this is my wife, isnt she great? I love my wife 😍"

[deathtoamericasmokecrack]

[wretched-mog]

[brawltogethernow]

I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”

[dankmemeuniversity]

[xelayxes]

[xelayxes]

@matzahball

[residenttasmaniandevil-deactiva]

“Clothes have no gender” not only goes for guys who dress feminine and girls who dress masculine but also for non-binary people who don’t dress angrogynous. My clothes have no gender and neither do I.

[jamieaiken919]

everybody go home this is the best tweet of the day

[lakevida]

a lighter company trying to start a marketing campaign like how have YOU used your zippo lighter? #zippo and it backfires when everyone uses the hashtag to confess to unsolved arson cases and it turns out all of them are true and then lighters get cancelled and everyone gets back into using like a stick and a piece of flint to make fire because it’s more eco friendly because it’s harder to do arson with. i’m sincerely the highest i’ve ever been and this took a monumental effort to type. i love the art of short stories

[wern]

why is it when you go to a hair salon as a transmasc/nb person and go “i want something very short and simple. masculine. here’s a photo of a man. that’s how i want my hair to look.” without fail your middle aged hairdresser is like “yes. right. i know exactly what you’re looking for. let me just ….. snip snip” and you come out of there like 2007 kate gosselin

[lyraeon]

Ok so: I’m cis female but had this problem, in that I could never get them to cut my hair short enough. I eventually found ways to get them to cooperate though - and this was with hair I was sporting from 15-23, so you can probably get them to take you seriously. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of these tips will involve recognizing that you’ve already been misgendered and voluntarily running with that.

First of all, just go to a barbershop instead of a hair salon, if you can. It’s cheaper anyway, and you’re far more likely to get what you want from either a place where every employee has ten tattoos minimum, or from someone who’s mis-aging you not misgendering you

Barring that, e.g. If there’s only one shop nearby or your parents control where you go, pick the stylist with the wildest hair or most tattoos

If you can do so, make yourself sound like a huge lesbian the whole time. I could never get a middle aged white woman to actually take clippers my head if I hadn’t already talked about my (usually imaginary) girlfriend

If you like having your hair clipped/shaved, find out what numbers they use on you next time someone does it right, then tell everyone moving forward. Some still won’t believe you, but saying “I want a 2 into a 5” was always a lot more effective than “I want it shaved up”

Don’t tell them it’s fine until it is. I know this is something we’re socialized into accepting but this is true regardless of who you are and what hair cut you’re getting. If you’re not satisfied, say so. So what if they get annoyed? They’re not doing their job right. You’re paying for a service, you deserve it done the way you want.

On a related note, bribery will get you everywhere. If you live in a place where tipping is normal, and you can afford it, then come prepared with extra cash. If they do it right without you complaining, tip them well and say “hey, you’re the only stylist who’s actually listened, thank you.” If they need more convincing - especially if your parents are the ones paying and you know they’re trying not to piss them off - pull out a $10 or so and go “look, seriously, I will tip you extra if you just cut it boy-short”. It motivated a few ladies for me, when it was an option.

If all else fails, make up a reason you need it that short. You’re playing a character in the school play. You want to piss off your parents/ex/sister. Protest. “My friend has cancer and I want to make her feel less alone”. Yeah, lying sucks, but sometimes you gotta.

Hope that helps!!

[defydamage]

Don’t tell them it’s fine until it is

As a real life stylist I cannot stress this enough. This is the most important part of the cut because if you’re smiling in the chair and crying at home it means I’m not doing my job.

And I also second the barber shop for the first haircut because once you come in with short hair and tell a stylist you want it shaved back down the majority of them won’t hesitate.

Hope this helps anyone who needs it. :)

[rubykgrant]

I once helped a friend with this problem; we cut their hair pretty dang short BEFORE they went to a proper salon, so then there was no choice; I had done a choppy job (again, this was what they WANTED me to do, they showed me exactly where they wanted me to snip the hair), said “My little sibling did this to me while I was sleeping”, and the stylist had to just even out the hair, it was already short as heck and all the person could do was make it nicer. So, if you want an extreme option and a friend you trust… you can trick the haircut people into doing what you want if you take away their options

[loucanis]

tumblr already had a memories function like facebook and you can activate it by pissing off a 13 yr old enough for them to go through your blog and find something problematic you posted from 4 years ago

[hyucket]

[itzbatz-deactivated20240722]

I feel like I just watched a whole movie

[horreurscopes]

jessica rabbit is literally a sex symbol though she can't be asexual?

she is in romo with a rabbit because he makes her laugh and aside from using her looks to get things out of people she literally never once shows interest in anything or anyone sexually through the entire movie and is clearly appalled when anyone makes advances towards her like there is canonical evidence that jessica rabbit from the classic motion picture who framed rogger rabbit is an asexual character  

[harocat]

I am here as fuck for this. Jessica Rabbit for new asexual icon.

[drdadster]

“She can’t be asexual because she’s hot tho”

[commandertrevelyan]

“I can only see her as a sexual object so I can’t imagine her not wanting to have sex with me.”

[skottichan-deactivated20240228]

I’ve always remembered the line “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” as Jessica’s admission that while sexualized, she isn’t inherently a sexual entity.

I mean hell, literally, her line before is “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”, to which Eddie responds; “You don’t know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.”

I think that’s pretty damning evidence to her asexuality. The whole plot point with Jessica is how everyone is either convinced she’s sleeping with every human and toon around, or why does she stay faithful to Roger.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit does a great job at satirizing Hollywood/American culture and ideals when it comes to appearances. It also does a great job at hiding some really well thought out challenges to how we look at others in plain sight.

I completely believe that Jessica Rabbit is an asexual romantic (hetero/bi/pan/etc not sure, and to be honest, I don’t know if that part is important, as she’s married to the toon she loves).

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

I LOVE this headcanon <3

[pixiebutterandjelly-deactivated]

This is important!

[luxarcher]

This headcanon is just so perfect I had to draw it

#JessicaRabbitForAsexualIcon

[filledepluie]

YES

YES

YEEEESSS

[eliciaforever-deactivated201906]

I haven’t seen this post in a thousand years and it’s gotten EVEN MORE EXCELLENT.

[celeloriel]

Also? She and Roger walk off into the sunset at the end of the movie, and her line is “C'mon, Roger, let’s go home. I’ll bake you a carrot cake.”

And I’m sure there’s some innuendo one could take from that but if you read it as delivered, Jessica’s happy ending is a domestic evening with her partner.

[susiephone]

Can we just take a second to acknowledge that some are more comfortable with the idea of Jessica fucking a literal rabbit than they are with her being ace?

Like… what the fuck. 

C’mon, people.

[tongue-eatiing-louse]

WE NEED MORE ROMANTIC ACE REP I STAN JESSICA RABBIT 

[sleepy-sphinx-deactivated202012]

ive rbed this before but Ace Jessica Rabbit is the greatest take to come from this site. 10000/10.