Have been prioritising college entrance exam reviews, but that also made me neglect my blog. So, I decided if ever those days happen, I'll just make an update about my day-to-day.
Been attending BrainTrain reviews these past 2 weeks but math is making my life span decrease
BrainTrain making me think whether or not I can study enough (cram fast enough) and be able to pass the UPCAT this August
Registered for a free research webinar later this month! Will probably make a later post about that and what I've learned
School is also about to start later this month and it'll be my last year. Thinking of scheduling a one-on-one lunch with each of my friends, at least I get to talk to them better that way if it's just between two, right? It's a bit tiring and taxing to talk in a group.
To do later:
Light CET reviews to encourage myself, specifically math and physics
Finish some writing tasks from extracurriculars
Contact and message people I've connected with on LinkedIn
I can see this blog becoming a record of my UPCAT journey, so far my hopes are not high. Lowkey expecting to be disappointed haha! At least I have other options aside from UP 😅
Current mood: crashing out in UPCAT preparations but also thinking of rebranding my Tumblr and Instagram blog while adding a Substack, Medium and WordPress platform as well
Just started braintrain last week and realized my chances of getting free tuition for college TT
one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become
🥼 survived analythical chem & digital lab practises with good grades, also i only have 2 midterms: immunology oral & genetics seminar, then if everything is good, i will have only 2 exams: lasers in medicine & calculus 2.
🪫 prayers for me to pass calculus 2 last midterm!!, if i pass i have a chance to go an exam!!
💌 got offered grade from physiology 2! most of the time my arthritis hindered the ability to write the best midterms, so i’m truly proud of my grade
👩🏼💻 we worked hard on our bioelectronics project work & had an excellent time with arduino
🧬 i registrated to host-pathogen interaction center opening which they organized in Biology Institue at uni Szeged, and had a chance to meet personally with katalin kariko! as i worked in red zone hospital in 2021-22 in hungary & at a vx point as a medical assistant, i’m truly amazed by this whole story of mRNA vx-s, and i was honored to meet her!
i'm doing this thing in 2025 where i apply for stuff regardless of what i think my chances are. so far i've joined a biochem lab, been rejected from a tutoring job, gotten a place in a group house on campus, and auditioned for my college's dance company.
microdosing on rejection is only going to make the grad school application process easier, so i think it's a net benefit - and if it means i get to have some cool experiences along the way, then so much the better.
I have officially graduated with my Bachelor's! I am super excited to dive back in this fall with graduate school, but I am more excited for a pseudo-break over the summer. "Pseudo" because I will still be working on research and trying to think through my grad school plans, but hopefully there will be plenty of beach days and friend hangouts mixed in.
Also, please take a second to appreciate the beautiful latte art in my cortado the other day 😺
Student Diaries #1: The Constant Comparison Dilemma
Last week, I was exploring college campuses and weighing my options. However, whenever I open my for-you-page in Instagram, I always can’t help but feel down. Everyone is accomplishing amazing things while I still feel left behind. It’s like everyone knows what they’re doing but me. Every post and reel, the constant nagging thought of me being the only one struggling with their goals always consumes me. In the end, I fall to the doom-scroll and self-pity hole.
It’s a never-ending miserable cycle. You think you feel fine at first, but then you see a post of a loud influencer telling you to do this and that. They tell you to always be on the grind—to keep up the hustle culture or else you failed your ancestors. That isn’t to say loud posts are all you see in the media, but there are gentle ones too. However once you’re deep in that cycle, those very same gentle posts become a stab in the chest. What’s meant to be a comforting and encouraging hug, just suffocates you instead.
"I already rested and procrastinated multiple times, why should rest be productive for me? I don’t deserve that reward yet."
Yet that thought itself is a lie. Everyone deserves proper rest regardless. Your procrastination? It looks like rest but it’s just stagnation that turns into regret. Actual rest energizes you, procrastination demotivates you. It’s so easy to say "just keep up the momentum" and "be consistent" but it’s still so easy to fall back into it regardless. The more it repeats, the more it brings you down. It eventually forms the belief that you can’t be able to do it -- that maybe you aren’t meant for it. The thought of not living up to your ideal self and who you’re meant to become is enough to ruin a person.
I am someone who still struggles with it. I promised to post weekly when starting this account, and I didn’t live up to that. Right now, I’m second-guessing myself as I write this post. That this doesn’t deserve to be heard, that what I have to say isn’t insightful, and that I have no right to be here especially as I didn’t live up to what I expected for myself.
But then I read this substack article that said:
"Seneca said, "While we are postponing, lifespeeds by."
They understood that waiting too long was a form of self-abandonment.
You want to honor your potential?
Stop waiting for the stars to align.
They won't. Move anyway."
That passage of text alone got me to start moving and type this entry. To keep up that pace and become who you want to be, we have to forgive ourselves right now and accept who we are. We have to embrace all the flaws, failures, and the label of not being enough. If we want to move unto the new version of ourselves, we must forgive and accept the old. To forgive means to be present, instead of indulging in self-abandonment.
It all sounds so cliché and simple. Another case of easier to say than done, and I admit it really is. Forgiveness and acceptance take time. Practicing them in small moments is crucial, but it also makes them all the more difficult. Now I’m not saying all this to demotivate you and myself, I’m just stating the reality of how it is for me. I’m still learning to overcome this in a world that glorifies hustle culture.
Last week, I was traveling to see the campuses of colleges I could go to. It’s a bit terrifying but it’s exciting. But this experience also forced me to take time off of my phone, and boyy it felt so much better. I didn’t have to face another person loudly or gently sharing how to be better. I didn’t have to look at another post to compare myself to and think "I’m so left behind…"
Social media demands attention, and most of the time it forces your attention away from yourself. It forces you to look at others as it fuels its algorithm to keep you glued to the screen. This cycle? Keeps you stuck and it is not a pretty situation to be in.
So if ever you find yourself in this position, just as I was? Take a break from all social media. Lock it. Log off. If you want to? Delete it. Then explore. Do the things you love. Do the things you once hated but want to try again. Experience life. Love again even!
You don’t need to be perfect or accomplished to be loved and cared for. If you want to become the person you want, start giving yourself what you need right now. Otherwise, how else can you continue your journey and achieve your goals if you’re starved of your needs?
Don’t talk to yourself like you’re nothing. Talk to yourself like an encouraging friend and a gentle parent. Furthermore, let go of that idealised version you have of yourself. Even the most perfect version of us will have their bad days. If we want to become them, we must accept their most flawed being. When all is said and done, it’s your growth that matters most. Not others', just yours. So, I’m learning to grow—not for perfection, but for peace.
——
To those who stayed, thank you for reading! Once again, I greatly apologise for the inconsistent posts. However, I came up with this during all that time lost and I hope you gained something from it.
Lastly, shoutout to the substack post that helped me:
the cost of waiting.
Give this a read as well. I swear, it’s worth your time as it was mine.
I’m Jhaz, a senior high student that aspires to become a medical researcher, specifically a clinical pharmacologist. Through this blog, I’ll be documenting my journey in towards that goal. You can expect student diaries, research and study summaries, tips, opportunity sharing, reflections, observations and everything related to the pursuit of meaningful medical research.
As of today, I’m still just a basic high school student with just the grasp of the fundamentals of science but I still crave more, and have the passion and curiosity to push me to keep learning. Honestly? I feel left behind in this fast-paced world of evolving science. It’s like I don’t belong but even so, I still want to give it my all. In this blog, not only do I want to document my journey (and push myself forward); but I also want to encourage others who are feeling the same way as me in this field.
You can expect new posts weekly! A masterlist will be made and linked here later on.
Long-form posts (student diaries, detailed research and study summaries, specific tips, reflections, etc.) will be found on my Tumblr blog.
Feel free to interact with me through my ask box — whether it’s to share thoughts, ask questions, give feedback, recommend resources, or just have a casual chat!
Bite-sized posts will be posted on Instagram. The link to my Insta is given in my description box.
Thank you for being here. Hope you enjoy following this journey! See you soon!
kaledo-art
annaxmalina
pixelskylines
jbbartram-illu
titsay
yousharknotpass
germansingergirl
