The type of the mother Iām trying to be. Not just encourage bodily autonomy, but reward displays of it, even when it might make someone else in the room uncomfortable.
Iāve made so many people uncomfortable in supporting my daughterās personal space. People will try to hug her, sheāll sometimes say āNo, thank youā and the adult will look at me to make her do it, but I just say āItās ok honey, you donāt have to hug anyone you donāt want to.ā It makes people irrationally huffy, making me feel even more justified in supporting my daughterās choices. Creeps.
I legit had to mom-voice some random woman with a āshe said no!ā when she tried to force a hug on Madison. (who was not very good at verbalizing to people she didnāt know/trust at the time)
She replied,Ā āI just want a hug, it wonāt hurt her.ā
Me: She. Said. No.Ā Ā
There arenāt many things more important than letting my daughter know that I have her back when it comes to something like this.Ā
I work with five year olds and I had a very long talk with them about permission and that your body belongs to yourself and no one else. āEven if you want to hug your friend, you need to stop and ask if itās okay and if they donāt want you to touch them, you should respect that choice and not do it.ā they were like ācoolā and then every time after that they had no problem asking their friends ācan I give you a hug?ā Or ācan I hold your hand?ā Very politely. If their friend said no, they shrugged and went on with their life. They even started asking me if they could hug me or if it was okay to hold my hand when they were sad. And I always ask when they need comfort ādo you need or want a hug?ā If they say no, I ask āokay, let me know what we can do as a class to help you feel better. Quiet time? Do you want a stuffed animal? Sit on the couch? Do you need some time alone?ā They verbalize what they need and they become aware of their own autonomy and their ability and power to say āno.ā Just because someone is an adult does NOT give them the right to hug a child who has said ānoā or āno thanks.ā Teach then that they own their own body, and no one else is in charge of it. Teach them the power of NO.
