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HOW TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, 2021, by Yumi Sakugawa

I love it when a classicist has clearly gotten so lost in the BCE sauce that their perception of time has become deeply warped. Case in point: the article I’m currently reading just described the Byzantine era as “a period relatively modern.”

mockiatoh

Stop that’s too funny

random-transfem-witch-punk

Ok but byzantium *is* relatively modern. Agriculture came about nine thousand years ago. Constantinople was sacked only like. 800 years ago. Thats extremely recent in archaeological terms.

lokaror

GOUGAR CLAIMS COOL ROCK

ubersaur

God forbid women do anything

justpastsaturn

She had a good time, too

rhapsodyxvi

i love that we can do this. why can we do this

blackhole-ntp

The way that it's always still formatted like an instructional guide article with boldtext and headings is always just so timelessly funny to me.

blackhole-ntp

"There is no safe way to hug"

rhapsodyxvi

i'm a big fan of "i'm a [blank] where's my mama" but i think the hyperspecific ones like these are especially fun

hi-im-kaybee

ok this is kinda fun. fuck.

thisismyspitesong

Division of labor in the home is one of the most important equity issues of our time. Yet at this rate it will be another 75 years before men do half the work.

The optimistic tale of the modern, involved dad has been greatly exaggerated. The amount of child care men performed rose throughout the 1980s and ’90s, but then began to level off without ever reaching parity. Mothers still shoulder 65 percent of child-care work. In academic journals, family researchers caution that the “culture of fatherhood” has changed more than fathers’ actual behavior.

Sociologists attribute the discrepancy between mothers’ expectations and reality to “a largely successful male resistance.” This resistance is not being led by socially conservative men, whose like-minded wives often explicitly agree to take the lead in the home. It is happening, instead, with relatively progressive couples, and it takes many women — who thought their partners had made a prenatal commitment to equal parenting — by surprise. Why are their partners failing to pitch in more?

The answer lies, in part, in the different ways that men and women typically experience unfairness. Inequality makes everyone feel bad. Studies have found that people who feel they’re getting away with something experience fear and self-reproach, while people who feel exploited are angry and resentful. And yet men are more comfortable than women with the first scenario and less tolerant than women of finding themselves with the short end of the stick. Parity is hard, and this discrepancy lays the groundwork for male resistance.

Though many men are in denial about it, their resistance communicates a feeling of entitlement to women’s labor. Men resist because it is in their “interest to do so,” write Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams, leaders in the field of family studies, in their book, “Gender and Families.” By passively refusing to take an equal role, men are reinforcing “a separation of spheres that underpins masculine ideals and perpetuates a gender order privileging men over women.”

While interviewing working parents for a book on parenthood, I spoke with one dad in Vermont who said: “The expectation among my male friends is still that they will have the life they had before having kids. My dad has never cooked a meal. I’ve strayed from that. But subconsciously, the thing that makes you motivationally step up and do something when you’re not being asked …” he trailed off, and then said: “I have justifications. It’s a cop-out.”

Take love out of the equation and focus on the workplace, and it’s clear how this plays out. Studies show that male employees sit back while their female co-workers perform the tasks that don’t lead to promotion. In a series of lab studies, the economists Lise Vesterlund, Linda Babcock and Maria Recalde and the organizational behaviorist Laurie Weingart found that in coed groups, women are 50 percent more likely than men to volunteer to take on work that no one else wants to do. But in all-male groups, the men volunteer just as readily.

In an interview with NPR, Dr. Vesterlund explained that the women do the work “because they’re expected to.” The men “come into the room, they see the women, they know how we play these games.”

We play the same games at home. I interviewed couples separately and found that the women were often angry, while many men didn’t seem to realize there was a problem.

The couples offered three explanations for this labor imbalance. The first was that women take over activities like bedtime, homework and laundry because men perform these tasks inadequately. But this isn’t “maternal gatekeeping,” the theory that men want to help but women disparage their capabilities and push them out. Instead these seem to be situations that necessitate the intervention of a reasonable adult.

A mother in California said: “It’s important to me that my sons are not falling asleep in class and that they’re not late for school. My husband does not share those priorities, so I do bedtime and school drop-off.”

The dad in Vermont explained: “I do laundry when I need it. When it comes to the kids’ laundry, I could be more proactive, but instead I operate on my time scale. So my wife does most of their laundry. Let me do it my way and I’m happy to do it, but if you’re going to tell me how to do it, go ahead and do it yourself.”

The second explanation involved forgetting or obliviousness. A mother in Illinois said: “My husband is a participatory and willing partner. He’s not traditional in terms of ‘I don’t change diapers.’ But his attention is limited.” She added, “I can’t trust him to do anything, to actually remember.”

A dad in San Francisco said that many of the tasks of parenting weren’t important enough to remember: “I just don’t think these things are worth attending to. A certain percentage of parental involvement that my wife does, I would see as valuable but unnecessary. A lot of disparity in our participation is that.”

Finally, some men blamed their wives’ personalities. A San Diego dad said his wife did more because she was so uptight. “She wakes up on a Saturday morning and has a list. I don’t keep lists. I think there’s a belief that if she’s not going to do it, then it won’t get done.” (His wife agreed that this was true, but emphasized that her belief was based on experience: “We fell into this easy pattern where he learned to be oblivious and I learned to resent him.”)

A father in Portland, Ore., confirmed that his wife takes on more but said: “It has to do with her personality. She always has to stay busy. No matter what day of the week it is, she has a need to be engaged, to be doing something.”

Many mothers told me they had tried to change this and had aired their grievances with their partners, only to watch as nothing changed. A mother in Queens said she spent three years trying to get her husband to do more before coming to terms with the fact that maybe it was never going to happen. “He notices the unfairness, but he just accepts it as something we have a disagreement about,” she said. “How much convincing of the other person can you do?”

All this comes at a cost to women’s well-being, as mothers forgo leisure time, professional ambitions and sleep. Wives who view their household responsibilities “as unjust are more likely to suffer from depression than those who do not,” one study says. When their children are young, employed women (but not men) take a hit to their health as well as to their earnings — and the latter never recovers. Child-care imbalances also tank relationship happiness, especially in the early years of parenthood.

Division of labor in the home is one of the most important gender-equity issues of our time. Yet at the current rate of change, MenCare, a group that promotes equal involvement in caregiving, estimates that it will be about 75 more years before men worldwide assume half of the unpaid work that domesticity requires.

If anything is going to change, men have to stop resisting. Gendered parenting is kept alive by the unacknowledged power bestowed upon men in a world that values their needs, comforts and desires more than women’s. It’s up to fathers to cop to this, rather than to cop out.

psych-is-the-name

parkchanwoohoo

Alvin is a raging narcissist and Simon and Theo are held back from their musical potential because of misplaced fraternal loyalty. It is no secret in the industry that Theo's vocals and Simon's lyricism carry the group but Alvin's attention-seeking behavior was exploited by their agent

onelonelystory

this is a DEEPLY unfair interpretation of their musical identity that valorizes public scrutiny teebeeache. There’s an urge towards overcorrection amongst critical voices that can identify the undervaluation of Theo and Simon as contributors and subsequently develop a narrative of antagonism between them and their frontman and to some extent that’s understandable, given how big his little shadow is. but the group has always been structured around performance and spectacle in a way that greatly benefits from the strong identity and stage presence granted by such a large personality

parkchanwoohoo

It only took 2 seconds on your blog for me to know I could dismiss everything you said. For those who don't know, red icons are a dogwhistle for crypto-Alvinists who, as we saw from the AatC Midwest Fan discord, sought to sow mistrust in the fandom by insisting on "nuance" while secretly attempting to downplay Alvin's public scandals and shit-talking Simon and Theo.

Tell me this, if the group "benefits" from the strong identity, why is it Alvin has to contractually bar Theo and Simon from pursuing solo careers? Why did he veto the proposed name change to "The Chipmunks" in 2013? Hell, if this is all about the group, as you claim, why is it that Alvin features on 67% of all AatC merch while only making up 31% of overall merch sales (and, as if the stats following his disgusting behavior during the 2022 Oscars is to be believed, dropping lower and lower to even 26%)? Admit it, Dave Seville's excuse that Alvin's presence adds any kind of shine to the group is a transparent lie to conceal the fact that Alvin's disastrous public life makes for cheap sales boosts.

onelonelystory

It always comes down to the personal attacks with the separatists! as if red isn’t at the core of not only the debut album’s visual identity but also thematically relevant throughout the whole project… but once someone has a favorite they start thinking everyone else must also be projecting signatures and solo-fan lockdowns onto their Chipmate accounts.

anyway solos love to bring up A’s “behavioral issues” as if he didn’t spend half of last year absent from promotions trying to smooth over T’s violent confrontation with the paps. (which, because I’m an actual Chipmate, I would never turn into some theo hate train. this is what I’m saying, the scrutiny and narrativization of their project has created the justification to infringe on their personal lives in a way that keeps getting cyclically encouraged by people who are in it for the sport and moral victories, not the actual music or the art. I think we can all agree that the real villain is the exploitation of their passion for the craft that roped them into a lifetime commitment to careers they were not prepared for and they literally cannot escape 😕)

sappho-official

op is literally a thimon truther so I don’t think we should bother listening to what they say anyways :/

parkchanwoohoo

That is not even fucking true? I shared ONE Theo/OC fic in the Theo Chipmates Discord and the author happened to have also written Thimon WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE. I made this very clear (with receipts!) in the Google doc. This is yet another example of a transparent smear campaign against Alvin-critical fans. A patently hypocritical act, BTW, given that you guys are literally constantly shipping Alvincest

parkchanwoohoo

Oh my god you guys

triangleguy

my bad. turns off my perpetual motion dog catapulting machine

pettycentral

stormwaterwitch

The Tarot Deck I bought:

The Tarot Deck my deck decided to be:

tieflingkisser

ICE is spending millions on shock gloves designed to overpower subjects through intense, localized pain.

Headline: The Painful Truth of Exactly How ICE’s New Shock Gloves Work

Publisher: Wired

Archive link: https://archive.ph/O7TKI

Date published: 13 August 2026

Selected text from article:

With the revelation that ICE will spend up to $20 million by March on gloves that can deliver painful electric shocks to subdue an individual, according to a notice published earlier this week by the Department of Homeland Security, it's worth looking at how this apparel, designated as a nonlethal tool for law enforcement, actually works.

When activated via a one-second press on a wrist switch, conductive pads embedded on the palm and undersides of the fingers of the gloves can transmit high-frequency electrical pulses directly to the wearer’s point of contact on a subject. A rechargeable battery and microprocessor module tucked inside a zippered pouch on the cuff powers the entire system.

The electrical pulse overstimulates nerve endings in the subject's peripheral nervous system, resulting in pain that inhibits coordinated muscle movement, but without causing systemic muscle lockup. The pain induced is localized to just the area touched by the glove's conductive pads. The manufacturer claims the gloves result in a subject's compliance in less than three seconds and leave no burns, marks, or scars.

[...]

Crucially, the GLOVE has limitations, chief among them that for the device to work effectively and deliver its restraining pain shock, it must come into contact with the subject's bare skin. According to Compliant Technologies, the gloves won't work through dry clothing or thick hair. The gloves will work, however, if the subject is wearing thin, wet clothing, such as soaked T-shirts or blouses. The GLOVE also does not like being dunked in water and will likely be rendered inoperable if this happens.

Michael Crowley, a senior researcher at Omega Research Foundation—an organization that tracks human rights abuses committed across the world by people using police, security, and military equipment—is concerned that the GLOVE is seemingly designed not to restrain or incapacitate, but to hurt.

“CD3 technology inflicts pain," Crowley says. "The company talks about it as a de-escalation solution, but the whole idea of it is to get control or influence somebody through pain. Omega considers it to be an inherently abusive technology that should not be manufactured, sold, or used by law enforcement officials, including ICE.”

kropotkindersurprise

These are going to be used exclusively to torture people.

birdsareblooming

i was talking to friends who's main view of tumblr is that everything is sexualized on here. and when i said i do see that i also know that the most vocal groups of asexuals are on tumblr. eventually i realized how much of tumblr was de-sexualizing sex. like just saw a post of a gifset of a sexy lady smoking and tying up hands with the reblog text "me putting the little tag back on the bread bag" and so many posts are like that. just saying or talking about some sex shit in a completely neutral non-sexual manner. I was going in loops around my head trying to figure out why it was like this, something about being so used to nudity and sex and that's not shocking or even sexy anymore, until circling back to the fact that tumblr is full of asexuals and maybe the most respectful place of them. it was then a saw a poll (a post I CANNOT find again for the life of me but it was some type of sexuality poll or something) and was shocked by just how many people answering it were asexual, until I remembered this and went. oh. so yes everything on tumblr is sexualized but not even for sexualization's sake or for sexual satisfaction. its for the bit

birdsareblooming

uptopia in the making sporting my aspec siblings

viralfrog

inthefallofasparrow

blorbo-posting

allthingswhumpyandangsty

wattpad really gave ao3 a huge free promo with their new policy update that makes things even worse for their users. so to all the people who are now moving to ao3 due to this…

welcome! here are what you need to know about ao3 and how it’s the complete opposite of wattpad

trigger warning for the mention of contents that are allowed on ao3 that can be triggering to some.

ao3 is a non-profit organization. it’s run by fans (people like you and me), for fans.

fans donate to the site on their own free will to keep the site up and running smoothly.

ao3 is not a social media. it is an archive.

ao3 doesn’t have ads. it doesn’t have algorithms. it doesn’t have “going viral.”

everything is endlessly free on ao3. there is no “ao3 premium.” you will never see a single ad on ao3, and you can download as many fics as you want to read offline for free.

ao3 doesn’t have an app. and ao3 doesn’t need an app. any “ao3 apps” you see are third-party apps and are not affiliated with ao3, so be careful giving these shady apps your login infos or other personal information.

ao3 was built with the main purpose to 1.) be completely against censorship and 2.) host fics that are banned on other platforms like wattpad.

the reason ao3 doesn’t have an app is because for it to have its own app, appstore and google play store will have to approve it first. and due to the contents ao3 allow, chances are that it won’t get approved. which is actually a good thing. it doesn’t need an app. it works more than fine without an app.

on ao3, every single thing is allowed as long as it is fanfic or fan work (original works, fan art and video edits count as fan works, but if you want to post a video edits on ao3, you will have to post it elsewhere and then link it back to ao3 — ao3 cannot host video edits on its platform due to copyright issues)

by every single thing that is fanfic, I mean every single thing:

the filthiest smut without plot that is written purely for sexual pleasure is allowed. it has its own canonical tag called “plot what plot, porn without plot.”

fics that focus on non-consensual sexual intercourse are allowed, doesn’t matter if the fics glorify or romanticize the act, doesn’t matter if they’re written as kinks. they have their own canonical tag called “rape/non-con.”

fics about characters who are minors are allowed, even if they’re portrayed in a sexual manner, even if they’re non-consensual sexual intercourse. even if the minor characters are romantically and/or sexually involved with characters who are adults. even if they fics are written in ways that glorify and/or romanticize the thing. they have their own canonical tag called “underage sex.”

fics about incest are allowed. doesn’t matter if they glorify or romanticize the relationship. they have their own canonically tag called “incest.” fun fact: the first ever fic that was posted on ao3 was a fic about an incest ship from supernatural.

fics about self-harm and suicide are allowed. doesn’t matter if they glorify or romanticize the act. they have their own canonical tags called “self-harm” and “suicide” also “suicidal ideation”, “suicide attempt”, “implied/referenced suicide”, etc.

fics about violence and gore are allowed, even if they were written for the sake of shock value. they have their own canonical tag called “violence”, “blood and gore”, “blood and injuries”, etc.

rpf is also allowed. doesn’t matter if the content of the fics are dark and taboo. they’re treated the same way as any other fics.

every single dark and taboo fic you can think of is allowed. and it has its own canonical tag. because it is the main reason why ao3 was created in the first place.

“but what do I do if I don’t wanna see fics about xyz?” you can filter out any specific tag, character and/or pairing you want.

“what do I do if I wanna find fics about xyz?” you can search for any specific tag, character and/or pairing you want.

a lot of ao3 users rely on tags to search for specific tags, pairings, characters they want. they also rely on tags to filter out and exclude specific tags, pairings, and characters that they don’t want to see.

ao3’s tagging system is by far the most efficient one I’ve ever seen.

on ao3, our main principles are “don’t like don’t read” — which means YOU have a responsibility to curate your own internet experience. yes, ao3 allows all kind of messed up fics, but they also allow you the ability to NOT see anything you don’t want to see, by filtering out specific fics, pairings and/or characters.

no. you cannot harass authors who write about things that disgust you. you can and will be reported for harassment, and ao3 takes harassment very seriously. they will not take your side. because fucked up fics are allowed on ao3—fucked up fics are the main reason ao3 was created—whereas harassment is a direct violation of their terms of service.

ao3 is a house of the freaks and the perverts (affectionate). you ARE in the house of the freaks and the perverts. so don’t think about harassing or being rude to the freaks and the perverts who built this anti-censorship house and are kind enough to let you in.

ao3 is proship, profic, and anti-censorship.

any writer can write whatever they want, however they want. the only etiquette is that you tag your stuff properly and accurately

mistagging for visibility is heavily frowned upon here, and it won’t get your works more views. people will either block or report you if you deliberately mistag things with the purpose of getting your fic more views. as I’ve said before, ao3 is an archive. it’s not a social media. it doesn’t have algorithms or going viral.

if you come across a fic that has the tag “creator chose not to use archive warnings” it means the fic may or may not contain topics that can be triggering, but the author won’t tell you what these topics are, or if there are any at all. so proceed at your own risk.

that said, because ao3 is a non-profit site that hosts millions of works about others’ copyrighted characters, you CANNOT link a monetization platform anywhere on ao3, you CANNOT mention any donation, commission—or anything that involves money—anywhere on ao3. no, you cannot imply donation, commission, or anything that involves money either. that is against their terms of service.

and because ao3 is a place for fanworks, the “work section” of your post has to actually be fanwork (fanfic, original work, fan art, link to a video edit count as fanwork). anything that isn’t fanwork is not allowed.

you cannot post something on ao3 that is not fanwork. so no political statement, no call-out post, no “I’m looking for fics about xyz”.

ao3 is anti censorship as long as what your post is actually fanwork and as long as you don’t violate their terms of service that I’ve mentioned above.

ao3 has their own team of lawyers to protect them, their users, and every fanwork that is posted on their platform.

last but not least, don’t write directly onto ao3. write and store your works elsewhere before copy and paste them onto ao3 once they’re ready to post!! because ao3 does NOT autosave drafts for you, you risk losing everything you’ve typed if there’s a glitch, if the site crashes or if your device unexpectedly shuts down for whatever reason.

that’s all for now. have fun and happy writing/reading!

bimmyjimmy

Bim stance

backgroundmoose

bimmyjimmy

take him and photoshop him

colorsofthestorm

Bimmy can't sleep. Can he sleep in your bed tonight?

houndmother

many of you just. genuinely don’t believe that people can grow and change.

houndmother

this is about the death penalty and its also about call out posts about people who have already apologized for things they did a long time ago and it’s also about using ‘toxic’ or ‘abuser’ as if its an immutable class of person, and its also about any other circumstance with permanent consequences or wherein you assume someone is still the same person they were.

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