LOQAT

Non-Binary, Panromantic Grey-Asexual. Or you could call me River.

[paulfrankjuliusthemonkey]

HOW TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, 2021, by Yumi Sakugawa

[nettles-and-petals]

[dummy-dot-exe]

by アボガド6@avogado6

[carolxdanvers]

In June, I had the first real hurdle in my relationship. I won't go into the details, but I was on a narcolepsy medication that makes people more prone to addictive behaviors. It did so with me.

During this time, my closest friend was extremely busy with work, I couldn't afford therapy because I was struggling to even make rent, and I didn't have someone I could talk to.

I have OCD. One of my compulsions is "checking" and it often takes the form of googling. Googling a word I know just to check that the definition hasn't changed. Googling whether xyz is normal. Googling how to choose some relatively unimportant things.

I googled all kinds of things. I googled to find out if there's a word for intentionally letting someone hear you cry in hopes that they'll comfort you. (Not because I was doing that, but because I had an overwhelming urge to.) I googled odds of relationship survival after addiction. I googled how to tell if your partner has stopped loving you.

And Google ai overview answered every single question. And on mobile, when I was curled up in the dark at 4am, there's a convenient text box to ask the AI a follow-up question. And the AI says things like "that's a hard situation to be in" and "that must be painful to hear"

And I'm not a fucking idiot. I know perfectly well that AI is trained to be sycophantic and that talking to a fucking LLM about my relationship fears was a massive mistake.

I was also terrified, alone, heartbroken, and desperate.

I spent literally hours of time googling questions on AI mode. Holding conversations with the AI. I have stickers on my laptop and water bottle that say "AI Hater Club" and "generative AI? Nein danke" and I wish Sam altman would fall off the face off the earth.

And none of that mattered. I was desperate. I recognized that, and once things began to calm down (my doctor took me off of the narcolepsy med and put me on a medication for addiction called Naltrexone, I was able to start therapy again, my partner and I worked together and took steps to repair what was damaged) I stopped turning to it for an open shoulder.

But I realized a few days ago that I hadn't stopped using the ai entirely. I would Google "best [item] on a budget" and instead of reading a cnet link that reviewed multiple brands, instead of checking consumer reports, I expanded the AI overview and asked follow-up questions.

I'm currently finishing up an astrophysics internship for the summer. Usually when I don't know how to code something, I look at the documentation or find a post on Reddit or stack overflow to explain. Instead, I was asking Google overview for instructions on how to use sys.argv. At no point was I vibe coding, but I was basically asking Google ai to walk me through it like a tutor.

And then, last week, I realized that I no longer Google things the same way. I used to search like "pokemon sun and moon original release date" but lately I've been searching "what year did pokemon sun and moon come out?" Even my checking OCD has changed. I used to Google "n30i mask cleaning +seal +oily" and now I Google "I use a resmed n30i CPAP mask and it keeps losing its seal when I'm trying to sleep. My face gets kind of greasy when I have it on. I already clean it with CPAP wipes every day and run it under water to rinse, do I need a different kind of mask?"

A few days ago, the news about Hank Green using LLMs to find research papers dropped, and I saw his response on Reddit. I saw the way he talked about the dopamine hit he got from it. And something clicked.

I had to install a different OS launcher on my phone so I could change the search bar widget to Firefox search instead of Google, because that's the only way to ensure I don't get the ai overview when I Google something. It's actually really frustrating because I instinctively search in long rambling questions, which does not work well. But I'm having a hard time going back to how I was.

People who suffer from AI addiction are not idiots, we aren't moral failures, we aren't traitors. We are victims of a predatory system and we need support, not smug superiority aimed in our direction.

[carolxdanvers]

Reblogging myself to add that when I first started this post, I was so afraid of the backlash that I was writing the post about my "friend" who came to this realization. Because y'all are fucking disgusting with how you treat people who aren't pure and untainted by the sin of using LLMs.

[notquiteaghost]

i cannot be the first person to post this here but i am going so fucking insane about the gaia music collective's one day choir singing wait for me. the opening harmonies are you KIDDING me

[theswisscheeserag]

You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like

[theswisscheeserag]

And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants

[theswisscheeserag]

And sometimes you need to ask them to go to the ant convention. But you Will not get anywhere hiding your passions

[eizneckam]

I actually do think that it is important in some ways to LOTR's themes that Gollum does not get redeemed.

The first thing I want to say is that not every writing decision is strictly better or worse. If Gollum had redeemed himself, I think that would have been fine too. Different themes, but fine. But back to what actually happens.

I think, for many people who are both viewing fiction, and thinking about real life, that the world is divided into Good People and Bad People. Good People are, well, inherently good and well-meaning. They make mistakes, and even do bad things, but it's because their heart is in the right place, and they can always come back to the light. Bad People, meanwhile, are rotten to the core. Any action they take that is Good is basically self-serving to advance their position, and they can never make up for any sin they commit no matter how hard they try. (Thank you, Calvin.) For many people, a "good" redemption arc is when a Good Person has a redemption arc. After all, they were always well-meaning, and just needed to see the error of their ways. A "bad" redemption arc is when a Bad Person tries to redeem themselves. Obviously, people can be forgiven, but there are some things you just never come back from, that are signs of an inherently rotten and malign soul. There's no way anyone who does stuff like (FILL IN THE BLANK) can really redeem themselves.

I say all this, because I want to make clear that by all possible definitions, Gollum is one of The Bad Ones. Yes, his situation is pitiable in some ways, but as Tolkien himself pointed out: "The Ring was too strong for Smeagol but he would never have had to endure it if he had not already been a mean sort of thief." Smeagol's first act upon finding the Ring was to kill his own cousin; compare that with how long it took for Bilbo or Frodo or Sam to start feeling the effects of the Ring. Gollum literally eats babies, for crying out loud. From a very cynical point of view (one that I don't necessarily uphold), one could (one-sidedly) argue that his budding friendship with Frodo was merely finding a point of connection with another living soul for the first time in hundreds of years rather than any sort of true remorse, and look how easily that relationship soured (Gollum and Frodo stay cordial for less than half a book).

But (finally getting to my point), that is exactly why it's important that Frodo spares Gollum, gives him mercy, attempts to befriend this wretched creature. Another facet of the Good Person/Bad Person dichotomy is that it transforms morality from an "internal rule" to an "external action" - murder is an act that is really neither good nor inherently bad, instead murder is Bad when it happens to Good People and Good when it happens to Bad People. Thus, morality becomes a subjective and self-absorbed game more than a code to live life by - since of course the self becomes the arbiter of all definitions, and no act can be unjustified. Frodo spares Gollum NOT because deep down, Smeagol is really a Good Person led astray by understandable mistakes. He spares Gollum because taking pity and having mercy is the right thing to do no matter who the action is being done to. Notably, the first and only time Frodo curses Gollum - "if you touch me ever again you shall be cast into the fire" - is the moment where it is implied the Ring finally takes full hold on Frodo's psyche.

Frodo's mercy is mistaken and undeserved, and yet that's the point. Human charity isn't necessarily pragmatic. It's not just given to those who "deserve" it. As Gandalf says, "Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."

[ach-sss-no]

He spares Gollum because taking pity and having mercy is the right thing to do no matter who the action is being done to.

yes!!!

this is all correct and here's one big reason why imo: i think it's important to remember that Gollum's story is ultimately not about him at all; it is about Frodo and Sam and their choices. (and in The Hobbit it was about Bilbo.) he exists to illustrate the behavior and ethics of the heroes. after all this is, classically, what antagonists do, and that is his job, and he's darn good at it

LOTR is about what the right thing is to do when you are a good person being confronted by evil, not about how to stop being evil if you're evil. (There are other stories about that.) LOTR is about how to fight evil without compromising yourself or being taken in by it. i would argue this is the reason why no major villain gets redeemed, because that would be a distraction from the theme. Doing the right thing is worthwhile even if you are not rewarded for doing it.

if gollum got a redemption arc he would cease to be the perfectly calculated antagonist of someone else's story and he'd have his own story, which is not his job. it would also muddy the meaning of Frodo's arc which is to do the right thing because it is the right thing and not for any other purpose.

one of the reasons why LOTR is an enduring classic is because it was clear and true with this theme. many, many, many other stories stumble at the finish line, often by shying away from carrying through with something as uncomfortable as frodo's failure at mt. doom.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I read our tags on that beatles post and I suddenly thought, she's right. I've always said they suck, but I cant actually name many songs by them. What do you consider their best work? What should I check out?

Oh ho HO

So an accurate answer would probably have to depend on what sort of music you normally like, which obviously I don't know. So! I shall instead ramble on about my personal favourites and you never know, some of it might be useful. If you want to jump straight in and just listen to an album, though, the easy recommendation is the White Album.

Also for the most part I am not going to give the mini-essay I have locked and loaded at all times about the musical theory behind the Beatles' success because this is not that sort of post, but there will probably be bits here and there.

The Early Stuff - Please Please Me to Beatles for Sale

Most of this is Bad.

(lol)

Though, that's actually because most of it isn't theirs. It was very much the fashion in the 60s to do a couple of songs that were your own, and otherwise a shit ton of covers. That's also one of the big things that shaped jazz music as a genre, because Spotify didn't exist yet and if you wanted to hear a favourite song, for most non-rich folks you had to ask the live band entertaining you in the dance hall to play it for you; it was a while before everyone owned a record player.

This was also true in pop/rock and roll for a long time. So, for the first four albums, you get a couple of fairly iconic songs, and then a ton of filler; something they stopped doing from Help! onwards. Partly because, as I say, the songwriting team of Lennon-McCartney was a level of productive that is vanishingly rare - they were constantly writing new songs and trying new things, both together and alone. Those mad lads produced a full album a year for a decade, like. Absolute scenes.

(Though, there's an interesting old story from that period - one of the songs they covered on their first album was Twist and Shout, and afterwards John Lennon said they shouldn't have done it because it was a song totally entrenched in black culture and he felt it lacked its deeper meaning when covered by four white guys. Which is an interestingly progressive take from a deeply flawed white English 19-year-old in 1963.)

Anyway, in all honesty, there's only one song from those first albums that I actually love, therefore, and that's the absolute swinging sixties banger that is I Saw Her Standing There. There are others of note I suppose, but like a lot of artists, it's Early Work Stuff - they hadn't quite cracked the winning formula yet.

.

The Good Stuff - Help! to Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

OKAY NOW WE'RE COOKING

No more covers lads we are LOCKED IN we are MAKING MUSIC we have CRACKED THE SYSTEM

Even so there's a real gradient from start to end as their sound evolved here. Towards the end they started getting experimental in a big way, but even at the start, they'd found the winning formula, so to speak.

Help! is very classic 60s. It's also I believe the origin of the Paul Is Dead conspiracy theories, because the semaphore on the cover was chosen to look good rather than spell "Help", and deranged fans are the same the world over. My personal pick from this one is I've Just Seen a Face, which is super fun to sing because of its tempo and deceptively tricky chorus melody.

(Side note - this is the album that gave us Yesterday. Not my fave, but I must admit that if you like singer songwriters, it's a fucking banger.)

Rubber Soul is where they were allowed their own musical direction, rather than having to just follow the recording conventions of the day, and from there onwards shit starts to get real. There are a LOT of different influences there, folk, baroque, Indian... They really loved African American soul, and started working with a lot of musicians/producers from that world around then. And, like. Named the album in its honour - "Rubber Soul" is a pun. Also, and importantly, this was a turning point - while they weren't the only artists to ever do this, this was the point they stopped thinking about an album as being a collection of singles, and started thinking about an album as being a complete unit of art in and of itself, and that had an enormous influence on both their own work and the wider industry.

I like this album - but, I wouldn't necessarily blindly suggest any of these. Not unless I knew what sort of music you like. There's psychedelic stuff on there, there's baroque stuff, there's the start of comedy/pastiche stuff, but for my money, nothing I personally find exceptional.

Revolver, though, has a few. This is where George Harrison fell in love with Indian culture, became a Hare Krishna, got yelled at on national television by a furious bellowing white Christian for using his fame and status to bring Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to the UK to corrupt the youth with (checks notes) meditation, and started seriously incorporating Indian instruments and musical techniques into his work. His big contribution here is Love You To, which he recorded using Asian musicians and no John Lennon. Also, three of the Beatles were on acid, and the fourth (McCartney) was vehemently against it, so the arguments were starting. The upshot of this is that they arranged and rearranged each song even while recording, so you get some truly impressive stuff.

Eleanor Rigby is famous, but for good reason. You know how most music is written in a key? Major key, minor key, etc? Eleanor Rigby is written in a mode instead. For pure fun, I'll also add Got to Get You Into My Life; great summer song

And then! Sgt Peppers.

This is an early example of a concept album. The opening song is Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band being introduced to an audience; the subsequent songs are supposedly sung by this fictional band; then it finishes on a reprise of the first where the band say goodbye. It's incredibly varied - it's got vaudeville, circus, Indian and Western traditions, psychedelia, avant-garde, and a ton more besides; and so, this is where I start giving a lot more recs.

Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite! is a song I fell in love with as a teenager, and it fucking slaps. You feel like you're in the circus itself. You can smell the sawdust. You can feel the lurking horror clowns. Within You Without You, by contrast, is George Harrison going full Hare Krishna influence-meets-pop. When I'm Sixty-Four is perfect Paul McCartney pastiche. It's worth listening to all three, and remembering they're on the same album.

.

The Amazing Stuff - Magical Mystery Tour to Let It Be

THIS IS THE BEST ERA I mean they hated each other during it. Boy howdy but there are some STORIES. But what you therefore get is multiple different musical directions at once, from people who had by then honed their craft. George Harrison really came into his own in this era. Ringo was also there.

Magical Mystery Tour was mostly the soundtrack to the film of the same name, with a couple of additions. It's got some bangers. The obvious one is the Fool on the Hill. Harrison's final psychedelic song before he gave up the drugs was Blue Jay Way.

But then, of course, we get the greatest work - the White Album. Written largely while they were on a meditation retreat in India - they seriously clashed by then, but John Lennon would clandestinely sneak into McCartney's room when they were supposed to be meditating and they would write and write and write (and presumably fuck nasty). Famously considered one of the greatest albums of all time, which is truly impressive, given that it contains multiple songs recorded by only one Beatle because he wasn't talking to any of the others (this happened with more than one Beatle), and part way through recording Ringo Starr actually left the band for two weeks.

And yet.

While my Guitar Gently Weeps. One of the greatest songs ever written by anyone in any genre. Regina Spektor did an amazing cover for the film Kubo and the Two Strings.

Piggies. YOU WILL LOVE THIS ONE. LISTEN TO THE LYRICS YOU WILL LOVE IT

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Back in the USSR - the bootlegged underground hit in the Soviet Union, done as a parody of 'Back in the USA' and the Beach Boys

Blackbird. Just beautiful.

Rocky Raccoon. The Marvel character is named after this song

I could go on, I've missed a few I suspect I have done a disservice, but try those on for size.

Yellow Submarine - no stand-out song on this one tbh. Not in my view, anyway. The song Yellow Sub is fun, I suppose.

Abbey Road - the final one they recorded (the penultimate one released.) Banger after banger. Come Together has been heavily covered, but it's worth hearing the original; maybe one of the rockiest songs they ever made, though there are a few on the album in a similar vein (Oh! Darling and I Want You (She's So Heavy) both count here). McCartney's comic pastiche offering this time is Maxwell's Silver Hammer is about a serial killer who even kills the judge in his own trial. Because is a piece written around Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata's chords played backwards by Yoko Ono. And of course, the album finishes with a 16-minute medley of about 8 combined fragmentary songs, most of which are amazing, and finishing with a song called The End that featured all of them - even Ringo - doing a solo each.

And then, Let It Be - the final released album before they disbanded. It's not their best work, but Get Back is another that's been covered a lot, and is worth hearing. It was also the star of their rooftop concert. Personally, though, I'm a fan of two others here: Dig a Pony, written by Lennon for Yoko Ono except he then decided he hated it and called it a piece of garbage; and, my favourite, George Harrison's I Me Mine, which was ostensibly based on Hindu teachings about selfishness but nakedly actually about his stupid fucking bandmates and their stupid fucking squabbles and presumably led to a lot of foot shuffling and zero eye contact during the recording. And, of course, shout out to Let It Be, the song itself. Massive tune.

.

ANYWAY. I hope somewhere in there is a useful answer! But as I say, if you just want to give one album a go, choose either the White Album or Abbey Road, I would. See if anything sticks.

[whetstonefires]

I do have a piece of writing advice, actually.

See, the first time I grew parsnips, I fucked it up good. I hadn't seen parsnips sprouting before, right, and in my eagerness I was keeping a close eye on the row. And every time I saw some intruding grass coming up, I twitched it right out, and went back to anticipating the germination of my parsnips.

But it turns out parsnips take a bit longer than anything else I'd ever grown to distinguish themselves visually. It's just the two little split leaves, almost identical to a newly seeded bit of kentucky bluegrass when they first come up, and they take a good bit to establish themselves and spread out flat before the main stem with its first distinctive scallopy leaf gets going.

I didn't get any parsnips, not that year, because I'd weeded them all out as soon as they showed their faces, with my 'ugh no that's grass' twitchy horticulture finger.

The next year, having in retrospect come to suspect what had happened, I left the row alone and didn't weed anything until all the sprouts coming up had all had a bit to set in and show their colors, and I've grown lots of parsnips since. They're kind of a slow crop, not a huge return, but I like them and watching them grow and digging them up, and their papery little seeds in the second year, if you don't harvest one either on purpose or because you misjudged the frost, so it's worth it.

Anyway, whenever I see someone stuck and struggling with their writing who's gotten into that frustration loop of typing a few words, rejecting them, backspacing, and starting again, I find myself thinking, you gotta stop weeding your parsnips, man.

[fairyysoup]

reading this post be like

[edgebug]

"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."

"come again?"

"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."

"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."

a long and judgmental pause. then:

"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"

[greenishness]

i'm thinking about charlotte brontë spending her last years editing and publishing her sisters' writings and about christopher tolkien dedicating his life to the protection and meticulous reconstruction his father's life's work and about johanna van gogh publishing the letters between vincent and theo that would propel vincent van gogh into fame because she knew how much her husband had loved his brother, and about how so often art isn't just a reflection of the artist's mind and skills but a testament to the fact that they were loved

[greenishness]

My sister just quoted this post at me over dinner bc it was discussed in her philosophy class & I can't even smugly inform her of its authorship. Due to the mindhunter yaoi state of my most recent blog history.

[lilcowgirl7-deactivated20210223]

I needed this drag. Let’s change guys and not look back

[user87262893]

working out your brain is a must!!

• hydrate it by drinking lots of water

• eat dark chocolate and blueberries and walnuts and salmon and other foods high in antioxidants!!

• play little brain games on your phone; I like wordconenct! anything that makes you think!

• read books. It’s simple but necessary. Even better - join a book club, or read with a friend, so you can have discussions after. This will improve your reading comprehension.

• do puzzles - it doesnt have to be sudoku, I love playing Beat Saber on the Oculus Rift because it makes my brain have to match colorful patterns to physical movements very quickly!

• learn a new dance - even a tik tok trendy dance. Learning new dance moves are proven to strengthen synapses!!

• go bird watching, or foraging, or anything outdoors that requires you to explore pattern recognition and visual searching

• watch a movie with the intent of analysis - this is best done with a cinephile friend!! talk about tropes and symbolism and character growth

• cross stitch, or sew, or do anything that requires matching nimble hand movements to patterns

• play or learn an instrument!

• develop a consistent sleep schedule (or as close to consistent as you can get!)

• when eating, try to identify the ingredients and flavors you’re perceiving!

I hope this helps :)

[moonlightwaterhealing]

I like how this went from me feeling like “hm why is this attacking me 🤨” at first, but feeling grateful seeing an added guide on a genuine expansion on a “ how to” work out the brain. This genuinely helps a bunch. People find solace in doing activities that get them through life by doing said activities of phone/tv or if that’s all they’ve ever known in their life to get them through things + etc tho. However, this was very impt to point out. Slowly beginning incorporating things to work the brain in ones own time.

[uhhgoodd]

The Forerunner (1894) by Eugène Trigoulet

[calellon]

[rexuality]

hikes are very good yes but a deluxe hike is when you are accompanied by a freak with niche nature knowledge. they’re like omg stop there’s a horned valerian varmint beetle here and then you both get to crouch down and look at a bug like :)

[markscherz]

Bonus: you don’t have to cover a lot of ground. I can turn a three kilometre walk into a three hour adventure. Five if there is a small rocky stream or a few ponds.

[donjuaninhell]

I swear, some of you people somehow manage to possess all of the three most unfortunate character traits someone can have: a) kinda stupid, b) obnoxiously contrarian, c) deeply annoying.

[tockthewatchdog]

stuff you say when you don’t give a fuck about women quite frankly

[cardassiangoodreads]

Hence the not-uncommon adage that the washing machine did even more for women's liberation than the birth control pill

[thatswhywelovegermany]

[prokopetz]

The reason you can't be the next J R R Tolkien isn't because you don't have the talent, but because you're not the right kind of unwell. Tolkien wasn't bent for fantasy worldbuilding; he was bent for constructed languages, and got into fantasy worldbuilding in order to provide a material context in which to ground the notional evolution of the languages he invented. If you want to be the next Tolkien, you can't start with the worldbuilding; you've gotta find something extremely specific to fixate on, and develop it in such depth that inventing a world to contain it is genuinely the most logical next step.