TheLemmaLlama @thelemmallama - Tumblr Blog

i have aphantasia too ur just a pussy. pick up the pen and try for once in ur life. also r u on meth bc thats what ur words sound like

Oh hi anon! idk where I mentioned I have aphantasia (I do not), but nice of you to assume I never picked up a pen in my life :] To disabuse you of that notion, here are some webcomics I've drawn (we all know that AI is notoriously bad at keeping characters/setting/etc consistent from shot to shot, so surely you believe it's hand drawn, right? :P)

tfw god is suicidal and you have to talk him down to save the world because it only exists inside his head _________________________________

Your home for the world’s most exciting and diverse web comics and novels. Discover stories you’ll love from all genres, only on Tapas!

Read Back to Bed | Tapas Web Community (this one is not written by me btw, mentioning bc I know you'll jump at any chance to accuse me of "passing things off as my own", you silly goober you ^_^)

Oh -- and if you *really* don't believe me, here's an animation :D

p.s. I hope you reconsider your choice of insults one day and stick to ones whose capacity for offense does not hinge upon associating a certain sex with cowardice :]

_________________________________

edited to add: my visual novel!

the project folder is here (very much a WIP; you'll need Ren'Py to open it): dollys route - Google Drive

(one path of) the opening scene:

#not ai art #pro ai #pro ai art #ai #anon hate #silly assumptions

thelemmallama

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

day 70:

day 71

day 72:

day 73:

day 74

day 75

Daily Drawings season 1 has ended and will go on hiatus while I participate in the Battle of Waterloo https://www.instagram.com/waterloo.campout/

autistichalsin

The test for allyship isn't how you treat an oppressed person who is your friend, family, spouse. It's how you treat an oppressed person you absolutely can't stand who is vile and loathsome in every way.

Do you gender trans people correctly even when they're being absolutely terrible people? Do you refuse to use the r-slur against someone who suicide baited you but is neurodivergent? Do you refuse to snark at a mentally ill person who is being genuinely unpleasant, "go take your meds!"

Do you allow members of marginalized groups to be terrible people without judging their entire demographic for it? One of the most invisible yet vital forms of privilege is the right to be terrible people as an individual rather than as a group. Do you acknowledge that there are bad people in every group, that it doesn't make their group less worth fighting for? Or do you shake your head if you happen to get mistreated by some who belong to a group and insist the entire group is awful and not worth your allyship?

Oppressed people can see how you treat those of us you like, but do you still treat the worst of us with the basic dignity you treat the worst of other groups with?

thelemmallama

tbh I wouldn't exactly say there's any level of "basic dignity" that the worst of non-marginalized people are treated with; like being told that you deserve to be gruesomely tortured to death and that everyone would enjoy watching you scream in pain as your intestines are pulled out of your ass is not really a jab at anyone's race/gender/sexuality/disability/etc. And it's not exactly always less upsetting than being misgendered, or being told to take your meds, or even being called a slur (which still absolutely sucks and shouldn't happen, don't get me wrong, just some people would react with an "ugh" and an eyeroll at worst)

I wouldn't say it's about respecting the jerk in question at all, but rather about "spillover"/"splash damage"/"friendly fire", if that makes sense. If person X did horrible thing Y but is instead mocked for trait Z, person W who shares trait Z would also feel mocked, because the mockery IS ABOUT trait Z, and not horrible action Y. It doesn't matter if they notice "huh, they only do it to people with trait Y who *also* do horrible things" (if they even stick around long enough TO notice), it still feels like shit, even if you didn't say it to them or you "didn't mean them" or it's supposedly "not about them".

I say this because you need to understand; people would never be swayed by "please be nicer to that person you hate". But by being mean to people you hate in this kind of way, you're actually hurting people you DO like who share the marginalized trait you're marginalizing, and you wouldn't want to do that now, would you?

autistichalsin

The point of my post isn't that we should give allies permission to be half-assed performative ones- that's how we got here to begin with. I'm not here to tell allies it's okay to mistreat a person they hate, regardless of splashover damage to the marginalized group. Like, that's a point on the list of why it's wrong, but "you still can't do these things even to people you dislike" is the entire point. I'm not softening this post to coddle people who want an excuse why they can still be Woke and do this.

thelemmallama

Ah, I'm actually kind of surprised you saw that as a softening of your take ^^; Or "telling allies it's okay to be bigoted towards a person they hate, regardless of splashover damage to the marginalized group"; like I'm very specifically saying to REGARD the splashover damage, not disregard it

I take your point (and if you even find it a satisfying dunk to call someone the r-word or being like "someone's off their meds", that's something you should examine), but do you think it's much better from a Not Mistreating Someone perspective to tell them they deserve to be tortured to death in a woodchipper, simply because the insult(harassment? comment?) doesn't have undertones of bigotry towards a specific group?

Because people would absolutely say stuff like that towards a non-marginalized person who's done terrible things. That's what I was trying to get at ^^;

autistichalsin

The test for allyship isn't how you treat an oppressed person who is your friend, family, spouse. It's how you treat an oppressed person you absolutely can't stand who is vile and loathsome in every way.

Do you gender trans people correctly even when they're being absolutely terrible people? Do you refuse to use the r-slur against someone who suicide baited you but is neurodivergent? Do you refuse to snark at a mentally ill person who is being genuinely unpleasant, "go take your meds!"

Do you allow members of marginalized groups to be terrible people without judging their entire demographic for it? One of the most invisible yet vital forms of privilege is the right to be terrible people as an individual rather than as a group. Do you acknowledge that there are bad people in every group, that it doesn't make their group less worth fighting for? Or do you shake your head if you happen to get mistreated by some who belong to a group and insist the entire group is awful and not worth your allyship?

Oppressed people can see how you treat those of us you like, but do you still treat the worst of us with the basic dignity you treat the worst of other groups with?

thelemmallama

tbh I wouldn't exactly say there's any level of "basic dignity" that the worst of non-marginalized people are treated with; like being told that you deserve to be gruesomely tortured to death and that everyone would enjoy watching you scream in pain as your intestines are pulled out of your ass is not really a jab at anyone's race/gender/sexuality/disability/etc. And it's not exactly always less upsetting than being misgendered, or being told to take your meds, or even being called a slur (which still absolutely sucks and shouldn't happen, don't get me wrong, just some people would react with an "ugh" and an eyeroll at worst)

I wouldn't say it's about respecting the jerk in question at all, but rather about "spillover"/"splash damage"/"friendly fire", if that makes sense. If person X did horrible thing Y but is instead mocked for trait Z, person W who shares trait Z would also feel mocked, because the mockery IS ABOUT trait Z, and not horrible action Y. It doesn't matter if they notice "huh, they only do it to people with trait Y who *also* do horrible things" (if they even stick around long enough TO notice), it still feels like shit, even if you didn't say it to them or you "didn't mean them" or it's supposedly "not about them".

I say this because you need to understand; people would never be swayed by "please be nicer to that person you hate". But by being mean to people you hate in this kind of way, you're actually hurting people you DO like who share the marginalized trait you're marginalizing, and you wouldn't want to do that now, would you?

thelemmallama

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

day 70:

day 71

day 72:

day 73:

day 74

day 75

crowns-of-violets-and-roses

So many people who claim to belief in people’s right to do what they want with their body and even support it in most cases have one thing that makes them go “Obviously the only reason anyone would want to do that to their body is because they were brainwashed-”

crowns-of-violets-and-roses

The most sympathetic reason is they themselves were actually pressured to change their body in that way and then overgeneralise and decide that means nobody could want to do it of their own accord.

But even then you have to have to hold to your principles even when it’s hard

fipindustries

here is the thing: yes. they were brainwashed. we were all brainwashed. thats what it means to live in a society. we believe and want the things we absorbed from the culture around us and particularly from our parents. so untangling what is an intrinsic internal desire (valid) and indoctrination (problematic) is actually really hard! and probably not your call when it comes to someone elses choices

thelemmallama

as someone who doesn't brush their teeth daily, I ALWAYS KNEW DAILY TOOTHBRUSHING WASN'T THE BEST WAY TO CLEAN YOUR MOUTH

VINDICATED

FUCKING VINDICATED

#i know that's not the point #but still #XD

self-loving-vampire

My mother discovered AI art and the consequences are... interesting.

For a long time now I have been posting about how by default most parents seem to have an extremely inaccurate model of what their children are like, which is also one reason why they end up believing in nonsense like "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria".

They ignore the reality of their own children's actual lives and preferences in favor of their own model of what they imagine their children are like, and when said children turn out to have different preferences or traits than their imagined version they act as if the real child has been somehow corrupted because it doesn't resemble the imaginary child.

Case in point, this is what she gets when she feeds the AI my actual likeness to use as a reference.

The filter makes my hair look brown rather than black and also lightens my eyes, but other than that this is pretty much exactly how I look (those of you who have seen selfies can confirm).

However, what happens when instead of using a reference she instead prompts it based on pure vibes? What if instead of photo references she uses her own mental model of how I look?

Then you get Generic Webnovel Coolguy.

That is not how I have ever looked at any point in my life, even back when I lived with my parents and was pretending to be a boy.

Back then I had short hair because the probability of a fight breaking out either at school or at home was high enough that hair long enough for an opponent to grab was impractical.

Back then I was dangerously skinny because my parents neglected to work around my sensory issues from autism for the longest time and thought I was just refusing to eat for no good reason. My younger brother actually ended up becoming taller than me for the same reason.

Back then I was still very pale because of the vampirism. The sun always bothered me even before I started worrying about the photoaging effects.

I also probably would have also had a more neutral expression because I was depressed and dissociating so often at the time that she even seemed to think I had no emotions.

It's such a dramatically different result and I don't know where it even came from.

self-loving-vampire

Me, a narcissist:

self-loving-vampire

They're calling me a beautiful elven rogue. I am more of a dracovampire though.

thelemmallama

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

day 70:

day 71

day 72:

day 73:

day 74

how ai has betrayed me today (minor gripes from a pencil user who enjoys ai, antis fuck off)

the upscaler ruining my pantry sign (and slightly cleaning up the moss, when the whole point is that this place is being overtaken by greenery >:[)

2. ai really does not understand perspective smh smh

#ai generated #ai image #ai upscaling

tpwrtrmnky

Analyzing the politics of a work that's meant to be apolitical is actually a really interesting exercise because it asks you to critically examine what the creator considers to be "political" in the first place. Which ideas are just How Things Are, and which ones are Political, and how is that influenced by the creator's beliefs?

takashi0

Usually this just ends up with you looking like a moron btw

tpwrtrmnky

Angrily lashing out at the suggestion that it's possible to do basic media analysis was foundational to the ragebait ecosystem of the 2010s, from which we got basically the entire culture of modern far right politics, btw.

iteh3xael

I genuinely believe myself and others are being so sincere and literal when we say TOUCH GRASS

tpwrtrmnky

I went outside and got an education, that's where I learned that you can obtain knowledge and insight through analytical methods, then noticed that some people who sit on the internet yelling at strangers get really mad about that constantly.

theboxfort

Unstoppable Force (my love of seeing other people's takes/stylization on my OCs) vs Immovable Object (my gripping fear of not doing other people's OCs enough justice when I draw them)

#hence why i always end up taking a billion years longer to do a background when i ask to include other people's ocs #you'd think it's less work than a normal crowd scene because the character designs are already done but NO TT_TT

esthermika

blauequuleus

I think some of y’all are missing the point reading some of these tags

They’re not saying “wow that’s such a small amount to win.” Cause yeah to every normal person $434M is a life time of money to have.

What they’re pointing out is looking at how much the gov taxed of that $2 billion, makes it glaringly obvious how little actually billionaires are paying in taxes comparatively.

#reblogging for own reference

thelemmallama

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

day 70:

day 71

day 72:

day 73:

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

day 70:

day 71

day 72:

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

thelemmallama

day 70:

thelemmallama

day 71

thelemmallama

let's see how far I can keep up daily posting of either a clean sketch or coloured drawing that didn't exist yesterday, bc I guess posting online gives me a sense of accountability even though no-one asked :P

day 1:

day 2:

day 3:

day 5:

day 6:

day 7:

day 8:

day 9:

day 10:

day 11:

day 12:

day 13:

day 14:

day 15:

day 16:

day 17:

(is it cheating to redo a previous day because you felt like there were major structural errors? I vote no :P)(my challenge, my rules :D)

day 18:

day 19:

day 20:

day 21:

day 22:

day 23:

whoops I forgot to post day 24, which was just yet more frames

anyways, day 25:

thelemmallama

day 26:

thelemmallama

day 27:

(okay I'm starting to suspect my video to gif conversion isn't functioning super great but I'm about to get kicked out of this building so no time to redo; extra frames were added, trust XD)

thelemmallama

day 28:

thelemmallama

day 29:

thelemmallama

day 30: just one extra frame for the blood drop animation so not even gonna bother putting it in context since no-one will notice the difference XD

thelemmallama

day 31 (fanart time i guess):

thelemmallama

day 32 (finished the sequence!):

thelemmallama

day 33:

thelemmallama

day 34 (maaan these are getting more and more complicated >.> just 9 more frames … 9 more frames and this segment of the animation is over …):

thelemmallama

day 35:

thelemmallama

day 36:

thelemmallama

day 37:

(I give up, fuck it, I'm not above tracing, it's such a pain trying to flip back and forth in the video frames to determine where the next frame is located wrt the previous ones, I should get on to figuring out how to stylize this so that it's not a huge pain to draw T_T)

day 38:

day 39:

day 40:

day 41:

day 42:

"i can finish the codenames cg today", i thought. "it's just tracing a bunch of rectangles", I thought

(day 43)

thelemmallama

day 44 (fuck it, I'm counting the back of the spymaster pattern card as an individual drawing T_T)

thelemmallama

day 45:

thelemmallama

day 46 (the spy/bystander/assassin cards are copypasted placeholders, will prob redraw later to make them blend in)

thelemmallama

day 47:

thelemmallama

day 48 (just some edits for the lump on the bed)

thelemmallama

nvm I can't just mark some replies mature while leaving the others unmarked, so I guess here's day 49 with most of it cropped out:

thelemmallama

see the reblog right before this reblog in the reblog history for day 50 (it'll have a mature content tag)(tw: dubcon)

thelemmallama

day 51:

thelemmallama

day 52:

thelemmallama

day 53 (just some edits to the contents of the pantry)

day 54

day 55:

day 56:

day 57:

day 58

day 59:

day 60:

day 61:

(two for day 62 bc they're super rough and they were kinda dependent on each other)

day 63:

day 64:

day 65:

day 66:

day 67:

day 68:

day 69 (literally my reaction whenever someone goes "nice" in response to said number):

thelemmallama

day 70:

self-loving-vampire

I know that morally a character who gets mind controlled or corrupted by the villains is not responsible for what they did in that state but I think it still seems realistic for those characters to feel guilty about it and take time before they're really comfortable hanging out with the good guys and having fun again.

It's that sort of thing where even if you completely believed something intellectually your feelings may not be in alignment with your information, and it also seems very likely that someone in that situation could come up with reasons for why they actually do share some of the blame.

For example, maybe they feel like they only got mind controlled because they were not good enough in the first place and someone better could have resisted it. Maybe the mind control involved taking advantage of a real character flaw or vulnerability, or at least persuaded the victim that part of them actually did want such a transformation.

Basically if you were mind controlled into committing some atrocity and hurting your friends you are probably not going to be okay even if it truly is not your fault. People telling you it's not your fault is not going to immediately convince you either.

self-loving-vampire

If you have certain mental illnesses (including CPTSD) you get to have a very similar experience to being mind controlled and, yeah.

thelemmallama

maybe I just don't have cptsd, but I don't feel like I was mind-controlled at all when thinking back to the things I deeply regret and makes me feel like I should keep people at arm's length for their own safety ^^; Like I feel bad about it because I believe I had agency so it says something about my character and other people would (rightly) condemn me for it if they knew (or if they don't, well it's incredibly common for people to turn a blind eye to the harm done by people they like and ignore or even get mad at their victims for speaking out)

I guess I just wouldn't know for sure until I actually experience mind-control, but nothing I've experienced in real life feels even remotely similar ^^; I would imagine a psychotic break might be the closest thing in real life (like you look bacl on it and have literally no idea how or why you thought or did that), and in that case I can see the "i should've been able to resist it"/"it comes from a real character flaw i have deep down that made me want it on some level" feelings, but even that's pretty different from literal "someone snapped their fingers and your body just started moving on its own".

Especially if there is an actual acknowledged external mind-controller who everyone agrees demonstrably has mind-control powers and used them on you. It's much easier to avoid blaming yourself when there's an external party to put the blame on. A big part of real life loss-of-agency is "well if I had no agency in that situation, then where did the real agency lie?" which leads to "maybe I did in fact have agency but am minimizing it to avoid accountability"

idk, I just don't find most mind-control guilt convincing or relatable. I can't help but feeling like it's a copout to make a character "do" terrible things and feel really guilty about it without having them make a choice that they're actually at risk of being condemned for by the audience

self-loving-vampire

What I was thinking about was things like the emotional flashbacks that come with CPTSD. These are flashbacks where rather than audiovisuals you instead are thrust into a past emotional landscape.

So, for example you might revert into being suspicious of others, become emotionally detached, or self-isolate for one reason or another. Other people become extremely self-critical, fearful, stressed, worried about abandonment, etc. while experiencing this.

It's a sort of involuntary mental transformation that can happen regardless of whether you're rationally aware that your current situation is safe or that you have the condition. For example, sometimes hearing jingling keys makes me automatically get in a mental state where I expect violence, even when I know that's not happening. My body activates on its own.

I don't mean situations where you just feel regret about things you did on purpose.

thelemmallama

ah, as in those emotional flashbacks feel like mind control, and if you actually do something that hurts others while experiencing an emotional flashback, you'd feel guilty about it afterwards? I guess that makes sense ^^;

I still maintain that there's a difference between IRL "that wasn't you, that was CPTSD" vs fiction "that wasn't you, that was *points at antagonist* that literal person standing right there who demonstrably has mind-control powers", because with CPTSD you can't see it, you can't touch it, and some people actually argue it isn't real, while an actual person with mind-control powers is (from what I've seen) generally not something anyone denies the existence of in fiction with those plots (it would be a cool premise though! a mind-controller who gaslights you into thinking you weren't mind-controlled even after the literal mind control magic is gone XD)

I don't mean situations where you just feel regret about things you did on purpose.

Sometimes "on purpose" can get kind of blurry, where you're like "there were overwhelming pressures pushing me towards that action and made it hard to think" while an external observer might be like "you're just saying that to avoid taking responsibility for what you did"

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