Kemosabe Kael

• Bi Dog Mom.▪︎Pokémon Aficionado▪

[doucheboob]

I hate when people ask me why I drink so much water like damn bitch I’m tryin to drown myself what u think leave me alone

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[unclefather]

the idea of Pokémon is so funny. It’s like your dog defeated my horse :( here’s 5,000 dollars

[you-do-not-know]

i'm gonna go throw my demon sheltie at a horse now

[misanthropicmessiah]

[pyomorphic]

‪to the joker they’re just the normal clown posse ‬

[beyoncebeytwice]

who has a car i will pay u $10 to run me over

[squided]

i was curious what the other side of the moon looked like so i googled it and

i’m so glad we got the side we did the moon’s ass ugly

[vesface]

[zovsko]

i kinda want like a dozen disciples omg

[twitterlols]

[shutyourmoustache]

La-HA! hit me like a fucking drug.

[beatcroc]

this is what every social interaction feels like when you’re neurodivergent

[erinthebrave]

I looked up the menu for the restaurant this is based on and i wanted to die.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

there are foods here that i would eat, but i would never say “awakening” instead of “keylime pie”

[corpuswalker-deactivated2018120]

if somone made pixel art of mulch id be very happy boy

[bowelfly]

enjoy your mulch

[bowelfly]

throwback to the time i didn’t realize that mulch was the name of someone’s fursona

[catsbeaversandducks]

“My cat, Daisy, has started getting a few gentlemen callers to the house. She has no interest in any of them but I tried to explain this to one of them. I call him Silken Thomas.”

Video/caption by Will Murphy - Also on Instagram

[rapidashrider]

“Nghyeeh!”

“Hello!”

“Yeeagagioaw!”

*laughs* “Are you looking for Daisy? Huh? Are you? Are you looking for Daisy?”

“Nyaow.”

“Are you? Yes? Well, I’m sorry to say, but she - Daisy is not here. So you’re gonna have to come home later and even then, I don’t think she’ll see you, ok?”

“..?!! NKAEEYOW!”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules, buddy.”

“NOW! NAANG!… KAAang! Aghaowng!”

“I - hey, there’s no need to take your aggression out on me. I don’t… make the rules. Daisy doesn’t like you, ok, so -“

“krrrAAM!”

“Alright, you’re being very aggressive, sir, so I’m going to have to put an end to this conversation, ok? Ok. … … BOOP.”

“ngaaaang :(“

[ahagisborn]

was just Remembering how you’d be out with a friend and you’d each order a different cocktail and you’d ask “what’d you get?” and they’d read the description off the menu and you’d be like “ooh that sounds good” and then they’d say “try it!” and then you’d have a lil sip of their drink and they’d have a lil sip of your drink and you’d decide which one was best and you wouldn’t give each other a life-threatening respiratory infection

[your-wifes-boyfriend]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[omiedahomie]

When someone attractive on the internet starts messaging you

[satyriconmp3]