The Lost Nymphaeum

Literature // Cinema // Balderdash [Museo]

[thelostnymphaeum]

In words, I find peace.

In words, I find strength.

In words, I find war.

In words, I find peace.

[thelostnymphaeum]

All this while I have been a weaver without wool, a ship without the sea. Yet now look where I sail.

Entry: 011 // Literature // Title: Circe Author: Madeline Miller Year: 2018

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Circe, meaning Hawk, her mother named her for her eyes and her strange voice. I have only ever heard of Circe briefly from the tales that she is a witch but besides that, I know nothing about the lady who turned Odysseus’ men into swine. Being an avid mythology enthusiast, I am always excited to read about these characters although I am quite wary of modern re-telling of these stories, since I tend to dislike those that stray away from the “canon” (although of course, I am well aware that nothing is ever truly canon in mythology). But in my opinion, Madeline Miller and Rick Riordan has so far, done a wonderful job of making these stories known and relevant in the world of today. I love how they are always so well researched and they never stray too far from the well-known versions, for as Virginia Woolf once wrote, fiction must stick to facts, and the truer the facts the better the fiction.

LOVING AND LOSING

“But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.”

There have been many men in Circe’s life - Glaucos, Daedalus (her constellation) and most notably, Odysseus. In one of Miller’s interviews, I learned that she wanted Odysseus to play as little role in Circe’s story in the same way that Circe was in Odysseus’. However, I thought it was brilliant and empowering that albeit Circe is powerful and sometimes brutal, she knew how to love a man. Most of society today have warped dispositions about a strong woman, that she must need no man, that she is better off without one. But I believe that a better perspective is that despite being in need of someone else’s love and affection – it does not make you any less of a woman. It is human to long for love and to give it away. It would be foolish to deny that. If anything, I believe that because a woman knows how to love and be selfless, it only makes her stronger…and more beautiful.  Circe was a mirror of that. All these men she has loved and lost only fortified her into the woman that she is.

MOTHERHOOD

“My whole life, I had waited for tragedy to find me. I never doubted that it would, for I had desires and defiance and powers more than others thought I deserved, all the things that draw the thunderstroke. A dozen times grief had scorched, but its fire had never burned through my skin. My madness in those days rose from a new certainty: that at last, I had met the thing the gods could use against me.”

A huge part of what made Circe the woman that she is was her becoming a mother and how it reshaped her entire world. The book narrated her motherhood struggles, internally and externally. The fatal risks she took, the bargains she has made to the gods, the spells she had cast just to prolong his life – these were powers within her that unraveled because she became a mother.

I have been hesitant in writing this post for a while, since I felt that I was in no position to talk about motherhood. Yet as a female, it is one thing that is expected out of us one day, and not only expected, we are anticipated to do a good job. For just like Circe, women who strive for greatness dedicate their lives to learning and working, but have to give it all up once they become a mother. A woman’s dreams suddenly are no longer her own. Her child’s dreams becomes her own and her entire world shifts. She must do a good job, for if not, society will judge her, and women have been vilified excruciatingly for far more superficial reasons than just motherhood.

“For sixteen years, I had been holding up the sky and he had not noticed.”

The hardest power to master is the power of yielding, as Rick Riordan had written. Yielding, I agree, is power – the knowledge and resolution to give in, for many of us would bleed ourselves dry to death for the sake of pride. Heeding is an act of chivalry on its own, most especially if it is done in the name of love. Knowing when to stop. Deciding when it is enough. Circe willingly gave her son to his destiny for she knew that it was what he wanted. That despite the fact that she reared and devoted herself to him for sixteen years, he has grown up and will now course his own life. She fought on for him and against him, all for his protection, yet there finally came a time where she had to let him slip past her arms and let him go. Here is a person that is a part of her soul that she is learning to give away, she even helped him prepare for his departure although it cause her hurt – mothers truly would conquer the world for their children, even if it means setting them free.

MASTERING YOUR CRAFT & LIVING LIFE

“It is mostly will. Will and work.”

This statement for me is reflective of life. Life is about endurance. It is mostly will and work. We might be gifted on certain areas but talent fades away without dedication. Circe honed her skills and mastered her art through “drudgery”; it was not something that came to her naturally. This was her work.

One of my most favorite parts of the book was her diving deep into the ocean to get the tail of Trygon. This was her will. The idea that stuck to me the most was that: it does not even matter if it is possible or not, what counts is the endeavor. She would have never known that she did not have to face death just to win the poison if she did not dare; all that was needed was her brave heart (I must reiterate that for me, this was such a beautiful scene because this is the part where you see the lengths she would have overcome for the life of her son). If it’s any consolation to any weary soul out there who might be reading this, I want to tell you this – if it seems easy, it never is; if it seems difficult, it is always easier than you would expect it to be. Let’s hold on.

“It is not the saying of an oracle or a prophet. He does not mean that it does not hurt. He does not mean that we are not frightened. Only that: we are here. This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what is means to be alive.”

[thelostnymphaeum]

Ricominciare.

With the last day of the year in place, I would just like to give out my gratitude to all the readers, spectators, wanderers and followers who stumbled upon this lost nymphaeum. My writing certainly is not the best there is (and there is still a span of the sea for improvement), but thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts on books and films. This avenue has been a little sanctuary of mine in this historic year of tragedy, hence I am glad that I started this project even if no one would even read the lines I have written.

Littera scripta manet, the written letter lasts.

I wish happiness and good health upon all of you, to more books and films cherished for the next year. 🌹

[Unofficial entry]

[thelostnymphaeum]

Perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.

Entry: 010 // Literature // Title: The Song of Achilles Author: Madeline Miller Year: 2011 ___

I do not intend to write a long post about this book, for after reading it I felt like Hector’s lifeless body being dragged along the walls of Troy. There is nothing I can say that can match the author’s eloquence in expressing a love so endearing and genuine. Reading this felt like merging into a painting, filled with vivacious colors that described emotions. If you’re seeing this post, there’s nothing more that I want you to know than to please read it. 

PHILTATOS, MOST BELOVED Don’t you just love how this story was told through the eyes of Patroclus? How behind the tales and songs about the warrior Achilles, here was this young man to whom he shared his life with? How he adored, venerated and loved Achilles? How it showed that he was much more of a hero than Achilles was during the darkest hour of the war? How it shone light that he was able to touch more lives in the camp than Achilles ever did because he was a gifted healer? How he traced every inch of his skin, transcribed his scent and marked each of his graceful steps? How he contrasted the boldness and arrogance of Achilles? How in his perspective, Achilles was like nectar that “was spring, golden and bright”? How he was, without a doubt, Achilles’ philtatos?

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”

He knew that his for love Achilles made him want to keep him for himself, shielded from the world, safe from harm... yet at the same time he understands that being a legend has always been his fate, and he has to accept it with all the magnificence of loving him in secrecy. 

And that in spite of the hushed conversations and hidden grazes, Achilles was never ashamed of what they had together. Achilles perpetually guarded him (in life and in death), placed him on his side, made sure he was always there; never forgetting to gaze at him during trying times. 

“The never-ending ache of love and sorrow. Perhaps in some other life I could have refused, could have torn my hair and screamed, and made him face his choice alone. But not in this one. He would sail to Troy and I would follow, even into death.”

Can a love like this exist in real life? Or are they simply meant to be written down and admired, like a painting? I find it too cosmic to be true. Knowing that a love like this can be conjured would be like staring into a black hole deep within a god’s eyes; it is too heavy, too much to bear, too great, too painful, too beautiful - too blinding for mortals.

“I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me.”

Ah, there’s nothing I love far greater than a wretched romance.

[thelostnymphaeum]

If there’s some magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone else.

Entry: 009

// Cinema // 

Title: Before Trilogy (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset & Before Midnight)

Director: Richard Linklater

Screenwriters: Richard Linklater

Kim Krizan (Before Sunrise)

Ethan Hawke (Before Sunset & Before Midnight)

Julie Delpy (Before Sunset & Before Midnight)

Year/s: 1995, 2004 & 2013

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The first time I saw “Before Sunrise” was when I was still a kid and five minutes into the movie I thought “Wow, this is so boring, do they just talk all throughout?” which prompted me to stop watching it and forget about it. Now that I’m beyond my teenage years, I have decided to give this movie another try, but only because it was on Netflix and the constant popping up of its film screenshots on Tumblr pressured me to do it.

Nevertheless, it did not disappoint me to rediscover this cinematic gem and the two movies that followed. The Before Trilogy is set nearly a decade apart from one another and are sewed together by the conversations of the protagonists: Celine and Jesse. One of the salient points of this series is the very idea that put me off back then – it was a movie of conversations. It revolved around the thoughts of two people and it is what propels the movie to keep on rolling. I specifically admire how the director was able to pull this off without making a movie that looks pretentious, something like Socrates and Plato talking in the agora. But on the other hand, it was so natural, so fluid, so effortless, so raw and deprived of artifice that made me fall in love. It was just about two people connecting and feeling each other, the rest is just background. (Even so, the backgrounds were also picturesque on their own, you could pause at any point in the film and voila – a tumblr worthy post.)

Julie Delpy, the girl who plays Celine, said that the third eye of this movie was “emotion.” As much as I admired the streets of Vienna, the architecture in Paris or the waters of Greece, something that speaks so much louder is the emotional aspect of the characters. I also love how the running time of each film sort of reflects the phase in their life. The second film was the shortest, because it was the most unexpected and tense out of all the three. The final film was the longest, because it was the revelation of their lives after years of being together, hence, there was no pressure, there was only more story to tell.

BEFORE SUNRISE

“It’s not so bad if tonight is our only night. Maybe it makes it really special.”

This is where my age spectrum is right now, hence, this is my favorite among the three (as of now). This was the most dreamlike of them all, this was the start of the magic. Meeting a good-looking stranger on the train, walking around the streets of an old city, visiting a cathedral and rummaging through  a forgotten cemetery whilst having the most wholesome and intellectual conversation with another human being? Where do I pay to experience this fantasy? 

I liked when they talked about how we are never meant to be with our ideal love since it ruins the fantasy, that maybe it is better off to say “nice not knowing you.” This movie is like a time capsule that by and by you come back to relive that one special night with the one person who makes you sing “it would've been fun, if you would've been the one.” What made it an extraordinary experience is the fact that it was never meant to last. They must fight the ticking of the clock as they try to make the best out of this one night before sunrise. The movie finishes with an ambiguous ending, making a promise to see each other again but with no other way of contacting one another while they wait for their planned lovers’ tryst.

“I feel this pressure to be a strong and independent icon of womanhood and not have it look like my life is only revolving around some guy, but the love of a man and returning that love means a lot to me. I always make fun of it and stuff, but isn’t everything we’re doing in life a way to be loved a little more or something?”

BEFORE SUNSET

“You were for me that night Everything I always dreamt of in life But now you're gone You are far gone.”

The frustration I had for the two characters made me have an angina while watching this film. I was glad to see them intertwined again but this time, they were slammed with the reality that they have both moved on with their lives after their thwarted lovers’ tryst. Jesse has married and has a kid while Celine has her own career and a boyfriend. The echo of how things could have been if only Celine showed up during their rendezvous loomed their conversations, but their chemistry was still strong and evident. A certain sense of regret is felt as they try to stretch out this special meeting and tried to stall time as much as they could…almost as if they were still trying to hold on. This film was shorter than the other two and it matches the idea that this was the most overwrought meeting they have ever had since Jesse has to leave before sunset. The movie’s ending is still ambiguous, but a pint of hope is seen.

“The true work of improving things is in the little achievements of the day, and that's what you need to enjoy. Happiness is in doing, not in getting what you want.”

BEFORE MIDNIGHT

“I am giving you my whole life. I got nothing larger to give, I'm not giving it to anybody else.”

This final film was the most emotionally-charged of them all because the fantasy that the previous two films had set up starts to crumble. No more just one night only and no more missed chances – this was it, a life they had built together and the reality of being with someone you love. I liked how the beginning of the movie showed Jesse’s price to pay by choosing to be with Celine, and that was losing the chance to be a consistent presence in his son’s life. I liked how Celine’s pent up resentments in her life as a woman and as a mother was able to splash out the reality that plagues the lives of most women – that we spend a good amount of our youthful years building careers for ourselves but once we get married and have children, we have to give up that career and be an immaculate mother, otherwise society will drag you through the mud. I like how their arguments alluded to Jesse’s unfaithfulness, or Celine’s selfishness. But I also liked how they have formulated their own remedies to these predicaments by learning to forgive and compromise.  It showed how there’s no such thing as a fairytale – that meeting a stranger on a train and being together does not always end up perfect. This final film’s ending was no longer ambiguous, we know that they will hold it out, even after sunrise, after sunset or after midnight. She’ll still be there. He’ll still be there. 

“I am sending you this young man. Yes, young - and he will be your escort. God knows, he has many problems and has struggled his whole life connecting and being present even with those he loves the most. And for that he is deeply sorry - but you are his only hope.”

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I’d love to re-watch this series someday because I’m certain that I will feel differently about each of them as I grow older. The first film was deeply rooted in the idea of romance, the second film was more about life choices and careers, while the third film was about building a life together despite the imperfections.

“The first film [Before Sunrise] is about what could be, the second [Before Sunset] is about what should have been. Before Midnight is about what it is.” – Ethan Hawke

[thelostnymphaeum]

A morbid longing for the picturesque.

Entry: 008 // Literature // Title: The Secret History Author: Donna Tartt Year: 1992

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I must say I have never read a book that gave me anxiety from the first page down to the last page like this one. But I loved every minute of it.

This book is so popular among certain communities here in Tumblr, so I decided to read it (even though it was not originally in my schedule) and indulge myself to what the spectacle was all about. 

AESTHETIC & ATMOSPHERE 

“There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness.” — Edgar Allan Poe

I guess this is the reason why this book inspired an entire community to form in Tumblr. The book was able to tell a narrative so idyllic and “aesthetic” it makes my heart hurt. It sort of makes you want to be a student in Vermont, inside Hampden College. I fell in love with how incredibly scenic it was even just through words (and despite the looming darkness within the story itself). Tartt was constantly painting the setting in the pages, which of course, I take as an ode to one of the first few lines Richard says in the book. 

I liked how Richard’s room was small but the light from outside can seep through, how a character lounges beautifully  in a window seat, how secretive the Lyceum is, how the skies looked or how the breeze felt. I was charmed and seduced by the appeal of it all.

THE LYCEUM PATRONS

“No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.'' -  Aristotle

What can I say, they were deluded in Greco-Roman ideals. So much so that they became a bunch of demented cuckoos. Each of them was flawed, even Richard who seemed impartial and innocent, but he was a liar that pretended to be something he is not just so he can fit the “aesthetic” of his friends. Did they even truly know each other? The fatal flaw that he himself admitted in the beginning proved to be true. I mean, who else would freeze in the snow just so he could keep up the image of a man who never begged for money? 

“Does such a thing as 'the fatal flaw,' that showy dark crack running down the middle of a life, exist outside literature? I used to think it didn't. Now I think it does. And I think that mine is this: a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs.”

Also, the way it was written (by that, I mean Richard’s point of view) had a certain way of downplaying the depth of their misguided acts. They eliminated Bunny because he was the only one who saw through the delusion - he did not like being superficial. As much as Bunny himself was a fraud, he said everything outright and blatant. His unwarranted blabbers of unspoken truth and double entendre probably ruined the sense of perfection they were trying to echo. They were all imperfect anyways, but Bunny’s flaw of never seeing his own flaws was his undoing. 

ELITISM 

The sense of elitism in their group was a point to be taken. They were handpicked by their professor and certainly thought highly of themselves since they were chosen (it reminds me of the Slug Club made by Professor Slughorn in Hogwarts). They were alienated from the rest of the school, and from within it might have felt like a sense of superiority and selectiveness; but from the outside perspective, they were just a bunch of snobbish and weird students who felt too proud to be friends with anyone outside their own.

I also liked how they used foreign language a lot, like Latin, Greek and French. Although it caused me to pause reading and look up whatever they were saying, it served the purpose of creating the gap between the reader and their group. It must be the same way the other students in the school felt about them – a bunch of alien kids who spoke a different language and therefore do not mingle with them.

BEAUTY

One of the reasons why this story charmed me is that I share the same fascination with the Greeks and the Romans. They were so extraordinary and exquisite that they almost feel like mere story characters in our history books and not actual humans who walked this Earth. And the Greeks and the Romans definitely knew and lived whatever the meaning of “beauty” might be.

“There is nothing wrong with the love of Beauty. But Beauty - unless she is wed to something more meaningful - is always superficial.”

Well, these kids did try to emulate the way the Greeks and Roman lived their lives. But what they failed to realize was that it was all superficial. And pointless. They thought that if they lived among themselves and tried to create their own sense of ideal reality, they will be better off and a step closer to their idols. They were not in touch with real life, they did not even know that humans already stepped on the moon (huh?). They are just like the Dreamers: living for the aesthetic without actually making change. They were not in sync with reality, which I find the most disappointing, considering how their love for art and literature could have contributed for something substantial.

Julian was their epitome. They venerated Julian as their teacher and in their eyes he can never do no wrong. He taught them about ideals. Yet when the time came for him to use this knowledge and wisdom for the right reasons, he refused to do it and fled. Like a coward. He could not live up with his words. Words are wind. He was such a traitor in my eyes. A fraud. 

SO WHAT WAS THE POINT?

“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not.”

All this vanity and for what? All this studying and contemplating and philosophizing, and for what? All the chaos and meltdowns, and in the end, for what? Only one of them graduated and had a career. The rest had flailing routes in life. So all that elitism and love of beauty, what were they for?

[thelostnymphaeum]

The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.

Entry: 007 // Literature // Title: Dune Author: Frank Herbert Year: 1965

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SCI-FI? SCI-FI.

I finally finished my very first sci-fi novel, congratulations to me! As part of exploring genres that I usually do not dwell in, reading a sci-fi novel has now been ticked off. I came across “Dune” when I heard that a movie will be made for it and will be released on December of this year. I looked up what the story was about and learned that this was cited as the best-selling science fiction novel of all time. Not only that, but it has also inspired Star Wars and Game of Thrones.

I am not a huge fan of sci-fi, which probably influenced my rate of reading in the beginning. The progress of the story at first is a bit slow as well, so it took a while for me to get into it (I might have read about 20 other books before I resumed reading Dune again). I felt lost during the first few pages because worldbuilding is hardcore in this novel and I had no idea what Frank Herbert was talking about (I was like that meme of the confused lady with floating formulas around her). Also, there were words that only exist within the Duniverse (Dune Universe) such as melange or kanly – so I felt like my head ached while reading, but in a good kind of way.

THE MAKING OF AN ANTI-HERO

“Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent. It depends in part upon the myth-making imagination of humankind. The person who experiences greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in. He must reflect what is projected upon him. And he must have a strong sense of the sardonic. This is what uncouples him from belief in his own pretensions. The sardonic is all that permits him to move within himself. Without this quality, even occasional greatness will destroy a man.”

Nothing beats a good anti-hero plot line. But the problem with anti-hero characters is that you cannot blame them for what they have become because you have seen them change and understand what catalyzed those changes. Paul Atreides, the main protagonist, was trained all his life to know how to fight, be wary of strangers, psychoanalyze people and discipline himself. He was a monarch who was trained to be a Mentat – but he had an extra advantage, his mother instilled in him the Bene Gesserit ways. His mother, a Bene Gesserit, taught him everything he needed to protect and defend himself in the future – and this is why one of my most favorite scenes ever written in literature is found in this book. I like to call it “Paul’s Awakening”, where he finally realizes his powers as a Mentat (and more).

“Paul, what’s wrong?” “You!” he said. “I’m here, Paul,” she said. “It’s all right.” “What have you done to me?” he demanded. In a burst of clarity, she sensed some of the roots in the question, said: “I gave birth to you.”

The line where he says “What have you done to me?” is so striking because it was a mixture of lamentation and disdain. His mother raised him in her ways that she saw fit, he had no choice in it, and now finally he gets to see what those training hours were for. He was changing and he does not understand what is processing within himself. So when he asks his own mother “What have you done to me?”, you can’t help but feel his agony, yet at the same time, you know that he has changed. His mother’s response of “I gave birth to you” is just as perfect too. I find this scene incredibly powerful and frightening.

As the story goes along, I felt proud of him and thought to myself: “Aw, he’s trained so well.” Seeing an anti-hero form makes you feel as if you have been with him throughout the journey. I must say, it’s fascinating once you get to see Paul finally using his skills that he was taught for so long.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

This is my most favorite quote from the book, and it comes from Paul’s Bene Gesserit training. He has incredible ways of calming himself down and knowing how to react. There’s time for mourning, there’s time for grief. I think that’s a good lesson to pick up from this story. 

MULTI-LAYERED CAKE

In my opinion, great stories are stories that contain multi-layered themes, like Harry Potter and the Neapolitan Novels. This is what makes this book mystical – there were so many underlying concepts. Ecology, tribalism, monarchy, politics, religion and psychology are just among the few that are evident in the story. It’s such a well-made book and once you get past the few pages of instigation into the Arrakis world, you won’t get enough of the cunning, plotting, conniving, scheming and brooding of the characters. 

I might still not be a huge fan of science fiction, but this story was so good that I now have to read the five other books in the series because I have become curious! I hope that the 2020 film version finally gives justice to this novel, most especially the sandworm.

[thelostnymphaeum]

“A man who really fights for justice must lead a private, not a public, life if he is to survive for even a short time.”

Entry: 006 // Literature // Title: Rizal Without the Overcoat Author: Ambeth R. Ocampo Year: 1990 (first publication)

_____

HOPELESS CRUSH

Even prior to entering my second year in college (when we have to take our mandatory Rizal course), I already have a “crush” on Rizal. If I’m not mistaken, I started to study about him for a contest that I was chosen to partake in when I was a college freshman. I was picked as a delegate for the annual National Rizal Youth Leadership Institute held in Baguio City, and I could still remember my most adored quote from Rizal, it was this:

“A life which is not dedicated to a great ideal is useless. It is a pebble lost in the field, not being part of an edifice.”

Growing up with a love for literature, I learned about Rizal’s talent and career as a writer, which fascinated me more than the fact that he was a doctor, sculptor, linguist and many more others that he was. I fell in love with his poetry and I truly believe that had I lived in the same timeline as him, I would have fallen head over heels for him. I am not even exaggerating. I would be helpless.

During this quarantine, a certain sweet friend of mine gifted me this book because she knew how much I adored Rizal and was burning my eyes by reading e-books (she also gave me my first manga, which was also about the life of Rizal – highly recommended). I credit her for the re-ignition of my love for the man, this book was able to show me the sides of Rizal that will never be talked about in classrooms, asked in examinations or written in textbooks.

FASCINATION, INFATUATION, ERUDITION

Being a Renaissance man who represented both the art and science of life, Rizal truly was salt to the earth. A huge chunk of my admiration for him was that he was a quintessential scholar. He studied every day about everything. He studied medicine, botany, interior design, art, agriculture and so much more. Somehow, a life like his is what I find ideal – the continuous pursuit of knowing. He loves his books dearly and was stingy about them – which made me realize that it’s not odd for me to be sensitive about my books. Haha. He was a bookworm and learned foreign languages to widen his education. He spoke at least five languages – Spanish, Tagalog, English, French and German. How will I be able to do that? If his sentiments weren’t so anti-clerical, he could have qualified to be the Pope with all the languages he knew. In this book, Guillermo Tolentino had a séance with the spirit of Rizal, and although we cannot prove that it truly was him – it certainly had his flavor.  

The book also talked about Rizal’s popularity and how it was more of a disadvantage rather than an advantage, because he never asked to be glorified. In my opinion, one of the most remarkable detriment of his colossal popularity is that the other heroes are overshadowed. Rarely do Filipinos know that Bonifacio strived to be literate on his own, learned English because of his job and even has a beautiful handwriting. The now well-known Heneral Luna studied pharmacy, chemistry and was an active writer during his time (I find his pen name in La Solidaridad utterly adorable: “Taga-ilog”; in comparison to Rizal’s “Laong Laan” or del Pilar’s “Plaridel” that seemed as if hard thoughts were given to lol). Imagine how many more of our heroes would be admired as polymaths because of their talents? If only we gave time to study and appreciate each of them.

SI ANDRÉS O SI JOSÉ?

For as long as I could remember, Rizal could never be brought up in a conversation without Bonifacio’s name getting dragged in. It seems that a lot of people think that Bonifacio deserves the title of pambansang bayani better than Rizal because he was the one who fought the fight with flesh and blood.

Obviously, my opinion would be biased since I have a crush on Rizal. All I can say is that: they fought the fight they knew how to fight. If Rizal did not write those novels, who else would? He was an ilustrado, and was one of the few who was brave enough to write about the politics of the Philippines under the Spaniards. It was a fight he was well-equipped to fight. It was the fight he was built and trained to fight. 

Another subject of dispute is that Rizal was not even well-versed in Tagalog (Filipino), he wrote the best in Spanish. Yet if you examine it closely, the irony is still present today: the book that I read was in English, the formal language in our country is English and this blog post that I’m writing is in English. Can we call him out on that without being hypocrites? The unfortunate truth is that this crevice remains open in our society. This colonial mentality still exists, just like how someone is labeled as “jologs” when she/he can speak better in Filipino than in English. 

On the other hand, did Bonifacio need to write those novels? No. He did not need to – because he lived out those struggles every single day of his life in the Philippines. He was a born warrior. He fought the battles. It was the fight he knew how to fight. It was the fight he was made and meant to fight. 

In my eyes, they had their own battles – both of which were within the grasp of their aptitude and proclivity.

THE TIMES OF TODAY

It’s such a shame that majority of the youth barely care for the Rizal course, often finding it taxing and tedious because it’s history. Admittedly, including me, know very little of our own national heroes and of our own history.

Filipinos admire the culture of other countries instead of our own. With K-pop, Hollywood or Anime, our (yes, I’m also a victim) eyes are set on looking on other countries - not on our own. It’s heartbreaking. For a third world country, economy is put first before arts, culture or sports. Our country has so much potential, as evident in the natural resources, creativity, culture, agriculture, tribes and so much more. If only these will be focused upon, our country will be unstoppable. I have no doubt. But we cannot work with fixing these ideals if the basic problems are still existent.

Yesterday, I watched “Heneral Luna”. Such a beautiful film (how I wish more historical Filipino films would be produced, rather than cheesy predictable ones that are made just because they make money). What I find the most disturbing is that centuries and fifteen presidents later, the same problem of Heneral Luna still exists. The country is still fighting within itself; with Filipinos still putting their own desires rather than of the country. I wonder what the La Solidaridad and Katipunan members would think of our country today.

[thelostnymphaeum]

Ambient noise.

Sometimes we just want to listen to something halfheartedly, especially when we are doing other things in our lives; something that isn’t too distracting, that doesn’t require too much attention. As someone who likes to have background noise whenever I’m studying, reading or playing, I have discovered a few “shows” that I like to put on while I do other things. Usually these shows last more than an hour, which is exactly what I want to lessen the amount of time that I have to choose a new show to play. I’m going to be sharing a few of them in this post, maybe someday you will try a few of them as well and have as much of a good time as I do.

1. The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast

This is my most favorite podcast of all time. A lot of prominent figures from different facets of society come to this podcast - which makes this a meaningful cultural experience. Joe Rogan is a skilled podcast interviewer and allows his guests to say whatever their sentiments are, regardless may it be a political dissent or a controversial opinion. Open conversations, debates and disagreements made without disrespect or anger are seen in this podcast, along with a mix of humor. They talk about anything and everything, it’s just a wonderful visit every time I listen. All of these are the reasons why I love this podcast. It’s worth the time.

2. Directors Guild of America Annual Nominees

If you are a cinephile like I am, this one is a gold mine. I love listening to my favorite directors as well as well-renowned ones talk for hours on how they came to fruition with their works. Hearing my admired directors always leave me fascinated and inspired. When Greta Gerwig, Guillermo del Toro, Christopher Nolan, Jordan Peele and Taika Waititi are talking, consider me listening.

3. Film Press

Again, this stems from my love of cinema. There are several press interviews found in YouTube, which includes the channels such as SAG-AFTRA Foundation, New York Times Events (Times Screentimes Talks) and their respective production companies (such as A24). There are several random channels that upload press interviews during film festivals, those are worthwhile to listen to as well (if you are an MCU fan, Comic Con interviews will be highly enjoyable for you). Sometimes these events can get awkward and gawky when the moderator/interviewer is terrible and obviously has not seen/liked the movie, but still, it’s wonderful to hear the director and cast talk about their work of art. Rarely do actors, directors, producers or screenwriters have the avenue to talk about their film on a deeper level, and it’s events like these which gives them the place to.

4. Director, Actors & Author Interviews

Yet again, just to further ignite my love for cinema. I watch several hour long (or more) interviews of them just to hear them talk about their art. Variety (on YouTube) has a wonderful series called “Actors on Actors” where you can hear all these talented actors talk about film-making and acting. The Hollywood Reporter also has a series of “Roundtables” where actors, directors and even executives talk about cinema. For shorter videos, Vanity Fair have “Career Breakdowns” made by the actors themselves as they talk about the several roles they have performed so far. “Scene Breakdowns” are also good ones, where directors talk about scenes in the film they made and it’s mesmerizing how well detailed and thought out these can be.

Book authors have less videos on the internet because they seem to be more elusive (one of my favorite novelists haven’t even revealed her real identity in public). But there are a few ones that are enthralling to watch. I love knowing their insight, inspiration and purpose in regards to their works.

5. Video Essays

I love video essays. Usually they last from fifteen minutes to an hour. I wish I was skilled enough to make one to showcase my analysis on movies, albums or books that I love. My favorites are Nerdwriter1 and Lessons from the Screenplay. It’s intellectually stimulating to understand things that I love on a different level and through the eyes of other people; it makes me love the art even more.

6. Documentaries

I love watching documentaries because I learn so much from them; it’s “EDUtainment”. There are several well-made documentaries on YouTube, whatever your preferred topics might be. I watch anything from historical accounts to petty internet drama. If you prefer high budget documentaries, Netflix offers a variety of them.

7. TED Talks

“Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk” has become an internet meme, but... these talks are truly entertaining to watch. An array of personalities come and talk about their own experiences or opinions about anything under the sun; it’s a fun time. Most importantly, it’s educational.

——-

All these have a common denominator- they keep me learning and educated on several facets of the world. I love learning, and studying. Whatever it may be that you find endearing, I encourage you to study about it; this will make you appreciate and respect the art in a higher regard. Maybe this is how I manifest my love for them, I study about them - even just by listening while wearing my pajamas. :)

[Unofficial entry]

[thelostnymphaeum]

Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow.

Entry: 005

// Literature //

Title: The Secret Garden

Author: Frances Hodgson Burnett

Year: 1911

___

If you have a friable mind like mine, then it's most likely that the quarantine and social distancing has not been in favor of us. Here are two beautiful excerpts from the last chapter of the classic "The Secret Garden.” Hopefully, it can ease your thoughts as well as it did mine.

"In each century since the beginning of the world wonderful things have been discovered. In the last century more amazing things were found out than in any century before. In this new century hundreds of things still more astounding will be brought to light. At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they begin to hope it can be done, then they see it can be done—then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago. One of the new things people began to find out in the last century was that thoughts—just mere thoughts—are as powerful as electric batteries—as good for one as sunlight is, or as bad for one as poison. To let a sad thought or a bad one get into your mind is as dangerous as letting a scarlet fever germ get into your body. If you let it stay there after it has got in you may never get over it as long as you live."

Cultivating your mindset can be likened into growing a garden. Fill it with snowdrops, delphiniums, roses and campanulas. Make it evergreen. Nurture and tend to its needs. It will take time, but soon enough, darkness can be eradicated by love and sunlight. 

“Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has the sense to remember in time and push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place.”

[thelostnymphaeum]

I'm with you 'til the end of the line.

Entry: 004

// Cinema //

Marvel Cinematic Universe

MARVEL MANIA

Superhero movies were not my thing. The only superhero movie I have watched as a kid was Spiderman. I am not into sci-fi or superhero movies albeit being a huge fan of cinema. But during this quarantine, I decided to experiment with my taste and try to indulge in a new set of genre – the Marvel Cinematic Universe. These movies were a far cry from films that are to my liking, such as “Brooklyn” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”. I used to find superhero movies corny or cheesy, because they were not based on real people and I fancy movies that tackle the inner spectrum of humanity. Additionally, I used to think that actors who choose to be in these movies are not “real actors” because portraying a superhero does not really seem to me as a role where you have to internalize the character. I was probably the only person in my class who did not cry when someone said “I love you, 3000” after the Endgame came out, and the only one who did not get the “Wakanda forever” reference. That changed because yester night, I finally finished the entire MCU. I came in with a viewing guide from my friends and I came out feeling like I just had a whole cultural experience.

THE AVENGERS

I like all of them. Except maybe the Captains. I don’t like Captain America. I understand that he’s supposed to be the poster boy of “superheroes” where he’s all righteous, courageous, virtuous and kind to everyone – but that does not seem realistic at all. His character just seemed predictable and bland for me. Maybe that’s why I prefer Tony Stark, he is more dimensional. He is someone who is unapologetic, makes mistakes, smart, arrogant; but his heart will always come from a good place. During battles, it’s always Tony Stark who is thinking of ways to end them (like how to diffuse Ultron at Sokovia) so I feel as if it’s him that should be leading them. Captain America only lead them because he was born in 1918 (just kidding, don’t eat me Steve Rogers stans).  He also looks way too good. It’s unreal. What a knucklehead (Loki will agree with me on this). Jk. Anyways, he earned plus points from me when he returned the infinity stones successfully. As for Captain Marvel, I don’t think I need to explain why I find her insufferable. 

A little piece about Spiderman. I like this reboot of Spiderman, and Tom Holland deserves all the hype he got because he worked so hard for his movies. No one can beat Tobey Maguire of course, but we are all just glad that Tom did not ruin Spiderman for us. The only thing I did not like about his reboot was that he relied too much on Mr. Stark. Tobey’s Spiderman never relied on anyone, he was just his own superhero. But for the sake of integrating him into the MCU, I guess that they have make this fun and fresh Peter Parker juvenile in order to be able to develop his character more. So I think I’ll give it a pass.

I personally like the Thor films the best. Because it was based on Norse mythology. Because of Loki. Because Anthony Hopkins is in it. I dislike the Captain Marvel movie the most.

ENDGAME THOUGHTS. We did not need Captain Marvel. Thor did not deserve to become a drunkard and a greasehead – he’s a freaking Norse God! Why was Pepper Potts at the final battle against Thanos? Thank you, Doctor Strange. Tony was genuinely and undeniably- the heart of the Avengers.

SCORSESE, COPPOLA & PEWDIEPIE

Along with its colossal popularity, the MCU movies have also acquired prominent detractors. Prior to watching the entire MCU, I would have probably agreed with Scorsese, Coppola and Felix (here is his “controversial” video on “I don’t like Marvel movies”).

“Honestly, the closest I can think of them, as well made as they are, with actors doing the best they can under the circumstances, is theme parks. It isn’t the cinema of human beings trying to convey emotional, psychological experiences to another human being.” – Martin Scorsese

"Martin was kind when he said it's not cinema. He didn't say it's despicable, which I just say it is." – Francis Ford Coppola

Parts of it are true, on the basis where the entire plot lines are predictable and it’s not the kind of cinema I learned to love as well. Marvel movies usually follow the same backbone. This is a huge reason why some cinephiles don’t like them, because the mystery is gone and it’s all obvious. After watching all of them in a 3-week streak, I could pretty much sum up the Marvel movie plot line into this:

The protagonist is in a helpless or vulnerable position.

The protagonist meets someone who can help them.

The protagonist works hard to get to his pre-final form and along with it, learns to fight in the name of eradicating the bad guys. 

The protagonist finds out that her/his master is not all-good.

Chaos but then they forgive and understand the master.

2-3 battle fights, the last one is usually the peak battle where we see the protagonist in final form.

I like movies that tackle more about realism. I like seeing actors play roles that depict humanity as humans. I’m not a huge fan of special effects or super powers either. When Scorsese said that they are “not cinema”,  I understood it because there are no intricacies or space for a different form of expression when you’re doing mega franchise films that are meant to sell to the general public. Which brings me to another point, that MCU is largely a business profit. These movies are made by mega corporations in the film industry, and it might also hinder other smaller filmmakers from showing their films if a titanic franchise is showing on the same week as theirs. Comic book fans are enormous in numbers which is why there is such a huge following for these movies even if they use the same plot lines all throughout. Humans are slaves for nostalgia, and people like to see the characters they have read and admired during their childhood come to life. Because of that, these corporations will try to capitalize on that and make more movies for as long as they can, and in a sense, you can see that they might be doing it only for the sake of money and not of art any longer. This is what the disparagers would say; that there is very little artistic values to these films because they are made to be sold, not appreciated for its artistry. 

“Many of our grandfathers thought all gangster movies were the same, often calling them “despicable”. Some of our great grandfathers thought the same of westerns, and believed the films of John Ford, Sam Peckinpah, and Sergio Leone were all exactly the same. I remember a great uncle to whom I was raving about Star Wars. He responded by saying, “I saw that when it was called 2001, and, boy, was it boring!” Superheroes are simply today’s gangsters/cowboys/outer space adventurers. Some superhero films are awful, some are beautiful. Like westerns and gangster movies (and before that, just MOVIES), not everyone will be able to appreciate them, even some geniuses. And that’s okay.” – James Gunn, Guardians of the Galaxy Director

Here’s my two cents on this whole hullabaloo. Art is expressed in different ways. Just because something is popular does not mean that you should hate it or feel as if it lacks creative value. For one, I think that if the Norsemen would see the Thor films, their jaws would drop. Art in these movies is seen through the elaborate special effects and costumes. A lot of people work behind the scenes to make this kind of art form. They are not any less of an artist. The effects are wonderful, amazing and beautiful. Sure, they don’t have meandering plot lines or mysteries that are meant to make you think. But they are able to show art in a way that is along with the times, showing the capabilities of what computer generated imagery could be. It gives us the fantasy that otherwise would not be achievable in real life (for all I care, my favorite scenes are seeing Spiderman glide across the buildings of New York).

These movies are intended for children and teenagers (adults are there for the sake of nostalgia or lighthearted entertainment, I guess?). For kids, it inspires them that they can be anything they want to be. For teenagers, it might be a good footing for their moral compasses. For me, it just inspired me to get fit (hehe). My point is, these movies are made to cater to a particular type of audience, and the others are there just for the spectacle. If all the movies were Scorsese or Coppola, what would the kids watch in the theaters? Kids would not understand “Taxi Driver” nor would be a good foundation for their morals. It was a classic and it deserves the reputation it has, but after only a certain age will you be able to appreciate it, and only if you had a particular knack for appreciating films. MCU movies are made for people who just want to have a good time; you don’t have to like high-brow or art-house movies to understand it, and that’s all there is to it. It’s made for entertainment, what’s so wrong with that?

And the actors – a lot of them played the characters so well which made me realize that taking on a superhero role does not lessen your credibility as an actor. My particular favorites are Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Scarlett Johansson, Tom Holland, Mark Ruffalo and Robert Downey Jr. (bonus points for Anthony Hopkins, his range, man, his range). They were able to bring their roles to life in such a distinct way that it would be hard to never associate them as superheroes, which of course, is a double-edged sword. As a starting actor, that could be a bubble that is hard to get out of. For example, Tom Holland as Spiderman; people will always associate him as that, and how many of you has actually seen the movies he has done aside from MCU? It might be hard for him to bridge his career from being a huge franchise film protagonist into doing films to his own preference. MCU movies make the popularity and the money; indie films – not as much. 

I don’t think that the existence of MCU is throwing away the spotlight from smaller filmmakers. Because back then, I simply chose not to see MCU movies because I was not interested. People will find ways to support art that they like, and just because MCU existed, it did not hinder me from looking for movies that I like. The cinema is made by individuals who like to create movies. There are different ways to express them. There are different subscribers to different genres. To each their own. But then again, I am not working in the film industry, so I can’t speak for them, I can only say what it’s like for a movie buff like me.

These are the movies that make up people’s childhood. These are characters that gives reason for people to bond together. When Tony died, the entire world felt like they lost a father. If it’s able to touch lives as much as any other film, why should we discriminate against it? Love is love, after all.

[thelostnymphaeum]

I gave it to myself. It’s given to me, by me.

Entry: 003

// Cinema //

 Title: Lady Bird

 Director: Greta Gerwig

 Screenplay by: Greta Gerwig

---

There are only a few female protagonists for cinema that rose as the heroes we cheered for – and Lady Bird is definitely one of them. The first time I watched this movie was when it just came out (I must say this, 2017 was truly a remarkable year for Hollywood movies), watched it a second time during this year, watched it for the third time yesterday and saved it on my phone for whenever I need my frequent dose of Lady Bird.

The magic of this movie was made possible by the wonderful vision of Greta Gerwig and her favorite thespian (she is also my favorite thespian), Saoirse Ronan. Saoirse Ronan is one of the most talented actors of her time (if not the most) and when she did this movie, she earned her third Oscar nomination while Greta Gerwig earned her first (which is remarkable, since this is her directorial debut). Everything in this movie was perfection, the lines, the setting, the acting, the clothes, the humor and the drama – it was just one big mush of perfection and I will never stop gushing about this movie until the day I perish.

MOTHER’S LOVE

Unlike most of coming-of –age movies, this story was more about a love story between Lady Bird and her mother. They have such a chaotic, loving and complex relationship that could relate to most of us. But despite that, we see her mother always trying her best to provide for Lady Bird and teach her manners as much as she could. I loved this aspect of the movie because it showed the reality of what it’s like to have an imperfect loving relationship with your mother. I love how it depicted how sometimes Lady Bird can be so ungrateful with what her parents have provided for her despite the clear knowledge that they are trying their best. On the other side, it is also showed how aware she is that she can be unappreciative at times, but despite her frustration, she is thankful and loves her family. It’s beautiful. It’s real. I relate to it. I truly found this endearing.

MIDDLE CLASS WOES

What I like the most about this movie is that it showed what it’s like for a young middle class teenager to struggle with domestic issues. I felt like I grew up in the same way she did. Most of what we had must not be taken for granted because we don’t have the privilege to lose them. Lady Bird described to her first crush in the movie that she lives on the wrong side of the tracks, and later on, her mother got mad at her for saying such things.

She constantly dreams of owning a beautiful house so she can have “friends over all the time to study and eat snacks. I’d be like, mom we’re taking the snacks upstairs to the TV room.” The movie was able to show the perils of being middle class, because in a world where people assume you’re just either filthy rich or dirt poor, the woes of those in the middle are seen as invalid.

BOYS AND DATING

“That’s hella tight.”

Lady Bird’s dating life was so fun to watch. She first fell in love with a theater kid named Danny, but sadly, they did not end up together for a reason I won’t disclose here *wink*. Then she fell in love with a boy in a band (who didn’t during their teenage years anyways) named Kyle who was bound to break her heart. Kyle was quite a character, he was mysterious, cool, charming and is definitely one of those kids who thinks they know more than the average ones.

TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF LIFE

“I wish I could live through something.”

I guess all of us want to live in the city during our youth, don’t we? But what we don’t realize is that once we’re finally on our own in a big bustling city, there is truly no place like home.

HER STYLE

And of course, I really just want to show my appreciation for Lady Bird’s iconic dyed hair and outfits. Most of her clothes were from costume shops, but a few of her pieces were thrifted or bought from Etsy. Here’s a few of my favorites. 

Bonus Feat. 

A scene with two of my most favorite actors at the moment. Irrefutable chemistry. Sheer perfection. Pure talents. Future Oscar winners. 

[thelostnymphaeum]

As a child I failed you first - by not having the bravery to taste life. I hid away in books.

Entry: 002

// Cinema // 

Title: The Two Popes

Director: Fernando Meirelles

Screenplay by: Anthony McCarten

Year: 2019

---

If you like biographical dramas, this is a good one. It is about the two popes, Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis. The story revolved around Pope Benedict XVI trying to convince the current Pope to take on his position as the next successor of St. Peter. The movie was mostly set inside the Vatican Palace and you move along the two popes as they have their conversations. One aspect of this movie that I really liked is how it was shot; the cameras were like curious cats that were trying to eavesdrop on the conversations, almost like a reality show- but set in Vatican (the fake frescoes were unbelievably beautiful). The first part shows the election made by the cardinals on who will be the next Pope and it’s fun to see the whispered conversations among them on who were they planning to vote.

Pope Francis was played by Jonathan Pryce, and if you are unfamiliar with that name, then maybe you know the High Sparrow in Game of Thrones – that’s him. He was superb in this movie. Pope Benedict XVI was played by the all-time favorite, all-time classic, all-time talented, Anthony Hopkins. Surely, you must have heard of Hannibal Lecter? Seeing him play a pope was a bit odd for me, since he played such a frightening character in “The Rite”. They were both wonderful on screen, their lines were so natural as well as their movements. It also baffled me on how they closely resemble the real life characters. The way they morphed as the Two Popes was amazing. 

POPE FRANCIS

The movie gave a background on the current pope’s life. Ultimately, it showed that Pope Francis was a grounded human. He lived life like a regular man – he liked sports, liked popular music, liked dancing, liked street food, liked to live among the public, even though he might have done it as an act of penance. He was a priest for the people. As someone who is Catholic, it truly was such a pivotal moment in the history of Catholicism when he became the Pope. He neglected all traditions that he considered as luxurious and excessive for a leader of the Church, and he expressed his wide acceptance for all humans. He knew life because he experienced it firsthand. He did not want to be the next pope, but he was chosen. He truly was – a change.

POPE BENEDICT XVI

The main difference that I saw between Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis was the way they lived their lives. Unlike Pope Francis, Pope Benedict XVI was primarily a theologian and had an academic career. He was not able to experience life as Pope Francis did, and this was one of his regrets during his confession:

“Of course I’ve sinned – numerous sins - venal sins. To God - I wish to repent for the sins of my life. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against You, Lord, whom I should love above all things. As a child I failed you first—by not having the bravery to taste life. I hid away in books.”

I could relate in his confession where he says, “By not having the bravery to taste life. I hid away in books.” I love being on my own. I have this thought in my head that if I only I could study for the rest of my life I will, for my sole love of learning about the world, and knowing what more it has to offer. I feel as if there is this giant vastness that I will never know about, and that fact, truly makes me sad. But on the other hand, I know that what good would it be to know all the great things in life if you are not able to provide for the real world? Life does not happen books, life is out there, and it’s up to us to experience it. 

Another aspect that was shed light on this movie was about Pope Benedict’s race, he was German. In the film, a lot of locals would have predisposed ideas towards him, and that is why he says to Pope Francis, “When I try to be myself, people don’t seem to like me very much.” Which of course, is very sad to hear. Pope Francis was charming, the people loved him – on the other hand, Pope Benedict XVI feels different. It is evident that society still finds it hard to accept that humans are capable of growing and improving as individuals.

THE TWO POPES

When people hold such high places in society, we tend to forget that just like us, they are only humans. They have regrets, shortcomings and doubts. The movie truly highlights the sense of humanity in them, and how they battled their whole lives to get to the point in which they currently find themselves in. We may never know if we are taking the right path, but we could try our best to do it. 

“Perhaps the path appears straight when we look back at it. On the way we often feel lost.”

Throughout the movie, you see them exchange ideas and opinions. It’s wonderful to see how they could be so opposite on certain things, yet they were still able to have a special connection with each other. Mayhaps it’s through their love of God? 

In one of the scenes, Pope Benedict XVI explains that he could no longer hear God; he was always alone – but never lonely. He also tells Pope Francis that one night, as he was praying:

“Sometimes you notice little things. The other night after prayers I blew out the candle. Instead of rising up, the smoke went down. Like Cain’s offering. Do you notice such things?”

 Yet, at the end of the movie, as the two Popes were watching a game together, you can finally see the smoke of the candle…. rise up.

FAVORITE SCENES

Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis eating pizza and drinking orange soda. It’s quite funny, they are German and Argentinian, and they are in Italy, so how could they not eat pizza?

Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis watching a football match between Germany and Argentina. Spoiler alert: Germany won.

[thelostnymphaeum]

Sick and twisted, and very, very sad.

Entry: 001

// Literature & Film //

Book: Call Me By Your Name

Author: André Aciman

Year: 2007

Movie: Call Me By Your Name

Director: Luca Guadagnino

Year: 2017

———

The film “Call Me By Your Name” caused ripples when it came out; that I remember, but was hesitant to see the movie, primarily because it was an area of love that I have never dabbled in, hence, there was no interest on my side to see it. But after being a fond spectator of Timothée Chalamet’s works (and the way he pleaded on Jimmy Fallon to watch the movie), I decided to go see it. And upon watching it, I believe it’s probably one of the best love stories to be ever brought to life on film.

Elio and Oliver.

It was a love story about Elio and Oliver.

And I have been crying for three days now upon finishing the book.

SOULMATES & PARALLEL LIVES

“We had the stars, you and I. And this is given once only.”

And by calling each other by their names, it meant that they were one and the same. You are me and I am you. Parce que c’etait lui, parce que c’etoit moi.

The greatest love stories are the ones that are most tragic. Maybe because pain only makes it more hopeful — or perhaps, more humane and divine at the same time.

The concept of parallel lives in the story deeply touched me. It is not always with our soulmates that we end up with, but somewhere, in a parallel universe, our love story can continue with them. Maybe the author wrote it to give a sense of hope. If you think about it, how many people has sacrificed their feelings because life tends to get in the way? Being with the one you choose isn’t necessarily the easiest path to take. That is why when we see someone getting married and we see their love, we congratulate them and we cry at weddings. Because those are rare. And very few get the chance to experience them.

The sting of young love is never easy to heal or to mend. In Elio’s mind, who was he, a teenage boy in Italy, have nothing to offer him, have nothing to give him, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Oliver had a life of his own before meeting him and would continue to live on once summer is over. He was an accomplished man with a career, can he turn his back on all of that because he fell in love with a young man during the summer? Life is not just black and white, choices are not easy to make, and mayhaps, there are cases when love is not the remedy.

ELIO & OLIVER

One of my favorite aspect of the story was how stark the contrast was between Elio and Oliver in handling heartbreak and lost love. Elio loved a certain version of Oliver, the one he first met somewhere in Italy, the first man he ever loved, the one whom he sought so hard for when he was seventeen. He tried so hard to preserve that Oliver, and he was not willing to taint it with reality. He held on to it throughout the years, maybe because he felt that it was the only way to allow their love to live on, or perhaps he felt marooned by him when he left that summer. He did not try to reach him when they fell out of touch. That is why in the book, he describes themselves as much as “unreal and spectral” because it seemed so far away, and so hopeless.

“Over the years I'd lodged him in the permanent past, my pluperfect lover, put him on ice, stuffed him with memories and mothballs like a hunted ornament confabulating with the ghost of all my evenings. I'd dust him off from time to time and then put him back on the mantelpiece. He no longer belonged to earth or to life. All I was likely to discover at this point wasn't just how distant were the paths we'd taken, it was the measure of loss that was going to strike me--a loss I didn't mind thinking about in abstract terms but which would hurt when stared at in the face, the way nostalgia hurts long after we've stopped thinking of things we lost and may never have cared for.”

On the other hand, Oliver continued on loving Elio even after that summer. When Elio visited him fifteen years later, he was surprised on how much Oliver kept track of his career. He kept the postcard from his bedroom in the office for everyone to see. He invited him to meet his family. He tried to incorporate his own Elio to the “real life” he has now. In the movie, it was said by Oliver:

“The meaning of the river flowing is not that all things are changing so that we cannot encounter them twice, but that some things stay the same only by changing.”

He can only continue to love him if he accepted all the changes that come along in their lives. He’d rather have a piece of Elio in him than none at all. He did not preserve him the way that Elio did with him, he tried to integrate him into his current now. The continuation of their lives apart was not because they must not meet again, but because their love can only grow through that way.

They never said the three cursed words in the book. It was Oliver who spoke of it in the most beautiful way in the end, while they were having dinner fifteen years later; and it was this line that made me sob like a lunatic.

“Cor cordium. Heart of hearts. I’ve never said anything truer to anyone in my life.”

It ripped my heart into pieces. It was the unveiling of the very fact that Oliver never forgot, he always carried Elio in his life throughout the years, because he did not just love him, he was his heart of hearts. In the book he says, “Whatever happens between us, Elio, I just want you to know. Don’t ever say you didn’t know.” Oliver’s character came off as dismissive and aloof which drove Elio towards him and made him ballistic at the same time. And when he finally says that to him, fifteen years later, all of Elio’s uncertainties and anxieties of what he meant to Oliver were washed away. It was then he knew. It was then he knew it was always true - and is continuing to be true. Oliver may have his own life now, he may love his wife, he may love his kids, but his love for Elio transcends all, even if they may be apart.

I think I’m more of an Elio than an Oliver. Because I’m young, petty and immature - just kidding / or not. Don’t judge Elio too harshly please, he was young and naive (and full of raging hormones during the summer).

FILM SENTIMENTS

I absolutely loved the movie. Timothée Chalamet is the greatest actor of his generation and his performance in this film deserved him his Oscar nomination. He did a lot of improv while filming which made the scenes look more fluid and natural. So much talent. Armie Hammer was the perfect person to be the movie star “Ulliva”. There was undeniable chemistry between the two of them. Luca did such a wonderful job as well, the film came out as beautiful, romantic and artistic that showed a love so endearing that I was not able to move on from watching it for about a month (last time I felt this was with “Titanic”). James Ivory, the screenwriter, deserved his Academy Award for this; you’re never too old to reach your dreams indeed.

No matter what happens, we will always have that summer in northern Italy.

————

Zwischen Immer und Nie.

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/album/7K0x1O9gqMQlDwbMkyCCIM?si=2TDMTF8XRIKHq_lUc-mXqQ

[thelostnymphaeum]

PROLOGUE.

Welcome.

So you have found my tiny little space on the internet. One day, this will just be a piece of my soul put out to the world and it will fully embody its name - The Lost Nymphaeum.

This is not a critique or analytic space - I am neither qualified nor well-equipped for that. This is just a place for my thoughts on subjects that I enjoy, and in reading them, I hope you find inspiration in them too.

Congratulations on finding The Lost Nymphaeum, I have nothing to offer here but my thoughts. Take a seat, have a cup of coffee and let us enjoy what the world (or better yet, humanity) has to offer. La dolce vita. 🌹