But seriously, I have significantly more freckles on one side of my body and it bothers the h*ck out of me. The best explanation I’ve come up with is that I ate my twin in the womb or something.
So one day I got home from school and was fixing to start studying for my lab final that was the next day and went out into the backyard and saw blood all over the patio.
So I went and found my dad and asked him what was going on and he said that the dog had cut her nose, he wasn’t sure how, but she’d probably be fine, and to go get him a clean cloth to wipe her face with.
So I went in and got a towel and some Q-tips and rubbing alcohol and came out to help fix up my stupid dog’s nose.
So now I’m hanging out in the backyard with the bloody dog while my dad runs back in to wash of the bloody cloth and I’m constantly having to follow the dog around because she keeps running her nose into things and opening the cut up all over again because she is a certified moron.
So there I was, trying to keep the dumb dog from bleeding out when I hear a weird noise.
So I look over to where the noise was coming from and see a full grown squirrel come falling out of a tree and I think to myself ‘that’s weird’.
So I go over and look at the squirrel and notice it’s got blood on its mouth realize that this squirrel probably bit my dog and then start freaking out because what if the squirrel has rabies and what if my dog gets rabies and what if she has to be put down because of it.
So I call my dad and show him the squirrel and say ‘Papa, I really think we need to take the dog to the vet’, which I’d been telling him all along, but he’d kept telling me that she’d be fine, but now that there was a possible rabid squirrel in the picture, he finally agreed with me.
So my dad drives us to the vet, since I’m in the backseat with the dog trying to keep her from smearing her bloody nose all over the windows and the car seats and the ceiling and by the time we actually make it to the vet there’s so much blood in the car it looks like we straight up murdered someone back there.
So we get the dog inside and she’s still bleeding profusely and I ask for some paper towels to clean up the blood that’s dripping on the floor and we wait for the vet to come see us.
So we get called to the examination room and the vet checks out her nose and says it’s just a little bite and the dog has had her rabies shots so she’s not in any danger.
So then he asks us how long the dog has been bleeding and we tell him it’s been like an hour and a half and the vet says that bleeding for that length of time is strange, ‘cause you can cut the leg off a dog and it won’t bleed out and why didn’t we bring her in sooner.
So he goes into the other room and I can hear him talking with one of the technicians about some other dog that has surgery scheduled and asking if can be pushed back a little bit because there’s a dog with a tiny cut on her nose that’s been gushing blood for more than an hour and needs immediate surgery.
So I’m starting to freak out and the vet comes back in like nothing’s wrong and says that our dog likely got into some rat poison or something that messed up her blood clotting mechanisms and she needed a minor operation to stitch up her nose.
So we have to go back to the waiting room and my dad is cussing mad because the surgery plus the medication we need to combat the effects of rat poison is gonna cost a stupid amount of money and I’m just sitting there stressing because my dog has just gone into emergency surgery and I have a lab final the next day that I haven’t really studied for.
So about an hour later, the dog comes out of surgery with three stitches in her nose and we pay the bill and drive home and everything is fine except that the dog keeps running her nose into things because she is honestly one of the stupidest dogs to have ever walked on this planet.
So we get home and the dog is placed under strict supervision so she doesn’t end up eating her stitches or something and I go into a studying frenzy to make up for the hours lost worrying over the dumb dog.
So everything eventually did end up fine, and the dog’s nose healed and I passed my lab final, and now I get to say ‘I told you so’ to my dad because I was right when I said the dog needed to go to the vet.
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