The Misfits

We're like the X-Force, but worse.

[themisfitbunch-archived]

I’ve moved!

Hi everyone. Deadpool here. I decided to leave Peter Quill and John Constantine the fuck alone, because I was getting all the attention anyway. Maybe it’s because they made me look good? Chances are… Anyway, I went ahead and created my own blog. Why? …the jury is still out on that one. How? I’ll tell you something; someone should put restrictions to blog making. It’s far too easy and far too avaliable. Are you reading this, tumblr? 

You can find me over at @theamazingcaptdeadpool , it’s new, shiny and has rules and everything. Follow if you like. Or don’t. If you do, don’t be an anarchist - no one likes them. That means read the rules. The first five followers get free chimichangas. 

I hereby declare this blog condemned. 

sign.  Wade

[themisfitbunch-archived]

I’ve moved!

Hi everyone. Deadpool here. I decided to leave Peter Quill and John Constantine the fuck alone, because I was getting all the attention anyway. Maybe it’s because they made me look good? Chances are... Anyway, I went ahead and created my own blog. Why? ...the jury is still out on that one. How? I’ll tell you something; someone should put restrictions to blog making. It’s far too easy and far too avaliable. Are you reading this, tumblr? 

You can find me over at @theamazingcaptdeadpool , it’s new, shiny and has rules and everything. Follow if you like. Or don’t. If you do, don’t be an anarchist - no one likes them. That means read the rules. The first five followers get free chimichangas. 

I hereby declare this blog condemned. 

sign.  Wade

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“I am Groot”

“I am Groot.”

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“Rum, huh,” Wade said thoughtfully before he whispered. “You’re not secretly a pirate? You can tell me, I’m good with secrets. Or not. But still.” 

He liked how relaxed and straight up down to earth Bucky seemed, and even better - the suggestion to swap sides. “But you are saying that Tony is the person I should go through? Because I don’t think Iron Man likes me a lot. Can’t possibly imagine why. Maybe it’s because I’m not a proper superhero.” he said and tapped his chin, followed by a shrug. 

“Be still my beating heart,” Wade said and smirked. Play it cool, he instructed himself. “You know I always appreciated the fantastic philosphopy of “yes please, both” by Winnie the Pooh myself. That means dinner and drinks, and - if you’d like to tell me more about the whole Hydra thing while I get helplessly lost in your eyes - “ Wade cleared his throat and tried again; “if you need to unload, I’m all ears. Does you depriving the public of yourself mean more for me? And if you got any specific food preferences; now is the time to own up to them.” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

"Look's like spider-boy when n' got himself a new playmate, looks like him too." (grumpytrashpanda)

@grumpytrashpanda

Wade turned around. There was nothing there. Or was it? “Too much blow, Wade. Too much blow.” Then he noticed the raccoon in pants and laughed nervously… “Why would a little raccoon in pants - “ he began, to himself, then he figured out what it actually was and inhaled sharply. “Don’t break it to me gently; you’re here to recruit me to the Guardians of the Galaxy. Amazing! I’m in.” 

[grumpytrashpanda]

“Eh say what now?” Rocket cocked his head at the mercenary, that was surely a first of someone to simply ask him outright.

If he was being honest it sounded like this guy had drank too much kool’ aid for his own good, now he knew where Quill’s ‘phases’ came from.

“What makes you think we’d need someone like you around pal’?

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“Easy with the playground insults furby, if I was an insecure teenage girl I might actually be hurt.” Wade crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow. 

“The more important question is; why haven’t you asked me sooner? I’ve been waiting for this my whole life, along with my acceptence letter to Hogwarts, invitation to join the Avengers and or X-Men, and first subscription of Hustler. I can’t die.” he counted on his fingers as he listed his traits, “I’m badass. I kill bad guys. I’m tall. I don’t discriminate - I’m all out of fingers - and I’m in!” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

"Rock, paper, scissors, gun, nuke, stick, rake"

“I didn’t know we’ve taken up gardening.” 

[asagi-s-garden]

Ok but I was just looking at the comic pages where Deadpool blocks off Thanos with Lady Death and I got to thinking……

The best- BEST- idea for an Infinity War parody/redo of that ending would be Thanos snapping his fingers and… nothing…… nothing happens….

He’s like “??” and snaps again but nothing

So he looks down and thE FREAKING STONES ARE GONE

He looks over and there’s Deadpool with the stones juggling them or inspecting them or something (or even just one stone in theory would work)

And he’s just like “Oh hi there, just your freindly neighborhood Deadpoolman, I bet you’re wondering how I got in this franchise, well, that’s another story for another day, but I bet you’re ALSO wondering how I got these pretty little rocks that’ll get me billions on the black market without anyone seeing me, and the answer this: Plot Device”

And Thanos is just “YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Hi Thanny-baby did'ya’ miss me?”

“What the hell are you even doing here!?”

“Well it’s a funny story, see, Marvel is making too much money off of this franchise- way more than they ever thought they would, so this ~great climax~ they’ve been building to all this time where a bunch of people die kinda can’t happen now, so to combat the worst case of blue balls EVER, they sent you out for foreplay and ME out for the grand finale`, now everyone got their big ol’ ~ultimate teamup~ against you but none of those shaking money-makers actually have to bite the dust, plus with MY gorgeous mug this movie will make even more money than it would have if you HAD killed half of everyone, isn’t that GREAT? I mean it was either this or PRETEND to kill half of everyone just to bring them back in Avengers 4 but really, haha, who would want to see THAT?”

“Look here you hideous insect-!”

“Anyway, I’ve got a date with Death- literally- so I’m going to go pitch these things off a cliff so we can spend the next decade looking for them again! Oh and also? Killing your own daughter? DICK move Thanos, dick, DICK move, Death isn’t very happy about that so she’s sending her back to kill you, bye now!!”

And he just takes off into the woods with Thanos screaming and running after him and everybody is just…….

Sitting there…….

Stunned……

And Cap- because it HAS to be Cap- finally screams, at the top of his lungs, “What the SHIT!?” and someone, somewhere, quietly, goes “Language!” and that’s it

That’s where it ends

That’s Infinity War

(The bonus scenes at the end would be Deadpool interrupting iconic MCU moments, walking around in the background at Shwarma, dancing with Baby Groot when Drax isn’t looking, throwing popcorn at Cap and Ironman as they fight, walking into pretty much any scene from Black Panther and quietly going “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite!” this just needs to happen somewhere)

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“To whoever leaked the real ending; thank you. Thank ---- you!” Wade said and read over everything again. He leaned closer to the internet and whispered; “Am I an Avenger now?” 

“It sounds just about right, apart from that end credits scene. Oh, wait, that probably made it onto the bonus material.” he huffed and laughed. “My bad.”

“You forgot the scene where I flirt shamelessly with the Winter Solider. Shh...”

[wadewicons]

like or credit @johncosntantine on twitter

[theiron-manstark]

Dear Mr. Stark. This is your old friend Deadpool, who is reaching out to let you know that you have a letter on the way containing the information about my recent team up with Spiderman. That is all. Toodles. Sign. Deadpool (@themisfitbunch)

“JARVIS, Terminate all known communications with this deadpoll guy, and call reject if anything resembling an idiot trying to join us, okay? love you, thanks bye bye

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“Well to be honest, guys... That worked out better than I could ever have hoped for. Tony took it as me pestering him about joining the Avengers. Heh. I’m not even hurt. Anyway. He’s officially informed that I’m teaming up with Spiderman, so now the kid has his marvel seal of approval. We’re good to go! I impress myself. Good job, Wade.” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“You’re just as tall and handsome as they make you out to be,” Wade muttered as he stuffed his crayon and kleenex back into his pockets. “And I liked you better in Home and Away! Which probably is the only thing that’ll out live you. So anyway - there’s this thing I’ve gotta try.” Wade moved around Thor and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Now if you could just stand perfectly still for a moment - damn you smell nice. Like honey and mountain dew. Please keep your hands on your weapon at all times.” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“Yes,” he said, without thinking it through, as usual. Then he inhaled sharply and threw himself between himself and Dopinder, the taxi driver so startled that it took all his effort not to crash.  “Mr. Pool, sir!” Dopinder gasped.  “We don’t kill the innocent! Are you an evil twin?” then he grabbed him by the shoulders again, and said in a worried low voice. “We must kill bad guys,” he couldn’t stress that enough, “and prove we can kill, so that we can confirm to ourselves that we’re not mindless Westworld robots. Scratch the mindless thing, we already are.”

[themisfitbunch-archived]

“No - wait - “ Peter groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. “I already have a co-pilot. Rocket. And, no!” he had to be quite insisting. He grabbed onto Deadpool to keep him from moving behind him. Not that he didn’t trust him, but;  “There’ll be no trust exercises until you’ve taken the test that proves you’re fit for my crew.” he said, his voice firm. Peter crossed his arms and waited for dramatic effect, before he asked;  “How do you feel about David Hasselhoff?” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

Wade laughed, he enjoed the anecdote about Spiderman; he could so easily imagine it all. He wanted to ask Bucky what knocked Peter out - but for now he settled on a giant marshmello man, because he was busy looking at the soldier as if he tried to memorise every bit of his face.

“I can’t say I see the resembelance,” Wade murmured as he leaned closer. “But you’re welcome to be my lord and saviour any day.” he winked before he pulled back. «Do you also turn water into wine? Because that´d be a neat fucking superhero skill.»  

He inhaled deeply as Bucky questioned X-Men and compared them to Avengers. «Yes,» he said as he breathed out in a sigh. Do not screw this up Wade. «Kind of like the Avengers, but less pretty. That´s a terrible story for another day, one which I´m happy probably not to share.»

«You haven´t heard of me?» Wade gasped. «Not if you see me from this angle either?» he turned sideways. «At least you got my middle name right. Interesting.»

[alwaysonafieldtrip-deactivated2]

Team up

[themisfitbunch-archived]

Wade was hurrying up the stairs with his hello kitty backpack and two cups of fresh goodies from Starbucks in his hands. He wasn’t sure it was legal to give caffeine to people under 18 - so he’d gone with some hot cocoa. What? It wasn’t that warm a day in New York. Besides; he had wanted hot cocoa. ‘I probably should have texted ahead and asked what Peter wanted.’ he thought. ‘Or nah, that’d kill the element of surprise.’ "Oh my god, I’m here.” he’d reached the end of the stairs, “I thought that’d never end,” he said dramatically as he glanced back down. “Wow. Vertigo. I wonder if Spiderman gets vertigo. Probably one of the things I should ask him.” he shook it off turned his attention to the roof. Spiderman appeared to be resting in a web hammock. “Neat! I need to see if I can get one of those. I wonder if it sticks...” he said as he sat the cups down on the edge. 

“Hi there friend!” he called out, and lifted his leg onto the roof to pull himself over the remaining bit of wall. Not the smoothest move he could pull, and it appeared clumsy at best. “I’d jump and do the superhero landing and everything - but,” he explained as he picked up the cups and walked towards Peter. “Wouldn’t want to scare you or anything. Here - “ he offered one of the Starbucks cups to the guy.  

“It’s not a trick to get you to take off your mask or anything - which I’m aware it might seem like - I didn’t roofie it either, which quite frankly is not below me,” Wade was getting ahead of himself, not to mention, he was far too excited to be meeting Spiderman. “Man your suit is cool. And here - “ he rather clumsily pulled up his mask a bit and took a sip of either cup. “All good.” he said as he offered him the cup again. 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

"Look's like spider-boy when n' got himself a new playmate, looks like him too." (grumpytrashpanda)

@grumpytrashpanda

Wade turned around. There was nothing there. Or was it? “Too much blow, Wade. Too much blow.” Then he noticed the raccoon in pants and laughed nervously… “Why would a little raccoon in pants - “ he began, to himself, then he figured out what it actually was and inhaled sharply. “Don’t break it to me gently; you’re here to recruit me to the Guardians of the Galaxy. Amazing! I’m in.” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

[themisfitbunch-archived]

Wade, who'd you pick out of Spiderman and Thor?

“Pft, you know nothing, anonymous Snow. Josh Brolin is my pick.” 

[themisfitbunch-archived]

Wade crosses out Josh Brolin and writes 

“BUCKY BARNES”

over this little note, in giant letters. It hurt far less than he thought it would. 

“So what if I change crushes faster than a teenage girl watching Twilight.”