A little something I quickly drew for my avatar! It's not perfect by any means (especially that unicorn horn 😂), but I wanted an original drawing so that it represents my page 😊 I'll probably redraw it in the near future once I improve 😅
This is a small excerpt from an original book that I’m writing. More details and excerpts to come as I work on it. Please let me know your thoughts and any suggestions you may have. Thanks!
I always imagined that if I killed myself, it would be in the bathtub. I'd fill the tub to the top, turn on the saddest music I own, and take an entire bottle of pills. I'd sink into the water, feeling its warmth rush over me. One last warm embrace before the body goes cold. I'd lay back, resting my head on the wall behind me, and let the tears drip down my cheeks, kissing the water as I drift into nonexistence. To me, that would be the perfect death.
I wasn't always like this, you know. I didn't always fantasize about the end. At one point, I was happy - so to speak. But then, one day, sitting alone in my room, I looked around and realized just how alone I truly was. And I wept. Not because I was alone, but because I had never realized the extent of my loneliness. Sure, I had people in classes I talked to, people I sat with during lunch, and even people on my volleyball team I joked around with during practice, but none of them were really my friends. None of these people ever included me in plans outside of school obligations.
Then again, I only have myself to blame. At some point, I was invited to hang out, but I was so embarrassingly shy and self-conscious that I let it stand in the way of having real friendships. And after time, and time, and time again of making up another lame excuse, I suppose they just got tired of asking. They probably felt like they were the problem, and not me. Like they weren't good enough for me and that I didn't want to be their friend.
I so desperately wish they knew it wasn't them. That it was me all along. That I wanted nothing more than to have a true friend. I wanted to go on adventures, to laugh, to be happy, but I couldn't let myself. I wouldn't let myself. I started making excuses like: "Oh, you're just the kind of person who doesn't need friends." "You're more of a loner anyway." "You don't care about fitting in." But they were all lies though. That's not who I am, I'm not a loner, and I do care about fitting in. I almost care too much about fitting in. These were all lies concocted by my demons to cover the fact that I never thought I was good enough to have friends. I didn't think people would like the real me anyway, so why bother?
titsay
prguitarman
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
andulkaphoto
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s